Before you go any further, pause for a moment and take a small test of the heart. Think about the person you most want to see change. Picture them—their face, their habits, the conversation that always leaves you heavy. What happens inside you when you think about them? Do you sigh with compassion or tighten with frustration? Are you patient, or are you quietly simmering, waiting for them to “finally get it”? The reason I ask is that the motives we bring into a relationship shape every method we use. If the motive is wrong—if it’s control, fear, or impatience—then even good words will fall flat. We can quote Scripture, give wise counsel, or plead for righteousness, but if our hearts are out of tune with God, our efforts will sound like clanging cymbals. Helping someone change is holy work, but it’s dangerous work when done in the flesh. It’s easy to slip from shepherding into steering, from serving into subduing, from loving into legislating. When we attempt to change people, we stop cooperating with the Spirit and start competing with Him.

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