Fixer Upper Marriage

Fixing up a house may require you to see past what a house is and realize the potential that it has instead. Likewise you may have to look past the problems in your marriage and take deliberate steps to change things. Many marriages today have a broken and useless love, a love defined by selfishness and unrealistic expectations. Join us as we learn together how to change the love in your marriage with thoughtful and calculated ways!

FixerUpperMarriage.org/deliberate

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

Instead of just letting things happen to you in marriage, instead of being casual in your approach to marriage, you can instead take deliberate actions to add “good works” to your love.

According the Miriam-Webster.com deliberate as an adjective means:

1. :Characterized by or resulting from careful and thorough consideration.
2. :Characterized by awareness of the consequences.
3. :Slow, unhurried, and steady as though allowing time for decision on each individual action involved.

Synonyms include: advised, calculated, considered, knowing, measured, reasoned, studied, thoughtful, thought-out, weighed.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us.

• His pursuit is not motivated by what I do, but what He thinks about me.
  
  • Even though I feel unworthy of those thoughts.
  • He loves me for who I am!
• Before I knew Him, he knew me and sought after me, He even died for me.
  • When I was and still am a sinner, He gave himself for me.
  • I remember when I felt the call and pull of His Spirit prompting me to put my trust in Him.
• When I made the choice to love Him back, everything changed!
  • The pursuit ended in an incredible relationship.
  • When we are together it is like it is just the two of us and no one else in this world.
• Your spouse is worth the pursuit of love.

• As a wife, you don’t have to look perfect, you just have to be his.
  • Your best is enough to satisfy your spouse because God planned it that way.
  • You don’t have to be Barbie, you just have to be you for him.
• Give the best that you have for your spousr
  • Do you remember when you were dating or courting?
  • For example when I was dating my would be wife, my vehicle was perfect, my hair was its best, and I had gifts for her, because I was pursuing her like I wanted her.

The following are practical ways to pursue your spouse:

For the Wife

• Wear his favorite outfit.
• Dress up for him.
• Cook his favorite meal.
• Compliment him.

For the Husband

• Purchase her favorite flowers.
• Buy her favorite chocolates.
• Plan a date night.
• Plan a gettaway.
• Purchase her something special.

When you both are pursuing love you discover this incredible relationship. It is just the two of you and no one else. God made marriage something incredible that you can enjoy everyday with each other. It doesn’t have to be second rate, it does not have to fade- Deliberately PURSUE your spouse!

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

In the beginning God made man and woman and He put them together. They were alone in this world. There was only one woman for Adam, and there was only one man for Eve. Therefore, this gives us a principle for marriage, that their is only one person for you to share your life with- it is with your spouse.

• Listen to each other like there is no one else in the world to care about.
  • There is something incredibly intimate about listening to each other like no one else exists.
  • To think that out of 7.7 billion people in the world you have each other to share your lives with everyday.
  • Stop what you are doing, put your phone down, turn off the television and just listen to each other.
• Know the details of your spouse like there is no one else in the world.
  • What are the things that your spouse likes?
  • What are his/her greatest fear?
  • What are his/her greatest hopes and dreams?
• Let your spouse have your full attention.
  • Deliberately make an attempt to listen to what they are telling you.
  • Deliberately make an attempt to listen to what they are not telling you!

• The husband’s eyes should only be filled with his wife, and the wife’s eyes should only be filled with her husband.
• Consider the progression of pornography.
  • Magazines had to be purchased and hidden.
  • With the rise of high speed internet it could be secretly viewed in the privacy of homes.
  • Now with the proliferation of smart phones it is viewed on personal hand held devices.
• Also, consider the impact of pornography on marriage.
  • It pulls you in by offering something more than the last image.
  • It destroys what God intended for your mind to focus on. You cannot be content with a regular relationship.
  • Job lived in a completely different time, but he had a commitment that is desperately needed today.

I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?

Let your spouse be the only person who fills your eyes and God will give you a contentment, satisfaction, and fulfillment that the things in this world cannot.

• Only flirt with your spouse.
• Consider the impact of your actions on your marriage.
• Hug your spouse, not everyone else.

