In this episode I reflect on the past year.  Initially,  when thinking of 2019, I focused too much on what I didn't accomplish instead of what I DID-  Like creating a freaking podcast!  

I got too caught up on the fact that I didn't get an episode out each week, instead of being proud of the fact that I created 17 beautiful episodes with great love and care, and all the work and progress that went into it.  Maybe you need this reminder too? To not be so hard on yourself, and to look at the what, the who, and the special moments with a grateful heart.  

I challenge you to look back on this past year and highlight ALL YOU DID... the big and small wins, the new people you met, and those who continue to show up and bless you.  Although it's important to recognize the obstacles so you can learn from them, it's more important to notice the growth in the journey.

I hope you join me in doing that, not only as you look back, but as you plan ahead to the New Year!  

ACTION ITMES To Consider:

1) Write down all the things you are grateful for this past year.  How you will continue to bless yourself, and others?

2) As cheesy as it may seem, write yourself a love letter.  Really.  Do it.  Write down all the things you love about yourself and put it in a place that's visible for you to read, and add to, in the New Year.

3) Give yourself a Word for the year.  What's your word?  How will you incorporate it into the year?  For example, if it's "inspire" then do all the things, and focus on all the people and places, that inspire you.  

FINAL THOUGHTS:

"Heal the Body and the Mind Will Follow."  This is a quote from an episode of Seal Team.  My husband shared this with me after our talk on how I feel called to focus on my body this year.  I've worked on mindset for some time now, and have neglected my body and can feel the impact of that.  I feel called to switch gears and come full circle with mind, body and soul in the next several months and see where it takes me.  Does this resonate with you too?  

WHY the END of a SEASON?

This past year, I created a podcast and transitioned back to full time work in higher education.  That, along with navigating parenting the teen years, and an opportunity to host my parents in St. Louis for the winter months, has made me realize I need to re-focus my efforts.  Therefore, I am taking a break to be present with life, and family, at this time.  

Don't worry, I plan to return (hopefully in spring) with new ideas, stories, old and new guests, and maybe a few surprises!  

If you'd like to remain connected during my time away from the podcast, feel free to join me in my Facebook group, "Find Your Glee with Dinah G" or find me on Instagram.

THANK YOU for your continued love and support. Many blessings and much growth to you in 2020!  

It’s so important to look at how far you’ve come and to celebrate the older wiser woman you are becoming. 

These are the Top 6 Things that I Wish I Would Have Told My Younger Self:

