(Part 2 of 2) Lisa Colon shared in last week's episode her high risk first pregnancy and the loss of her daughter Gracie at 5 1/2 months. In this episode she talks more in-depth about how she handled the grief of losing her daughter. One thing she did right away was quit her job. She said I didn't want coworkers to ask me questions about Gracie. She started a new job within weeks and headed out of town for training. She never had time to process the grief due to a new job and family situations. She said I wasn't even conscious that I wasn't grieving, and I just know I need to move on to the next thing, so my grief was different. She just kept moving on to the next thing and caring for her growing family.

We also talked about Lisa becoming pregnant again after her loss. She shared about freaking out because she was told to see a specialist before becoming pregnant again. Lisa shared about the anxiety and stress she experienced during her pregnancy after the loss. She said her grief was delayed and she remembers when her boys were young that she began to think about Gracie more frequently. She thought about how the family dynamics would have been much different.

I loved that Lisa shared that she didn't know the problem that caused the loss of Gracie at the time, so she doesn't feel guilty that Gracie isn't here. She said, I didn't do anything wrong because I just didn't know, and this is great advice for all mom's that have experienced a loss.

The movie that Lisa referenced was, Heaven is for Real

Lisa's advice and encouragement: Don't ever think that you should not do things to honor your child if people don't understand the things. It's for you to honor them most importantly. There is no right or wrong way to honor them and you should be proud of whatever that is and know that everyone is not going to understand. When you make decisions to honor your baby in different ways it does allow your family and friends to come right alongside you and support you in a way that they love to do as well. Many times, they will want to honor your baby because they are still part of your family. Lisa said I want to help people to remember Gracie too. She shared that grief is a lifelong journey and you can have joy and pain walking parallel to each other through that journey.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

This is part 1 of a 2-part interview with Lisa Colon. Lisa shared about her first pregnancy which was very unique in the fact that she had a 2-vessel cord which I have researched and found is very rare, it happens in 1 to 1.5 % of pregnancy. She was told there should be no complications with the 2 vessel cords. Her son was delivered by an urgent C-section, he was a very small healthy baby.

With her second pregnancy she went to the doctor for a routine visit and was told, there is no heartbeat. At 5 1/2 months pregnant and being told your baby has no heartbeat she was in a state of shock. She remembered not crying and asked what happens next. She said I remember my husband being very kind. I thought he would be mad at me. I thought he would think I did something wrong. We named her Grace Paula and I remember looking up the meaning of her name while waiting for my husband to get to the doctor’s office. Grace means Favor of God which was God's little nugget for me to help me through delivery and the days following. Lisa shared about the memories that were created at the hospital and about things she wishes they would have taken more time to do. She talked about how she often thinks about how their life would have been so different with a little girl. They have created many ways to honor Gracie and they have a special "Gracie" blanket that has been in pictures and travels with them.

In part 2 Lisa talks about quitting her job because she just couldn't go back, starting a new job and having a third child. Grief was delayed.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

Grief Coach Teresa Reiniger shared about how and why clients struggle with grief. Everyone's grief is different, and I want to give people a better understanding of grief so we can truly love people through their darkest days of grief.

* You feel grief because you have loved

* There is no time limit on your grief. It will be with you for the rest of your life

* Others want to help and fix you

* Grow your grief BIGGER so your love can be bigger

* You are not alone, and you are not crazy

* Navigating Grief Recommendations

As a grief coach I am here to walk with you, so you are heard and seen. I am here for you when the grief is raw, and I am here to help you navigate through the grief. I am here to guide you to see living your life as a strong, caring woman even before you can see her.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

This is previously released episode #19.

In this episode Candace talked about the grief and trauma she and her husband endured during their two losses and then secondary infertility. With the first early loss they just tried to move on, which didn't help with their healing. She questioned why after the second loss? 

Candace talked about the grief and trauma that pulled her and her husband apart. She just wanted a baby and that was the focus.  They grieved very differently, and she said the person I had become was not who I wanted to be. I hated my body because it did not do what I wanted it to do which led to not loving myself. Two years after the birth of their son they started to heal their relationship which included healing from the grief that they both had from the losses and infertility.

Advice and Encouragement from Candace:

Remember the love that started your journey, and it will take you back to your partner. Remember to hang on to the things you love about yourself and your life. Stay connected to love because we get so deep into grief, we have a hard time coming out of the dark. Love will heal you, so stay in love with yourself, your partner and keep love in your heart because it will get you through the worst days of grief.

