Filter Optional

In this episode of Filter Optional, hosts Chico and Shannon West dive into the messy—but freeing—work of learning to identify your feelings. Too often, we confuse emotions like frustration or nervousness with the deeper truths underneath. Drawing from years of coaching, counseling, and personal experience, Chico and Shannon break down why so many of us mislabel our feelings, why we often see emotions as “negative,” and how that keeps us stuck in unhealthy patterns.

You’ll learn:

This is the baseline—the foundation—for everything to come on Filter Optional. Because once you can name your feelings, you can begin to investigate them. And when you investigate your feelings, you reclaim your freedom.

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West sit down with Dr. Jen and Dr. Jake Dean to explore what it really takes to build a healthy, connected marriage—at home and at work.

From communication breakdowns and power struggles to identity, self-awareness, and shared goals, this conversation dives into the real challenges couples face—and how to navigate them without shame, blame, or disconnection .

Together, they unpack the idea of stepping into the “messy middle” (or the “dark forest”)—the uncomfortable but necessary space where growth, vulnerability, and deeper connection are built.

If you’ve ever struggled with conflict, felt disconnected from your partner, or questioned how to balance individual identity with shared life, this episode offers practical insight and hope.

Key Points

Why communication, conflict, and power dynamics are the most common struggles in marriage 

The concept of the “messy middle” and why growth requires discomfort

How different expectations about marriage create tension and disconnection

The importance of self-awareness and self-leadership in relationships

Why identity matters—separating who you are from what you do

The balance between individual needs (“I matter”) and relational health (“we matter”)

How shame, guilt, and lack of communication block connection

Takeaway

Healthy marriages aren’t built by avoiding conflict—they’re built by learning how to move through it. When couples develop self-awareness, communicate clearly, and step into the messy middle together, real connection becomes possible.

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West unpack what it really means to have healthy friendships—and why most people are asking the wrong question.

Instead of labeling people as “good” or “bad,” they challenge listeners to shift their mindset toward something more practical: Is this relationship healthy or unhealthy for me?

Through real-life examples—from girls trips and group texts to birthday expectations and social pressure—they explore how codependency, people-pleasing, and fear of judgment quietly shape adult friendships .

If you’ve ever felt anxious in a group dynamic, struggled to set boundaries, or questioned whether your friendships are truly supportive, this episode offers clarity and language to help you navigate it

Key Points

Why labeling people as “good or bad” creates judgment and disconnection

The shift to thinking in terms of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships

How codependency and people-pleasing show up in friendships

The importance of boundaries—and what happens when they aren’t respected

Understanding friends for a reason, season, or lifetime

Why group dynamics can create anxiety, pressure, and insecurity

How to recognize if a relationship allows you to be seen, heard, and respected

Takeaway

You can’t control other people—but you can control your boundaries. When you stop labeling relationships as good or bad and start asking what’s healthy for you, everything becomes clearer.

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West walk through a real-life moment of anxiety, shame, and self-doubt—and the practical steps to move through it.

After making an honest mistake, Shannon shares how quickly the mind can spiral into fear, false narratives, and identity-based shame. Together, they unpack a powerful framework for emotional health: identify, investigate, regulate—a process that helps you move from reaction to intentional response .

This episode is a raw and honest look at what happens internally when things go wrong—and how self-awareness, regulation tools, and truth can bring you back to clarity and peace.

Key Points

- The identify, investigate, regulate framework for emotional health 

- Why mistakes often trigger false narratives and identity-based shame

- The difference between feelings and truth

- How the brain reacts to emotional threats like physical danger

- What the “scramble” looks like: anxiety, overthinking, and shutdown

- Practical tools for regulation: breathing, prayer, grounding, and action

- Why owning mistakes builds integrity, trust, and connection

Takeaway

You can’t stop the initial emotional reaction—but you can choose what happens next. When you identify what you’re feeling, investigate what’s true, and regulate your response, mistakes become opportunities for growth instead of spirals of shame.

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West explore a timely and important question: Can AI replace therapy, coaching, or real human connection?

As artificial intelligence becomes more integrated into daily life, more people are turning to chatbots for help with anxiety, depression, relationships, and emotional struggles. But is it actually helpful—or just a temporary fix?

Chico and Shannon unpack the benefits, limitations, and risks of using AI for mental health, sharing real-life examples, research, and personal insights on how technology is shaping the way we process emotions and seek support .

Key Points

- Why more people are using AI for mental health support

- The idea of AI as a “quick snack” vs real emotional nourishment

- The benefits of AI: accessibility, low barrier, and immediate feedback

- The limitations: lack of empathy, body language, and real connection

- Why communication is more than words—and what AI misses

- The risks of replacing therapy with technology

- How AI can be a tool, but not a substitute for therapy, community, or faith

Takeaway

AI can be helpful—but it can’t replace real connection. Use it as a tool, not a substitute. Healing, growth, and true emotional health still require human relationships, presence, and deeper work.

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West continue their deep dive into The Seven Primal Questions, focusing on the three core emotional needs that drive behavior: safety, belonging, and significance.

What are you really seeking underneath your reactions, stress, and relationship patterns?

Whether you’re constantly scanning for danger, overextending to feel connected, or striving to prove your worth, this episode helps you identify the root cause behind your behaviors—and how unmet core needs can quietly hijack your decisions .

