Choir girl, awkward child, and ex-Sex and the City tour guide Staci Jacobs joins us from her quarantine pad in NYC to play FYIS. For first period we go to "Ometries" class because Kelly likes to play on the guest's weaknesses, and Staci admitted to hating Trigonometry and Geometry. Then Lindsey takes us to Choir for a game called "Sing Out, Louise!", which Kelly is surprised to discover has nothing to do with Gypsy Rose Blanchard, who killed her abusive, Munchausen-Syndrome-by-proxy mother. (It will all make sense in the end. Maybe.)

In Recess we go behind the scenes of the Sex and the City tour bus as Lindsey and Staci relive their glory days of sexual revolutions and stabbings. Staci also reads to us from her childhood diary.

To round out the day, we go to Anatomy class for a game called "Tiny Bones That Make A Big Difference" in honor of the microscopic wrist bone Staci broke in high school that promptly ended her cheerleading career after one day. Then we learn all about eagles in "The Eagle Report" for Science class, in honor of the Eagle mascot Staci became (also for only one day) when her cheerleading dreams came to a crashing end. 

Will Staci win with the most number of points ever in FYIS herstory? Yes. She wins it all. And we love her so much we're not even bitter about it.

Find Staci:

https://www.instagram.com/instanatural_red/

savingunicorns.com

Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

Follow Kelly:

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instagram.com/lindseygentile

Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

This week Kelly and Lindsey sit down for a special Thanksgiving episode. Gobble Gobble Bitches!!!! 

  Kelly starts our day in History class where we learn the good, the bad and the ugly about the history of Thanksgiving. Remember when we made those cute little turkey drawings with our hands and our teachers told us that the Pilgrims and the INDIANS were besties?!?!? Well, first of all, Native Americans and B. They weren't exactly besties. That's the #truth.    Lindsey then brings us back to Science class to play the game "Don't Be A Turkey" where we talk chickens. JUST KIDDING. This class is 100% turkey time. Ba-Cock!    We end our school day talking about some super important charities and organizations to check out and donate to that support the Native American community. Please take some time to read about these organizations and throw them some monies, will ya? Links below.    Then, before we go stuff our faces, we still down and get real about what we are thankful for. This has been a really rough year for all of us and we are so grateful to have you in our corner, dear listeners. This podcast has been a fun and important outlet for us during these turbulent times and we hope that we've made you laugh and forget about all the bullshit surrounding us for the hour plus that we giggle and gaggle on the mic. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your support and rates, reviews and subscribes. We love you. Happy Turkey Day, Ya'll.   NATIVE AMERICAN RIGHTS FUND (NARF): Narf.org NATIVE WELLNESS INSTITUTE: https://www.nativewellness.com/ SITTING BULL COLLEGE: https://standwithstandingrock.net/donate FIRST NATIONS COVID-19 EMERGENCY RESPONSE FUND: https://www.firstnations.org/covid-19-emergency-response-fund/ TEAM RUBICON: https://teamrubiconusa.org/   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

Follow Kelly:

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instagram.com/lindseygentile

Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

Host of the hit podcast 'Alison Rosen is your New Best Friend' and lover of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter", Alison Rosen is our guest this week. Wooooooo!   Because Alison was once in a super cool Riot Grrrl band called The Angoras, Kelly takes us to Animal Husbandry class where we play the game, "Angora vs Angora". Spoiler: The answer is Angora. Don't tell anyone!!!    In honor of her successful pod, ARIYNBF, for Geography class (Or History Class, who knows?) we play the fun and very convoluted game, "Six Degrees of Alison Rosen" where we go down a rabbit hole starting with past Alison Rosen podcast guests and end up with some sort of Geography or History question to answer. For example: Starting with Bob Saget and ending up with The Great Depression. We promise it makes sense a teeny tiny bit but also not really but that's how we roll.    For recess we play "Just Me Or Everybody" in honor of a segment from ARIYNBF. Kelly likes her own armpit stank. Do you?   Paying homage to Alison's book, 'Tropical Attire Required and Other Phrases that Scare Me' Kelly brings us to English class where we play, "Sinister Phrases and Their Origins".   We end our school day in Health class where we play a game all about farts called, "The Truth About Toots and Farts". Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants and Alison's heart wants farts and we aren't going to take that away from her.   Will Alison stay cool, calm and collected because she's a badass and a total rockstar? Yes. Will Kelly and Lindsey crack under pressure? Absolutely.      Find Alison: https://www.alisonrosen.com/ https://www.patreon.com/AlisonRosen https://www.youtube.com/user/AlisonRosen   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

Follow Kelly:

instagram.com/kelly_wallacebarnowl

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instagram.com/lindseygentile

Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

Are you ready to hear what's on the menu this week? Eggs, eggs, eggs - with a side of ovaries. Yummy yummy yummy!   That's right, it's egg freezing week at FYIS High School! Because Lindsey is follicle-deep in freezing her eggs, Kelly and Lindsey have a special egg freezing episode that is anything but sexy. We promise you that.    The (hopefully) Fertile Myrtles head to Home Ec first for a game called "Eggs Are Eggcellent", where we talk about Lindsey's high school fake-baby-eggshell that she STILL HAS because she's DISGUSTING, endometriosis, fibroids, and pregnancy, oh my! We told you this episode is sexy.    We then hop, skip, and skedaddle on over to Kelly's Nutrition class for a game called "All Your Eggs In One Basket", where we talk about some good old fashioned breakfast eggs.   We end our eggcellent school day in Sex Ed class  where we play "Sperm And Eggs? Sounds Like Breakfast!", which unfortunately has nothing to do with food and has only to do with lady eggs and lady bits.    Will Lindsey make it through the process? Will Kelly have a change of heart and freeze her eggs as well? Will Kelly and Lindsey just get married and adopt a cat together? Listen to the episode even though it won't answer any of these questions.   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

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instagram.com/lindseygentile

Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

Lindsey's friend, boss, and co-host of the Food Fight podcast, Kirk Pynchon stops by the Zoom room this week.    Because Kirk was a dance major in the height of his jerkiness, Lindsey takes us to Dance class where we learn which famous rapper was once a professional ballet dancer. THIS IS WHY WE DO THIS SHOW, PEOPLE!   Kelly tortures us with a Math class and double tortures Kirk because it's all about brunch and Kirk doesn't like brunch. Wait, why are we friends with him again?   At recess we play a game of Truth or Dare where we learn that Kirk has a very peculiar alone time activity involving pee.   Kirk, a self-proclaimed former jerk-face (he said it, not us) was on the basketball team so Lindsey takes the kids to Basketball class, AKA Gym class, as "Coach Fred" where we learn that Kirk had a really mean basketball coach but he probably deserved it because he was not the nicest peach basket on the block.    And because Kirk hosted a variety show in high school, Kelly takes us to Drama class where we have a little variety show of our own. There's tap dancing, fire breathing and churros! Can you believe it? Don't. There's none of that. This is a podcast, people. We write quizzes and guess the answers. That's it.    Will Kelly wow us with her double dribble slam dunk? Will Kirk suddenly learn what math is and wow us with his subtraction skills? Will Lindsey be able to form a single sentence and wow us for being able to speak? Nope. But you should listen anyway.     Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

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Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

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Happy Halloween from your favorite funny idiots! You know what's scary? That we are in charge, that's what! For this special spooktacular episode we start off in home period with a Halloweeniiiiieeeee quiz where we find out WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SPOOKY HOLIDAY. Ghosts. The answer is obviously ghosts. We also learn about what match-making and potatoes have to do with Halloween and who Michael Myers' face was modeled after. Spoiler: It's not Tommy Lee Jones.   We then flashback to our favorite spooky segments of yore full of plagues, old-timey medicines (Kelly's favorite), and witchcraft, baby!    To cap off our day we relive some psychedelic, scary stories, including a ouija board tale that will send chills down your spine from Kelly's past with her high school bestie, Carissa.   Please enjoy this spooktacular, be safe and have a healthy and happy Halloween. AND VOTE!   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

Follow Kelly:

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instagram.com/lindseygentile

Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

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This week Kelly and Lindsey sit down with comedy writer, high school drama star, podcaster and all around funny human, Jordan Morris.   Because Jordan grew up in the OC, we start our school day in Art Class where we play "Six Degrees of OC Punk Bands", where Lindsey somehow connects Jackson Pollock and ska, punk rock and Monet, and Sublime and Picasso. Convoluted? Yes. Does it work? Let us know!   Then, because Jordan Morris 'went hard with the drama club' we go on over the Drama Class where we play party quirks and old-timey voices run wild, see? They really do, see? (Said while twirling a mustache and smoking a cigar)   Speaking of drama, during recess, Jordan tells us a story about his award-winning performance in his high school performance of 'Our Town' where he brought the audience to tears (or brought just himself to tears because he had to sneeze)   What class is after recess? Aliens and Astronomy, of course. Lindsey leads the game, "It's All About The Aliens, Baby" where we dive into UFOs, ancient cave drawings of anal probes, and Blink182's intimate connection to alien life. It turns out, 'Aliens Exist'. See what we did there? It's a song from 'Enema of the State'. Forget it.   Kelly then forces us to go to Religion Class where we learn all about exorcisms and that talking about exorcisms isn't cute. We also learn that exorcisms make one of them super horny but you'll have to listen to find out who.   Jordan ends our school day with a game called, "Ice Ice Agey" where we do a deep dive into Ice Age animals. Think you know everything about Dire Wolves? Guess again!   Will Lindsey skank her way to the top? Will Kelly exorcise the demons? Will Jordan make us sneeze cry? THE ANSWER IS YES.   Find Jordan on the Interwebs: https://twitter.com/Jordan_Morris https://www.jordanmorris.net/   Listen to Jordan's podcasts "Bubble" and "Jordan, Jesse, Go!" on Maximum Fun: https://maximumfun.org/podcasts/   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

Follow Kelly:

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instagram.com/lindseygentile

Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ALL OF OUR  'F*CK YOU, I'M SMARTER' LISTENERS!!!! It has been one blissful, hilarious, educational, and extremely convoluted year. Can you believe that anyone is still listening? Neither can we! 

