Finding What's True

Hey y'all - I bought a sequin dress. 

Not a big deal for some of you but for me who's favorite color is brown (because it's the color of ponies) it was a bit of a leap to say the least. 

There's this mantra from the book The Artist's Way that says "listen to your inner creator, and you will be led" and it's one of my favorites. I love it because it's not about being anything other than yourself, fully in the moment you're in and paying attention to what calls you. And then of course being brave enough to leap towards something that is perhaps out of your comfort zone (for me anything shiny). If you do this you will find yourself in a version of "your movie" your "life movie" that is so filled with fun your face will hurt from grinning. Listen in as I share how I ended up in a 1940's hot rod truck, shinning like a disco ball with people waving at me like I was fun on a stick. 

It's easy to feel bad about what you're not and it's harder to feel good about who you are. Even if that "who you're not" (for me, the amazing Beyonce) isn't living a life that you'd EVER truly want for yourself. I don't lay awake at night dreaming about performing in concerts but there's a script that says "see that! see her! you're definitely not doing enough, not being enough, just forget it. Might as well go back to bed. Well, i'm not going back to bed dang it, in fact I'm awake very early these days writing and listening and reading. These early morning dates with myself have lead me to Meggan Watterson a magical human who believes that love is the greatest truth and that within us lies an endless well of wisdom that is specific to our hearts. In other words you have the answers to your questions you just have to drop into your heart, drop into love and you'll be lead to your greatest good every time. Here is her heart mediation. You're welcome.  

https://youtu.be/qxNaueLxiSE

I can feel my fingers again! It's the little things my friends. The shoulder is easing up. The headache is nowhere in sight. The return to a life without wheels is on the horizon. And what's been coming up is joy; the desire for it and / or the noticeable lack of it. I keep bumping up against or meeting or being drawn to individuals who are working with joy. And in my always roundabout way I talk about it on today's podcast. That and finding prayer again without feeling triggered, being open to possibility, and looking forward to showering without having to relocate a litter box. Be sure to tune in. Sending you lots of love

Thank goodness for tiger balm my friends. I've been having a "full body no" to something -  all. freaking. week. long. Headache, shoulder pain, nerve pain -- all day, even when I wake up at night, since last week....it's giving me pause and making me very grouchy. What is it about? I'm not dehydrated. I thought of that one early on. I'm taking my vitamins. The motorhome futon isn't the most comfortable buuut i'm falling asleep easily. The only thing I can think of is that I'm in denial about something. That I'm saying yes to something either right now in the moment or moving towards a yes that is actually a no. It is uncomfortable to say the least. Sometimes you just don't know until you know. You move through it the best you can and keep a steady supply of tiger balm at the ready. My eyes are burning, my head is pounding, my shoulder is screaming and I honestly can't think straight so whatever truth is coming has gotta be good. Lots of love. 

Oh boy my friends, have I been stuck in my head these past two weeks. I recorded this episode five times and almost ditched this version as well. I'm not sure what my mind is looking to share but I think it's some version that's much more "cohesive" which is difficult when you're swirling around inside your brain. So I'm sharing this episode imperfectly with you. It starts out strong and then kind of gets a little dizzying at the end which sums up pretty well where I've been. I've been stuck in churning thoughts. My brain wants to figure things out and QUICKLY! The desire to come up with some sort of definitive direction and or decision for our family in regards to what our life is going to look like moving forward has been ever present. Do we keep RVing? Do we look to buy a house? Do we buy a houseboat? Just kidding, BUT confession I did spend a lot of time looking at families that do houseboating lol. Relief came to me this morning when I got back to doing the things that direct my thoughts. Which for me apparently is waking up at 4:00am and listening to interviews with people who inspire me. I think we have to actively cultivate those good feeling thoughts in these hard moments and allow the space for the lessons / the truths to find us. We can't receive any information, any wisdom if we're all stressed out in our heads. I think that's true for all of us. Hope you enjoy my swirl and if you relate reach out and share what works for you! I would love to hear what gets you back on track!