• Let what your spouse thinks matter to you.
• Consider the wife who dismisses the importance of her husband.
• Also, consider the husband who dismisses the importance of his wife.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

• God did not intend for you to dominate your spouse but to love and cherish one another, which is what you vowed to do on your wedding day!
  • The folly of the wife who dominates her husband.
  • Likewise, the husband who dominates his wife.
• Jesus submitted to God, the husband submits to the Jesus, and the wife submits to her husband.
  • In this submission to your role, you should treasure and value the thoughts and feelings of your spouse.

• If it was all about you, then why did you get married?
• As you fulfill your roles in marriage you become a team.
• One reason you cannot solve your conflicts in marriage, is because you cannot see past your own selfish wants, desires, and needs.

1. Be deliberate in the pursuit of your spouse.
2. Be deliberate in protecting your covenant.
3. Be deliberate in your cooperation.

God has something amazing planned for your marriage!

The post How You Can Become Deliberate in Your Love appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

When fixing up a house, there are many things that may need to be replaced or upgraded. The appliances may be worn out, the kitchen cabinets may be falling apart, or the garage door may be broken down. Also, your love could be filled with things that are worn out, falling apart, or broken down. Discover some of those “things” that need replacing in your marriage.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things.

Identifying What to Replace in Your Fixer Upper

• There are two types of criticism.
  • Constructive criticism- This is given in a friendly and helpful way. It is usually asked for and builds the other person up.
    • It is valuable because it promotes communication as well as personal growth. It gives you a chance to become a better person. Also, this type of criticism is unlikely to cause hurt feelings.
    • The sandwich method of constructive criticism. This involves a compliment then a criticism followed by a compliment.
    • As an example you can use the Word of God to constructively criticize yourself thereby making yourself a better follower of Christ. (See I Corinthians 11:31)
  • Negative criticism or critique- A completely negative criticism that if used in marriage can tear down the other person.
    • Many people criticize everything that their spouse does in a negative way. However, this does not meet the criteria of love in I Corinthians 13.
    • Consider one of my favorite cartoon movies Ratatouille. In it a mouse named Remy who is an aspiring cook meets Linguine a restaurant trash boy. Together, they start cooking and must impress the famous food critic, Anton Ego, who is impossible to please!
    • You can become like a “food critic” in your marriage where your spouse can seemly do nothing right. Criticism is blinding to anything good, it filters out anything good.
• Negative criticism can become dangerous to your marriage.
  • It can ruin the love that you have for your spouse, causing you to fall out of love. If that is all you think about, it will recondition your mind and heart.
  • Also, it can ruin the love that your spouse has for you, causing them to fall out of love with you. If harsh criticism is all they hear from you, it will make it hard for them to stay in love with you.
  • Additionally, it can ruin your memories of the past and the ones you could make in the future. All of sudden, your past becomes negative and the bad starts to overrun the good in your marriage. If have also seen this happen in Church, where everything turns negative because of a few negative criticism.
• Replace your negative criticism with appreciation.
  • Compare your love with I Corinthians 13 where we see words such as suffering long, is kind, not easily provoked, beareth all things, and endureth all things.
  • Study to know your spouse. Learn about their worries, hopes, goals, and history. Enter into their world of facts and feelings.
  • By learning to have an appreciation for your spouse, you are better able to cut out the criticism.

For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.

• Contempt is the feeling that a person is beneath consideration, worthy of scorn, or worthless.
  • Consider the synonyms for contempt from Miriam-Websters online Thesaurus; despisement, despitefulness, disdain, scorn.
  • Contempt is when you attack the person and character of your spouse.
  • When you talk down or belittle your spouse, when you call your spouse names, or mock them.
  • The following are some examples of contempt.
    • “You are a lousing excuse for wife.”
    • “You are a lazy good for nothing husband.”
    • When you say something to intentionally hurt your spouse emotionally.
      • Comments about weight when you know your spouse is sensitive about it.
      • Comments about past mistakes your spouse has tried to correct.
• Replace contempt with admiration.
  • Compare your language with the language of love in I Corinthians 13; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, thinking no evil.
  • Practice nurturing fondness and admiration with the following:
    • Talk about your memories together that were enjoyable.
    • Meditate on incidents that illustrate the things that you like about your spouse.
    • Identify things that you like about your spouse and think about those things. For example, my wife has the most beautiful smile in world!
    • Retrain your brain to think good about your spouse.
    • Doesn’t God go out of His way to see good in you?
  • Rediscover respect and admiration for your spouse.
    • It is hard to show disdain for someone you respect.
    • It is hard to say hurtful things to someone you admire.
    • Do not allow the Devil and your sinful flesh to ruin your marriage and make you only mediate on things you don’t like about your spouse!
      • Your husband may make mistakes, but there are enough qualities in him for you to respect and honor him as your husband.
      • Your wife may not look like a Barbie doll anymore, but God has given her plenty of things for you to be attracted to the woman that you married.
      • Sometimes having a good marriage takes some work on your part!

