Pregnant naturally at 46 is possible, especially when you support your body with strong health habits and protect your mindset from fear-based fertility messaging.
In this episode, Ch-a Mosley shares how she conceived naturally in her mid-40s without IVF, what she learned after an early loss, and how shifting from fear to confidence—alongside better self-care and supportive medical guidance—helped her bring her miracle baby home.
To learn more about Ch-a follow her on Instagram @pregnancyover40
Hey, gorgeous. If you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve gotta have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe, fertility, journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin. Fertility Mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type a control freak, perfectionist.
I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, bad assery, and loads of hell. Yes for your fertility journey.
fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this.
Welcome to a Fearlessly Fertile Podcast special. Pregnant naturally at 46, a conversation with Chia Mosley loves. I’m very excited to be sharing this very special episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast with you. You get to be a fly on the wall during my conversation with the amazing Chia Mosley.
If you are on Instagram, you may know her as pregnancy over 40, and I love Chiia and her story because she like me, and so many women like us are proving that conceiving naturally in your forties is the thing, and it’s becoming more and more out there in the world. We were once under the tyranny of the belief that if you were going to conceive over 40, you definitely needed IVF, and you needed to throw everything at it.
But when you have mindset. Great health and the decision that you’re going to be a mom, your heart is open and you’re ready to receive. The most incredible things can happen and they can happen naturally. So without further ado, here is my conversation with the amazing Chia Mosley. Okay, chia.
ma’am. I have been, I’ve been looking forward to this conversation for a really long time.
So why don’t you start off by sharing a little bit with the women listening. Mm-hmm. Who you are and how you found yourself on this journey.
Absolutely. So my name is Chia Mosley and I am now 49 years old with a 2-year-old daughter, Naomi. Now, how did I get here, man? You know, every woman has a unique journey and.
All of us are given our, now we’re supposed tos. You know, when you turn a certain age, you think, oh, I’m gonna have a husband and I’ll have my baby. And you know, when you’re in your twenties, for sure, you think it’s gonna happen before you’re 30, and then you hit 30, and then you’re like, well, maybe by 33, 35, and then by 35 you’re like, maybe not at all.
And then by 40 it’s like, forget it. Um, but if you’re like me and you’re patient with your process in life, sometimes you get surprises. I was never on a fertility journey. I was never on a fertility journey. I was on a life journey and, uh, raw strap, excuse me. Um, I, I was just on a life journey and my, my perpetual weakness in life was choosing the right man for myself.
Some women are better than that than others. I was not so good at it, and it took me a very long time, not until I was 44, that I met the right man who could treat me well and who I was ready to receive and have be treated well. And fortunately I did take good physical care of myself and I was able to conceive with him naturally.
We were never trying. It was something that it was like, Hey, you know, well, I’m still having a regular cycle. We need to talk about what we’re doing here. Uh, do you wanna have a baby? Yes. Okay, me too. I would be happy if that would happen. And then we continued on with life and we got a baby. That’s the long and the short of it, because that’s the most succinct I think I’ve ever told it.
It can be that simple. Right? Mm-hmm. Meet the right man and it happens. It’s not always like that for everybody, but what I wanna really zero in on is your unique story. Yeah. Because I think what you are doing, just by the nature of you laying out your story in that way, it really helps us see that, hey, this happens all the time.
Like right now, chia, right now, as you and I are having this conversation, there are women in their late forties giving birth somewhere on the planet
Everywhere, all the time. But I think so many of us are led to believe that not only is this some kind of a freak show, but that unless we have medical intervention, it’s not possible.
Oh my God. The lies. The lies. I remember when I was in my twenties and my roommate at the time, she had gotten pregnant just before she broke up with her ex. They’re now together and have three more children. But at the time, um, she and I, we were living together and I was in a delivery room with her and I was watching her scream.
She had to been about 24, 25. And the nurse looks at me at the time and she says, you wanna do this before you’re 30? It’s easier. That stuck with me from right there in that moment. Oh, if I don’t do it by 30, it’s going to be hard. And that came from another woman. And it came from a nurse, right? And so throughout life you can get these little things said to you, and they go on as truth.
Because she was a labor and delivery nurse. Of course, she knows what she’s talking about. She must be telling me the truth, right? And so. No one is really talking to women. As I look back over my OB GYN visit history, not a single female doctor, talk to me about my fertility goals. They will give you birth control, they will give you condoms.
They will give you everything to kind of stop the process, protect yourself from it, from an STD point of view or whatever, but they don’t actually talk to you about real sexual health and fertility health. Not a part of the conversation at all. It’s not taught in school. We are taught so many things in school that aren’t particularly important, but your reproductive health and what does it mean to maintain it through the years, not at all a discussion.
I don’t even know what’s happening with our education system. The amount of things that I just learned between when I conceived at 46 and now is insane. It’s embarrassing.
Oh, I agree. It. Some of the stuff I’m just like, what are we even doing? Like how is any of this fricking useful? How is any of this going to be helping the next generation even feed themselves?
Yeah, it’s ridiculous. I’m sorry, but I don’t know about you. I had not even heard of a MH. I had not
you know, and it’s funny, GIA, because I remember picking up the same kind of story, and I don’t remember where it was other than this folklore that if you’re over 35 or if you’re even close to 40, like forget it, your fertility falls off a cliff.
