French People Arr. Rude

Forget dry history books. The most gripping tales of the past involve the people who refused to leave.....

They cut off her head for killing her father but he had already killed her childhood. From Beatrice Cenci’s haunting in Rome to Anne Boleyn’s headless carriage rides through London, this episode dives into the darkest corners of Europe’s past, where tragedy refuses to rest in peace.

👉 ⁠⁠For all show notes & recommendations⁠⁠

Tours mentioned in the podcast:

👉⁠ Trastevere Local Food Tour ⁠👉 ⁠⁠Versailles Palace & Gardens Tour⁠ (from Paris)⁠👉 ⁠⁠Tower of London Legends and Lore Tour⁠⁠👉 ⁠⁠Rome in a Day Tour⁠⁠

What this episode covers

• Why so many “ghost stories” began as real historical events

• The beheaded queen who still roams Versailles

• Rome’s most infamous noblewoman, Beatrice Cenci

• The Pope who was literally put on trial after death

• From Nero’s cursed walnut tree to the Salem witch trials

• Why haunting myths still fascinate us today

Chapters

• 00:00 Intro – History that won’t stay buried

• 03:00 Nero & the Cadaver Synod (Pope Formosus)

• 09:00 Ghost stereotypes & modern myths

• 18:00 Marie Antoinette’s specter at Versailles

• 26:00 Don Olympia & the haunted bridge of Rome

• 33:00 Anne Boleyn’s headless ride through London

• 42:00 Nero’s walnut tree and the Piazza del Popolo curse

• 49:00 Bloody Mary – the Queen who earned her nickname

• 55:00 Beatrice Cenci – Rome’s tragic ghost

• 01:05:00 The Salem Witch Trials and America’s own hauntings

French People ARR. Rude is produced and recorded by The Tour Guy; Europe's premiere tour company and marketplace. Visit www.thetourguy.com for more information.

Before tabloids or true crime podcasts, there were emperors, kings, and popes whose egos rewrote history—and whose insanity shaped it.

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠For all show notes & recommendations⁠⁠⁠⁠
👉 Legend & Lore: Tower of London Tours

👉 Versailles Day trip from Paris

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠Colosseum Underground Tours

In this episode of French People Are Rude, Brandon and Sean dive into the wildest rulers history ever produced. From Popes who poisoned dinner guests to emperors who thought they were gods.
Meet the “hosts” of our imaginary awards show: Caligula and Henry VIII, celebrating the megalomaniacs who built empires, waged holy wars, and indulged in absolute madness.

This is the episode where you’ll walk away knowing:

• Absolute power doesn’t just corrupt—it makes people invent new ways to go insane.

• History’s wildest stories aren’t myths; they’re just old headlines.

• “Drunk with power” used to be literal.

Welcome to French People Are Rude, where history is stranger (and bloodier) than fiction. Produced by The Tour Guy, Europe's leading tour & experience marketplace.

Hidden Fortresses, Stolen Masterpieces, and Ghostly Legends

Before it became the world’s most visited museum, the Louvre was a fortress, a palace, and if legends are true, home to a murderous ghost in red!

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For all show notes & recommendations⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Tours mentioned in the podcast:
👉 ⁠⁠The BEST Louvre Tour⁠⁠s👉 ⁠⁠Versailles Tours without the hassle👉 ⁠⁠Paris in a Day Tour⁠⁠

So what are the secrets of the Louvre that most visitors miss?
In this episode, Sean and Brandon uncover the unbelievable true stories behind the world’s most famous museum—from the medieval fortress buried in its basement to the daring curator who smuggled 4,000 paintings out of Nazi-occupied Paris. You’ll learn how Napoleon crowned himself emperor in front of a captive pope, why the pyramid sparked satanic rumors, and how Catherine de’ Medici’s hitman might still haunt the Tuileries Gardens.

This is the episode where Uncle Bob walks away knowing:

• The Louvre opened in 1793—during the Reign of Terror

• Thousands of artworks were hidden before the Nazis arrived

• The glass pyramid has 673, not 666, panes of glass

• Catherine de’ Medici’s ghostly “Red Man” still stalks the gardens

• The Mona Lisa only became famous after being stolen

Produced by The Tour Guy, Europe's leading tour experience marketplace.

How the Eternal City Fell to the Barbarians

Rome was supposed to last forever. For 800 years, no enemy breached her walls—until 410 A.D., when the Visigoths stormed the Eternal City and shattered the myth of Roman invincibility.