• Your first thought when in conflict may be to defend yourself.
  • However, according to God’s Word, love seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, and beareth all things.
  • Disagreement escalate as you try to defend yourself, but the Bible teaches you to do something completely different.
  • You put up a shield to protect your feelings and a your thoughts about yourself. Especially if you are in a disagreement most of seem to have a tendency to keep our guard up.
• Choose to speak softly to your spouse.
  • The words you choose to use will determine the tone a discussing with your spouse. Harsh words will produce has harsh marriage.
    • If you start out a conversation with criticism and accusations, it may not end well for anyone.
    • Consider that you never really win in an argument with your spouse, but you can tear down your love.
    • Try to use “I” instead of “you” sentences when having discussions with your spouse. Consider the following examples:
      • “You never listen to me. You spend too much time on your phone” replace with ” When you don’t listen compassionately, I feel lonely and hopeless.”
      • “You are a slob, start picking up after yourself. You expect me to do everything for you” replace with, “I feel overwhelmed with the housework when you leave things sitting around.”
      • “You never call or text me. You just don’t care about me anymore.” Replace with, I feel neglected and lonely when you don’t call or text during the day.”
• Allow your spouse to influence you.
  • Show that you care about the feelings of your spouse by listening to them!
  • Being the spiritual leader of your home (see Ephesians 5:23) does not mean that you should not consider what your spouse thinks.
  • Consider how your actions and decision affect your spouse and her feelings!
    • Before your spend on your latest hobby, consider what your spouse needs and even their wants!
    • Develop an emotional intelligence that will help you consider the feelings of your spouse before you do things.
• Make yourself vulnerable to your spouse.
  • What do you have to lose by opening up to the most important person on this earth to you?
  • Take down the shield, let down your guard, even it means you may be hurt in the process.
  • Criticism many times contains a measure of truth, that may be hurtful to consider.
  • Understand that sometimes your wife may not need you to fix something, but just listen and sympathize. Even if you have an answer it may need to said in a different setting!

• According to Wikipedia stonewalling is a refusal to communicate or cooperate.
  • It is when we don’t want to deal with something.
  • When you become evasive, refuse to answer, or just walk away.
  • I think this may be more common in men than in women. It is easier to walk away, than try to deal with something that may make us uncomfortable.
  • When tensions rise and you become flooded with emotions, it may be hard to process your feelings.
  • It is OK to agree to talk about things later, but not to just stonewall your spouse because you don’t want to deal with something.
  • For example, this makes me think of the TV show Little House on the Prairie. Where the shop owner Nels Olsen was constant treated belligerently by his wife Harriet. I always just want to tell the poor guy to stand up for himself but he would just ignore her! If any couple ever needed marriage counseling!
• Learn how to resolve your problems effectively
  • As a couple you just have to sit down and work through your problems together. “Let’s solve these problems we are having together.”
  • Look for your spouse’s “white flag” in a discussion. When they start agreeing with you, it may be time to cool down your rhetoric.
    • Your spouse may be attempting to let go of themselves.
    • Your spouse may be trying to live the love description of I Corinthians 13.
    • Your spouse may be using humor to diffuse a situation! For example when my daughter inadvertently video recorded our marriage argument on her Kindle Fire!
• The key is in how you recover
  • In my opinion, the important thing is not avoid disagreement and arguments but to recover well from them.
  • After you cool off, you reflect on your foolishness and selfishness when you consider a passage like I Corinthians 13 and you make up with each other.
  • Make your “make up” fast… recover quickly.
  • Try not to go to bed angry with each other.

Be ye angry, and sin not: neither let the sun go down upon your wrath:

1. Replace criticism with appreciation.
2. Replace contempt with admiration.
3. Replace defensiveness with vulnerability.
4. Replace stonewalling with open dialog.

God has something amazing planned for your marriage.