And I just remember never, even once considering where is the source of that information and is that a person I want to believe?
Is that a person I want to believe? Yes.
Right. Like I never even challenged that authority. It wasn’t until I was. Personally struggling with fertility, which I think in part was due to the mind virus that got into my head saying that one, I couldn’t have a career and a family and love in my life.
I mean, I mean you talked about receiving and we’ll get into that. ’cause conceiving is all about receiving, but I was not receiving nothing. You know, pretty much like I was all about being in my masculine, and I’m sure you’re gonna have stuff to say about that as well, but we, so we found ourselves in similar situations with the mind virus.
That’s right. That’s right. Yeah. People, you have to be very, very, uh, careful about who you accept truth from.
Right. Yeah. There’s information, there’s, you know, there’s facts and figures and there’s information, but then there’s truth. They’re not the same thing. And there is not a one size fits all to femininity, womanhood, health.
There’s just not a one size fits all. Right? And so the college girl in me likes to talk about the bell curve. And so, right, there’s, there’s averages, there’s means, right? But then there’s statistical outliers. There’s some women who are young who cannot conceive or who will have genetic or chromosomal things show up in their baby.
There are some women who are young that’ll experience that. And then there are some of us who should be in menopause, and we are popping off babies, and we are healthy, and the babies are healthy, and it’s all good. We’re called statistical outliers,
or even worse, chia, geriatric.
I, when I had my son, so I, I had him shortly before I turned 44.
And I remember feeling like such a weirdo in the labor and delivery. And luckily my doctor was relatively un open-minded because she said, oh, you’re not even the oldest woman in here. And I’m like, I knew it. Like I knew this. You know that I’m not an anomaly. You’re living proof of that as well.
It’s, it’s all in my comments. And I, and I’m sure you find a similar thing, like in the social media community that I’ve built, there’s women who look at me because you’re optimistic to have a positive outcome. I give them hope. Right? And then there’s another part of the community that’s fellow moms over 40 that are just like, yeah, hey, I had one at 42 and another one at 45.
I had my first at 44. And then another one at 46. You start to see that it is not as uncommon, like, I like to say this, it’s not common, but it’s not as uncommon as a medical field and your friends and family may make you believe. And the evidence of that is all through my comments. I’m like, no, no, the it’s there.
And so I click on their page and I’ll go look at them and I’m like, oh yeah, there she is with her baby.
I think that. It’s, it’s important for women like us to normalize this because I might be the oldest mom in the pickup line, but nobody can tell and nor does anyone care,
right? The reception that I have gotten, I don’t, I don’t know about you, but when I announced to family and friends that I was pregnant, I was nervous because I thought they wouldn’t make fun of me.
There was so much celebration and well wishes. Now, this might be tied to the fact that most of my friends knew that I lost my father, um, because he had some celebrity to him, friends, even from college who I hadn’t spoken to for a long time, but who knew who my dad was. I, I’ll, I told you, but my dad was TC from Magnum pi, and so for a lot of us in this generation, like they grew up watching.
TC and his helicopter. So when the news broke of my dad’s passing, a lot of attention went on on me. Lots of friends who I hadn’t spoken to in decades found ways to reach out and then to follow that up, because I conceived my Naomi a month and a half after his passing, I got met with so much well wish.
So here I was thinking that, that I was gonna get made fun of and no, it was just like all cheers, all celebrations, things like that. I mean, even an ex-boyfriend, I, I just, this one shook me. An ex-boyfriend sent me money for my baby shower. He just like, this is just so beautiful girl. Like, let me just,
I love that you shared that because I think so many of us carry this internalized. Skepticism
About being a mom in our forties. And we, we play out this drama in our head that everyone’s worried about what we’re doing and we’re gonna be making fun of. But I, I think the reality is, is nobody actually cares.
Nope, Nope. There, there’s gonna be categories of women who go through their journey different ways. So in my case, I just turned up pregnant. So I, I love that. I
It just like, here, it’s, here’s my sonogram. If you scroll through YouTube, uh, not, uh, YouTube, Facebook, you’ll find a post where I, I come, I come out with my sonogram, right?
And so I didn’t have to listen to anybody give their opinions about my journey. Now, this is a bit different when you are over 40, or for some way, even the family and friends, like, they kind of look at them sideways, even when they’re past 35. They’re, and they’re starting to communicate out loud that they wanna have a family.
That’s when I find the women are telling me they’re receiving the criticism, because now people are interjecting themselves and their short thinking, their shortcomings on their thinking into your process. See, I got to bypass all that because I just, like I said, I just showed up pregnant. But when you have women that are like, Hey, I, I feel like I can still do, I feel good, I feel healthy, and then they tell their mom or their grandma, they tell their, well, are you sure?
Well, do you really want to, that’s when. The people start to interject is what I’m finding from my followers is when they’re hearing a criticism. Mm-hmm. I don’t know if you experienced that as well because you had to do some planning.
Well, yeah. I mean, in, in, in my world, I serve women really from all over the world who are trying to get and stay pregnant.
And I’m teaching them about the mindset piece of the puzzle, which I’m telling women. And chia is living proof at this point that your what’s going on in your mind is critical because there had to have been some part of you chia that believed this was possible and, and possible your way.
And she mindset is everything. And that’s why I really wanted to come on to this podcast because what you think about yourself and what you speak into the life of your baby matters. So I’m gonna, I wanna share my mindset moments. So
Can I, since, since we’re talking to the mindset mom all over here.
