Feelings & Other F Words

Why do we like being scared? Dr. Daryl Appleton, Ed.D., LMHC, looks at the psychology of fear: why it reaches the body before the mind, what was behind a lab "ghost" and a 1921 "haunted" house, and why people pay to be frightened and leave in a better mood.

This Halloween bonus starts with our own ghost story. Something happened in our house with the twins that my husband, a man of science and very annoying logic, still can't explain. The science is real, and some of the explanations are stranger than the ghosts. Ours still doesn't have one.

What's your F word? Take the quiz: https://quiz.drdarylappleton.com/episodes

Season 4 starts Friday, November 20, with F is for Favors.

Listen and follow
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feelings-and-other-f-words/id1647048598
Website: https://www.drdarylappleton.com/podcast
Instagram: @fofw_pod

Sources

• Pew Research Center (Dec. 7, 2023). Spirituality Among Americans. Alper, B. A., Rotolo, C., Tevington, P., Nortey, J., and Kallo, A. https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2023/12/07/spirituality-among-americans/
• LeDoux, J. E. (1996). The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life. Simon and Schuster. https://books.google.com/books?id=7EJN5I8sk2wC
• Tandy, V., and Lawrence, T. R. (1998). The ghost in the machine. Journal of the Society for Psychical Research, 62(851), 360 to 364. https://www.sgha.net/library/ghost-in-machine.pdf
• Wilmer, W. H. (1921). Effects of carbon monoxid upon the eye. American Journal of Ophthalmology, 4(2), 73 to 90. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0002-9394(21)90825-0
• Kerr, M., Siegle, G. J., and Orsini, J. (2019). Voluntary arousing negative experiences (VANE): Why we like to be scared. Emotion, 19(4). https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000470
• Scrivner, C., Johnson, J. A., Kjeldgaard-Christiansen, J., and Clasen, M. (2021). Pandemic practice: Horror fans and morbidly curious individuals are more psychologically resilient during the COVID-19 pandemic. Personality and Individual Differences, 168, 110397. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110397

Her advisory, podcast, and media work are educational and are not therapy.

Turning a decade older, Dr. Daryl Appleton is tackling this week's F-word: 40. But don't worry, this isn't a birthday listicle episode.

She traces the psychology of midlife from its 1965 origin (a study of 300 artists) through the famous U-shaped happiness curve, replicated across 145 countries and hundreds of papers, to the twist: recent research shows that U-shape has disappeared. Unhappiness now peaks at 18 to 24, especially among young women. Using Stanford's socioemotional selectivity theory and decades of MIDUS data, Dr. Daryl argues the real driver was never your age. It's the gap between where you are and a deadline you never consciously agreed to.

She wraps with four practical exercises, including a deadline inventory and a time-horizon test, to help you figure out whose timeline you've actually been living by.

The number isn't the problem. The deadline you've attached to it is.

Why does the win you chased for years only feel good for 90 minutes?

This week's F-word is Famished, an episode about the appetite for achievement that was supposed to feed us but never really does. Dr. Daryl Appleton digs into who built this hunger, who profits from it, and what to do about it.

She opens with the research on the "insecure overachiever", the exact profile elite firms recruit for, then moves through the biology of wanting (dopamine and reward prediction error), the psychology of staking your worth on achievement, the workaholism studies suggesting your "work ethic" might actually be a compulsion, and the arrival fallacy that keeps your finish line forever out of reach. Along the way: the fascinating story of how the $75k "money and happiness" debate got resolved when two scientists actually collaborated instead of feuding.

She closes with four practical tools: the 90-second digestion window, the portfolio audit, the unimpressed hour, and the enough line.

The takeaway: you were never hungry for more. You were hungry for something more, that was invented to distract you.

This week's F-word is Freedom, and not the political kind. The behavioral kind.

Recording at 7am in a bathing suit and jean jacket (long story), Dr. Daryl Appleton makes an argument that feels wrong at first: much of what we call freedom is the very reason we don't feel free.

She walks through the research, Dan Gilbert's photography study, Barry Schwartz on "maximizers," Isaiah Berlin's freedom "from" vs. freedom "to," and Amartya Sen's idea of freedom as capability, to reveal the two cages we build for ourselves: keeping every door open, and reflexively refusing anyone who reaches for one. The takeaway? Real freedom isn't an open door or a knee-jerk "no." It's the willingness to close a door and the earned ability to walk through the one that's left.