The post 4 Things You Need to Replace in Your Love Life appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

A power connection is one of the most important things for a house to have. Its where an outside source of electricity is connected to house into a fuse or breaker box. Without it, many features in the modern home are useless. Also, a Christian marriage must have a strong connection to its power source. Join us live in the Fixer Upper Marriage Class to learn how to get your marriage hooked up to the most powerful connection in the universe- the power of the Holy Spirit.

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen

• There are several causes for power loss in house.
  • The meter that the power company uses to measure usage is defective.
  • A tree or branch may have fallen over a power line near your house.
  • Utility workers may have inadvertently cut the damaged the power cable.
  • Bad weather may have caused your service to be interrupted.
  • You may have forgotten to pay the bill!
• Not having power in a house creates several obvious problems.
  
  • The lights go out.
  • You have no way to cook food.
  • There can be no hot water, or even water at all.
  • You cannot use electronics!
  • In some cases you may not have access to a phone, this could be dangerous as you cannot call emergency services.

• How does your marriage lose “power”.
  
  • When you leave God out of your marriage, your lose access to His power.
    • Its like forgetting to pay your power bill.
    • The power is there, however YOU have a responsibility to use it.
  • When you neglect to use the power of God in your relationship.
    • Why would you live in a cold, dark house, when all you have to do is flip a switch to fix it?
    • Why would you live in cold, dead marriage, when all you have to do is use the tools that God has already provided for you!
• What happens to a marriage that has no “power” connection?
  
  • Discontentment takes over.
    • You begin to wish you were married to someone else or not married at all.
  • Disagreements turn into heated fights and arguments.
  • You give up on your marriage
    • Maybe you just accept an unhappy, mediocre relationship.
    • You file for divorce.

• What you do every day matters most as a Christian.
  • Consider the children’s song “Read Your Bible, Pray Every Day.”
    • “Read your Bible pray everyday and you’ll grow, grow, grow.”
    • “Neglect your Bible, forget to pray and you’ll shrink, shrink, shrink.”
  • Church is awesome, but it should not be your only means of growth.
    • God is using what you go through everyday in your marriage to develop you as Christian.
    • Every disagreement, and every problem is a opportunity to learn how to be a better Christian.
    • For example, during a session with a personal trainer at our local YMCA, I learned that I was overdeveloped in some muscle groups.
    • In a similar way, you can miss out on spiritual development, by not allowing God to use the circumstances in your marriage.
      • God may be teaching you how to forgive through your spouse.
      • God may be teaching you how to serve Him, as you learn how to serve your spouse.
      • God may be teaching you how to have right relationship with Him, by learning how to manage your relationship with your spouse!
• “Cramming” does not work in your relationship with the Lord.
  
  • I was the quintessential exam crammer in school and that is bad study habit.
  • Sometimes we try to do God that way by spiritual cramming when we have marital problems.
    • Now that the problems in my marriage are serious, I will try to pray for hours and even memorize Bible verses.
    • Now that my marriage is completely falling apart, I will talk to my pastor, or a Christian counselor.
    • Now that things seem totally hopeless, I will finally visit FixerUpperMarriage.org and binge listen to the podcast!
• If your relationship with God has slowly faded, the way back will be slow.
  • We all want to know the shortcut to being spiritual.
  • Consider for example to diet plans that are advertised.
    • It always some new way to get skinny fast.
    • We spend 10 or 20 years getting fat and want to be skinny in 30 days!
    • All the while we all know the truth, that if we make healthy choices and exercise we we be healthier and lose wait.
  • Making your marriage and your walk with Lord better is a process that you go through every day!