Oh, I wanna hear it. It’s so, it’s, I’m, I think it’s, it’s absolutely fascinating to watch other women’s process. So yeah, bring it.
There must be a process at this stage, and it does start up here. So I conceived at 45 and then six weeks later, it was a natural conception, total surprise. But I was nervous about it.
I didn’t wanna get excited about it because of my age and, and the chances because when you go to Google, forget about it.
four, forget about it. Your chances are slim to none and forget about it. And your eggs are deformed anyway. And so even if you got pregnant, the chances of it surviving are whatever says Google.
So I did not get excited about that pregnancy. I was more afraid. And six weeks later. I miscarried. Right? And it was right around the time that I started kind of handling myself about my attitude. I did not like the way that I felt. Right. And I was like, chia, you always wanted to be a mom and now you have an opportunity to be a mom.
Get excited about that. And right when I started having that mindset shift mindset, the miscarriage started. Mm-hmm. Now the beautiful thing is the OB, who I had at the time was phenomenal. And she told me that, listen, just because you are losing this baby doesn’t mean anything. The fact that you can still get pregnant at your age is a really good sign.
She was like, this is a good sign that you got pregnant. And she focused on the positivity of it. And she left me encouraged, because what happened was throughout life. I kind of was just like thinking I wasn’t gonna have a baby, right? I arrived at the conclusion motherhood was not in a cards for me. I’m not gonna have a baby.
And I was okay with that. But that pregnancy with the right man kind of sparked the, okay, well maybe I can be a mom. Well, and she said, I can do it again. And so for me, I’m the mind and the spirit are so important. So when I lost that baby, I went to church and I, and I spoke things out spiritually because these things, this is not a mental health matter.
There is no, there’s nothing wrong with my mind. It’s correct to be sad, it’s correct to be feel a little broken, to feel a little introverted, but that’s a spiritual. So I’m always like, ladies, wherever you go for spiritual enhancement, you have to understand that when you’re bringing life to you. This is being meets being in a body form, but we are beings.
So where you are spiritually upset, you must repair that. And wherever you go for repair, go there. So that was my first step. Then I said, okay, good. I feel good. I feel like I, I can be a mom. I wanna be a mom, but I’m not gonna pressure myself about it. We go back to life as usual, and I conceived again 10 months later.
Naturally, at 46, there was still that fear, there was still residual, there was still residual fear. But this time I, I was whole enough to pull myself up by my boot bootstraps and I said, okay, what’s the opposite of fear? Fear is introversion. And I said this on Tamron. Fear is introversion fears. I don’t wanna go out, I don’t wanna speak out.
I don’t want anybody to see me. I don’t want anybody to know. That’s fear. And I’m like, okay, that’s not okay because. That meant I was also rooting against my own baby,
and there’s two of us. And I said, that’s bs. I’ve got somebody with me. And she, well, I didn’t know it was a she at the time, but I’ve got my baby and it’s not okay that I’m operating in fear and I’m rooting against my baby, essentially, who’s in there pitching? So I’m gonna start sharing my story broadly, and that is how I started sharing.
Sharing on social media. It was to handle my fear and my mindset because I didn’t like that I was being fearful about something that I should celebrate, and I didn’t like that I was essentially rooting against my own baby.
Wow. I mean, chia, you are basically, I mean, demonstrating for women who are listening to this, the absolute power of mindset.
First baby, you’re scared. You miscarry, and that’s not blame. We’re just, you are just pointing out, Hey, like this was the reality. I was living in fear. I was rooting against my baby. 10 months later, I get pregnant naturally again. This time you’re 10 months older, 46, and instead of completely going off the deep end in the fear, you remember the experience that the fear did not pay off.
You did the opposite. Spoke life to your daughter. You didn’t hide, and look at you now, baby carried a term and she’s the cutest thing ever.
It’s so perfect and that, that is the part of this journey that I haven’t spoken about really until with you. Because the more I tell the story, the more parts and pieces I, I get to look at, right?
And I remember that moment all the way down to when she was born. I wind up having an emergency C-section, and a couple of nurses there were kind of talking crap about my Naomi. Like, oh, she’s a little, whatever. So she, she didn’t come out, you know, she wasn’t, they weren’t, it wasn’t in their mind negativity.
Right. But they were kind of blaming her for not coming out. It was, it was very interesting. And I was like, excuse me. We’re a team. We’re a team is me and her. I, my entire pregnancy was me and my teammate. And look at us. So you see that we’re a team.
I’m actually quite flabbergasted, GIA, that anyone would speak negativity in that delivery room.
There needs to be a sign, like a, a black box, like a warning box. No negative words shall be spoken in this space, because I think people forget the humanity of what’s happening.
And the sacred nature of that space when a woman is giving birth. No matter how she does it, whether
it’s and how she does it.
Well, now these, fortunately they came after the fact. They came after that nobody was in, in the delivery room or in a c-section space saying those kind of things. But they were, they were just said on the back end as though we’re separate, but we’re not, we’ve been together nine, 10 months. I still can’t do pregnancy math.
How long was our pregnant?
Wow. I mean, yeah, but so, you know, it, it is so mindset. It is so mindset. And, and I do hear these heart wrenching stories from some women who have suffered so many losses in their journey, right? Like, so I recovered from one, so part of my, you know, advice to women too.
