Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together.
…Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah.
It's almost as if he's actually talking to us.
WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON.
Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us.
Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but—
[ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans]
(Walks away unaffected entirely)
*also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people.
Thank you Google for correcting that.
So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge.
reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth,
Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this.
oh no. You didn't agree to any of this.
Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it.
Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch.
Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch?
We should order him something.
I'll make you a tuna sandwich!
I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH.
Woah, that typo was Almost wild…
MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's
The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party—
Oh, shit, what time is it!
WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.
[actually, because this is the time travel part]
Two nights previously, on FRIDAY—
—THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK!
(And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but
No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock.
All the time is light now
All the water fountains fly
SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking
(Leave that typo, google's three for three now)
–the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza.
The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it.
What happened to the rock?
What happened to New York?!
The whole thing. The planet. It's—
Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic.
Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured.
Oh, you all died, like immediately.
—like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine,
I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME;
AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up
Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings.
Slightly less cool— but still cool.
But what about everything—
What about everything and everyone else?
Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff,
But everything else is just pretty much—-
Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing.
Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record,
Hey man, you want to ride an elephant?
Do you want to ride an elephant?
Here— I bought your wife a saddle!
The television people despise fat chicks.
Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation.
And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese
In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to
Are more likely morbidly obese than not.
Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him.
Are you… gonna be alright.
He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table.
Don't worry. I'm right here!
The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants.
Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all.
(inconsolably, in complete hysterics)
After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over.
…heh… there are cupcakes?
I just told you, I brought this!
(he begins crying again but softly.)
The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense.
Well, you saw me eat the first one.
YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE!
I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?!
(Becoming irate, red faced)
WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?!
The difference is your access to them. Damn!
Well let me have some of—
(Eats last bite, mouth full)
(Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion)
Do you want a muffin or croissant, though?
(Realizing he has no other options—)
Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant.
(He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table
Skream , your love/ massive, Drake
Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality.
I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes.
You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle.
Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating?
Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically.
I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene.
But then what happens after that?
Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes.
You can't afford Will Ferrel at all!
Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free.
Young Will Ferrel before SNL.
[Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted.
“First five minutes free”
Oh, great. You got that part right!
We're not always superstars.
Blueberry— chocolate chip?
Um, half of each, I guess?
Get it yourself then, you primadonna.
He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting
You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh…
This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well.
In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting.
Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's?
I've always looked like this.
(The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down)
Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young.
An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self.
Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback)
…maybe that's why you're special.
The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them.
I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack;
I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back,
I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into
It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em
And granted with the right hands,
We're gonna have the right dance at the right place
I'm not holding any farts in,
I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists
I parted the red seas, once,
I was also God, watching quite impressed with it
And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea'
Or the dead ‘the dead sea'
As I can't see the bloodshed
And so I give respect to the seconds I look away
Which might have been a century or eleven, to them.
Ah, more men and mathematics.
More television friends and heavy dinners
More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations—
More christenings and scrimmages
Remember to eat your breakfast
Or it's death at a likely curfew
remember to split the difference
remember, we'll finish as friends
As recommended by comrades
I also have students in classes,
Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed
Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something–
Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it–
JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial
Nope, i wasn't losing my mind.
I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch–
I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now…
It had to have all been planned.
She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her…
Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head…
The plant that brought the plant
My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR–
When did I acquire immediate voice recognition?
So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon?
There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up.
I haven't done anything to deserve this.
Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant?
–but none of them personal, I hope.
In New York, or just in general?
You keep telling me that.
I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact.
I'm not! I'm just ignoring you.
Did you think about what I said?
Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me.
Then they're going to have to fight for it.
They're gonna start a war here.
So then, I'm just another body, aren't I?
Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences.
References and Letters of Recommendation
and admitting i'll probably never see my son again
INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY.
Can I help you find anything?
After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world.
I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever.
Maybe even, nobody at all.
Somebody's gonna come for you.
…is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down?