That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

• Pray about everything.
  • He made you. He made marriage. He knows you.
  • Pray about sins and temptations you are struggling with.
  • Pray about issues you are having with your spouse.- He may have an unexpected answer.
    • You may be praying about all the things that are wrong with your spouse, but He shows you what is wrong with you instead.
• Pray together.
  • Make it important enough for you to make the time to pray together despite conflicting schedules.
  • Understand that the Devil is the enemy to your marriage and will fight to keep you from praying together.
  • Keep your expectations for your spouse’s prayer simple because it is OK to pray simple prayers together.
    • Take away the pressure of expecting some eloquent, comforting, problem solving prayer.
    • Just talk to Lord together about things that affect your marriage and home.
    • Consider focusing on one thing when you pray together like your kids, finances, or a particular problem you are having.
  • Commit to making your prayer time together “safe”.
    • This is not a time for you to correct your spouse.
      • Consider the following BAD examples of prayers together.
        • The husband who prays, ” Help my wife to be a better housekeeper and lover.”
        • The wife who prays, “May my husband realize the importance of spending time with me and the kids.”
    • Don’t hold what your spouse prays against them.
      • In the heat of the moment as you angry with your husband, “You prayed that you would be a better leader for our family, so you prove it.”
      • Don’t let your prayers together be a point of contention and miss understanding.
      • When you hear your spouse pray for you, assume that they mean the best for you.
• He is the Ultimate Counselor.
  • Pastors and Christian Counselors are great. God gives people that ability and skill to develop.
    • For example, my brother in law is an electrical engineer, so I would ask him if I wanted to know about electricity.
    • If you have someone who is gifted, trained, and experienced in that area that you can trust, you should ask them for help.
  • However, God is the greatest Counselor and our help for your marriage should ultimately come from Him.
    • See Psalm 16:7, 32:8, 33:11, 73:24, 119:24 and John 16:13 for further reference on this subject.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

• Keep a positive outlook on your marriage.
  • Have confidence in what God is doing for you.
  • Don’t give up on your marriage.
  • There is a special power in staying confident about what God can do in your life.
• God could do more, if we just believed Him more.
  • As a Christian, you serve an incredible God, who has limitless power to.
  • See Psalm 78 where the nation of Israel limited God by their unbelief.
  • This brings us to the age-old question that if He can fix things, why doesn’t He just fix it as soon as we ask? The answer is found in His purpose.
• Don’t miss His purpose.
  • God is not playing games with you.
  • Even in marital problems and disappointments, He has a divine purpose and plan.
  • He wants to elevate you to be more like Jesus through what you are experiencing. see Romans 8:29
  • God is using your marriage to make you Holy!

How oft did they provoke him in the wilderness, and grieve him in the desert! Yea, they turned back and tempted God, and limited the Holy One of Israel.

For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

• Be consistent in your walk with the Lord.
• Involve the Lord in every aspect of your marriage.
• Depend on the power that God provides.

God has something amazing planned for your marriage!

The post How to Get a Spiritual Power Connection for Your Marriage appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

Live recording of the Fixer Upper Marriage Class. In this episode learn how to manage all the technology that impacts marriage today. Find out how to turn your marriage into a “smart” marriage. This is Part 2 of How to Manage Technology in Your Marriage. For part 1 click here.

All Things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient:  all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

• God created us to communicate with each other with verbal  and non verbal ques.For Example, I use my eyebrows to communicate with my wife sometimes!
  • Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of the book Silent Messages conducted a study on nonverbal communication. He found that 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through certain vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc).  This means that 93% of our communication is nonverbal.
  • Therefore, electronic communication could be missing 93% of its intended meaning.  
• Although emojis are helpful, they cannot make up for this.
• Have real face to face conversations with your spouse!Resolve your conflicts in person.
• Wait until you can talk in person.

• Your spouse should have access to all of your online accounts and passwords.Your spouse should know how to unlock your phone.
  • For example, when possible if I need to talk to someone at work of the opposite sex on the phone,  I try to text, so there is a written record of what was said.
• Your social media should be a shared thing as a married couple, there should be no secrets.
• Consider the impact of a social media post on your marriage BEFORE you post it.
  • How will other people view what I am sharing?
  • What will my spouse think of what you are sharing?
  • Consider that anyone in the world can see what you post.

• Take the time to cultivate your love and passion.Besides the Lord, your relationship with your spouse is the most important one in the world for you.
• God made marriage for a lifetime of love and passion.
  • Pray together.
  • Share life together.
  • Take a new challenge.
    • Spend 5 minutes each day this week with your spouse with NO electronic devices.
• Why let technology ruin the love and passion that God intends for you to have.  God wants you to be madly in love with your spouse?

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.

1. Treat yourself as prone to sin.
2. Deal with your fear of missing out.
3. Do not have serious conversations through electronics.
4. Do not keep secrets from your spouse.
5. Make time for your spouse without electronic devices.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, consider leaving feedback on this website or leaving a review wherever you listen.

God has something amazing planned for your marriage.