You also have to kind of measure out what is your tolerance for loss? Like, are you in it until your period stops? Are you going until menopause? Regardless? Great. Then you know that I don’t care how many losses I may endure along the way, I’m going until I have no more eggs left as evidenced by menopause.
Right? You can have that attitude, but you should decide that you need to know, or you’re like, Hey, I’m willing to give this three tries and if I don’t get three then, but it puts you more at cause it puts you more at cause kind of lets you know, like, okay, when am I gonna throw in my own towel? Right. But you do it, you kind of think these things out ahead of time if you can.
You can always change your mind, but you gotta plan it out.
Yeah, and I think that women, I, I think that’s an interesting point that you raise. Women need to check within themselves when they are, are kind of setting their own expectations. Make sure those expectations are from possibility, not limitation, right?
Look, your living proof, you and I are both living proof that you can have perfectly healthy, normally conceived babies in your forties. My son came after years of failed fertility treatment, so technically I was more fertile in my forties naturally than I was in my thirties with all these interventions.
But it started up here. I think the, the point that you’re making is an excellent one. And, and the minor twist to that would be make sure you are making it based on real facts, on truth. That would include the truth in your heart, the truth in the stories of women like us Yep. And other women out there, not just based in the narrow facts of statistics and what your, the naysayers around you may have to say about it.
That’s right. Because none of that matters. None of that matters. And that’s why I mentioned earlier like there’s facts and figures there, there are statistics. I got it. There are numbers and, and they bear out. Right? But then there’s truth and there are miracles. There is God, whatever that is for you.
There’s higher power. There is self-belief, there’s self determinism and statistics, and which one is gonna win? Well, okay. You get in there and, but if you, if you start to believing those statistics and facts and figures and listening to the medicals about everything, then forget about it. Hang up your panties girlfriend because yeah, it’s not gonna happen if you go on listening to those naysayers, right?
You gotta have a team, team that believes in a process as much as you do. And quite frankly, what that medical doctor who rooted for me when I was miscarriage, what she did for me was also showed me something about medical. Now she was an older lady. She was an older lady. I like, she had been around and she had seen it.
Yeah. She knew where you have doctors tiptoeing around and Patty caking and not wanting to over promise you. And well, we just wanna set your expectations and what we just don’t want, and they haven’t seen it.
they haven’t seen it. They’re not true professionals. If you asked me, I don’t care if they’ve been doctors for 20 years, they haven’t seen it.
I think it’s so important to take into account what you’re saying because there’s so much that’s not accounted for in a statistic. Right. Did the statistics include you? Did it include anyone in your family? Anyone with your level of belief? Anyone with your health history? Probably not,
girl, I’m getting, I’m sorry.
My blood is going because I had this conversation. I tried to nail one of the midwives, so I wind up going to a birthing center. Right. I wanted to have a natural birth and this was my plan. And so I met all the midwives and they were all lovely, but there was one that was still pushing me on a preeclampsia, baby aspirin, which I never did.
Right. And. She was like, because there was this line, you know, well, we know statistically that because it’s your first baby and because you’re African American and because of your age, blah, blah, blah. And I said, I totally got it. I said, but can we distill that down? Like I was also a D one athlete through college.
Like I ran hurdles all, like I’m, I’m more physically fit. I lived a more athletically challenging life than an average person. I never did drugs. Um, I’m college educated, which for some reason education does tend to bear out in other positive statistics, right? My family has no preexisting conditions. I have no, I don’t have a fibroid.
I don’t have A-P-C-O-S. I have a regular period. I have all these amazing physical factors and lifestyle factors going to me, going for me well, but even with those, you’re lying. Lies.
I love you Chiia. And I mean everything about you is about being an outlier. Yeah. Like, like why? As an outlier, why would you ever hem yourself in by a statistic that included nothing about you?
I know I was like with these other ladies. Were some on drugs? Were some smokers? Were some alcoholics were some like, did some come from abusive households were some like have black eyes. Did some Like what is the real math? I’m gonna tell you something because I, I am a believer and if you speak it, you achieve it.
So I’m gonna speak it to your platform here because there is an end all, be all goal that I have that I want to result from my journey. So I’m gonna speak it to you ’cause maybe you’ll participate in it with me When it happens.
I would like to see some PhD level student take on a true survey.
Of the common denominators of women who are able to conceive after 40.
Ooh. I think that would be really, really cool. I mean, in my mind there’s some, there’s definitely some characteristics that I think would be consistent.
there are always, whenever you study any cohort of commonalities, you will find traits.
I mean, there was a whole study done. I watched it on 60 minutes that carried on for decades about centenarians. What are the common, what are the common denominators they found about people who lived over a hundred?
You look at successful athletes, like, I think there was a documentary on Netflix I, for, I forget what it was called, but you go research these category of people and you find out why are they successful?
Can we please not do that for women who were able to conceive after 40, and our men too, because in this, it takes two.
Right. And so, but in researching us, you’ll find out, well, what’s up with the fellas too?
Right off the top of my head, the number one thing that I at least have observed, and I’d be curious to see what you think about this, every single woman that I have seen conceive over 40 made the decision she was going to be successful somewhere in her heart.
It started with the decision
That she was gonna love herself enough to see this thing through.
