Five Aside

The Five Aside crew — Dalu, AK, Ini, and Nnamdi — break down a big weekend of Premier League action and preview the Champions League second legs. They debate whether Carrick deserves the permanent Man United job, why Slot is losing the plot at Liverpool, and how Arsenal are grinding their way to the title. AK delivers an impassioned rant about Liam Rosenior's half-baked tactics at Chelsea, while the gang marvels at the joy of young stars Ngumoha, Dowman and Yamal — before debating which of the 3-0 down sides can pull off a UCL miracle.

Timestamps

00:00 Intro & AK's mystery illness

00:32 Chelsea vs Newcastle — Liam Rosenior debate kicks off

01:38 Man United 3-1 win — should Carrick get the permanent job?

05:10 Bruno Fernandes record assists season breakdown

09:00 Interim manager philosophy — Carrick vs ideology-driven coaches

17:40 The Pep effect — ideology coaches and why it's failing

19:20 Liverpool's collapse — is Slot the problem?

31:52 Drop Salah? The bold take that divides the pod

38:35 Young stars — Ngumoha, Dowman, Yamal & the joy of uncoached football

46:37 Arsenal's title march — Calafiori scorpion kick & Dowman's goal

48:57 Declan Rice — most important Arsenal player debate

01:04:37 Man City fading — is Pep hitting the Mourinho curve?

01:11:04 Chelsea vs Newcastle breakdown — Rosenior tactics rant (AK special)

01:20:30 Caicedo's lost dog mentality — where did it go?

01:33:27 Champions League preview — who can overturn a 3-0 deficit?

01:42:35 Bodo Glimt dark horse warning + Arsenal UCL outlook

01:44:07 Outro

Champions League chaos and the Five Aside boys are back with another heated football debate.

Chelsea’s goalkeeper situation explodes after a disastrous performance against PSG — leading to one of the funniest lines of the pod: “He can’t even save a Microsoft Word file.” We break down the keeper blunders, tactical decisions, and whether Chelsea’s issues go deeper than just the man in goal.

We also dive into:

• Real Madrid vs Manchester City – Valverde masterclass and Pep’s tactics under scrutiny

• Chelsea vs PSG – goalkeeping chaos and tactical debates

• Arsenal vs Leverkusen – was the draw fair?

• Liverpool’s chaotic performance and game management problems

• Igor Tudor and Spurs’ crisis – should Tottenham sack him and go survival mode?

• Bayern’s dominance and Michael Olise’s rise

• Yamal vs Olise debate – who’s actually been better this season?

Unfiltered football debates, hilarious moments, and honest opinions from the Five Aside crew.

Subscribe for weekly football discussions, Champions League reactions, and Premier League debates.

⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters)

00:00 Intro

00:42 Real Madrid vs Manchester City – Valverde masterclass

03:20 Is Pep Guardiola’s system getting exposed?

07:20 Courtois save & playing out from the back debate

12:00 Chelsea vs PSG – wild Champions League game

13:10 Chelsea goalkeeper disaster begins

17:00 Playing out from the back vs long ball debate

19:00 Chelsea ownership and recruitment problems

23:50 “He can’t even save a Microsoft Word file” moment 😂

28:00 Is Chelsea’s board the real problem?

32:00 Arsenal vs Leverkusen breakdown

40:00 Did Arsenal deserve the draw?

48:00 Bayern dominance & Michael Olise discussion

52:00 Yamal vs Olise debate begins

1:00:00 Ballon d'Or debate

1:13:20 Barcelona vs Newcastle preview

1:15:20 Tottenham crisis discussion

1:20:00 Should Spurs sack Igor Tudor?

1:31:00 Liverpool vs Galatasaray reaction

1:34:00 Victor Osimhen performance

1:37:40 Closing thoughts

This episode starts as a Madrid therapy session and somehow turns into a full-blown aura tribunal. The boys debate why Xabi Alonso’s Madrid move was basically “system coach meets superstar cabal,” argue over player power, dressing-room politics, and whether Madrid need vibes or structure, then finish by building an all-time Aura First 11 full of football royalty, menace, elegance, and pure presence.

Timestamps:

00:00 Intro and opening banter

00:04 Real Madrid, pressure, Slot and early season talk

02:22 Why Xabi Alonso did not really change Madrid

04:46 Was Madrid the wrong job for Alonso?