The post How to Manage Technology in Your Marriage Part 2 Episode 14 appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

Modern homes have technology built into them, these houses are known as “smart homes”.  The modern marriage is also filled with technology which can become a serious problem if not managed according to Bible principles.  In this episode learn how to turn your marriage into a “smart marriage”.

All Things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient:  all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

• It is a home that is wired for technology and the digital future.
• For example, it may have things like a smart thermostat, refrigerator, oven, TV, security system, or even a doorbell.
• They even make a smart toilet now, with features such as a heated seat, air drying, and warm flowing water!
• Many of these items are controlled by smart phones.

• Advancements are faster than we can adapt.  Consider my elementary class field trip to a computer lab compared to computers and smart phones today.
• We can communicate with one another in seconds through text messages, email, and various apps. 
• The popularity of social media websites like Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, and Pinterest have brought new temptations into marriage.  
• You can develop relationships that impact your marriage in negative ways.
• One wrong keystroke, or a social feed can expose you to an entire world of pornographic images and videos.

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

• Set your own limits and accountability by considering your vulnerability. 
  • Anyone could easily fall prey to the temptations of technology.
  • As a precarious measure, you may have to exclude yourself from certain technology.   However, you must make this choice for yourself.
  • Be careful because your relationship with the Lord and your spouse is more important than anything online.
• Understand that the Devil wants to destroy your marriage.
  • God created man and woman with certain specific intimate desires that are incredibly fulfilled in a godly marriage.
  • However, Satan plays on those desires by using technology as a cheap and dirty replacement. (i.e. images and relationships) These things leave you with nothing but guilt and shame. 

Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.

• FoMo= Fear of missing out
  • According to the English Oxford Living Dictionaries, FOMO is anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.
  • This fear has always been around, but now it has been proliferated by social media posts.
• This means that you cannot be away from your phone or computer because of fear you could miss out on something.
  • Text alerts
  • Phone calls
  • Social media post alerts
  • News feed alerts
• Refocus your life more on what is going on around you right now than what you may be missing out on somewhere else.
  • Turn off the alerts on your phone.
  • Turn your phone off when you are spending time with your spouse.
  • Do not get wrapped up in the highlights of someone else’s life and miss your own!
• Set limits on your time on social media
  • For example, 15 minutes twice a day.
  • Set your phone down and listen to your spouse!
  • Do not allow fear of missing out to control you.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Episode 13 ends here…

• God created us to communicate with each other with verbal  and non verbal ques.
  • For Example, I use my eyebrows to communicate with my wife sometimes!
  • Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of the book Silent Messages conducted a study on nonverbal communication. He found that 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through certain vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc).  This means that 93% of our communication is nonverbal.
  • Therefore, electronic communication could be missing 93% of its intended meaning.  
  • Although emojis are helpful, they cannot make up for this.
• Have real face to face conversations with your spouse!
  • Resolve your conflicts in person.
  • Wait until you can talk in person.

• Your spouse should know how to unlock your phone. Your spouse should have access to all of your online accounts and passwords.
  • For example, when possible if I need to talk to someone at work of the opposite sex on the phone,  I try to text, so there is a written record of what was said.
  • Your social media should be a shared thing as a married couple, there should be no secrets.
• Consider the impact of a social media post on your marriage BEFORE you post it.
  • How will other people view what I am sharing?
  • What will my spouse think of what you are sharing?
  • Consider that anyone in the world can see what you post.

• Take the time to cultivate your love and passion.
  • Besides the Lord, your relationship with your spouse is the most important one in the world for you.
  • God made marriage for a lifetime of love and passion.
  • Pray together.
  • Share life together.
• Take a new challenge.
  • Spend 5 minutes each day this week with your spouse with NO electronic devices.
• Why let technology ruin the love and passion that God intends for you to have?  God wants you to be madly in love with your spouse.

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.

1. Treat yourself as prone to sin.
2. Deal with your fear of missing out.
3. Do not have serious conversations through electronics.
4. Do not keep secrets from your spouse.
5. Make time for your spouse without electronic devices.

God has something amazing planned for your marriage.