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠For all show notes & recommendations⁠⁠⁠⁠

Tours mentioned in this podcast:
👉 ⁠Rome in a Day Tour⁠👉 ⁠Borghese Gallery Tour⁠👉 ⁠Pompeii, Positano & Amalfi Coast Day Trip from Rome⁠

So how did the world’s greatest empire collapse?
In this episode, we bust the myths about the “fall” of Rome (it didn’t happen in one day), dig into why a million-strong city dwindled to 20,000 starving survivors, and explain how famine, betrayal, and migration cracked the strongest empire the West had ever seen. From Alaric’s sack of Rome to the Vandals who gave us the word “vandalism,” we trace how the Eternal City became a ghost of itself—while the Eastern Empire lived on.

Why did Roman soldiers abandon their posts? Why did a slave open the gates to the barbarians? And how did Europe plunge into a thousand years of darkness after centuries of aqueducts, armies, and emperors?

This is the episode where Uncle Bob walks away knowing:

• The “fall” of Rome was a slow unraveling, not a single battle.

• The Visigoths were Christians too—they spared the churches.

• Honorius, the emperor, wasn’t even in Rome when it fell.

• Rome’s collapse left Europe in chaos for a millennium.

The Locksmith King Who Lost His Head
Before revolutions toppled monarchies, Louis XVI was the last absolute ruler of France—more interested in hunting and tinkering with locks than governing. His indecision, debt, and disastrous choices helped spark the French Revolution—and ended at the guillotine.

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠For all show notes & recommendations⁠⁠⁠⁠

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠Versailles Palace & Gardens Tour⁠⁠

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠Louvre Museum Skip-the-Line Tour⁠⁠

So who was Louis XVI really?
In this episode, we cut through the myths and stereotypes to uncover the king behind the crown. Was he truly the incompetent ruler history remembers; or just an unlucky monarch trapped in a collapsing system? We’ll trace his marriage to Marie Antoinette, his obsession with locks, France’s costly support of the American Revolution, and the storming of the Bastille that sealed his fate.

From fake finance reports to bread riots, Versailles fantasies to a failed midnight escape, this is the story of how Louis XVI stumbled into one of history’s most infamous beheadings—and how his downfall paved the way for Napoleon.

What this episode covers:

• Who was Louis XVI of France?

• The marriage of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette

• How France’s role in the American Revolution led to bankruptcy

• The storming of the Bastille and the French Revolution explained

• Versailles Palace, Marie Antoinette’s Hamlet, and life at court

• The guillotine and the fall of the French monarchy

The Sun King, Megalomaniac, and Versailles Builder

Before Napoleon or Marie Antoinette, there was Louis XIV, the Sun King, the longest-reigning monarch in European history, who turned France into a cultural powerhouse while bankrupting it with his obsession for power, mirrors, and gardens.

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠For all show notes & recommendations⁠⁠⁠⁠

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠Skip-the-Line Versailles & Gardens Tour⁠⁠

👉 Secrets of the Louvre Tour

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠The best Paris Tours

So who was Louis XIV really?
In this episode, we dive into the outrageous life of the “Sun King,” a man who made nobles fight for the right to put on his underwear, staged banquets just to be watched eating alone, and built Versailles by draining 25% of France’s annual income. From traumatized child-king to legendary megalomaniac, Louis XIV centralized power, reshaped France, and left behind a palace that changed how the world thinks about luxury—even if it meant his heirs would lose their heads.

Chapters:

• Louis XIV’s wild stereotypes (yes, people watched him get dressed)

• Versailles: from hunting lodge to the world’s biggest palace

• Why Versailles bankrupted France (mirrors > warships)

• The Sun King’s daily rituals and bizarre ceremonies

• Gardens, fountains, and the birth of the modern lawn

• Life at Versailles: courtiers, courtesans, and chamber pots

• Was Louis XIV a “good” king—or just a legend of excess?

Genius, Bastard, Tinkerer

Before Elon Musk, before Steve Jobs there was Leonardo da Vinci. Painter, engineer, dissector of corpses, and full-time procrastinator who dreamed up flying machines centuries before the Wright brothers.

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠For all show notes & extras⁠⁠⁠⁠

👉 Vatican Tours

👉 Louvre Tours

👉 Borghese Gallery Tours

👉 Uffizi Tours

So who was Leonardo da Vinci really?
In this episode, we cut through the myths and get into the messy reality of the Renaissance’s most famous polymath. From being born illegitimate in Tuscany to becoming the toast of Milan and France, Leonardo’s life was anything but simple. He sketched helicopters that couldn’t fly, invented war machines that couldn’t be built, and painted the Mona Lisa, then carried it around for decades like a security blanket.