• LET IT WORK ITSELF OUT- Give it time- Be patient and trust that it will work out over time- There’s no need to rush it- No Need to overwhelm yourself with unrealistic timelines or expectations- Take a break from the chaos- get out in nature, have fun, try new things… WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I would want to try to fix things right away and sometimes it would make things work- now each situation is different and some may require quick action, but in most cases I’ve learned to step back, give it some time and love and let it sit for a while without dwelling on it (It takes discipline and practice to not dwell, but keep working on it- find your mantras to say during this time like- "I chose love and trust time will heal this…")
• DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL- When someone lashes out at you- 9 times out of 10 it is because of something THEY are INTERNALLY dealing with that has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU- so Remember that when you think about how you will respond and what you will do when this happens. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I would assume it was my fault. I would take it personally, I would apologize even when I didn’t do anything wrong, I wouldn’t stick up for myself- NOW when someone lashes out or I find myself in the middle of conflict I say to myself I wonder what internal struggles this person is going through and empathize with what they may be dealing with internally- I give the situation and myself love and remind myself I am doing my best and to give myself some grace.
• IT’S OKAY IF NOT EVERYONE LIKES YOU- Oh boy if I had practiced this sooner I would have saved some heartache. No matter where you are and what you do YOUR PEOPLE WILL FIND YOU and YOU WILL FIND YOUR PEOPLE.  Please say that to yourself a few times.  And, if they aren’t your people then they, or you, will move on and it’s OKAY. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I would have been crushed if I didn’t get a warm and fuzzy feeling from everyone.  If I felt like someone didn’t like me or notice me. Now I am okay with it.  I don’t have a lot of time these days to invest in a lot of friend relationships so when I do it’s got to feel right.  When I get a vibe from someone that is special I make note and if I don’t I move on. 
• DON’T JUST GO WITH THE FLOW BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO ROCK THE BOAT- Have an opinion, make a decision, follow your heart your gut, your whatever, but don’t compromise your beliefs and what feels right so other’s aren’t uncomfortable. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I would jeopardize my happiness for others.  I would do things that didn’t bring me joy –don’t get me wrong sometimes we have to do that, but too often when I was younger I would not set boundaries and say yes to everything.  This left me drained and unhappy.  NOW- I know my limits and say no if it doesn’t serve me or is something I know I can’t realistically fit in. 
• NEVER STOP WORKING ON LOVING YOURSELF- It all starts with YOU. YOU know yourself best.  YOU are the one who ultimately is going to do the thing so start believing in YOU and when you are disappointed in you or wish you would have handled something different give yourself some grace and forgiveness.  Talk to yourself as if you would your best friend.  You wouldn’t treat them like crap when they are down and start yelling profanities at them.  You would comfort them and remind them of all the things you love about them.  Why is it so hard to do that for ourselves?  WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I would beat myself up over every little thing.  I recall thinking it was good to put yourself last and be humble and not gloat about yourself and I think that’s what perpetuated me not investing in me or saying anything flattering about myself even if in my head.  NOW I practice being kind to myself.  I prioritize taking care of ME and I say loving things to myself and celebrate my accomplishments unapologetically!
• CHANGE YOUR FREQUENCY TO GRATITUDE- Refer to Ep#3 "How to Start a Gratitude Practice" if you need some ideas. I can’t stress enough HOW MUCH IT TRULY MAKES A DIFFERENCE IN MINDSET.  WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I didn’t appreciate and recognize all I had.  I focused too much on what I didn’t have.  Looking back I know now how wrong that was.  I had SO much to be grateful for, but I focused on the few things I didn’t that overshadowed that.  NOW-I don’t think I realized the impact it had on me until I started to use it to work my way through tough situations.  When I start to feel negative emotions come up, because I’ve been practicing it for some time now my mind automatically shifts to gratitude to help me work my way through.  I’m not going to sugarcoat it and say it was easy to change my mindset, but it was an easy practice.  Trust in the process and continue to hone in on it every day and you will reap the rewards. 

ACTION ITEM(s):

There is value in taking some time to pause and reflect on how far you’ve come, what’s working, what’s not working, what areas you need to hone in on and give yourself some love.  Love for recognizing where you are, where you’ve been and where you are heading.  Write down progress you’ve made in certain areas and acknowledge your growth.  Also, think about one thing you’d like to continue to practice and tweak to build resilience in an area you need some work on.  This next week or month work on that area until you know you’ve made some progress and notice a change in your mindset around that negative thought pattern or trigger. 

FINAL THOUGHTS: Read Chapter 22 of Lori Harder's "A Tribe Called Bliss" It's titled "A Message from Your Soul" for some inspiration on how to lean into that inner voice that has been speaking to you all these years.  It's time to listen.  

As a Holistic Coach, Becca is passionate about helping people return to their authentic self-love, reconnect with themselves, and experience freedom in their bodies. 

Becca knows firsthand the tenderness and shame that comes with feeling trapped in your body and also knows what’s waiting for you on the other side. There is so much here for you. A former math teacher and chronic self-shamer, Becca is an expert at identifying unloving patterns, facilitating safe space to question them, and guiding you to transform them into total liberation. 

Are you ready to love your whole self? 
Are you ready to be ready?

Then Tune in to Today's Episode...

BOOK REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:

"The Body is Not an Apology" by Sonya Renee Taylor

HOW TO FIND BECCA:

Facebook, Instagram & Gmail: @wholelovewithbecca

Website: Beccakunce.com

Do you suffer from compare and despair?!  You know what I mean, like when you scroll through social media and suddenly start to feel like crap because your life is not as perfect as someone else’s.  Why does it seem like everyone else is always on vacation and having the best time?  Maybe all you did this summer was a stay-cation which involved mostly home improvements and running errands.  Productive maybe, but nothing glamorous or social media worthy.  When you constantly hear and see how perfect everyone’s life seems it’s hard not to compare to how your life looks and feels. 