Yeah. Yeah. All of these ladies who I encounter were willing to experience the best outcome. Wow. They were willing to experience, and I, and I have some testimonies that, you know, I, I can’t fact check it.
Right? Like, I don’t know, but. They’ll be like, I had one block tube. My A MH was blah. I had three fibroids and I was told it could never happen. And it did. And there is a percentage of women who were only successful like you after they stopped tampering with themselves medically.
It’s fascinating. Gia. I think it’s just further testimony of the power of the mind and incorporating exactly what you’re talking about, the mind and the spirit.
Because when we just treat ourselves like a pile of meat, right, like this meat suit that we’re wearing and we don’t treat it with respect and we treat our mind and our body as separate, like separate units, that’s when we find ourselves in trouble.
That’s right. That’s right. What you think and what you speak into your fertility journey and what words you allow from external sources to feed into your fertility journey.
Matters and I believe that you are correct. It’s absolutely of senior importance. Part of my story even involves like I look back at the conversations that my fiance and I had prior to conception. We said, no, IVF. We said that because I was like, listen, at my age I don’t wanna experience that. Like I don’t wanna go through that.
If we were to have a baby, this baby has to come naturally on its own head of steam. It has to want to be with us and it has to use our resources. We name how it would have to be. There is a caliber of person who had to show up, right? And. I used to joke, I would tell people when they said, well, do you, do you guys think you wanna have a baby?
Like, do you guys talk about have a baby? And I would joke, I’d be like, mm-hmm. If somebody wants to show up and scrape an egg off the side of my uterus, if they can find a good one and scrape it off and make something happen, fantastic. But it was a testimony to the caliber of person that needed to show up into our life.
Like, you gotta be a make it go right baby. You wanna, because we ain’t giving you no external help. Oh, I’m not, I’m not taking a hormone. I’m not tracking my period any further than I do. I don’t know if I’m hot, if I’m cold, what my mucus is. I don’t know. You just got to show up.
Wow. But that’s such a testimony of faith too, chia.
That is a very bold move for you to be able to say, this is how it’s gonna happen. I mean, you spoke life into that. You, you drew the line and you were basically inviting your baby to come in and to show up.
It, it’s, it’s fascinating, you know? And, and I wanna go back to something that you said that was really profound earlier, because it’s a place where I see women really struggling and when it comes to the mindset piece of this, it’s critical.
And that’s receiving. So you had said earlier that that was something that you struggled with
Was receiving. And I tell my ladies all the time, conceiving is all about receiving metaphorically and physically. So I would love it if you would speak to some of your own journey on the path to being able to receive, because you not only received love from the right man, you received a miracle baby girl.
And I mean, I mean, now anything is possible for you, girl, because I mean, the fact that you called in life is this massive, like, just testimony of the miraculous. So what was that journey like for you?
You know. The make break of my journey came when I started to understand that you have to be fully responsible for your own condition in life.
It’s so good. Challenging. Well,
it’s ing no victimhood, right, that
I was literally getting ready to say that we are grooved into, well, what happened to me and my trauma and he did this and I was triggered and my trauma. Listen, first of all, we live in here in America. We don’t know trauma. I don’t care what you’ve experienced.
There are some things happening in other places that are some for real trauma. I feel like over here we have overstated trauma. Now, I’m not saying there isn’t trauma. I’m not saying that there isn’t abuse in, in really hard conditions to come up in life and like I don’t, I don’t wanna also come off as insensitive and like think real things are not happening to people.
They really, really are. But I think it has blown up out of proportion where everybody thinks that they are really experiencing something terrible. And if you don’t break yourself of that, first and foremost, good luck. If you do not break yourself of that and realize that every bad relationship, everything that is happening in your life is you.
Is you. So every time I went through something that was non optimum, I don’t care how terrible, and I’m gonna speak about dating specifically because this is something I have a lot of followers who are, they’re in their thirties or forties and they’re still single. Every guy, I don’t care how terrible he was.
Showed up in your life because there was something about you that was willing to receive that.
Yep. We attract the partner at the level of our own awareness.
That’s right. So I took every loss as an opportunity to kind of rework what I was looking for. All I, all I could do was I could look at myself and say, huh, well why did I get that guy?
And, and this is not about like, oh, I’m so this and I’m not worthy and looking down on myself because I was, I was, I’ve always been a good catch. This is not about like, oh, I, I, I, I had such low self-esteem that I just think so little of myself. Like there, there is that, like I have come up in my esteem for myself for sure.
But as I’ve gone through my thirties and forties, this isn’t about like, oh, I’m, I’m so not worthy. It’s about, what did I miss? What did I miss? What was I not looking at? Why did, why did I ignore that warning sign? Why didn’t I like pay better attention when he said blah to me? And so each failed relationship, I just got to, or even dating, right?
Like, you think you’re dating and, and oh, this is gonna go somewhere. And then the guy like rips his mask off and like the worms come out, you’re like, whoa, I didn’t see that come in.
Right? Wow. I was dating Two-Face Tyrone. I missed that. Like, how did that happen?
Its hilarious. But it’s so true though. It’s so true. And like think about what you’re describing, even in the dating context, you’re essentially saying everything was happening for you. In a sense it was serving you up another area of yourself that you could get to know so that you didn’t have to make that mistake again.