Connect with me:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

Dawn Amsden Stark is an inspirational author, public speaker, and passionate advocate. Dawn’s 23-year infertility journey which included seven IVFs, two high-risk pregnancies (including a set of twins), and two international adoptions fundamentally transformed her life and faith. She volunteers at her church and in her community to support women walking through infertility or parenting after infertility.

Dawn described herself and her husband as Naïve, Blind, Recruits in the Infertility Journey. She said we didn't have a clue and got stuck at the gynecologist. We lost years and went through so much pain and surgeries that were a total waste of time and money. Through all that time I felt like days of being a mom were slipping away. Even though Dawn was embarrassed to talk about their condition, people were starting to putting the pieces together. A family member gave them a book written by Dr. Sherman Silber that totally changed their journey. It led them to the RIGHT doctor, which they learned was a reproductive endocrinologist. They finally felt a tremendous amount of hope.

Dawn's Advice and Encouragement: Be careful to not get confused that delay is not necessarily denial. I think that often in the delayed nature of infertility we struggle with denial, and we live in this great fear of this threat to our dreams that may not mean that you won't have children. It may not come the way you want it or the time you want. It may not be a child from your womb, but I do believe that there is a way for most people to parent children and just be careful, because a denial mindset leads you to a very negative and hopeless place. Hope is what we need to live. Hope is like oxygen for our lungs. I think if we don't have hope we can't move forward and infertility is a very barren place to our arms, our womb and also to our soul. It is very important to keep hope alive and not go to the end result that you don't know of and let your journey go where it's going to go. Don't assume it's going to be empty because it might not be.

Dawn’s first book, Called to War: How Life’s Battles Transform Us for God’s Purposes, is available now wherever books are sold.

Website: www.DawnAmsdenStark.com. 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authordawnamsdenstark 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnamsdenstark 

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

Jill said that she knew intuitively from a very young age that she would have to adopt or would have trouble having her own children and she was correct. She shared that at age 29 is when she and her husband began to focus on having a family. It was discovered that they had both female and male infertility issues so IUI was the best option to start with. Her fertility doctor would only do 5 rounds of IUI before switching to IVF. Nothing happened the first 3 rounds but on round 4 she had a chemical pregnancy which was devastating to her. She said I felt like I was pregnant

She said we were lucky that on round 5 I became pregnant and delivered a baby girl only having to be on bedrest at the end due to preeclampsia. When they decided it was time to have baby 2 they started again with IUI's and again on round 5 is when she became pregnant with twins. She said lucky again on round 5 and received a 2 for 1, twin boy and girl.

Jill described feeling like a farm animal on the table for the IUI procedure. You don't get to experience the pleasure or the intimacy of making a baby. The goal was a baby, but it didn't make me feel happy or good about myself.  We laughed about her having to keep her husband's goods warm on the way to each IUI procedure.

Jill's Advice and Encouragement:  Listen to your body, it tells you a lot, so really listen to it. Don't give up. If you really have hopes for a family, stick with it and something good will come from it. It may not be what you're hoping for but something good will come out of the situation. DON'T LOSE HOPE.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

Teresa reflects on 2021 and is looking forward to 2022 with all of you. Every guest, no matter where they live in the world have the same passion and desire to spread awareness about infertility and baby loss. Educating society with a better understanding of how to listen compassionately to those that have experienced infertility in any way and also those that have loved a baby that has been lost, no matter if a day after a positive pregnancy test, 2nd or 3rd trimester or an infant. We as a community can continue to speak out so instead of only 1 in 100 sharing their story, that every woman or man can feel comfortable sharing and will be heard and comforted.

I really enjoyed looking back and reading all of my over 40 guests’ words of advice and encouragement over the past year and sharing a few of them again. I appreciate the continued support and words of encouragement given to me as I continue to support you. I look forward to meeting and connecting with more amazingly strong women that I can support in 2022. You are not alone. I am here for you, so reach out. I would love to hear from you.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

Kaci always wanted 2 or 3 children, after having no trouble getting pregnant and having her daughter, it had never entered her mind that she would have such a long journey of infertility.  With 4 rounds of IUI's, 2 IVF cycles and 2 baby girls lost after hearing their heartbeat, Kaci and her husband are not ready to give up yet. They are preparing for another IVF cycle at the beginning of 2022. Kaci gave a great description of her fertility treatments to help the listener really understand the process.

