Finding What's True

Hey everyone, Happy Holidays. Here we are a week before Christmas if you celebrate that sort of thing. How are you all holding up? I will admit I've been a bit  (as in totally very much so) of a Grinch over here. Not just about the holidays but I am feeling a bit sad (as in totally absolutely heartbroken) about my Artist Way course ending. And so on today's episode I talk about moving on and moving towards that "new thing" whatever it may be. Whether we're leaving a job, a relationship, or just the safety of a warm loving creative space - getting ourself to launch into what's new and get free of the old (even if it served us) can be tricky. We have to take good care of ourselves along the way and take small baby steps knowing that with each wobbly move we are building momentum towards what's true for us. Julia Camera calls it escape velocity and her theory is that anytime we try to take a leap of faith in our lives there will be a test which will present itself. When you decide to leave your job your boss will call to give you your first raise in ten years, when you make the decision to leave that toxic friendship your friend will buy you concert tickets, or when you're leaving the safety of something cozy and familiar you'll feel very very much afraid and perhaps have serval seeming failures which will make you want to run back cursing yourself for ever wanting something different etc. Our job is to be ready for the test, see if for what it is (a chance to prove to ourselves that we are serious about following our hearts, moving forward and putting our plans into action) and to navigate accordingly. Right now I'm sitting with the discomfort of this very safe and inspiring creative space coming to an end and noticing all sorts of fears coming up for my ego. In order to move past the fear (that without the structure of the course I will dissolve into oblivion creatively) and unfreeze myself I'm choosing to focus on doing the work of showing up, making meaning of the experience and using that meaning to carry my feet forward...one radically imperfect baby step at a time, building enough velocity to launch into that new next right thing. Lots of love my friends and Happy Holidays. 

I just got back from a trip to Minnesota my friends. We're considering it as a place to relocate to so it was a scouting mission. I flew up to finally see the place in person but more importantly to FEEL the place. That distinction is a tricky one. I kept wanting to make sure I got to all the places during my short visit; the neighborhoods, the parks, the little main streets etc. to somehow collect all the facts, figures, details and distill them down into a big shiny answer. But that's not how we find what's true. We have to feel it out which takes a lot more courage because it takes us slowing way down to a snails pace...which I'll be honest often feels like dying. I don't want to slow down. I want to make a list and check it three times, weigh the pros and cons and pull the trigger. But I think what Glennon Doyle says in her latest book "Untamed" is true, the real answers feel warm, they feel melty, big, expansive and free, they feel like love. There's an old adage that we're either coming from a place of love or fear. The goal is to launch ourselves from love whenever we can and not everyday love but divine, deep, big magic, god, source, what's true love. That love will lead us to the next right thing every damn time. To find it, as Martha Beck says, we have to slow waaayyyy down, go into our bodies and see when we ask a question; does the answer feel warm? "Slow down sister, just slow down" this is what I kept repeating to myself when I was on my trip. Minnesota was 15 degrees but once I stopped rushing around and tuned in I can tell you it felt warm as hell in my heart. 

Our first rerun friends! I am traveling this week and will be reporting back with images and notes on all the cold things from the wilds of the north...aka Minnesota. I'll be working on a travelogue from the adventure which will soon be found in my upcoming Substack Newsletter!

This episode was such a favorite and I know that the message is one I need to repeat to myself on the daily. It's easy to feel bad about what you're not and it's harder to feel good about who you are. Even if that "who you're not" (for me, the amazing Beyonce) isn't living a life that you'd EVER truly want for yourself. I don't lay awake at night dreaming about performing in concerts but there's a script that says "see that! see her! you're definitely not doing enough, not being enough, just forget it. Might as well go back to bed. Well, i'm not going back to bed dang it, in fact I'm awake very early these days writing and listening and reading. These early morning dates with myself have lead me to Meggan Watterson a magical human who believes that love is the greatest truth and that within us lies an endless well of wisdom that is specific to our hearts. In other words you have the answers to your questions you just have to drop into your heart, drop into love and you'll be lead to your greatest good every time. Here is her heart mediation. You're welcome.