That’s right. But you gotta look inwards. You gotta look inwards. It doesn’t mean that that guy wasn’t a piece of dooo. Like maybe he was a piece of dooo. That’s fine. But if you don’t look at why did you have a piece of dooo in your life, how did he get here?
Well, I, I mean, what I love about what you’re sharing here with such humility
Is really the process of personal responsibility. And none of what you’re saying is blame. It’s really about, hey, how many times do I have to have this experience before I have the courage to look at my role in creating these circumstances? And I think women free themselves up the faster that they do that.
When you agree to take a hundred percent responsibility for your own outcomes, you’re freaking free.
Yeah, it, it, you hang it up, you forget about that guy like you, right? Like you go cry it out, talk to your girlfriends about it, get it out your system, and you’re like, all right, pull myself up by my bootstraps.
And then also you start to, for me, I started to rework what was important to me in a man. What, what is important.
Right? And so, you know, when we’re younger, it’s all about like, what kind of car does he drive and what kind of job does he have, and how tall is he? And, and this and that. And, and there was some of that, right?
Like, uh, you know, like, okay, I don’t want a guy that is, is broke. And he, especially at this stage, you know, he can’t provide anything and the wheels of his car are falling off. Like there’s a, there’s a standard, but I don’t need him to pull. Your
dad raised you, right? She,
but I don’t need them in a Bentley either.
So we can go get that together. We, we can go get that together. But I started looking at things because the out points that I had missed in previous relationships, I’m gonna share one here. If he doesn’t get along with his own family, he doesn’t get along. Like, I don’t mean a family member or two, I mean the whole family.
Right. If he has children from a previous relationship and them kids don’t like him. Okay. Okay.
Red flag. Like, um, I haven’t met any of your friends. I haven’t met, I haven’t met, I haven’t met any of your family. Like, you say that I’m all this and you say them all that, but I can’t meet just one.
Oh, you told everybody about me. Oh, you told everybody. But we didn’t, we didn’t actually meet them. Mm mm Okay. Well, you’re not, or you’re not showing up. When you said you would, you said you’d be here at eight. I get a text message at at eight 30.
Does that actually happen? Gia,
But like, but you know, it’s funny that you were talking about being in a place of receiving because it wasn’t until I met my husband and, and that we made the decision to be together, that I realized I had to step up my game because he was in an uber masculine profession. If I come at him like a man, he’s gonna treat me like a man.
And there was not gonna be any of that business. So like I knew stepping into that relationship with my husband that I would have to be better. And then that was amplified when we were struggling to conceive because it became very clear to me that. In a huge way. I was having to step into my own femininity.
I’d had to stop acting like a man or trying to get pregnant like a man, which doesn’t happen. I had brought so much masculine energy that it required a transformation in me to be able to receive just like what you were talking about.
So that was like a whole sub transformation within my own fertility journey.
But I think you, I think you know something about that too.
Yeah. Well, it’s interesting, you know about femininity because there’s, I don’t know, I’ve never felt more womanly than I did when I was pregnant. Oh, yeah. So good. Like, it just, it’s so primal and it’s just so as, as nature intended, and it is so not a masculine activity, and there are things that you find yourself just having to surrender.
To make this go right. I think, um, especially at our ages, like we have to be more gentle with ourselves and more patient. You know, when you, when you’re in your twenties, you have so much future ahead of you, but when you are at our ages, the every month does matter. Right? And so you’ve got to calm down.
You have to bring those cortisol levels down. Okay. You got to relax. You have to just, I don’t know, be woman.
Well, and I think it’s, and it’s interesting ’cause I think this really plays out for us as Gen X because we were the first generation post-feminist movement that really came up through that. And this, and I, I wrote a book that, my fourth book is called The Feminine Fertility Cure, because I’m encouraging women to go back to their feminine because we got the message coming up.
Chia that in order for us to achieve, we had to achieve in a very masculine way.
Like we had to act like men to achieve like men, which is, in my perspective, one of the deceptions about what we call the feminist movement. I’m all about women making choices and doing what they need to do. However, who said that it had to be like men?
Yeah. Like that was the piece I think that was left out of that movement was honoring the idea that we can certainly, we can go do professions that are traditionally male, that’s great, but that we as women get to do it uniquely in our own unique feminine way. What do you think,
I mean, don’t even get me started on, on how I feel like the family unit is being brick by brick destroyed.
Mm-hmm. As some other grander plot. I
Yeah. And the role of the woman in the house being devolved and not devolved, but degraded like the, the like building future leaders and the time that it takes to do that is so unimportant in that being able to go out, be a baddie of forward red bottoms. And I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with that, but there is absolutely everything right, about giving proper due respect to raising human beings.
’cause I am looking out, I go outside sometimes I look at some of these teenagers and kids and I’m like, who’s raising you? Who’s raising you? They’re so degraded. They are drugged, they are lethargic, they are low eyed. You can tell it is in their fiber. They’re unaware. There’s some, they’re glossed over and these are, these are supposed to be our future decision makers.
I’m literally like, who is raising these people?
Like, and so the, the family, the household is the building block of society in a stable, happy, flourishing mother is a part of that. And if she has to by design, run out and feel like she has to compete just as much as her husband does, if she feels like she has to do that, has to, is different than wants to.
Right. Like some women are just, that’s, that is what they’re gonna feel compelled to do and then they make it all work. Right. And I’m not negating that as well, but there has been an absolute degrade to the stay at home mom as though that is not a job. And honey, I. It is a job and a half that goes seven days a week, seven days a week, day nights, weekends.