Under the surface, but by admission,
I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that
Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them
as statement pieces or something,
And you know what they say…
I know the sound of your voice
And it still don't sound right
I still don't think straight
But somewhere in these ions,
you'll find me at sunset.
–and it just God awkward.
I should pluck your feathers
Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt
Every summer at the hard rock
But you just kept drinking
And you just worked harder
You're the man in the box
What could all go wrong here?
I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it
Cause it's just not time yet.
I must have known you once before or something
But any fan would say that
–and you're not that handsome
So how is this happening at all?
Oh look, something random.
Tell me why I'm so horrible
Tell me why I'm so bad at this
Mr. getting faster and faster
Till it all washed up on the surface
And you wash your hands of it…
But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast
Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once
And a tough act to swallow
But i'd rather die tomorrow
Than stare at your casket.
but I want you to have it.
[an escalating crescendo]
AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
Lol is he all thugged out yet.
I wanna run through marina del ray
I want a house in the Palisades
(I knew that five years ago )
I want a shack out in Malibu
Just to surf the ocean blū
I knew that five years ago
I hope we all learned our lessons
But I was the butt of the joke
I want a Condo in Santa Monica
Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball
Throw my whole world in the fire pit
But I knew that five years ago
I knew that five years ago
The world is your instrument
But it still hasn't earned you a cent
Earning back what you spent
The city people are you as excrement
But you just laugh and you sample them
Play them like instruments back
Perhaps flattery begs them to listen
Should I even be in this language
Or should I make it more intimate
And my peloton becomes the office
I'm suddenly at work, God
Petulance for relevance spanning generations
Still it takes enough to get it in to you
Can't help t but agree to that
I like it thick around the freckles faces
I like it thick around moonlight eyes
I like it thick around eyes like Zion
There are circle k's and 7/11s
How was my run on Broadway?
There are subway central's
And sauces and really hard bosses to fight
I've been moving for at least an hour
In the hills, if you will
I live at Rockefeller Plaza
There's an apartment above my office
For every love I've ever known
There's a something caliber gun in my slumber
I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals
Can't hop the turnsltyle now
Can't hop the turnstyle now
Who are you now that I care too much to notice
The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder
They were supposed to fly away
HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY!
All of us are running for our lives
All of us are running after Carson, and Paar
But on polaroids not often captured
Gone and then away into disaster
That's the effect of the Cannon
Laugh harder ‘cause you have to!
Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen,
And you want to go home now!
It wasn't as fun as you thought
And the set is much smaller in real life
Now clap and hold for applause
Extra points if you run miles before you show up-
Now that's a shiny after thought;
Kimmel can't sing for shit,
So he can just hum this verse.
I was sure I inspired the Broadway show
But who doesn't inspire a rock opera
I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor
I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said
So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder
I don't want a tuna sandwich!
Just–take the tuna sandwich.
I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH
DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU?
And we don't know who you are, anyway.
Apparently “someone we know”
I think I know how to make those sounds
I think I have that reverb
Or probably a new location
Me and my family aren't from here
— we just show up to rock
And then go somewhere farther
Forgive me father for I have—
Just— no. Not you. Not today.
What super hero are you supposed to be?
I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”!
No— unjust—unjustice—ness.
[hysterical laughter ensues]
Somewhere in this world lies our story
Still true, I'm unsure what it is—
But the thing is, I'm sure this the one
I'm sure this the one of the songs
This is the one of the cards
I'm sorry. I don't know who you are.
What's that? I can't hear you.
The tarot said to go against the grain;
I was told not to write this tale, but here I am
And suddenly the King has a tail,
But as did the first one,
The first King, of Dogblood
But everything has meaning
The cherishire has eyed me
I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing
There's no real difference—
Their all old t-mobile tower;
But service with a Billionaire smile
My mind has eyes like sun
But my heart has darkness
The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have
The best of cocaine on the sidewalk
I hope you took protocol into order
I hope you too profound effect and affinity
Better activate that trial
A million ways to die in the west.
Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo!
this isn't happening right now.
That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch.
I told you I could make you say my name.
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