Amanda shares her journey through some very tough years of anxiety. I remember when I was told, I am sorry your baby passed away 4 weeks ago. There are moments in life when you remember things but sometimes not as vividly as others.  I remember this experience like it was yesterday. I can see it in my mind like a movie. Every part of it was extremely traumatic. I walked in the office thinking I was pregnant and then I had to make a decision to miscarry naturally or to have a D&C. This is where my downward spiral started.

7 miscarriages with no explanation why took a toll on my body and my marriage. I put my life on hold for years to maybe have a second baby. When you are dealing with infertility there is always a glimmer of hope. It is obsessive.

Amanda's Advice:

1st: Look for a community when dealing with infertility struggles. It's very lonely and it feels like you are the only person going through what you are experiencing. Find someone that understands, You may need to connect with a complete stranger that totally understands, find your tribe.

2nd: Do not put your life on hold for what could be. There are ways to find joy without having a baby. Live your life and find joyful moments.

3rd: Focus on things that you can control. Improve your MIND, BODY & SPIRIT. It is a gift to be on the other side and to provide hope and joyful fulfillment to others.

Amanda's website:  https://mywellbalancedlife.com/

Website Amanda Referenced; https://natural-fertility-info.com/

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Joann Michalik is a Certified Grief Coach with Ouch It's Grief. She shared her story of the loss of her 4-year-old son and then a miscarriage that put her through deep grief. No one asked how I was doing. They did not know how to help me. I had to move forward for my 2 living sons. I had to work through grief and then decided I wanted to help others move from Tragedy to Triumph as I had done.

We often feel uncomfortable when approaching someone we know who is grieving. It’s hard to know what to say or do. The best thing to say to someone who has had a loss is:  I cannot imagine what you are going through but I am here to support you. How can I help you?  Continue to reach out to them and just spend time with them. Do not be afraid of reminding the person of the loss, they are already thinking about them.

Joann shared signs and symptoms of grief to help you have a better understanding. She has tools and techniques to help.

Joann's advice:

Your emotions are REAL and do not disregard them. Give yourself permission and time to process the devastating loss you have experienced. If you do not go through the grieving process the grief will resurface later. Your grief is unique to you.

Book Reference:  Experience Grief by Norman Wright

Joann's website: https://www.ouch-its-grief.com/      

Look for her Grief Quiz and reach out for her 30-minute free consultation   

email: [email protected]   phone # 708-408-7445

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Megan and her husband struggled for 4 years to have a family. She said it felt like a chore to try to conceive while on fertility drugs. They looked at everything and decided to step back and just live their lives and see where things would go.

They still wanted to be parents and investigated private adoption. Besides the expense, they felt like it was a transaction, like buying a car. It just did not feel right for them. While going out for a date night there was an organization at the movie theater sharing information about the Foster Care System. The "F" word, Foster has such a negative connotation with many people. After getting more information from Restore Network they decided to go through classes and get certified to have children placed in their home. This was not how we expected to have a family, but we wanted children to love.

Take the time to listen to Megan's story especially the example she gave on how the children and their parents feel as they are put into the Foster Care system. Such a heartfelt explanation

Megan's Advice: I would like to remind women that are struggling that it is ok to be not ok. Your feelings are valid so share them and do not keep them inside because it will make it a lot worse by pushing it deep down inside. Speak up for yourself. Know where you want to go. What you are going through is going to make it 10 times better when you achieve that goal whether in the way you envisioned or not.

The Restore Network Organization changing the culture of Foster Care      https://therestorenetwork.org/

Movie Referenced:   Instant Family

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During her residence to become a physician Dr. Molina started struggling with infertility and loss.  After 3 miscarriages she then experienced not being able to get pregnant at all.  She had specialized in infertility and that was exactly what she was experiencing.   She knew 50% of infertility is unexplained but it was still difficult.

With all her knowledge about infertility, knowing that normally infertility is something with the embryo they decided to adopt.  IVF is a 50-50 chance of conceiving. I was going for 100%. I was going to be 100% childless or a 100% chance I was going to have a family through adoption. The end result is that we have a beautiful daughter. I am grateful now for my entire journey because it definitely makes me a doctor who can totally relate and understand exactly what my patients are going through.  I invite you to listen to her entire story.

Dr. Molina's advice:

My journey sucked. It was one of the hardest things I had to go through but now that I have come to the other side, I am incredibly grateful for my journey. It has given me so much insight. It made me grow as a person and provided me the ability to be a better parent. I just want everyone to know there are so many ways of forming a family. Everyone has a journey and they may be similar, but they are so incredibly unique. Keep faith with whatever decision you make and never think that it was a bad one.