The post How to Manage Technology in your Marriage- Episode 13 appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

Proverbs 25:28, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”

A fence can clarify your property lines between yourself and your neighbor, and add beauty to a property. For example, a wrought iron or a picket fence. It can provide privacy for things like a pool, to hide an air conditioner, or just to keep out nosy neighbors. Fences are also great at protecting from unwanted people and animals. They can even keep out criminals who would take things. You could put up a fence around your garden to keep out animals. Fences could be used to keep things in like pets and children.

Poet Robert Frost once wrote a poem entitled Mending Wall in which he made famous the saying,” Good fences make good neighbors.” The poem invokes a philosophical question as to why we have fences. Why don’t we share what we have with others? He was walking with his neighbor helping him mend the wall between them and he basically asks, “Why is this fence here?” I think the point is, we should let people into our lives, even though it opens up to risk.

Clearly, there are some fences that we should not have. However, there are some things in your marriage that absolutely NEED fencing in. And these things are critical to your personal health and the health of your marriage

So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.

Romans 14:12

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

II Corinthians 5:10

Two lives becoming one, means two individual lives combine to create an incredible God-inspired union. But you are still responsible for you. You are responsible for your walk with the Lord. You are responsible for your actions and their consequences. God will hold you accountable for you!

You have a responsibility to God and your spouse to fulfill your Biblical role in marriage. (See Ephesians 5:21-33) God has made the standard for husbands and wives. You are responsible for you. And generally speaking your accountability ends with you. (The fence)

For example, I am responsible as a husband for being the spiritual leader in my home, but I am not responsible for my wife’s walk with the Lord. I can help her, but not make her.

You are not responsible for the behavior of your spouse, but you are responsible for yours. For example, if your spouse flies into a fit of rage, you don’t have to do the same thing.

Don’t enable your spouse by taking those consequences for them. The following are some verbal examples for following this principle: 

Hobbies are not a bad thing, but they can become harmful. The following are examples of normal healthy hobbies:

These all can provide a release and a distraction. You should allow and support your spouse to have these things that make them an individual. But hobbies can become hurtful when they are obsessive in nature. Consider the following examples:

The roles in marriage can be abused with hobbies. Like when the husband uses his headship for selfishness. Or the wife who uses her spirit as a way to control and manipulate. It’s up to you to determine the limits of your hobbies. Nowhere to put the fence up in your marriage relationship!

Recognize and accept your own responsibilities at work. You have to come to the understanding that you are responsible for your job- not for someone else’s. If someone else can’t manage their time- that is on them. Put up a fence at work to keep it out of your marriage. Your family needs you to be present because your marriage cannot thrive if you are not there. That is why sometimes you have to schedule time with your wife and family.

Learn to say no to the family that expects too much from you. Learn to say no to friends who want to dump all their problems on you, but never listen to yours. Learn to say no to friends who are irresponsible. Put up a fence to protect your marriage.

This is a big one! You have to put up a fence between your marriage and your church.

And the apostles gathered themselves together unto Jesus, and told him all things, both what they had done, and what they had taught. And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat.

Mark 6:30-31

But weren’t there still people who needed the Gospel? Wasn’t their still work to do for the Lord? If you are serving the Lord, but ministry is putting a strain on your marriage- it’s OK to say no. How many people have pushed into the ministry and hurt their marriage?

For example, I did a pulpit supply for a church for a year while working a full-time job with overtime, another part-time job, and dealing with personal problems. This was too much! I am responsible for my life, my marriage, and serving the Lord, but not everyone else’s problems! It’s so important to know when YOU have to so no!

Preachers have a secret tactic to motivate people- they put you on a guilt trip. And I understand why because there are people who are doing absolutely nothing for the Lord. Therefore, special motivational tactics are needed to get the job done.

But if you are doing what you can for the Lord, don’t feel guilty about what you can’t. Remember the disciples, who could have helped more people, who could have done more for the Gospel. Jesus could have put them on a “guilt trip”, but instead He said enough is enough- take a break.

By the way, God wants you to serve Him because you love him- not because of guilt or fear. I think it’s clear from the teachings of the Bible.

But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully. Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.

II Corinthians 9:6-7

And when we get to Heaven, our works will be tried by fire, and the only thing left will be those things we have done with the right motivation. (See I Corinthians 3:11-15)

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

Mark 10:7

God designs life as a cycle and it goes like this. A man and wife in love produce a child. They make decisions for the child, and teach them to make their own. When the child grows to maturity, he marries and in love produces a child of his own. The goal of the whole process is to leave the parents and cleave to one another. That means that the influence and role of your parents change at marriage. For example, when I was dating my wife, her dad was like Rambo, he was super strict. but after we were married he left us alone because we had our own life together.