https://youtu.be/qxNaueLxiSE

Ok friends, raise your hand if you worry about getting "it" right. Whether it's the route you choose to the grocery store, the project you're completing at work, the art you're making, the children you're raising, the sex you're having or not having, or the dinner you haven't even started yet....I worry a lot about getting it right. And my practice lately has led me to this one phrase "radical imperfection" - as in, what if we are radical in our imperfection. If we use it, allow it, raise it up, maybe even show it some love (because it means we're human) and ask it to actually push us forward, instead of holding us back, to a place where we show up and do the things we want to do regardless of the outcome. Let that imperfection sit down right next to us while we school our process, focus on progress and as Corita Kent would say "get to the doing, the living, the learning." I wish for you a radically imperfect week, day, hour, moment, that lets you show up and get to it; whatever that "it" is for you. Don't worry about getting it right just worry about showing up and doing it. That's the radical work. The showing up part not the perfect part. Lots of love my friends.

I really hate waiting. I'm a very impatient person and that's probably why this decision making process around where we are moving in the spring is taking so freaking long.  The Universe always gives you just what you need to work on and for me it is patience and of course not thinking so hard about everything...all the time. I was listening to a short reel from Martha Beck last night and she was talking about how when we're waiting for something we're kind of suspended in this weird suffering place. We're not in the present moment, and we obviously can't be anywhere else but the present so we suffer. Interestingly the only way out of this is to take joyful action; pet the cat, make the cup of coffee, or if you're my daughter jump up and down on the sand at the beach. I love this so much because it's exactly what's happening to me. I am waiting for an answer and i'm just kind of in this searing headache inducing place of endless analyzing and wondering - which of course is not super productive (not even a little bit) But you know what helps? Joy! And then taking action to have an experience INSTEAD of a thought. Stop thinking so much is my advice to myself and to us all, take action! Go see Minnesota! Go see Portland! eat some food, meet some people, and feel it out instead of thinking it through. Because at the end of the day the place is going to be fine. It'll always work out. It will be an adventure. But how we feel when we're having that adventure is kind of the point. God save us all from making "smart choices" because that's just about being safe, it's about waiting for the other shoe to drop, instead of really living our life in our one and only present moment. I'm off to pet my cat now. Lots of love my friends.

It's been a week over here my friends. I have been in a fuuuunuunnk since returning from the writer's retreat. My writer friends share that this is completely normal and unavoidable. Regardless it's been rough, so what do I do when I'm in funky town? I GO TO THE LIBRARY and get me some book medicine (in case you didn't know there is always book candy, book love, and book medicine available to you) My book medicine for the week was Nora Ephron's " Crazy Salad Some Things About Women & Scribble Scribble Notes on the Media." The title of today's episode is taken from something she said about her college reunion where she realized they were never asked what they "thought" about anything. They were taught to describe everything but not to have an actual opinion on it. For some of you beautiful people this is not an issue but for me it is at the core of my struggle. I have a really hard time saying I don't like something if it's already measured as brilliant or wonderful by whomever; culture, my sister, my bestie, or the New Yorker. And on the flip side if I'm trying to actually make something I will want it to be good rather than ask myself if I like it. Deep sigh. Thanks Nora for the antidepressant reminder that if we even like something, what our heart actually has to say about something is more important than its preconceived goodness/brilliance/genius. We all get to have an opinion for goodness sakes!

I am in the process of a deprivation experiment this week. I'm not usually about deprivation. It's not my jam but the rules are as follows: you don't read any books, articles, news, social posts or listen to any podcasts / watch tv etc. It's been 24 hours and honestly, I very naively, thought it wouldn't a big deal. And then I KEPT reaching for my phone to check all the things; scrolling zillow for that perfect house, finishing reading that article about that "interesting person doing that amazing thing", researching parenting questions I have about eight year olds (it's a tricky age) etc. Basically every single free moment I had I was looking OUTSIDE myself for answers or inspiration. And here's what I very quickly realized; we're handing the mic to everyone else all day long. We give AUTHORITY to everyone else all day long. It's as if we're looking for our own truths in somebody else's mouths. Hoping if someone else says it and we recognize it as true for ourselves then it can be valid and worthy. But our hearts want the mic friends - and I think sometimes we have to quiet that audience down and dim those house lights to really hear what it's trying to say...even if, maybe especially if, what it has to say isn't going to be easy to hear.