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Tameika went to the doctor to have a procedure done to find out that she was pregnant. This was devastating and shocking news for a single woman who was about to end the relationship she was in.  I was in total denial about the pregnancy so I did not go back to the doctor for several months and when I finally went I was told I was pregnant with twins. WOW

I was scheduled for an ultrasound at 26 weeks to find out the gender of the twins. I found out that I was going to have twin girls and that I was completely dilated and was having them that day. I was immediately prepped for an emergency C-section because one of the placentas had already been released.  I was struggling with even focusing on what was going on. it was like an out-of-body experience.

I woke to overhearing that one of the girls had died. Avery only lived for about 30 minutes. Aubrey the second baby struggled because she was so tiny and only lived 2 days. Even though they only lived such a short time, I am extremely grateful to the nursing staff for shared so many amazing stories about the girls in their very short lives.

7 years after losing Avery and Aubrey I have started a nonprofit.  Avery and Aubrey's Way was created to assist families experiencing financial hardship that occurred after the neonatal death of a newborn infant, as well as provide emotional and spiritual support during their time of loss.

Tameika's advice:     If your pregnancy was not planned like mine, you may feel shame, guilt, or embarrassment but do not let it dictate the rest of your life. Everything happens for a reason and turns into something beautiful. Also, allow your loved ones to love on you. Let them help you through the grief that is always with you.

Tameika's Nonprofit Information:

Website:  https://www.averyandaubreysway.org/

Email: [email protected]

Phone #:   314-328-0959

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Dr. Kristan Wilson is a board-certified chiropractic physician in both Missouri and Illinois. With having hormonal struggles at a very young age she has a passion to help women overcome hormonal imbalances like PCOS and infertility so that they can finally live in optimal health and luminous vitality. She uses conservative care to either get your body healthy enough to conceive on its own or use it as a way to increase odds with medical interventions. She empowers women to take care of their health, hormones, and fertility.

1 in 6 women struggle with infertility and so many suffer in silence. She has a very full toolbox and for patients that have done her whole program she has a 100% success rate. She has been able to increase the success rate of IVF to 60-65%. There is no part of an infertility journey that is easy no matter what route you take. You just have to decide which path is best for you and your family.

Books Dr Kristan referenced - Taking Charge of Your Fertility, by Toni Weschler MPH

                                                          Well Adjusted Babies, Second Edition, by Dr. Jennifer Barham-Floreani

Connect with Dr Kristen through her website:  https://luminouschirostl.com/

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Have you been given the awful diagnosis of infertility?  It seems to be given frequently and is very devastating to receive.  Brittany and her husband wanted a family but after a year of trying was diagnosed with infertility.  The blame and shame began. Infertility is a very heavy word to hear and to deal with. She avoided the medical field for the next year even though she had tremendous pain with her menstrual cycle. She thought suck it up buttercup this pain is just part of your monthly cycle.  

She finally went back to the doctor when she could not bear the pain to be given the diagnoses of endometriosis. She was told she needed surgery and was happy to finally be given an answer to the pain and the infertility.  Brittany was so excited about having an answer and the doctor assured her that he could handle the surgery, but afterwards she wished she would have gotten a second opinion. The surgery was not a success. ALWAYS search to find the right doctor.   I went to a specialist who gave the diagnosis of Stage 4 endometriosis.  

Brittany and her husband tried for 4 1/2 years to have a family to love. She gives some great tips and encouragement to help couples that our going through a very difficult journey. She is someone that battled a lot of challenges to finally have 3 beautiful children.

Brittany's Advice:    You are not alone and there is more to come in your life.  I wish there was a podcast like this to listen to when I was going through my journey. I felt very alone and knew no one that was struggling because of course you don't talk about it. The blame and shame was real.  Do Not Google to find answers, seek out someone that can support you through your journey because you story is not finished.  Reach out to Teresa to receive support and connect to find the support you need.

Connect with Teresa:

EMAIL [email protected]

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/.womenconnectsupport/.

Phone # 1-618-560-8484

Denise and her husband lost their beautiful daughter Molly Rose days after delivery, due to a heart condition. She was just born before the advance in technology that could have saved her life.  Babies born today with heart conditions either have the heart repaired in utero or shortly after birth.  We had some very difficult decisions to make and were so young. I do not think I even realized the depth of what was happening. I just did not realize the heaviness of the loss at the time.

We had tremendous support in the decision-making that had to happen and that support continued from family and friends. She was so thankful for a group of girlfriends that one day just came over and said get dressed and let’s go. They knew what I needed that day. She also had great support from a group called AMEND. (It does not look like they still exist in the St. Louis area, but they are available in other parts of the country.)

The loss of my daughter has been the most significant experience in my life. It taught and made me who I am today. I have more compassion and understanding for others. I have supported and helped many other mothers who have lost a baby or a child. My heart just aches in a different way for others who experience a loss like I did.