Unfortunately, parents aren’t always so understanding. The following are examples of ways parents may try to control a married child.

There are several reasons that couples allow a set of parents to control their married lives. Sometimes it is obligations from sacrifices those parents have made. But that is what parents are supposed to do, make sacrifices for their children. You are obligated to respect and honor them, but not allow them to control you. Gifts from family and friends are great as long as they come with no strings attached. If they can become a means of control, you are better off not accepting them.

Beware of the shoulder you lean on. When having marriage problems your first inclination may be to talk about it to someone. It could be the lady at work who “admires” you. Or maybe the man at Church who “understands” you.

Beware of the love triangle. It’s like the storyline of a Hallmark movie- there is always that other person pulling at the affections of the main character. It makes for great entertainment, that’s why they use it. But it will destroy your marriage. It almost happens by accident. Just sharing your heart and emotions with the opposite sex can put you in an emotional love triangle. Before long you are caught in the trap of having conflicted feelings for another person.

The bottom line is if you fail to “fence in” your marriage you can become vulnerable to the snares of satan.

The post 3 Reasons to Add Fences to Your Marriage appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

Join us via live recording as we learn how to own your marriage. Just like the moment when you sign the papers, get the keys, and take ownership of a property, you can take ownership of your marriage.  You can learn where the lines of ownership are in your marriage and how to use them to make your marriage amazing!

Three Ways to Own Your Marriage

Finding the Property Lines of Your Fixer Upper

Part 2

Song of Solomon 2:16

Gen 3:12  And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.  And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. 

Nehemiah 8:10, “…for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

You must take responsibly for your actions and their consequences.

Conclusion

How to Own Your Marriage

The post 3 Ways to Own Your Marriage appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

 Romantic love is an incredible gift from God, but it can only be healthy within the right boundaries! Today, we will learn about setting those healthy boundaries in your marriage. Just as it is important to find the property lines of your fixer upper, even more so to find the right right boundaries in your love life.  This is the Fixer Upper Marriage Podcast where each week we learn something new about love and marriage.

Setting Boundaries in Your Love Life

Finding the Property Lines of Your Fixer Upper

Part 1

Mark 10:6-9

Eph 5:21  “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” 

Mat 7:1 ” Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3  And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4  Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5  Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” 

1Co 11:31  “For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.” 

If you are harsh and judgmental toward people you are carnal.

Gal 6:1  “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” 

Eph 4:14  “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; Eph 4:15  But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”  (underline is for emphasis.)

Marriage is two lives becoming one.

Marriage does not fix your problems.

You cannot change your spouse.

Give up on judging each other.

God has something amazing planned for your marriage!

The post 4 Principles for Setting Boundaries in Your Love Life appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

Listen to the Fixer Upper Marriage Podcast where each week we learn something new to help “fix up” your marriage relationship, while drawing you closer to God and to each other! Windows are an important part of any house, as they can add security, add natural light, and create new spaces. Join us via live recording as we learn about three new windows you can add to your love.

Adding Windows to Your Fixer Upper

Three New Windows You Can Add to Your Love

Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Three windows you can add to your marriage:

God has something amazing planned for your marriage.

The post Three New Windows You Can Add to Your Love- Episode 9 appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.

Marriage can be like the windows in a house that needs repairing. Cold drafts can get in and ruin the joy of being in love. Also, things can “ice over” making your relationship cold inside. Moreover, if the windows of your love are not locked, thieves could get in and take what you have. Join us via live recording and learn how to fix the windows in your marriage!

Song of Solomon 2:8-17

Take the time to replace the rotten wood and warped frames around the windows of your marriage!

Fix those drafting windows that a cooling off your love life!

The Bible puts this in perspective, in the Song of Solomon

1:2, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.”

4:11 “Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.”

Fix those locks on your windows so that you can secure your marriage.

Joh 10:10  “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” 

1Pe 5:8  “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:”

Work through the problems in your marriage together.

Three ways to fix your the windows in your marriage.

Remember that God has something amazing planned for your marriage.

The post Three Ways to fix the Windows in Your Marriage- Episode 8 appeared first on Fixer Upper Marriage.