This version of life - this version please and more of it please and thank you. That's all I have to say. Well, almost... It's been such an amazing week with so much beauty and spaciousness and wonder around every corner. I needed THIS. It's the most hopeful and expansive I've felt in a long time...if I"m being honest maybe ever. I needed to remind myself that the world is vast and open and available. To remember that the feeling of being free to choose your own adventure is why we are here and is the feeling we should all be seeking. I remember Martha Beck describing true integrity & alignment as a "warm feeling" you should follow and that it won't lead you astray. That is how you recognize that you're in a life that is true. It will feel warm and open and available and it's waiting for you. Sometimes scary but always exciting to wake up to. 

Lot's of love my friends. 

Sometimes right as you start to take that first big step towards change there are going to be hiccups. And by hiccups I mean cat diarrhea (yup, I said it) and being locked inside your rig and all sorts of wonderful hilarious and crazy "not as we expected it" delights that will unfold and cause you to widen your eyes and look to the sky. This can cause you to wonder if you're on the right path or if this is all a dramatic flashing neon sign from the universe to TURN BACK. I've decided it means you're at the entry gate to what you've claimed you desired and the universe is juuuust checking to make sure you have the right ticket. Are you sure? Are you really sure? Because if you go this way you have to throw away any thoughts and feelings of doubt that have been lingering. You have to start sending out your true and clean signal to the universe that "YES, indeed you are sure and they can unlock the motorhome door now." We're on our way friends. We've entered adventure land and it's already pretty exciting. The popsicles and tire swing at the end of the day were totally worth it. Love you.

We are one week out from our roadtrip and lots of stories have been coming up in my head; some of which involve losing the cat, getting a flat tire, squirrels which have the plague, my kids getting sick in the middle of nowhere, and / or not being able to find a grocery store which has the tortillas my daughter can eat (gluten allergy) and let's be honest that's all she wants to eat...ever. So much worry! Which then resulted in me trying to be super vigilant about being prepared around all the RV things, which then resulted in multiple trips to REI and Target leaving me feeling nothing but on edge and grumpy. Which is NOT what I would have expected since we're getting so close to something I've been looking forward to for months! So I noticed all this happening and attempted, in my very "I know how to handle this" way, to carve out some self-care time very early in the AM to recapture my chill. Well my friends, my kids had other plans and derailed my attempts 3 out of 3 times this week. No joke. It was bad and it all just kept getting worse and my mood followed. All the things I tried, to get myself back on track really weren't working (even the baby otters at the aquarium were a short lived blip of joy) because the truth is I was trying really really HARD. Like white knuckles hard to let go of how grouchy I was. And here's the thing trying really really hard doesn't work. Not even a little bit. It wasn't until everything reached a crescendo this morning involving two failed attempts at making coffee. The Universe was like "You, are a TEA DRINKER missy" that I realized it wasn't getting better because I wasn't even a little bit relaxed. Anything we create has to come from a very core place of chill of relaxed "letting it go" vibrationalness (is that a new word?). And I wasn't anywhere near that. I couldn't have sat down and painted a circle without being angry.  I had to set it all down in order to feel better -- the whole story about how I "needed" things to be. As Dr. Joe Dispenza says in his book "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" --"We don't attract what we want, we attract what we are". If what we want is to be peaceful, joyful, and feel generally awesome, than we have to find a way to embody those states not just with our thoughts but by letting go of the story that we are anything else....no matter what the day sends us and embodying those states wholeheartedly. Working on it over here; some strong cups of tea and a waffle may have added to my success. Love to you! xoxo

Does it feel good? Simple question right? Does what I'm doing, thinking, being, feeling right now actually feel good to me? This is the question I've been asking myself all week and in a way all year. It's harder to answer than one might think. And it's not something we ask often in little moments. Someone might ask how you're feeling and you'll say "good" but that's not what I mean. I mean, for instance, when you're getting ready to make dinner and you feel irrationally grumpy about it (as in why does the thought of boiling water make me want to cry) perhaps noticing you don't feel good and taking that as a note to STOP and wonder if perhaps tonight we order takeout? It's simple right. Yet why  don't we do that more often? Because we're running a script on what we SHOULD be doing. But this question ties right into finding what's true and listening to your body as a compass. Try using it whenever you feel grumpy and then do something about it if the answer is "no, this feels crummy." -- you'll be happy you listened to yourself. Lots of love.