We celebrate our daughter every year close to her birthday. I do hope that my other daughters will always celebrate the sister they never knew. There are other times during the year that I get her box out and go through it to remember her by myself. Denise said she is a closet songwriter and wrote a song for her daughter and still 35 years later her husband will still ask if she will play and sing the song.  They both are connected and will always have that connection through their experience.

Denise had 3 more daughters after Molly Rose, even though the fear factor was great, and Denise had lost a tube due to a tubal pregnancy but still had 2 more daughters after that. Her last daughter was a total surprise at the age of 44.  When she gets to heaven, she wants to ask God WHY Molly Rose and Maureen, WHAT were you thinking?

Denise's Advice:

The loss of a child can make or break a marriage, communication is key. We never pushed it under the rug and were always there for each other.  The friends' support was huge and thankfully they just came and got me out of my house.  I have learned to be a better person and the experience changed me. There is always hope and no words heal anything, just be there for those that have had a loss. 

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Barb is a nurse at Anderson Hospital in Maryville, IL, and manages the Share Organization at the hospital. She is a woman who has many years of experience on the job and training through the National Share Organization. She and the staff are very professional in helping families during the most difficult time of their lives. Barb and the staff at the hospital have been trained to come to the needs of parents who have lost their child in utero or shortly after birth.

When she became the nurse to manage the organization, she truly wanted to know the needs and concerns of the parents who had lost children. The biggest concern was that there was not enough awareness in the community. Barb and the staff have worked very hard to bring more awareness of the loss of babies and the services they have in place to help families.

While in the hospital the staff walks the parents through the decisions that need to be made during this difficult time. After leaving the hospital the support continues with communication and support groups. The support groups are very important for the families. It is a safe place to cry, vent and to share their story and receive support from families that have been through a loss. Sharing your story gives meaning and purpose to the baby that was lost way too soon. The grief of a child is a forever journey.

The Share Organization at Anderson hosts several events during the year. If you have not been to any of their events, I encourage you to attend to bring awareness even if you have not been directly affected. If you are not local there are over 100 chapters in the county and internationally, visit the National Share Organization website to find a chapter near you and all the events that are planned yearly to honor the children who were lost way too early. http://nationalshare.org/

Barb talked about the Angel of Hope statue at the hospital and the beautiful story behind the statue. Book: The Christmas Box by Richard Paul Evans There are 100's Angel of Hope Statues all over the country to remember all the babies we are not able to hold in our arms but only in our hearts.

Barb's Advice on Spreading Awareness and Words of Encouragement:

The most important things in the first few weeks...... Get out of bed, Eat Something, and take a shower. These are small tasks but vitally important. Take this life event and live your life with the loss being a part of it. Be brave and Share your Story. Grief does soften with time but learn to know what triggers your grief. Search Infancy Loss for tons of support and search social media for support groups. It is most important that you get support from somewhere. You are not alone and should not go through this difficult journey alone.

The Film trailer for Don't Talk about the Baby:  https://youtu.be/8IDCYV74xpI

Connect with Barb:

email   [email protected]

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Jeff and his wife decided while dating that they would need to start a family right away after getting married due to their age. Well, they started a little earlier because they had no trouble getting pregnant. They wanted two children. "One to replace him and one to replace her". The first two trimesters of the pregnancy were great but during the third trimester, problems started. Jeff said his wife was panicking when they were told they were going to have their little girl early due to the complications.  He was like a typical guy, not really knowing what that meant.  He was in shock at how his little girl looked. She was so tiny and thin, but she did well.

Surprise!!! Pregnant with baby 2. Even though his wife was high risk they chose to not switch doctors. They were going to have 2 little girls very close in age and Jeff was so excited to have 2 daddy's girls. The first two trimesters were good again. At 30 weeks his wife began to feel sick again but this time worse than the first pregnancy. Their beautiful little girl did not make it. All the dreams of 2 little girls that would be so close were gone. This is a heart-wrenching story.

The guilt and blame started. Why didn't we switch doctors? Why didn't I see the symptoms and get her to the hospital sooner? I could have lost my wife too. What if we had gone to the doctor on Friday? What if she could have hung on until Monday? 

After delivery, his wife was in ICU for several days. Planning a funeral for their little girl by himself was very very difficult. Jeff said he wrote her eulogy because it was going to be the only time to honor his beautiful little girl. The loss of our little girl created a very strong bond between my wife and me. He went back and forth between guilt and fate. 

Even though his wife got so sick with both girls they decided to have another child. It was very important this time to pick the right doctor and to deliver their little boy at the right time. The only way this little boy is here is because of the loss. They were only going to have 2 children.  Listen to their story about how they managed the heartache and pain.

Jeff's advice: Do what you need to do to grieve. I felt very alone but I want people to know they are not alone. Reach out to family, friends or myself to find support. Do not feel judged by what you decide to do in your grieving process. Just make sure you are grieving in a healthy way. Do what you need to do to honor your child.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel even though it may be very faint.

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