Using real-life examples, coaching insights, and practical frameworks, Chico and Shannon show how to move beyond surface-level “quick fixes” and start doing the deeper work that leads to lasting emotional health and stronger relationships.

The three core emotional needs: safety, belonging, and significance

Key Points

- How each need connects to specific primal questions

- Why unmet needs can hijack behavior and relationships

- The difference between quick fixes (branches) and root-level healing

- How fear, over-connection, and striving show up in daily life

- Why awareness is the first step to emotional growth and self-leadership

- How to move from your primal question to your primal truth

Takeaway

If you stay focused on surface-level problems, you’ll stay stuck. Real growth happens when you get to the root—identify your core need, and learn to meet it in a healthy, intentional way.

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West tackle a controversial but increasingly urgent topic: the real impact of marijuana use in today’s culture.

With shifting laws, rising THC potency, and changing public perception, cannabis has been widely labeled as “harmless.” But new research, hospital data, and even a major reversal from The New York Times suggest a different story—one that includes increased addiction rates, mental health risks, and long-term consequences .

Drawing from clinical experience, research, and real-life stories, Chico and Shannon unpack what’s changed, what people are missing, and why awareness—not fear—is the goal of this conversation.

Key Takeaways:

- Why the narrative that marijuana is “harmless” is being challenged

- The rise in THC potency and its impact on the brain 

- Understanding cannabis use disorder and addiction rates

- The link between marijuana use and anxiety, depression, and social withdrawal

- What is cannabis-induced psychosis and who is most at risk

- Why lack of regulation and education creates hidden dangers

- The cultural shift: from normalization to growing concern

Takeaway:

Marijuana may be legal, but that doesn’t mean it’s harmless. Awareness, education, and honest conversations are essential to understanding the real risks and making informed choices.

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West explore a powerful framework for understanding emotional triggers, relationship dynamics, and personal growth: The Seven Primal Questions, developed by coach and author Mike Foster.

These core questions—formed through early childhood experiences and emotional imprints—shape how we interpret the world and how we respond when our needs feel threatened. Whether your core question is Am I safe?, Am I loved?, Am I good enough?, or Do I have a purpose?, each one influences the behaviors, coping mechanisms, and relationship patterns you carry into adulthood.

Chico and Shannon break down how these primal questions form, how they trigger the “scramble” when we feel threatened, and how self-leadership helps us move toward the deeper truth that brings emotional stability and healthier relationships.

Key Points:

- What the Seven Primal Questions are and how they shape emotional behavior

- How early childhood imprints influence adult relationships and reactions

- Understanding the “scramble”—the chaotic behaviors we use to force our needs to be met

- Why self-leadership is essential for emotional growth

- The difference between primal questions, avoidance behaviors, and primal truth

- How recognizing your core question can improve communication, marriage, and friendships

- The unique gifts and strengths associated with each primal question 

Takeaway

Everyone is asking a deeper question beneath the surface. When you learn to recognize your primal question—and lead yourself back to its truth—you can move out of reactive behaviors and step into your emotional gifts.

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West explore a topic many people in midlife quietly wrestle with: changing capacity.

As life shifts into new stages—empty nesting, aging parents, evolving friendships, and changing energy levels—many people find they no longer have the same tolerance for the commitments, expectations, and social dynamics they once carried.

Shannon vulnerably shares what it feels like to realize your operating system has changed—less capacity for constant group communication, fewer social obligations, and a growing desire for deeper one-on-one connection rather than activity-based friendships.

Together, Chico and Shannon unpack how codependency can show up in friend groups, why people struggle to say no, and how learning to honor your limits can actually lead to healthier relationships.

Key Points

• Why midlife often brings changes in emotional capacity and tolerance
• How codependency can appear in friend groups and social expectations
• The difference between group friendships and intentional one-on-one connection
• Why evolving boundaries can feel lonely—even when they are healthy
• How accumulated life experience reduces patience for patterns that no longer serve you
• The role of vulnerability in navigating changing seasons of life 

Takeaway

Growth often requires grieving who you used to be. As your capacity changes, learning to honor your limits—without guilt—can open the door to deeper, healthier relationships.

What Does “Doing the Work” Really Mean?

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West break down what it really means to “do the work” in your mental health journey.

Is therapy just sitting on a couch talking for an hour? What if you feel stuck in traditional talk therapy? And how do you know which therapeutic modality is right for you?

From psychodrama and family sculpting to EMDR, brainspotting, neurofeedback, coaching, and inner child work, Chico and Shannon unpack different ways people can process trauma, regulate emotions, and create lasting change.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in cycles of anxiety, codependency, trauma responses, or repeating the same patterns, this episode offers hope: healing doesn’t look the same for everyone — and there are more options than you think.

Key Points:

- What “doing the work” actually means in mental health

- The benefits and limitations of traditional talk therapy

- How psychodrama and family sculpting create emotional breakthroughs

- Understanding inner child work and repairing old messages

- How EMDR and brain-based therapies help process trauma

- Why healing requires intentional, consistent effort

- The importance of safe containers and guided support

Takeaway: Healing isn’t passive. Growth requires effort, curiosity, and sometimes trying new approaches. If you feel stuck, it may not be you — it may be time to explore a different way of doing the work.