Figuring It Out with Rachel Lee

This episode is probably going to ruffle some feathers.

Everywhere you look there’s content telling men what they should do for women. Provide. Protect. Create emotional safety. Communicate. Be patient.

And a lot of that is valid.

But somewhere along the way the conversation stopped being about healthy relationships and started being about one person doing all the giving while the other does all the receiving.

That’s not reciprocity. That’s an arrangement.

In this episode Rachel Lee gets into what reciprocity actually means in real relationships, why we model relationships more than we teach them, why emotional safety needs to go both ways, and why if you don’t want someone you need to let them heal.

This one is honest. Direct. And worth the conversation.

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When people hear the hard parts of someone’s story, it’s easy to assume that’s the whole story.

But what about the good things?

In this episode, I’m talking about the memories, people, communities, traditions, and experiences that shaped me in positive ways.

From Christmas luminaries and homemade donuts with my Grammy to volunteer firefighters, lifelong friendships, and raising my boys, this is a conversation about remembering that not everything that made us who we are came from pain.

Because yes, hard things happened.

But they were never the whole story.

Sometimes healing also means remembering the good things.

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figuringitoutwithrachel.com

We hear phrases like “If they wanted to, they would” and “They’re emotionally unavailable” all the time online. But what if the reality is more complicated than that?

In this episode, Rachel explores the difference between emotional unavailability, emotional overwhelm, emotional awareness, and emotional capacity. From relationships and conflict to trauma, nervous system regulation, and personal growth, this conversation challenges the black-and-white labels we often place on ourselves and others.

Because sometimes people don’t lack desire.

Sometimes they lack the tools, capacity, or emotional safety to show up the way they want to.

And that’s a very different conversation.

In this episode, Rachel talks about inherited self-doubt, emotional conditioning, generational pain, relationships, and the invisible rules many of us grow up living by without ever consciously choosing them.

From a moment at 19 years old that quietly changed how she viewed herself, to the emotional patterns that followed her into relationships, motherhood, and adulthood — this episode explores how self-doubt is often learned long before we ever realize it.

Rachel shares honest reflections on:

• emotional conditioning

• people pleasing & validation

• emotionally unavailable relationships

• generational trauma

• self-worth

• healing without perfection

• learning to trust yourself differently

• and what it means to stop carrying beliefs that never truly belonged to you in the first place.

This episode is raw, reflective, honest, and deeply human.

Because maybe healing isn’t becoming a different person.

Maybe it’s becoming aware enough to stop living automatically from wounds you never consciously chose.

This episode is about grief, mental health, suicide, and the things people say without realizing who might be listening.

Rachel opens up about losing her brother Jason to suicide, the complicated realities of mental health, addiction, shame, and the emotional aftermath left behind for families who survive it.

But this conversation is bigger than loss.

It’s about awareness.

The way pain changes how you hear people.

The way careless language can quietly reveal emotional blind spots.

And the importance of creating spaces where people feel safe enough to say, “I’m struggling,” without fear of shame or judgment.

This is not a clinical conversation.

It’s a human one.

If you’ve ever experienced grief, mental health struggles, addiction, emotional exhaustion, or watched someone you love suffer silently, this episode will probably hit close to home.

Most people say they’re overwhelmed.

But what if that’s not actually the problem?

In this episode, I’m talking about the difference between being overcommitted, overwhelmed, and overinvolved — and how staying “busy” can become one of the easiest ways to avoid dealing with yourself.

I talk about:

- using busyness as distraction

- being emotionally consumed by everything around you

- why “I don’t have time” usually isn’t the full truth

- how overinvolvement keeps your own life stagnant

- and the shift that started changing how I use my energy

This isn’t about perfection.

I still catch myself doing it too.

The difference now?

I notice it faster.

If your energy has been everywhere except where it actually needs to be… this episode is for you.

This week, I had a realization I didn’t love.

Not because anything big happened —
but because I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

I’ve been showing up… but not fully.

Doing enough to say I did something,
but not enough to actually move things forward.

And once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.

In this episode, I talk about:
• the difference between showing up and fully showing up
• how outside things can start dictating how you move
• why doing “something” isn’t always the same as doing what you’re capable of
• and what it actually looks like to start owning your life instead of just being in it

This isn’t about being perfect.

It’s about being honest.

Because once you see where you’re holding back,
you get to decide what to do about it.

If something in this episode hits — follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Most people are waiting to feel ready before they give themselves anything good. Waiting to like what they see in the mirror. Waiting to fix the patterns. Waiting for the feeling to arrive first.

The feeling isn’t coming first. The action is.

In this episode Rachel Lee breaks down what self love actually looks like in real life — not the concept, not the aesthetic, but the actual practice of showing up for yourself when nobody is watching.

Topics covered:

Why most people are managing a life they didn’t choose — and don’t even know it, what loving yourself actually looks like day to day, why you can’t pour from an empty cup but nobody explains what filling it actually means, the first time Rachel took herself to dinner alone and what that represented, and why it all comes back to one question — can I count on me?

This episode is not about perfection. It’s about one redirect. One moment of catching yourself talking shit to yourself and stopping it from going further.

That’s the beginning. And that’s enough.

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Find Rachel at figuringitoutwithrachel — same everywhere.

Most people think they need more clarity.

More awareness.

More time.

More answers.

But that’s not what’s keeping you stuck.

In this episode, I’m talking about something that sounds simple — start with yourself — but almost nobody actually understands what that means in real life.

Because this wasn’t me for most of my life.

I wasn’t aware of my patterns.

I wasn’t “doing the work.”

I was living on autopilot — same day, different version.

It wasn’t until 2023 that I started noticing:

• the patterns in my relationships

• how I was showing up

• where I was still choosing the same things over and over again

And that’s when I had to face something uncomfortable:

The common denominator in my life… was me.

Not in a blaming way.

In an ownership way.

In this episode, we get into:

• what “starting with yourself” actually looks like (not the fluffy version)

• why awareness alone doesn’t change anything

• how patterns repeat when you don’t question them

• the difference between reacting vs choosing

• what it really means to catch yourself and redirect

This is not about being perfect.

It’s about noticing faster.

Pivoting quicker.

And actually starting to choose your life instead of just managing it.

If you’ve ever thought:

“I know better… so why am I still doing the same things?”

This episode is for you.

If this resonates:

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If you’re ready to stop repeating patterns and start moving differently:

ALIGN coaching is open.

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This week I learned something I didn’t know before. Next Sunday is Divine Mercy Sunday — the day Jesus appeared to his disciples after the resurrection and showed them his wounds. Not to say look what happened to me. But to say — look. I’m still here.

And I thought — that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do on this podcast.

There’s a difference between a wound and a scar. For a long time I emphasized the wound. I am broken. I am not whole. I accepted everything that came my way without questioning it. Never rocking the boat. Never asking if I deserved better. That’s what shame looks like when it’s quiet.

But a wound is still open. A scar means the healing already happened.

In this episode we talk about why the wounds were never meant to be hidden. What walking in shame actually looks like day to day. Why I teach from scar tissue not just experience. And why you don’t have to go public with your story to stop being ashamed of it in private.

This episode is not asking you to perform your pain.

It’s asking you to stop carrying it like proof of something wrong with you.

Because nothing was ever wrong with you.

You were just carrying something real.

And you’re still here.

Whether you call it God, universe, spirit, or Gus — something brought you through.

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