  In honor of our one year anniversary, we travel back in time to revisit some of our favorite games from the past year and even Zoom Zoom Zoom with some of our favorite past guests. If we told you who, we'd have to kill you. But, also just listen to find out. That may be a better option than death.    Kelly, Lindsey, and Marsha want to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the bottom of our cold, dark hearts for sticking with us this year and supporting the show. Yes, Marsha is still alive so please stop asking us about her. All we ask is that you please tell your friends about FYIS. Please spread the word, rate, review, subscribe, vote, and take care of yourself.    Hearts and Farts,    Kelly and Lindsey   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

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instagram.com/lindseygentile

Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

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Happy Monday to us all! This week Kelly and Lindsey sit down with actor, writer and judge on 'Persia's Got Talent', Nazanin Nour.    In honor of Nazanin going pre-law (smarty pants) at George Mason University, we ease our students into the school day with some light ethnic cleansing talk with Kelly in Government class. Jeez. Louise. Thanks Miss Kelly for starting the day off right! Maybe we could have had our coffee first before we dove into such a dark, dark subject? Just a thought!    Lindsey tries to lighten up the mood in Orchestra class with some fun brass and oboe talk and some sick drum solos with the game, 'Crescendo You Didn't' aka 'Crescendo What You Don’t Know' or whatever she called it. Look, she's trying to keep things snazzy and by the by, it got snazzy AF.   We teach Nazanin MASH during recess where we learn that the entire Iranian soccer team looks like they should be starring in a porn we'd like to watch and also that Nazanin was a huge fan of JC from N'SYNC. You can learn a lot about someone from who their favorite boy band member is. While Lindsey approves of her choice, Kelly doesn't know who he is and that's fine too.   After recess, we head on over to Literature class where we learn that Oprah has her hands in many pots and also that we know nothing about female authors and we should be ashamed of ourselves. SEND US TO DETENTION! Next up on the newly-inspired Kelly and Lindsey Reading List: 'The Joy Luck Club', 'The Color Purple' and 'Beloved'. Who wants to start a book club with us? We are serious.   We then head on over to Oceanography to play the game, 'Salty AF' where we learn about vampire squids, dirty fish sex and some surprising facts about bodies of water within bodies of water.  Whaaat? It will blow your mind. Do we remember those facts now? Probably not, but our minds were blown and that's what matters.   Nazanin ends our school day with a game all about Iranian culture where Kelly and Lindsey prove they know next to nothing about anything but themselves and they now feel like they need to go back to school. Welp, I guess we already knew that.   Will Nazanin show us that she is not only more competitive than us, but that she is also way smarter? Yes. Just, yes.   Follow Nazanin: https://www.instagram.com/iamnazaninnour/   Check out her political initiative 'Know Your Ballot': https://www.instagram.com/knowyourballot_ca/   Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

Follow Kelly:

instagram.com/kelly_wallacebarnowl

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instagram.com/lindseygentile

Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

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This week, Kelly and Lindsey pay homage to the Notorious RBG, may she Rest In Power. We do a deep dive into her personal life as well as her career as the badass Supreme Court Justice she was from 1993 until the day she died at 87 years old. It is not lost on us that we are allowed to be the brazen, bold, loud and independent women we are today because of her.  We thought there would be no better way to honor her than to sit down with another badass woman, Kelly's cousin Mary Wallace-Periac, who worked for the Legal Aid Society for many, many years, where she helped lift the voices of those who need to be heard. So, come laugh with us and love with us and don't forget that now that she can no longer fight for us, we need to fight even harder for ourselves.  Take care of each other,  Kelly and Lindsey     

Big Basin Redwoods Recovery fund:

Money donated will go to rebuilding Big Basin Redwoods state park, the oldest state park in California acquired in 1902.

https://www.thatsmypark.org/parks-and-beaches/big-basin-redwoods-state-park/

California Wildfires Recovery Fund:

This foundation provides emotional and financial assistance to families of fallen firefighters, firefighters and the communities they protect. 

www.cafirefoundation.org

Helping The Homeless:

The following link is an excellent resource to help you find an organization that fits your needs.

https://www.volunteermatch.org/covid19

CarePacksLA:

https://www.instagram.com/carepacksla/

Organizations for Actors/ Performers:

https://www.arts.gov/covid-19-resources-for-artists-and-arts-organizations

https://actorsfund.org/services-and-programs/covid-19-resource-list

Grants for Artists If You Need Help:

https://www.artistrelief.org

Follow the show's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/kellyandlindsey/

Follow Kelly:

instagram.com/kelly_wallacebarnowl

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instagram.com/lindseygentile

Show theme provided by Mike Etten: 

instagram.com/mike_etten/

BLACK LIVES MATTER RESOURCE CARRD:

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

VOTE!