There is a no break from bombing.
And it’s interesting chia, because the data shows this. There was a study that tracked women’s happiness from 1972, I think it was 2006 and 2009 is when it was actually published. And it showed an inverse relationship. So the more educated and the higher pay the woman had, the less happy she was.
We’re like 35% less happy today when we have more education, more wealth, more opportunity. It really makes you wanna question?
All of the stuff we were promised in the quote unquote feminist movement, but really what that was is I think it really took away the, the respect as you were saying. Yeah.
That we had at one time. To choose to stay home. I know when I was coming up, I heard nothing about the idea of staying home and raising children as a legitimate alternative to going out and slaying it in the workplace. And, and I live, you know, I, I did that, I did that, I walked that route. So I’ve got nothing against it.
But it does make you wonder.
Yeah. I mean, a woman just really has to look at what her goals are like down the line and how are you going to incorporate marriage and family into all of it. And it is, it’s a bit of a dance. And the kind of cool thing for me about doing is older because I felt more able to pivot.
Right. Ah, okay. Well let’s, so let’s talk about that, because I think that people are running around with this idea that they’re gonna be tired. As older moms that I’m not gonna have any energy. I mean, I don’t know what your experience is, you’re gonna share it, but I feel more energetic and frankly more ready to be a mom now than I ever was in my thirties.
Yeah, it’s an interesting thing, ’cause I’ve talked about this before. I say the same thing. I have more energy now than I did in my twenties. I think technically my body stores had more energy that my body stores, but I was in my late twenties, I lived in Las Vegas, so I, I was partying. I would drink, not like all the time, right.
But sometimes I would, I would go out, I would drink too much. So, or I would do things like this. I would take Advil and Red Bull so that I could stay up all night, right? So even if I didn’t like get drunk necessarily, but I, you know, I’m, I’m up. That was my upper ’cause I’ve never been like a. I’ve never been a drug user, right?
But to this degree, I was a drug user, right? Advil and Red Bull. That’s a concoction. Let me tell you, you wanna stay up. I learned that one night I had a headache, but I was supposed to go out, and so I took some Advil for my headache, and then I was tired, so I drank a Red Bull. That headache was so gone.
And by four in the morning I was like, so that became just like my party, right? But then I wanted, but then I couldn’t sleep, so then I would, I would take NyQuil to sleep. So I, I didn’t take good care of myself, so as a result, I was tired, right? Mm-hmm. I was, I was doing, because I just didn’t know much about the body and.
Like priorly. I was an athlete, so I would take supplements in college as an athlete, but once I graduated and I was in work world, I wasn’t on that supplement routine like that anymore. So here I am, red Bull, Advil party, stay up all night. Sometimes drink a little too much, sometimes a hangover, sometimes whatever.
So my adrenals are probably taxed now that, now that I talk about it now, my adrenals aren’t taxed. I don’t know when’s the last time I had something to drink. I barely drink. It’s not a thing. I don’t rely on Advil for my headaches and period cramps. I used to take like nine Advil, day one in my period.
Well now I’m like, no, it takes a magnesium, but I’m not doing things to throw my body’s systems out of whack. And so that evolved, like in my thirties I started learning more. I started bringing more people into my life who were like, Hey, you know, well you need to try this or take that, or, you know, um, and so I started supplementing more to take care of myself.
How I handle stress is different now. I handle stress with a wall. Mm-hmm. Not a glass of wine. You know, like there’s just different ways in which I approach life, and so now I actually have more energy because I’m able to sleep at night when she lets me. Right. But that’s its own, you know, I, a 2-year-old, things happen.
Right. But yeah, I’m more rested. I take better care of myself. I’m sure my adrenals are humming just fine. My hormones are doing what they’re supposed to do, as evidenced by the fact that I was able to conceive naturally and so I have more energy.
I think women get so frightened in their forties that they don’t really ever stop to consider the possibility that they could do this naturally.
If they took care of themselves. I’m not saying that there isn’t a place for all of these other wonderful interventions. That’s pretty obvious.
Especially if you have a diagnosis that is like, Hey, this additional intervention is gonna be necessary, but at least giving yourself the chance to at least consider the idea that if I took better care of myself, I might get a different result.
That’s right. You’re so right. I tell women all the time, please work with a nutritionist. Work with a naturopathic doctor, functional medicine doctor, who is going to work with you to find out like where, where’s your health period? Where’s your health? So that if you do go do IVF, well you have a better chance of a faster take, but maybe you conceive along the way because you.
Improve your gut health. You’ve gotten rid of foods you’re allergic to, you’ve handled your inflammation, you’ve balanced your hormones naturally, you’ve started exercising. You’re just overall more healthy. Overall, you’re happier. And then see what happens. Like I think fundamentally speaking, even though I was technically going through a grief when I conceived, technically I had just lost my father, but I was fundamentally, fundamentally a happy, healthy person.
That has got to be one of the characteristics, Shia, like I bet when that study gets done, maybe it’s you and I are gonna run around and do the study, but like, ’cause together we, we’ve got, I’ve got a jd, so maybe that’ll, you know, take the place of a PhD, right? It’s got a D in it. I would agree with you because when I think back to when we conceived our son, I had never been happier.