07:10 Madrid need man-management, not just tactics

10:51 Board backing, player power and modern football

13:15 Why superstar power may not be sustainable

15:36 Alonso, respect and earning stripes at Madrid

20:26 Mbappe, Vinicius and Madrid’s aura politics

24:59 AVB comparison and why big dressing rooms can swallow coaches

27:17 Cabals in football and how smart managers survive them

35:03 Where Alonso goes next and whether his aura dropped

37:28 What aura in football actually means

44:40 Pirlo, Beckham, Balotelli and other aura monsters

48:00 Building the all-time Aura First 11

01:01:39 Outro

The lads return with chaos on the menu. Chelsea fans declare João Pedro the best striker alive (calm down lads), Arsenal allegedly discover the art of haram ball, and Manchester United spark a heated Carrick debate. Meanwhile Spurs might actually be flirting with relegation and nobody can decide if that’s tragic or hilarious. From wild tactical takes to pure Premier League banter, this episode is football therapy… with extra smoke.

Timestamps

0:00 Intro & Pod Kickoff

0:30 Chelsea vs Aston Villa Reaction

1:35 What’s Going Wrong With Aston Villa?

3:20 Chelsea Tactical Changes (James in Midfield, Benchings)

5:15 João Pedro “Best Striker in the League?” Debate

6:30 Chelsea Top 5 Chances Discussion

8:20 Villa’s Season Falling Apart

10:00 Chelsea vs Manchester City Preview

11:00 Manchester City vs Forest Reaction

12:45 Haaland Form & City’s Attack

13:30 Arsenal Transfer Debate (Semenyo, Madueke, Eze)

15:00 Arsenal Squad Depth & Recruitment Discussion

18:00 Arsenal Transfer Strategy Debate Continues

20:00 Manchester City Penalty Controversy

21:10 Manchester United vs Newcastle Reaction

23:30 Is Carrick Actually Good Enough?

25:00 United Tactical Problems Discussion

27:30 Should Man United Give Carrick the Job?

31:00 Carrick vs Other Manager Options

33:00 United Long-Term Direction Debate

35:00 Interim Managers vs Permanent Managers

38:20 Brighton Manager Comments on Arsenal

39:30 Arsenal’s “Haram Ball” vs Brighton Debate

42:00 Mourinho Bus Parking vs Arteta Debate

45:00 Arsenal Title Race Discussion

47:00 Arsenal vs Brighton Tactical Breakdown

50:00 Arsenal Defensive Performance Praise

51:40 Liverpool vs Wolves Reaction

54:00 Wolves Survival Fight & Relegation Battle

56:00 Spurs Relegation Talk Begins

58:00 Tottenham Manager Criticism

1:01:00 Spurs Squad Confidence Issues

1:04:00 Relegation Pressure & Financial Consequences

1:07:00 Should Spurs Fans Want Relegation? 😂

1:10:00 Best Relegation Managers Debate

1:12:00 Who Are The Modern Big Sam’s?

1:15:00 Scott Parker & Other Survival Specialists

1:17:00 Future of Elite Managers Discussion

1:19:00 Eddie Howe Debate

1:21:00 Next Generation Managers

1:24:00 Football Media & Manager Expectations

1:27:00 Final Premier League Thoughts

1:39:30 Final Takes & Wrap Up

This week on Five Aside, Arsenal squeeze past Chelsea in a game that had everything: red cards, referee conspiracies, emotional damage, and AK threatening to terminate contracts mid-season.

We break down:

Chelsea’s 7-red-card identity crisis

Whether Arsenal are grinding like champions… or surviving like frauds

The never-ending Man City vs Real Madrid UCL saga

Yamal vs PR debate (AK was cooking here 😭)

And why Pickford might actually be a psychopath in gloves

It’s therapy, football analysis, and group chat chaos rolled into one.

⏱️ Timestamps

00:00 – Intro & AK’s Emotional Breakdown

Bet losses, AI conspiracies, and 7 red cards in one season.

09:30 – Dalu’s Traffic Ticket & Bad Omens

Wrong right turn → bad vibes → Arsenal win. Coincidence?

12:30 – Arsenal vs Chelsea Deep Dive

First-half nerves

Neto red card madness

Raya masterclass

Are Arsenal grinding like champions?

21:50 – Referee War Room

Rice handballs? Saliba wrestling?

Chelsea robbed or coping?

45:00 – United’s Run & Bruno Agenda

Are they legit or just surviving?

50:30 – Liverpool’s Unconvincing 5-2

Convincing scoreline. Unconvincing performance.

1:05:00 – UCL Draw Breakdown

PSG vs Chelsea

City vs Madrid (again 😭)

Arsenal’s path

Barca & Yamal debate

1:21:00 – Player of the Week

Raya, Pickford, and Gakpo shoutouts.

1:23:00 – Salah Fall From Grace?

Has the aura faded?

1:24:00 – FanFest Tampa Announcement

he crew kicks off arguing about branding (why we’re drinking from random cups like amateurs), then jumps into Champions League playoff chaos—Italian giants wobbling, Madrid doing “scripted” things, and away trips to icy Bodo sounding like football’s haunted house. After that, it’s full London derby energy: Arsenal vs Chelsea preview, why Arsenal get jittery late in games, who controls the midfield, Rice’s best role, Martinelli catching heat, and a spicy combined XI debate that turns into score predictions… and a dangerous bottle bet if Arsenal “bottle” the league.

