Forget People Pleasing

It's human to want to belong.  It's in our DNA as we are created in the image of our triune God, designed for communion with Him and with one another.  

People pleasing keeps us from being known not just to ourselves but unknown by others.  Our performing may keep us included, but when we realize we aren't known for being authentically ourselves, then it can feel lonely.  

As followers of Jesus, we belong to the family of God.  It's not transactional like human belonging can be, it's unconditional.  God tells us in His Word “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Practice expressing your God created self and attract the aligned people.  And the next time you walk into a room of peers/friends and feel alone ... you belong to God and He's always with you.  😉

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Fear says, "you will be ruined if you say no or set a boundary."  But God tells us in Galatians 5:1, you have been set free to no longer be a slave. We think our consequence for not appeasing will be ruin, permanent, and pervasive.  But, will it really???  We catastrophize the discomfort and transition from being a people pleaser to living in truth.  You're not as fragile as the enemy wants you to believe. 

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Left to my own flawed human thinking and emotions plus the people pleasing tendency to not want to disappoint anyone ... well, I got married for the wrong reasons.  Yes, I was "young and dumb" and "didn't know what I didn't know."          Had God been part of my decision making, had I wanted my life to be in alignment with His plan for me, I wouldn't have walked that isle.  

Despite our mistakes, God meets us in our mess and shame.  He brings healing, growth, and wisdom so we can serve others with the love, kindness, and compassion we received from Him.

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Isn't it crazy that at the young age of high school graduation you have a major question to answer, "what are you going to be when you grow up?"  How well do we really know ourselves at that age.  And without God navigating, we can make some unaligned choices ... like me becoming a CPA when I didn't like math  😳.  People pleasing can guide us into making the wrong choice for the wrong reasons.  Career paths can be God aligned and God equipped when we are seeking Him for guidance.  Without His guidance, it's kinda a crap shoot.  

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We long to be seen, known, and loved which is met in God's unconditional love.  We seek the same knowing and love from our inner circle.  Yet, we sabotage that desire by keeping our true selves hidden which tends to create one-sided relationships.  This episode reveals 5 habits that make us invisible in our relationships and 3 ways to start breaking the cycle.  

From a Biblical perspective, we reference 1 Peter 4:10, Ephesians 2:10 and Ephesians 5:21.

There's a golden nugget at the end ... listen for what it is.

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If willpower was what we needed to stop people pleasing, then we'd all be cured.  However, our people pleasing problem is rooted in our biology, our nervous system, and our belief system about safety and approval.  

Learning to PAUSE and LISTEN to our bodies is a vital part to replacing the automatic habit of YES, or apologizing, or over explaining, or fixing it with an honest answer.  

Psalm 32:8 and James 1:5 are spiritual anchors in learning to replace the protection mechanism of people pleasing.

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When we stay silent and tolerate negative behaviors we may be NORMALIZING DYSFUNCTION!  This episode discusses 2 costs of staying silent for the sake of staying safe instead of facing our fears rooted likely from childhood.  

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People Pleasing looks 👀 nice, but usually isn't.... it's usually strategic.  There's typically a hidden agenda under that appeasing and over giving that makes us "feel" safe.  

Despite being created for connection and relationship, this episode points out the selfishness of being human and how people pleasing falls into the selfish category 😳.  Selfishness is what disrupts our connection. Learning to be honest in getting along with others helps us own our identity while respecting the differences in others that God commanded us to love.  

Being an active listener can show biblical selflessness while using boundaries to navigate a reciprocal relationship.  

Listen and learn what to practice to replace your people pleasing habit with healthy behaviors.

FREE WORKSHOP https://www.rhondamorales.com/workshop

Big feelings like FEAR, GUILT, DOUBT, and ANXIETY come up when we disrupt the People Pleasing habit.  Those feelings can have us back tracking into people pleasing if we aren't expecting them and we don't know what to do with them.   This episode walks you through an "Emergency Kit" so you can keep moving forward into emotional freedom and your authentic self as you PRACTICE new skills.  

Sign up for the FREE Workshop "The Cost of People Pleasing -- What's It Really Costing You and How To Start Letting Go: https://www.rhondamorales.com/workshop

What would your life look like if it stopped revolving around keeping everyone else happy?

And here’s how I define the people pleasing habit:

People pleasing is when you prioritize making others happy, satisfied, or pleased with you—at the expense of staying true to who you are, who God has called you to be, and what He’s called you to do.

This episode talks about many fears that keep us leaning on the people pleasing habit so we feel emotionally safe.  We talk about steps to start disrupting the habit and that God has given us a spirit of power, not fear (2 Timothy 1:7).

When we stop being led by the fear of people’s opinions, we’re free to live the abundant life Christ died for us to have.

For more resources go to https://www.rhondamorales.com