Even though we know no one’s life is perfect, and we all have struggles, it can be difficult to avoid the comparison trap.  I can go from having a wonderful day to feeling pretty shitty about myself after a few minutes of scrolling. Don't get me wrong I’m genuinely happy for people when they are celebrating life’s happy moment’s- Lord knows we all need to celebrate the wins- besides it’s not fun to share the misfortunes of life, but naturally when others share their highlight reels I can’t help but think about what I DON'T have or what I'm NOT doing.  

Matter of fact, a few days ago I was reading a post from a fellow podcaster I adore who celebrated her 1 year anniversary and mentioned how she had over 40,000 downloads and I immediately started to think how low my numbers were compared to hers.  I’m on my 14thepisode and close to 900 downloads— which I was super proud of, but after reading how she has over 40,000 at her year mark, I instantly felt defeated.  I started to question what I was doing and thinking maybe this isn’t for me.  I haven’t even been doing this a year, and there is so much I love about it and what’s come from it, but because of the negative feelings that surfaced I actually thought of giving up.  Thankfully it didn’t take me long to snap out of it and get back in my own lane, but still I didn’t like the negative self-talk and feelings that surfaced.  I want to share some tips I use to re-direct my thoughts and get me back on track  so you too can try them when you feel these emotions coming on.

1. PRACTICE GRATITUDE- Start running through a list of things you are grateful for- write them down if you must- and don’t overlook anything- list it all and keep going until you start to feel better.
2. CHANGE YOUR MINDSET- Change your mindset to a feeling of abundance versus lack.  When we linger in a state of wanting and not having, we can get lost in a state of lack that never seems to subside.  This is an energetically draining and can pile on a load of self-doubt and low self-esteem and prevent us from reaching our goals.  On the other hand, when we look at all we DO HAVE we see all the possibliities and the confidence to get there and the more positive vibes we’ll attract.  Think of what you want to attract more of and start thinking and acting in that manner.   
3. MEDITATE-  Practice the Art of Being in the Present Moment.  Put your phone away. Find a comfortable seated position either on the floor or in a chair.  Sit up with your back straight and chin down.  Close your eyes.  Get quiet.   Notice your body.  Recognize the sounds around you. Pay attention to your breath in and out.  Count up to 5 inhales then 5 exhaies.  Do this for at least five minutes or until you feel like you are relaxed and present and can move on with your day in a productive way.  
4. RECOGNIZE YOUR FEELINGS- Recognizing and Identifying your feelings helps you move past them- I’ll sometimes say “Dinah it’s time to choose better thoughts.”  Or say a mantra something like “I am gratful and blessed” or “I choose love for myself and others.”  
5. PRACTICE LOVE AND COMPASSION- Show some love for the situation.  Try to come from a place of love. How would you respond if you were coming from a good place?  Then respond in that way.  
6. TAKE A BREAK FROM SOCIAL MEDIA- If it’s something that no matter what is shared or posted you instantly feel a negative feeling every time, maybe it’s time to take a break from social media or hide that person’s posts for a while.  Another good option would be to put your phone down and take a walk in nature.  Get outside and change your environment.  
7. ASK YOURSELF WHY?  Why am I feeling this way?  Why do these feelings come up?  Really sit with these questions and be patient and open minded with what answers come to you.  Is it because you are feeling insecure about your own life? When I ask myself these questions I sit with it for a while and can usually get to the heart of the matter.  Which sometimes is facing the ugly truth about my own insecurities. When this happens, I remind myself to get back in my own lane.  To give myself some love and grace and to forgive myself for thinking these thoughts.  Then I ask myself how I can move on more productively.  Maybe I need to meditate.  Maybe I need to write myself a love letter to remind me all that I have to offer.   

I truly believe the more we love ourselves- and the more secure we are- and the less we get caught up in the comparison trap.  

 So which of these tips are you going to try or what’s something you do that wasn’t mentioned?  I’d love to hear your strategies and thoughts.  You can share them with me in my Facebook group Find Your Glee with Dinah G or send me a DM.  