Your challenge this week: name one door you've been keeping open that you'll never actually walk through, and close it.

Happy Fourth of July. Let freedom ring.

This week is a Friends of F Words episode, and Dr. Daryl Appleton is joined by Eden Wright, the creator behind New England Summers.

Eden spent her childhood as a fifth-generation member of the film world and a working child actor (yes, she was the Sunny D girl) before quitting at 20 to build a quieter life. Her style journey, from straight-edge punk with combat boots to the soft blue-and-white coastal granddaughter aesthetic, becomes the jumping-off point for a bigger conversation about reinvention, personal branding, and giving yourself permission to change.

Dr. Daryl and Eden dig into the psychology of pivoting, the difference between authentic branding and cosplay, and how to find your people online. Eden also gets vulnerable about navigating anticipatory anxiety and vasovagal syncope as a travel creator, and the reminder that your anxiety isn't you.

Plus: what coastal granddaughter chic actually is, summer wardrobe staples, smart shopping tips, and of course, Eden's favorite F word.

This week's F-word is Fluency, inspired by an email Dr. Daryl Appleton almost sent... until it gave her the ick.

If you've ever written "just wanted to follow up" or "sorry to bother you, but," this one's for you. Dr. Daryl unpacks the science of softening language, the hedges, tag questions, uptalk, intensifiers, and that sneaky little word "just", that quietly undercut our authority. Drawing on research from 1975 to today, plus the surprising link between vocal pitch and perceived authority, she reframes the whole conversation: this isn't a confidence problem, it's an awareness problem.

She closes with four practical tools to try this week: Sentence Surgery, the Period Rule, the Mirror Read, and Voice Inheritance.

The question to sit with: if half your sentences are apologizing for the other half, what would happen if you stopped?

In this episode of Feelings and Other F-Words, Dr. Daryl Appleton explores the fawn trauma response and why so many high-performing women default to people pleasing, overcommitting, and saying yes when they mean no.

Drawing from research in CPTSD, polyvagal theory, and attachment styles, this episode explains how the nervous system confuses appeasement with safety, leading to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. Dr. Appleton shares actionable tools like the 3-second pause, resentment inventory, and building tolerance for disappointing others, helping you create stronger boundaries and reconnect with your own needs.

If you’ve ever felt exhausted from being “easy to work with” or constantly managing other people’s emotions, this episode will hit uncomfortably close… in a useful way.

In this Friends of F Words episode, Dr. Daryl Appleton talks with Anna Barnes of Bliss and Bellinis about intentional style, travel, home curation, storytelling, content creation, and building a life that actually reflects who you are.

They unpack how to define your own aesthetic without copying trends, how to shop with intention instead of overconsuming, why your home should tell your story, and how style can become a tool for confidence, connection, and self-expression. Anna also shares her path through luxury PR, blogging, lifestyle content, and curated living, plus practical ways to elevate your wardrobe and your space without spending mindlessly.

This week’s F Word is fate.

After a conversation with her husband about soulmates, Dr. Daryl Appleton went down a research rabbit hole on fate, synchronicity, tarot, astrology, manifestation, and the stories we tell ourselves to make sense of life.

And here’s the twist: she doesn’t fully agree with the research.

In this episode, Daryl explores why humans are wired to seek meaning, how belief systems can soothe anxiety, and where the line lives between spiritual guidance and giving away your own agency. From Carl Jung and dream analysis to confirmation bias and self-fulfilling prophecy, this is a psychology-forward conversation about why signs matter and how to use them without letting them run your life.

If you’ve ever pulled a tarot card, noticed 11:11, asked a psychic a business question, or wondered if your partner is your soulmate, this one’s for you.

This week’s F Word is flattery.

Why does praise make so many high performers want to crawl out of their skin?

In this episode, Dr. Daryl Appleton explores the psychology behind compliment deflection and why “being humble” is often something much more complicated. From self-verification theory to imposter syndrome, she breaks down why compliments can feel threatening when they don’t align with the story you tell yourself.

This episode covers:

• why praise can trigger discomfort instead of confidence

• how high achievers use modesty as self-protection

• the hidden cost of deflecting compliments in leadership and work settings

• why false modesty creates insecurity

• what to say instead when someone gives you praise

If compliments make you panic, minimize, or redirect credit immediately, this one will hit.