It was, I don’t know if you ever read the book by Shonda Rhimes, the the year of Yes. But it was my own personal year of Yes. My husband and I decided, we’re gonna stop putting off our lives. We’re gonna go on, we’re gonna say yes to everything that feels good to us. We went on this crazy European vacation, came back, conceived, boom.
And you know what’s funny? I know this is like totally like, not the same as the loss of your dad, but we conceived very shortly also after my, I call him my soul dog. Like dog, my soul dog. Like he’s my my buddy. He passed away and Asher came in. It was almost like one soul that was very close to me was leaving and allowing space in my life for another to come in.
Listen. And I actually, I’m not offended by it at all. ’cause I, I remember the heartbreak of, you are like a
family. It’s that, it’s exactly what you’re talking about. It’s this. We’ve never been happier. We’ve never felt better in our relationship. We are not blowing out our adrenals. We’re not doing all these things that are detrimental.
I mean, I had my own chickens at the time. You know, I was eaten from our garden and like all this stuff, I had done so many things to improve my quality of life, which is exactly what you’re talking about. Mm-hmm. You know, starting with my mindset and then all these other things follow, and then boom, baby comes.
Wow. Oh my goodness, woman. We could go on for hours, but I was
so much that, I mean, I know we are just skimming the surface here, right? We could have a, a part 2, 3, 4, 5.
There’s so much to, to making this go. Right. But I do think that we have landed in a fundamental agreement that is the mindset about it is everything, including how you take care of yourself.
Because how you take care of yourself is a reflection of your mindset about yourself.
Well, a hundred percent. And it’s also going to shape what I call the bump squad. Like, okay, so when you’ve decided that you have a baby, if you are, if you have a, a poor self image or you’re not able to receive, or you’re living in lack in scarcity, thinking, you’re going to attract people and, and providers at that level, and then everyone around you is all this never gonna happen.
You wanna find people like the physician that you had at 45 when you had your loss. That’s gonna, she’s OG at that point. She’s seen some things. So she’s gonna tell you, she’s gonna speak life to your dream. Like you
want to surround yourself with people who speak life into your dreams.
Mm. That’s it. That is so good.
Woman, what would you like to leave the women listening with as a woman who has earned the street cred of somebody who was willing to believe in their own dream? Enough to keep going. Like what are some nuggets of wisdom that you would just toss out there in addition to the bombs you’ve dropped along the way, but like, what would you want women to walk away with?
I mean, really we hit on it that your self care is key. Self care is key. The care, well, we didn’t touch on this one, making sure your, your man or your significant other is taking care of him, or in this case herself because the baby is coming into a home and you wanna create a home environment that’s welcoming.
Right? So you gotta, we gotta make sure that the both of you are doing very well.
I was asking myself this question today. I was kind of like formulating a, a post and it’s like. If you’re asking yourself, how will a baby make my life better? You’re asking yourself the wrong question.
Babies, don’t make your life better. If you are looking for your baby to make something better, fix that before the baby comes.
the question is, are you ready for a baby?
Do you, are you ready? Are you ready for the long nights? Right? Are you ready to experience being physically ill yourself, but still having to take care of a baby? Are you ready to experience the tantrums? Like, are you whole enough with, with no sleep? Are you ready?
Are you healthy? Can you bend over? Can you squat? You know, handle your health mental physically and spiritually, and make sure that you’re ready.
Hmm. Uh, that’s such gold chia. I really appreciate you and really love what you’re putting out in the world. I, I think one of the best ways for us to learn is through other people’s testimony of their own experience.
So that people can see beyond the statistics, they can see beyond the limitation, and they can see beyond
All of this other garbage. You know, that’s often led by people who didn’t have the courage to give, I mean, to give their dream a real shot. So, thank you so much for everything that you’ve shared.
We’re gonna link all of your social to the notes on this podcast and podcast. I just, I can’t wait for, for even more women to hear your story and to be inspired by it. So thank you so much for sharing with us.
Oh my God, thank you so much for reaching out to me and for finding me and having me here because you are just another powerhouse lady.
Who I now have in my arsenal as a success. Right. Because I always just think you don’t wanna take advice from failures. You wanna take advice from winners. And we’re winners, we’re winning.
That’s right, girl. That’s right.
We’re winners. And so I love it. I am so happy to have met you and to have been here and to hear about your story.
And I would gladly come back because I think there’s just a thousand more nuggets we could drop between.
Oh yeah, no, I’m already seeing part two, three, and beyond, so. So thank you so much Gia, and please hug that man and hug that beautiful girl for us.
Same. Same. You have a great afternoon.
Love wasn’t my conversation, which she had just absolutely fantastic. Well, I hope that you loved her as much as I do. She’s so inspiring, actually quite hilarious and has so much. From the trenches, real life information that as women on the journey, every single one of you can tuck into your back pocket.
And remember, one of the greatest ways that we learn is through the power of story. And Shia is just another example of how normal motherhood in your late forties, even fifties can be. It’s fucking normal. So I hope you enjoyed it. Don’t forget, give Chia a follow on Instagram at pregnancy over 40. And if you know you wanna work on the mindset piece of this.
Go to www.frommaybetwobaby.com and apply for an interview there. The Mind and Body Work Together, baby as Chia and I were talking about. So go to www.frommaybetwobaby.com and apply for an interview there. Till next time, change your mindset. Change your results.
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