Until then, I want to leave you with these final words from HealthyPlace.com… 

“Don’t compare your life to others.  There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon.  They shine when it’s their time.” 

I chose this quote because it’s a great reminder that we are all unique and have our own talents and gifts and there’s enough room in the universe for all of us to shine…on our own timeline.  

I hope this helps you as you work on being your best self.  In a world that can sometimes bring you down, know that you can always find your glee with Dinah G. 

We are Half-way to 2020! 

Maybe this half-way point in the year has you high-fiving yourself and singing your praises for all you’ve accomplished so far which is awesome!  I applaud you.  If you are like me, however, you may have had some set-backs, took some breaks to reflect, and aren’t sure where you are going to end up this year- and that’s okay.  Life isn’t always a race and a 24/7 hustle.

Making note of this half-way point in the year is not meant to make you feel bad for not being as far as you hoped right now.  It’s an opportunity for you to reflect and think about how you want to make the most of finishing the year out.  And, it’s important to recognize all that you HAVE DONE.  It's okay if you need to adjust your goals from what they were at the beginning of the year.  Maybe the best thing for you right now is to think of the ONE THING you plan to accomplish by December. 

What’s the ONE THING that you know you can commit to for the next 6 months?  Or, maybe you break it down to 6 small things (for example cutting out sugar in July, commit to doing a 5K in August, incorporate a weekly meditation schedule in September, build a gratitude practice into your daily routine in October, etc.).  Whatever you decide, plan to do it for the next 30 days, then re-access.  Who’s with me? We can hold each other accountable and motivated.  If you are interested join me in my “Find Your Glee with Dinah G” FB group.  I’ll share motivational posts, videos, and tips to keeping us on track. 

What got me thinking of doing a half-way-through-the-year challenge you might ask?  Well, if I’m being honest with myself, the last month has been difficult for me.  I’ve lacked motivation and fell back to some of my old habits of not taking care of myself physically which as result got me caught up in a loop of self-doubt and negative thoughts. I know what I need to do to feel better, but lately I feel uninspired.  I need to break this pattern and get back on track and believe this challenge will help me do that. 

I need to focus on eating better and moving my body more.  For as much as I’ve worked on my mindset, I have neglected my body.  I need a better balance of a healthy mind AND BODY.  What I’ve noticed is no matter how strong I feel mentally, if I don’t feel good about my eating habits and how my body feels and looks I am sluggish, foggy and it brings me down mentally.  I find when both my mind and body are in alignment I feel most confident and capable in achieving my goals. 

Here’s what I plan to commit to this month.  I encourage you to write down your own plan, but want to also share mine in case some of these resonate with you and/or give you some ideas. 

I will move my body 3 times a week.  It doesn’t have to be intense.  A twenty-minute walk counts.  For me I’m thinking I’ll walk and/or build muscle.  The Fit Bod app is great for customized workouts.  You can decide what areas of your body you want to work on and how many reps, and it includes video tutorials.

I will limit my sugar intake and not eat after 7pm. 

I will drink 64 oz. of water a day.

I will take my vitamins daily.

These are things I know I can do.  Make sure whatever it is you commit to it’s something you know you can achieve.  It shouldn’t be too overwhelming or complicated. Maybe for you it’s ONE thing to cut or add (maybe cut soda for the month, or if it’s something related to mindset like adding a daily gratitude practice).  I want to meet you wherever you are at and support you on your journey. 

What I want you, and me, to take away is that it’s okay to fall behind, to not be as on-top of things as you hoped you’d be this time in the year.  Instead of getting down on yourself ask yourself, what do I want to accomplish for the remainder of this year? Then take it day-by-day and do it!

If you are on-board with this here are some action items:

ACTION ITEMS

1) Write down what your plan is for the month and keep it in a visible place

2) Join me in my FB group "Find Your Glee with Dinah G" for some accountability and motivation

3) Pick and date and plan to work on your plan for 21 days straight- Figure out how you will track it (via an app or a good old fashioned checklist)

YOU know YOU.  What do YOU need right now? I’m here to inspire and cheer you on!   

