Friendless

In this very special episode of Friendless, we're continuing the DBT micro-season diving into the how skills of mindfulness: non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively. If those sound like made-up DBT words, you're not wrong—but what they actually mean is surprisingly straightforward.

Last episode covered the what skills (observe, describe, participate). This week is about how to practice them without turning mindfulness into another thing you're failing at. Because here's the thing: you can know all the skills, understand them intellectually, explain them to other people, and still completely fuck them up by making mindfulness a source of shame.

The how skills are the guardrails that prevent exactly that.

What You'll Learn:

• Nonjudgmentally: How to separate facts from interpretations—the difference between "I'm feeling tired" and "I'm lazy for feeling tired"
• One-mindfully: Why doing five things at once means doing five things poorly, and how to actually focus (spoiler: your mind will wander, that's fine)
• Effectively: Letting go of the "right way" and just doing what works—meeting yourself where you are, not where you wish you were

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in this very special episode of Friendless, we're kicking off the DBT micro-season with Mindfulness Part 1, and no — this is not the sit-cross-legged-and-think-about-nothing version. This is practical mindfulness. The kind that gives you an off-ramp when your brain is catastrophising about a blank document or a text that went unanswered.

Today we're covering the three "What" skills: Observe, Describe, and Participate. These are the foundation everything else builds on. They're deceptively simple, which doesn't mean they're easy — but they're the tools that let you notice when you're time-traveling into worst-case scenarios and choose to come back to the present.

Observe — How to notice what's happening without trying to change it, fix it, or make it go away. Just acknowledging "my heart is racing" or "I'm having anxious thoughts" without layering judgment on top.

Describe — How to put words to what you're observing. The difference between "I'm failing" and "I'm having the thought that I'm failing." Words create distance. Distance gives you options.

Participate — How to give your full attention to what you're doing right now instead of being on autopilot. Not every second of every day — just having the ability to come back when you notice you've drifted.

• Why mindfulness gets a bad rap (and why DBT mindfulness is different)
• The spiral I had preparing to write this very script — and how my brain turned a blank document into proof I should quit everything
• How observing my anxiety about an unanswered text gave me just enough space to not make it worse
• That time I drove to Main Street without music or podcasts and actually noticed the road (it felt longer than driving across Canada)
• A short guided practice for trying Observe, Describe, Participate in under two minutes
• Why the thoughts don't disappear — and why that's okay

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In this very special episode of Friendless, your host James Avramenko finally launches the long-promised DBT mini-season. This introductory episode explores why Dialectical Behavior Therapy isn't just for people with BPD diagnoses—it's practical emotional scaffolding for anyone who's ever sent an unhinged text at 2am or catastrophized themselves out of sleep.

James shares his own journey into DBT during one of the lowest points of his life, why he was skeptical at first, and the moment a simple acronym (STOP) prevented him from making things worse. This isn't about fixing yourself or becoming a better person—it's about working with the brain you have when everything feels like it's falling apart.

• Why DBT isn't self-help BS: The difference between theories and tools
• The four DBT modules: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness
• Who DBT is actually for: Spoiler—you don't need a diagnosis to benefit
• What's coming: A roadmap for the 10-episode mini-season (2 episodes per module + intro/wrap-up)
• The real goal: Fucking up slightly less often (that's it, that's the bar)

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This week on a very special episode of Friendless,  host James Avramenko welcomes acclaimed author Susin Nielsen for a live recording at Book Warehouse Vancouver.

Susin's latest novel "Snap" tells the story of three unlikely friends brought together through an anger management program—and it all started with a real incident at a disastrous school visit 15 years ago. In this wide-ranging conversation, Susin and James explore the power of optimistic storytelling in dark times, the peculiar difficulty of making friends in Vancouver (despite everyone being "so outwardly cheery"), and why setting Canadian stories in "any town USA" drove Susin crazy enough to plant her work firmly in Vancouver's streets and neighbourhoods.

They also dive into Susin's journey from craft services on Degrassi Junior High to writing on the show at age 22, creating positive work environments on Family Law, refusing publisher pressure to censor her work, and her recent experiments with meditation and church-going (for the community, not necessarily Jesus).

Whether you're interested in the craft of writing, the challenge of building community, or just want to hear two people who love Vancouver bond over its friendship paradoxes, this conversation has something for you.

Links & Resources:

• Susin's Website: susinnielsen.com/
• Book Warehouse Vancouver: [link]

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This week on a very special episode of Friendless, I sit down with Dr. Greg Hammer—pediatric intensive care physician, recently retired Stanford professor, and author of A Mindful Teen—to talk about what we're actually doing to young people in 2025.

We unpack the unique pressures facing today's teens: smartphones as double-edged swords, the performative perfection trap of social media, sextortion and AI-generated abuse, fentanyl-laced everything, gun violence as background noise, and the impossible college admissions race. You know, light stuff.

But here's the thing—Dr. Hammer isn't here to just list problems. We dig into his GAIN method (Gratitude, Acceptance, Intention, Non-Judgment), a practical framework for building actual resilience without the therapy-speak bullshit. We talk about neuroplasticity, the negativity bias our brains are stuck with from evolutionary baggage, and why telling your kids to be grateful while you complain about traffic doesn't work.

We also get real about recognizing depression versus sadness, the telltale signs parents and teachers miss, and why love needs to be a verb, not just a feeling.

Fair warning: this episode discusses teen mental health, suicide, and self-harm in depth.