Timestamps

01:22 – Intro chaos + “where’s the winner?”

02:31 – Cup talk → branding idea (Five Aside mug)

05:00 – Welcome + jerseys/banter + Champions League playoff chat

06:38 – Italian league panic, Madrid “script,” Galatasaray madness

09:28 – Bodo away terror stories (weather, cursed stadium vibes)

12:11 – New UCL format debate (and why dropping to Europa was trash)

16:16 – Arsenal wishlist + Martinelli debate starts heating up

19:55 – Arsenal vs Chelsea preview officially begins

25:02 – “Don’t play the occasion” + Arsenal late-game nerves

35:15 – Where the game is won (midfield vs attack)

42:11 – Rice/Zubi workload + playing through the middle + Eze impact

47:01 – Rice: 6 vs box-to-box argument

50:40 – Combined XI picks (keeper → backline → midfield)

57:31 – Front three debate (Neto/Trossard/Palmer/Saka etc.)

01:04:58 – Score predictions + arguing over pressing/defending

01:11:05 – Drinks on the line + “Arsenal has to give”

01:12:34 – Bottle bet punchline + outro promo

Akan nearly blocks Dalu’s number because the iPhone ringtone is louder than his peace of mind, then Chelsea do what Chelsea do: score early, refuse to “kill the game,” and turn Burnley into prime Barcelona for 10 minutes. Palmer gets put on “thinkers” for chasing YouTube goals, the “do you even care?” debate explodes after a red-card smirk, and Arsenal meanwhile show the one thing you can’t train: mentality. Plus: City vs Newcastle turns into a cagey title-race stress test, and Arsenal fans get served Tottenham buffet—fully paid, no refund.

Timestamps (key moments)

00:01 Akan almost blocks Dalu’s number / “leave me alone” intro

01:29 Welcome + weekend agenda

01:56 Chelsea vs Burnley: “kill the game” rant begins

06:39 Conte-era standards + why 2–0 isn’t safe

08:06 Chelsea dropped points math (painful receipts)

10:41 Palmer “forcing it” + YouTube-goal allegations

14:28 Red card + smirk/laugh debate (no to racism)

19:06 Set-piece danger + JWP “whip it in”

30:34 Arsenal vs Spurs review begins

33:46 Rice mistake + reaction/mentality

40:46 Spurs = “30 Yams” buffet banter

48:57 City vs Newcastle: “don’t hate-watch, just enjoy”

53:10 Newcastle at Etihad history + O’Reilly shoutout

54:26 Haaland vs Dan Burn “battle of the titans”

01:00:40 Top 4 predictions + Chelsea big-game theory

01:03:38 Player of the week: Eze

01:09:10 Outro / vibes

This preview episode is basically four fixtures and one big Arsenal therapy session. Arsenal fans are fighting flashbacks after that Wolves collapse (2–0 up… ends 2–2), and the big question becomes: are Arsenal actually title-ready, or just elite at turning comfortable wins into stress tests?

From there, the lads run through the weekend slate:

Spurs vs Arsenal: injuries, “new manager bounce,” and whether Arsenal’s midfield has forgotten how to control games.

City vs Newcastle: history says Newcastle are walking into a Pep cooking session.

Chelsea vs Burnley: Chelsea fans are dreaming of a stat-padding feast.

Liverpool vs Forest + Everton vs United: mental fragility, relegation chaos, and Goodison Park tax.

Then the episode hits its real main event: “Arteta out if no league trophy?” One of the hosts gives a blunt YES, and suddenly the derby preview turns into a season-defining ultimatum. Wrap it up with a watchalong tease… and a random detour into Atlanta shawarma lore.

Timestamps

00:00 Intro + “Dubai trip” felt like international weekend

00:31 Arsenal frustration: the extra game + City game-in-hand stress

02:02 Wolves PTSD: confidence gone after the collapse

03:39 The real issue: Arsenal can’t close games + “8 conceded already this year”

05:55 “We don’t hate Arsenal—just delusional fans” + Hope University joke

07:00 Gyökeres debate: does a traditional 9 fit Arsenal DNA?