If you need some tips on how to get out of a rut go to episode #4 “6 Ways to Un-Stuck Yourself."  If you need your focus this month to be on mindset you might want to check out episode #2 “8 Tips to Finding Glee” and decide what tip(s) you want to hone in on this month. 

As you think about what you want to do I leave you with these inspiring words from Morgan Harper Nichols…

FINAL THOUGHTS 

“And no matter what happens from here,

Be kind to yourself by allowing yourself

To look back and see all the ways you

Have grown.  Make note of your progress

Even the small and subtle things,

For they are just as much part of

Your story as the bigger and more

Noticeable things. You are free to

Look back with grace and kindness,

Knowing that even in the darkness,

Light was still pouring through…

All along, there was more to YOU

And the past did not define you”

Annmarie Molina is the Founder and Business Mindset Coach of SheHaus Coaching. Former corporate leader turned soul purpose warrior, she is dedicated to helping women everywhere go after their dreams and approach their life and career with more ease, confidence and joy. 

In this episode we talk about how to show up as your higher self to confidently go after and live your best life.

All too often we let our fears and doubts control our actions or lack there of and as Annmarie shares, we forget how truly powerful we really are. So sometimes we just have to “act as if” to release those limiting beliefs and go for it.

Learn about the biggest struggle holding women back and how you can finally show up, take control and go after what will make you happier and more fulfilled, even if you think you’re not ready.

Takeaways:

Moving forward to create the life you want:

1. Declare you are no longer willing to stay where you are.

2. Have unwavering faith in yourself and what’s possible for you.

3. Make time to think about what you want more of in your life.

4. Show up as the confident best version of yourself.

5. Take inspired action one step at a time.

Daily Affirmations:

I am blessed with talents that I love.

I am worthy of going after the life I dream about.

I am successful in all that I do.

I am deserving of an amazing life.

I believe in all that I am and all that I am becoming.

RESOURSES:

shehaus.com

FREE Workbook Mentioned in this Episode: shehaus.com/free-workbook

Books Recommended in this Episode:

"The One Thing" by Gary W. Keller and Jy Papasan

"Light Warrior" by Kyle Gray

"The Yamas and the Niyamas" by Deborah Adele

This is my last episode of the "Mom Talks Series."  In this episode I talk about mom guilt and the judgements we face as moms.  I also share perspectives from other moms in hopes of opening the lines of communication and creating a community of support.  

You may find this episode helpful if you are:

• Dealing with Mom Guilt
• Feeling Judged by Other Moms or Being Hard on Yourself
• Want to Relate to What Other Moms May be Feeling or Going Through
• Need Encouragement and Support
• Find Yourself Questioning Your Role as a Mom

We all have our own unique family dynamics.  Whether your a stay at home mom, a working mom, the mom of an only child, a single mother, an expectant mom, or someone who supports moms, I hope you find some helpful takeaways.  

I interviewed a handful of moms who shared their experiences.  Here are some comments I'd like to share:

"There's no manual.  Just love them (Jen Auerbach). 

"Have compassion and each them how to discuss things and learn to be accountable and make their own decisions. As long as I am meeting those goals for myself in my mothering, I feel Accomplished. I used to get hung up on making the most magical experiences for my daughter but I truly see some of the simple things make the more fruitful memories.  I think it also helps the stage of my life too relinquishing a lot of those hangups." 

"As a stay-at-home mom, I sometimes feel judged by working moms. I had a working-mom friend tell me she'd be bored all day if she stayed at home.  I don't know what working moms think stay-at-home moms do all day, but I, for one, never have enough time to get done all I wish I could.  Don't think we sit around eating bon bond all day.  The grass isn't greener.  It's just different grass.  Every job has it's advantages and disadvantages.  It hurts when other moms look at me like I have it easy." 

"Until you are willing to step into someone's mess- and we are all in some kind of mess, until you understand the emotions and experiences and other factors that are contributing to their family dynamics daily you don't have the right to judge. If you see a need, instead of passing judgement, ask how you can help!"

"I don't feel like I'm being judged as a mom as much as I used to.  I am much more confident in my own parenting style and my abilities.  As a younger mom, I absolutely felt I was being judged for working and not having my kids in many activities.  I did try and keep up for the benefit of fitting in and found that wasn't a good match for my family and as time went on I was more at ease with my personal family dynamic and the hell with anyone who did judge me."