Along the way, we explore:

• Why da Vinci left most of his projects unfinished

• How his rivalry with Michelangelo shaped both their careers

• The Last Supper’s hidden details (and why it started flaking within 20 years)

• Why he may have put Judas on the same side of the table as Jesus

• How a Florentine silk merchant’s commission became the world’s most famous painting

Welcome to French People Are Rude, where we make history fun, irreverent, and just a little inappropriate. By the end of this episode, even Uncle Bob will walk away knowing that da Vinci was brilliant, eccentric, and more human than legend makes him out to be.

How One Family Shaped the Renaissance

Who were the Medici? The Medici family was the most powerful dynasty of Renaissance Florence—wealthy bankers, shrewd politicians, and legendary patrons of the arts. Their story is the history of Florence itself: a tale of power, money, religion, and culture that changed Europe forever.

👉 For all show notes & recommendations👉 Book the best Florence tours

👉 Florence Food Tour

In this episode, we explore the rise of the Medici family: how they built a banking empire, financed the Vatican, and sponsored artists like Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and Botticelli. From political assassinations inside churches to throwing wedding feasts with 5,000 pounds of pastries, the Medici legacy is as dramatic as any TV series—except this one’s real.

History of the Medici: Chapters

• Who Were the Medici? – The story of the Medici family explained

• The Medici and the Vatican – How Medici bankers financed popes and shaped religion

• The Medici and the Renaissance – From Brunelleschi’s dome to Michelangelo’s David, the art that defined Florence

• Lorenzo the Magnificent – The Medici prince who ruled Florence like a king

• From Popes to Power Struggles – The Medici popes and the spark of the Protestant Reformation

• The Medici Legacy – Why the history of the Medici dynasty still matters today

Before Napoleon, there was Julius Caesar—Rome’s most ambitious leader, part brilliant politician, part ruthless general, and part gambler who reshaped history while making just as many enemies as allies.

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For all show notes & recommendations⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Tours mentioned in the podcast:
👉 ⁠Rome in a Day Tour⁠

👉 ⁠Pompeii, Positano, Amalfi Coast Day Trip from Rome⁠

👉 ⁠Vatican After-Hours Small Group Tour

So who was Julius Caesar really?
In this episode, we bust the myths (no, the Caesar salad isn’t named after him), explore how he went from broke aristocrat to Rome’s most feared general, and unpack why his assassination didn’t save the Republic, it destroyed it. From staging gladiator games with silver-armored fighters to crossing the Rubicon and seizing Rome without a fight, Caesar was a man who risked everything for power.

What this episode covers:

• Why Caesar measured himself against Alexander the Great (and thought he came up short).

• How debt, politics, and ambition drove him into war in Gaul.

• What really happened with Cleopatra?

• How his reforms packed the Senate with his loyalists before it turned on him.

If you think Caesar was just a guy in a toga who got stabbed, this episode will make you see him as the man who set the stage for the Roman Empire.

The Crusades: Holy Wars, Greed, and Medieval Chaos
Before Game of Thrones, before Indiana Jones, there were the Crusades—two centuries of brutal wars where religion, money, and power collided in the bloodiest road trip in history.

👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠For all show notes & recommendations⁠⁠⁠⁠

Tours mentioned in the podcast:

👉 ⁠⁠Rome in a Day Tour⁠

👉 Pompeii, Positano, Amalfi Coast Day Trip from Rome

👉 ⁠Secrets of the Louvre Tour 

So what were the Crusades really about?
In this episode, we bust the myths (no, it wasn’t a single war for the Holy Grail), unpack why 600,000 Europeans marched east only for 30,000 to arrive, and dig into the messy politics behind “God’s will.” From the Children’s Crusade to the Fourth Crusade that attacked the wrong city entirely, this is the story of knights, greed, and chaos disguised as piety.

Why did the Pope promise a free pass to heaven for killing in God’s name? Why did armies starve before they even reached the Holy Land? And how did Europe’s “dark ages” clash with the Muslim world’s golden era?

This is the episode where Uncle Bob walks away knowing:

• The Crusades weren’t one war—they were nine, spread over 200 years

• Religion was the excuse, but greed and politics were the real motives

• The infamous Children’s Crusade actually happened—and ended in disaster

• Europe was a cultural backwater compared to the Muslim world at the time

We also get into:

• Why knights were usually “second sons” with nothing to lose

• How Muslim armies outmaneuvered Europeans with lighter armor and horses

• Why Frederick II won Jerusalem without a single battle

• How the Black Plague ended the Crusading era for good

If you think the Crusades were just holy wars, this episode will make you rethink everything you thought you knew—and maybe see a thousand-year-old conflict in a new light.