In This Episode:

• Why "kids are resilient" is a cop-out
• The self-surveillance generation and viral culture paralysis
• How smartphones and social media rewire developing brains
• The GAIN method: a 3-minute daily practice for mental resilience
• Three Good Things: the stupidly simple gratitude practice that actually works
• Modeling behaviour vs. telling kids what to do
• Recognizing the signs of clinical depression in teens
• Why we're all more alike than different (and our dark thoughts aren't unique)

Guest Bio:Dr. Greg Hammer is a pediatric intensive care physician, recently retired professor at Stanford University School of Medicine, and author of Gain Without Pain and A Mindful Teen. He's spent his career studying physical and mental wellness, longevity science, and resilience practices—and has raised teenagers while watching an entire generation navigate challenges he never had to face.

Resources:

• A Mindful Teen by Dr. Greg Hammer: Amazon | Barnes & Noble
• Dr. Hammer's website: greghammer​md.com
• Instagram: @greghammer​md

Mental Health Resources:

• Canada: Call or text 988 (Suicide Crisis Helpline)
• USA: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
• Crisis Text Line (both countries): Text HOME to 741741

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In this very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko delves into the complexities of friendship, sobriety, and mental health with his dear friend William Raphael Pacheco. Join them as they discuss the impact of family names, the challenges of quitting substances, and the journey toward self-acceptance. 

They share laughs, deep reflections, and valuable life insights on maintaining friendships and navigating queer spaces while staying sober.

Follow Will on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/will.r.pacheco/

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In this very special episode of 'Friendless,' recorded live at the Book Warehouse on Main Street, host welcomes guest Genki Ferguson, an author based in Vancouver. Genki shares insights on his writing career, experiences working at Book Warehouse, and studying at Emily Carr University. He talks about his debut novel 'Satellite Love' and his forthcoming book 'The Love An Abalone Feels For the Sea' set for 2027 release. The discussion dives deep into the timelines of publishing, the process of writing, and the importance of community for writers. Genki and James also touch on the impact of independent bookstores, online communities like Bookstagram and BookTok, and how different storytelling mediums influence their work. The conversation wraps up with reflections on the state of the publishing industry and the significance of organic connections and community in a writer's journey.

You can find Genki Ferguson's debut novel Satellite Love at your local bookstore, and follow them on Instagram @genki_ferguson.

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In this very special episode of Friendless, join host James Avramenko in a look back on the year that was 2025. He reflects on the highs and lows of the past year. James opens up about his medical leave, mental health, and the complexities of dealing with burnout. He discusses guest highlights, including interviews with Dean Spade and Dust Kwaine, and shares his thoughts on the current state of friendship in culture. James also provides recommendations for books, movies, and music that defined his year and announces exciting new plans for 2026, including monthly live episodes with local authors. Tune in for an honest and insightful look back at 2025 and a glimpse into what's coming next.

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Books Mentioned:

Giovanni’s Room - James Baldwin

Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma - Claire Dederer

Penance - Eliza Clark

Ten Bridges I’ve Burnt: A Memoir in Verse - Brontez Purnell

The Children of Jocasta - Natalie Haynes

The Five: The Untold Lives of the Women Killed by Jack the Ripper - Hallie Rubenhold

Follow me on StoryGraph: https://app.thestorygraph.com/profile/javramenko

Movies Mentioned:

Sinners

Final Destination: Bloodlines

One Battle After Another

Eddington

28 Years Later

Follow me on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/anaveragemango/

In this very special episode of "Friendless," host James Avramenko sits down with dear friend and special guest Lee Smith for an honest, vulnerable conversation about connection, identity, and the unexpected magic of friendship. Together, they unpack the challenges of forging community in a remote world, the unique energy of in-person gatherings, and the exhilarating (and sometimes scary) experience of bringing all your people together.

James and Lee discuss the power of vulnerability when inviting others into your life, what it means to support and witness friends through life transitions, and how personal growth can manifest in surprising ways. From reflections on midlife rediscovery and the shifting meaning of happiness, to playful confessions about Pokemon-themed parties, stickers, and the joys of childhood nostalgia, this episode explores how small gestures and authentic presence can deepen bonds.

Listeners will also hear insights on reparenting practices, the importance of building and nurturing friendship "toolkits," and the radical idea of bringing romance and intentionality into platonic relationships. Lee and James share actionable tips on staying connected (including the transformative act of making a friends list!), and discuss how celebrating one another can anchor us through life’s valleys and peaks.

If you're searching for inspiration to reconnect with your community, tools for meaningful self-reflection, or simply a joyful reminder of the power of showing up as your truest self, this episode will leave you feeling seen and supported.

Call to action: Take a moment this week to write down your friends’ names and reach out with a small note, gift, or message to let them know how much they mean to you!

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Connect with your own community and share your "lightning bolt moments" with #FriendlessPod!

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko welcomes back one of his best friends, Gavin Harper, for an honest, heartwarming, and hilarious catch-up. Together they dive deep into the complexities of names and identity, community building, and the tough but necessary process of personal growth after life implosions. Gavin shares candid reflections on leaving a difficult job, navigating tricky workplace relationships, and embracing accountability for past actions—all while finding new joy and authenticity through connection, especially among Vancouver’s vibrant queer, autistic, and wrestling-loving communities.

The episode is packed with stories about rebuilding after hardship, the cathartic magic of local pro wrestling, and the powers of “quiet time” with friends. James and Gavin laugh about introversion, party timing misadventures, and why pro wrestling is better than Disneyland. They also tackle topics like embracing authentic selfhood, sobriety, and the challenges and triumphs of making new friends as adults.

Whether you’re looking for tips on healing, building community, or simply in need of some affirming laughs, this Friendless episode reminds us that real friendship is found in vulnerability, mutual care, and showing up for each other—whether in the wrestling ring or the living room.

Tune in for wisdom, laughter, and a reminder that you don’t always have to be entertaining to be a good friend—sometimes, you just need to be there.

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