"The only time I can think of feeling judged as a mom is when I am often asked if I will return to full time teaching.  When this happens, I feel obligated to explain that my husband now travels a lot.  So...I guess it is then that I sometimes feel judged as a mom because if I didn't, I wouldn't feel the need to explain..."

"I feel like I get judged by stay-at-home moms, or perhaps moms with less demanding careers- first of all, I never know what's going on at school so that makes me feel a little bit inadequate. It doesn't hurt my feelings I just accepted it as, well, these are choices I'm making.  I'd like to point out all the benefits of a stay at home dad."

Hearing these mom perspectives confirmed for me we all have unique dynamics, yet we all want the same for our kiddos. It made me think if we could start with those commonalities and did more to support each other on our journeys and less judgement of others we'd be so much better off and our kiddos would see the examples we set to be open minded and come from a place of love.  

ACTION ITEM:

An action item for you this week could be to do some self-reflection and recognize where you may be judging and/or ask yourself where do you feel judged and why?  And, what can you do to overcome that and change your mindset?

FINAL WORDS: 

I's like to leave you with this quote I found from Bene Brown that reads: "When we can let go of what other people think and own our own story, we gain access to worthiness--the feeling that we are enough just as we are and the we are worthy of love and belonging."

As always, THANK YOU for your continued love and support.  If you enjoy this podcast and/or resonate with this episode, I'd be honored if you'd leave a review or share your comments in my Facebook group- "Find Your Glee with Dinah G."

With Gratitude and Love, 

XOXO

~Dinah G

Nicole De Leon has been a teacher most of her life. With a Masters in Education, Nicole taught art to middle and high schoolers, for ten years, inspiring them to delve into their creative sensibilities. Even her teens, Nicole taught people of all ages and backgrounds to surf, first in her hometown of Ventura, California and then in Manly, Australia, where she lived and worked for a year. In her 20s, she taught surfing and yoga at the Surf with Amigas Surf & Yoga Retreat in Nicaragua. After surfing for the past 23 years and traveling to exotic surf destinations, such as the Maldives and Seychelles, Nicole developed a passion for writing about her experiences and embarked on a writing career as a women’s columnist for DEEP magazine.

Nicole is no stranger to a busy schedule, as she is a mom of a vivacious little toddler and a stepmom to two teenage boys. Nicole is also a a certified Yoga Alliance instructor of ten years who has always had a natural affinity for helping get others inspired and fired up about their health and wellness.

After having her baby in spring 2017, Nicole realized how isolated and disconnected moms and parents can feel when playing the role of caretaker to everyone in their lives. As an exhausted new mom, Nicole became interested in hearing stories from other women and how they handled the ups and the downs of motherhood and how they found alignment and joy in their own lives without feeling guilty for taking care of themselves.

Nicole knows first hand how the high levels of stress and responsibility that arise as a parent can cloud a person’s vision and purpose. The Soul Mammas Podcast and Community was born out of the hope that she can connect women together so they don’t feel alone on their journeys.

Because sometimes we seek perfection as moms, which can lead to feeling “less than,” Nicole was deeply inspired to create a truth-telling space for other moms to share their successes AND struggles, and wanted to build a community of women who believed mamas should and can live passionate lives. After seeing her own mom play the “supermom” role for her entire childhood, she often felt that her mom didn’t take the time she needed to nurture herself and that she wanted to change that cycle as a mom herself. Leading by example to her daughter has fueled her fire to encourage other mamas to model passionate, aligned lives to their children and not to stifle their own joy.

Nicole infuses compassion, play and laughter into her podcast, teaching, yoga classes and daily life. Being raised by a family full of actors and comedians on her dad’s side, Nicole always wanted to capitalize on her extroverted nature and curiosity for other people’s stories. She can remember as far back as when she was seven years old creating radio shows with her little cassette tape in her family’s music room for hours on end. Nicole always dreamed of having her own radio show and it took the birth of her daughter to refuel her fire, creativity and purpose for this venture. Hence the Soul Mammas Podcast began. She currently resides in sunny Southern California with her husband and kids. Here she hosts her podcast and community of soulful, mindful parents and mommies.