Kaci talked about the research she did and shared some great resources in the episode. She shared that the CDC website is a great place to research to find the right fertility specialist. Fertility specialists post their success rates and all their data each year on this site. You can find the procedures they have done and their results. She also shared that they, like many couples, did not have insurance to cover their treatments so Kaci did extensive research on the cost of the treatments and the medication needed to find the best fit for them.

Kaci's words of advice and encouragement: Do research, understand your options and continue to talk them out. Keep your head up and stay positive, I truly believe your emotional health has a strong connection to your physical health. It is always important to me to have a good state of mind as we worked through all this. Also, I did a little acupuncture that was great as a stress reliever, just having the quiet time to relax was very helpful. Selfcare is very important.

Connect with me:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

Melissa Brenner said I thought my friends and I would raise our babies together. All of them were having babies so the question I asked the doctor was. "What is wrong with me"?  We tried clomid for 6 months, even though it made me feel angry. We tried IUI, IUI with donor sperm, IUI with injectables, IVF and heard the same words, I wish I had better news. These were hard words to hear every time. The biggest fight we had as a married couple was during our infertility journey because the intimacy was gone, and it was like a chore to try to become pregnant. The medicine, hormonal changes and timing of ovulation was hard on our relationship. We did have one positive pregnancy test when we tried letrozole. I believe God gave me 24 hours to feel and dream about having a child. At that point I was done with infertility treatments. We had a big bill for a baby we didn't have, and I felt sorry for myself. I had a pity party for a year while grieving a baby I hoped I would have. Every month that my cycle started it was a constant reminder that my body had failed me.

We always knew that adoption would be an option for us since my husband had been adopted, so that was the next step for us. The adoption process was just as hard as the infertility journey, just in a different way. The paperwork and evaluations can be very intrusive, you have to sell yourself to the birth moms. Melissa said when I received a Happy Mother’s Day message from the birth mom, that is when I knew she was going to make me a mom.

Melissa's words of advice for you: Don't ever lose sight of what you want and always do what is best for you. Don't let bad advice or negativity from other people that don't understand your journey change your path. Stay true to yourself and stop where you need to stop, sometimes it's too much and remember the doctors work for you. Stand up for yourself and say what you want and need so you can find Peace.

Connect with me:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

Click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠

Rachel Helden didn't picture herself as a mom because as a teenager she was told she had PCOS and endometriosis, so she kind of ruled out having children since she thought it wouldn't be possible. She didn't want to get her hopes up until she became pregnant, and the excitement ended with a misarrange. After a divorce she met, who she said was the right man and partner to have children with and they started trying or not not trying and they became pregnant. The excitement ended with a very difficult seconded miscarriage for Rachel at 10 weeks. They tried again and a miscarriage at 8 weeks. With now a third miscarriage this brought on anxiety which Rachel hadn't experience before and she found herself in a very dark place and thinking about suicide. With a very supportive husband, family, and The Share organization she was able to receive the support she needed during that time. We talked about her naming the 3 babies, she said it helped to bring meaning to all of them.

Rachel is now pregnant again and just entering her 2nd trimester. She is walking very gently through this pregnancy, 1 day at a time. She is taking care of herself and is staying very open to talk about the anxiety she is experiencing. She shared some ideas on coping with the excitement and the anxiety.

Rachel is an artist from St. Louis, Missouri. Rachel has been working on “Free Way: An Adventure Through Loss”, an illustrated memoir about a solo road trip she took after going through a divorce and her father’s passing. Rachel’s search for healing took her to all fifty states in the USA, most of our national parks, and twenty other countries. Her hope is that it will become an aid to those going through their own adventure through loss.

Words of encouragement from Rachel: Sweetheart, I'm sorry you are going through this. It's awful and it sucks. You may have support through family or groups, but it comes down to being there for yourself and there are a lot of ways to do that. I found comfort in having a plant in my home that I could help grow. Other ideas would be, taking special time for yourself, taking baths, wandering around a bookstore, whatever you enjoy, hiking and seeing beautiful places, state or city parks. Also nourishing your body and asking for what you need.

Connect with Rachel: https://www.rachelhelden.com/

Follow her on Instagram: @_photonomad_ to find where her books are available in the St. Louis area

Connect with me:

EMAIL teresa.livingaftergrief.com

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.livingaftergrief/.

Instagram: @livingaftergrief

Website: www.livingaftergrief.com  

click and schedule a free complimentary coaching

Podcast Guest: ⁠⁠https://livingaftergrief.coachesconsole.com/calendar/podcast-interview-call⁠