10:44 Arsenal clapback: “best in Europe at times” + goals/CL stats

12:14 Arsenal identity flip: from pretty XG to efficiency

14:20 Defense slump: Raya/Timber heat + “Arteta has to hold this”

15:51 Midfield control problem: why it’s all falling apart

18:16 Fixes: winger need, Ben White RB, Timber rest, Rice/Zubi combo

21:33 Odegaard dilemma: captain/control vs current form

23:20 Pressure talk + Newcastle’s awful City record gets brought up

24:44 Spurs injuries + “new manager bounce” warning

26:22 Spurs vs Arsenal predictions: both lean Arsenal 2–1

30:50 City vs Newcastle preview: both expect City win

36:36 Chelsea vs Burnley: sponsor talk + confident win predictions

41:39 Chelsea prediction: 3–1

43:47 Liverpool vs Forest: mentality talk + Liverpool still tipped

50:31 Everton vs United: split predictions (United 2–1 vs Everton win)

57:01 Closing theme: Arsenal mental strength + Arteta’s touchline energy

01:01:11 The big moment: “Arteta out if no league?” — YES

01:04:16 Watchalong tease + shawarma outro

Arsenal draw Wolves and the Five Aside group chat explodes… except this time it’s recorded.

Daniel Strongman declares emotional bankruptcy.

“OG Bottlers” is officially coined.

Arteta gets demoted to Assistant Manager mid-episode.

Chukwudalu defends Arsenal using pure hopium and vibes.

Sam gives a tactical TED Talk.

Chelsea players are spotted in Dubai and now the title race includes beach resorts.

We also break down:

Arsenal’s title wobble

The Arteta debate (again 👀)

Top 4 predictions

Relegation chaos

Champions League madness

Vinícius Jr discourse

Bodo/Glimt supremacy

This wasn’t just analysis.

This was therapy.

⏱️ TIME STAMPS

00:00 – Chaos Intro & Arsenal Fans in Tears

Laughter, despair, and “God is too faithful” energy.

02:00 – Arsenal vs Wolves: Title Race Panic Mode

Are Arsenal bottling again? Is Arteta the problem?

08:30 – “OG Bottlers” Is Born

The moment that changed podcast history.

15:00 – Is This On Arteta or The Players?

Pressure, mentality, squad depth & tactical debate.

25:00 – Hopium vs Tactical Reality

Sam dismantles “results-based analysis.”

35:00 – The Mentality Champions Discussion

Fergie, Conte, Kompany… and what Arsenal lack.

45:00 – Top 4 Predictions (It Gets Spicy)

City? Arsenal? Chelsea? Liverpool? United?

58:00 – Relegation Talk

Wolves, Burnley, Forest, West Ham… someone’s going down.

1:10:00 – Champions League Review

Real Madrid vs Benfica

Vinícius Jr situation

Bodo/Glimt propaganda segment

PSG & Doué hype

1:25:00 – Chelsea Dubai Controversy

Are beach trips good for form or curse material?

1:35:00 – Final Hot Takes & Spurs Preview

Hope, delusion, and one last prayer.

Arsenal drop points and the group chat turns into a full tribunal. Dalu is doing “hopeless positivity” PR like he’s on the club payroll, Daniel is screaming “Odegaard is WEAK (with an A!)” and putting Arteta on a probation contract, and AK keeps reminding everyone that Pep is jogging behind them like a horror movie villain. Then the boys detour to Chelsea chaos, Spurs catching generational lashings, Dyche getting dashed out, and United’s form being blamed on one TikTok “hair guy.” Pure vibes, pure stress, pure 5 Aside.

Timestamps:

00:01 – Cold open: “You be vexed” + immediate chaos

00:18 – Intro: 5 Aside x SoccerTakesWithAK (ops allegedly present)

01:31 – Arsenal therapy session begins (Brentford draw = pain)

03:03 – “Flattest first half this season” vs “Brentford outplayed us”

04:13 – Reality check: 2 wins in 6 games + title doubts

06:02 – Sam drops stats bomb: Arsenal not top in attacking metrics

07:12 – “We’ve seen this film before” (choke PTSD)

12:24 – “If you want to win the league, FIND A WAY”

13:19 – Eze vs Odegaard debate turns into an investigation

19:19 – “Why no plan B? Why not two strikers?” (Arteta tactics rant)

23:04 – Daniel’s nuclear take: “Even if we win… Arteta still might not be him”

25:30 – Chelsea segment: chaos, chances, Palmer praise, Santos love

32:36 – Chelsea’s brutal run-in preview (real test incoming)

34:10 – Arsenal nerves: “City are improving… Arsenal are getting worse”

44:28 – Spurs segment: “curse of Tottenham” + ambition accusations

53:00 – Injury crisis talk + “every department counts” (canteen staff 😭)

56:22 – Dyche sacked + managerial merry-go-round cooking

01:02:00 – Man United segment: Carrick era talk + social media pressure

01:08:15 – City 3-0 + “I fell asleep 3 times” second-half review

01:10:08 – Closing: Daniel’s Odegaard/Arteta mic drop + Pep is chasing speech

01:13:28 – Dalu’s final vow: “We are winning this season” + badge revocation threats