TAKEAWAYS from the Episode:

* It's okay to not be okay.  You don't have to do it alone.  Speak up and ask for help!

* It's important to practice self-care even if only for a few minutes a day and it doesn't have to look like anyone else's self-care practice.  Do what's authentic to YOU.

* You have to let go of control sometimes.

* Do more of what fills you up and less of what depletes you.

* The mama entrepreneur formula is 1) Find a need 2) Marry that with what you are good at 3) Do something that genuinely makes you want to help.

* identify your limiting beliefs

* It's okay to shine and to live out your passions!

* You deserve to put yourself first.

* You can be a mama and still live out your passions.

NICOLE's CONTACT INFO:

www.soulmammas.com -Go here to grab a Free Pdf on Self-Care and to join her newsletter.  This is also where you can find her in-person and virtual meet-ups for mamas.

IG: soulmammaspodcast

FB Group: Soul Mammas Podcast

BUSINESS HIGHLIGHT in this Episode:

Trades of Hope (TOH) www.mytradesofhope.com/saragustafson

Contact: Sara Gustafson at [email protected]

In honor of my May "Mom-Talks" Series I kick things off by sharing my thoughts on motherhood and the importance of fitting in self-care.

My girl is 13 now. Yes, I’m the mama of a teenager.  Don’t feel sorry for me, it’s not a bad thing, just different.  The days of her running to me with open arms and the sparkle in her eyes are less, which is not easy to swallow, but I accept it and relish in the rare hug without having to ask, and the random I love yous.  They are on her terms so it’s genuine and I hold on tight.  I soak up the in-depth conversations we have that give me a glimpse of her budding personality.  I cherish these deeper conversations and day dream of us continuing to have many more in the years to come.  

You’d think I’d be comfortable with parenting after 13 years, but I’m not.  There are always new seasons and unfamiliar circumstances to navigate, and just when you think you have it figured out, you don’t.  It’s humbling, beautiful, exhausting and terrifying at times, but it’s also one of the most gratifying things I’ve ever done. I’ve learned a lot about myself through the process- like how to open up my heart wider than I thought I ever could. 

I always knew I wanted to be a mama, but from early on I realized it didn’t come easy to me.  I noticed other mamas who made it look so natural and wondered why it didn’t feel that way for me.  They handled each kiddo, and each situation, with grace and an all-knowing confident attitude.  I envied their poise and the way the teachable moments poured out of them like a lesson in a love ballad.  Why does it feel so awkward for me sometimes?  Why do I struggle to find the right words?  Sometimes when I try When I try to sound eloquent it comes out like cottage cheese.

The day after I returned from maternity leave, one of my adult students looked me in the eyes and said “I see it in your eyes.  You no longer have the innocent look of life without kids.”  As if to say Motherhood has changed me forever.  He was a parent himself so he knew this look all too well. The way he said it made me feel like I had lost myself.  I had given myself over to the parenting gods and I would never be found again.  Life as I knew it was over.  That day it confirmed life wouldn’t be the same, and it wouldn’t, but it didn’t take me long to realize that I would be okay.  I would more than okay.  And although there would be moments, days, months I’d get lost in parenting, I would find my way back to me.  This wasn’t the end of who I was, who I am, it’s just another layer.  One of many layers that make me…me. 

I cherish the days when it all makes sense, when I make sense and I hit my stride.  When the words come out like a sonnet and my girl looks at me in aw thinking knowing how lucky she is to be guided by someone so wise and true (at least that’s what I tell myselfJ).  It’s days like this that I pat myself on the back and say, well done Dinah.  You got this. 

Why don’t we celebrate these days more often, not only for ourselves, but with all the mamas?  I am writing this to remind us to give ourselves grace.  To remind us we are going to have days that suck.  Days that make us question everything we do.  BUT to remember, whatever it is that makes us feel less than, we tried.  We did our best.  Our intentions were good even if we fell a little short.  And that we are not alone.

I need to remind myself to stop with the “mom-guilt” and the pressure that social media, society and peers openly and privately put on us.  Every mama is trying her best.  Instead of a snarky comment or judgement of a situtation we couldn’t possibly fully understand we should offer compassion, a smile, a helping hand, a Kleenex, a hug, an ear, without unsolicited advice, just an ear.  When we do this, I hope our kiddos witness it so they can see the positive impact of lifting each other up, not putting each other down. 

I wish I would have learned sooner the importance of self-care.  That the best thing I can do for my girl is take care of myself.   These days when I feel overwhelmed with my thoughts I get still and quiet my mind with meditation and breath.  Maybe for you it’s a workout, a book, coffee with a friend.  Whatever it is I hope you find and practice what works for you.  My wish for you is that you love yourself through the good, the bad and all the in-betweens, and that you care for yourself as much as you care for your babies.  That’s the best gift you could give yourself, and them.  

ACTION ITEM:

What do you do to care for yourself?  If you don’t have a self-care practice, I’m encouraging yu to create one and commit to it. Write down what makes you feel at peace. Plan time each day that you can do a few of those things.  Maybe it’s in the morning before everyone else gets up, during lunch, or baby nap time. Treat it like sacred time, because it is.  If you’d find more value getting out and joining a class or mom group set that up. There are many reasonable, and free programs through the local library, community center or online resources and apps that support meet-ups and connections with other mamas.  If you don’t find one, create one yourself.  There’s no reason you can’t do this and if you find it a struggle pay attention to the excuses you tell yourself.  

Another self-care practice you could consider is starting a gratitude journal.  If you listen to my episode on “three easy steps to starting a gratitude practice” you’ll hear how easy it is to incorporate into your life.  Maybe it could be a specific “mama gratitude journal” that speaks to a great thing you did, said, or witnessed yourself do that day. Or, maybe you write love letters to yourself to recognize your strength courage and the strides you make each day, week or month.

FiNAL THOUGHTS- A POEM FOR THE MAMAS by Dinah G:

“My wish for you is that you look back and smile more than you cry

That you realize your strength comes from what you believe inside

Settle into the courageous mom you are - Don’t make excuses for what got you this far

They may judge and question your actions and words

But you know the truth-  Pay no attention to what you heard

The only voice that matters is yours-  It’s the one you should embrace

It’s time to surrender to love and give yourself grace” 

FUTURE MAY TALKS EPISODES:

If you are in my FYG FB group, then you know this month’s episodes are focused on “Mom Talks and Topics.” Today I shared a little bit about my mom story and some tips and thoughts for you to consider.  This month we’ll also hear from one of my classmates from my Everyone Can Podcast class, Nicole DeLeon.  She’s a surfer, mama, and podcast host of the “Soulmammas” podcast who shares her insights on parenting and the importance of fostering mama connections and self-care.  You won’t want to miss this because she has talked about it all, and continues to be a resource and sounding board for mamas from all walks of life.  Later in the month I’ll share more mom thoughts from myself as well as other mom perspectives.  I hope you’ll tune in to learn and grow with me.  As always, THANK YOU for being here. 

Dr. Thomas Bachhuber is President of the Board and Executive Director of The Center for Life Transitions, Inc.  Tom was the Director of the Career Development Center at the University of Maryland-College Park and the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.  As a consultant, he led training, research and recruitment initiatives for several Fortune 500 companies. 

Tom's recent book, Transpirations, is comprised of personal journal entries on facing serious life challenges, wisdom from spiritual leaders, career transition expertise and reflective activities.  

The book is a valuable resource for those looking for courage and insight in periods of transition.  It can be used as a guide, workbook or means for daily reflection.  It is both spiritual and practical.  

You may find the book helpful if you are:

• Experiencing lack of meaning with your career/work/ministry/retirement 
• Needing encouragement and inspiration when going through a challenging time
• Desiring to explore spiritual ideas/resources to help with work decisions and job hunting

The book is available for purchase on Amazon and The Center for Life Transitions, Inc. at www.centerforlifetransitions.net.

Contact: Tom Bachhuber at [email protected] if you have further questions.  

Notable Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

• Networking is a Contact Sport by Joe Sweeney
• What Color is Your Parachute? by Richard N. Bolles
• Managing Transitions by William Bridges