It’s almost Friendlytown’s One Year Anniversary! One year is already incredibly old in comedy-show years, so it’s time for us to pursue our REAL dreams. We’ve been giving, giving, giving for our whole goddamn life and it’s time to do something for ourselves, goddamnit! So, we’e getting together and figuring out the most productive way for our community to enjoy our midlife crisis without tearing apart our family, or something.

Sometimes, running our wacky town can be pretty demanding, so you can’t blame Mayor St. Thomas for wanting a quiet night in! Tonight, he’s just gonna kick back, flip through his TV Guide, and pick a movie to watch. Trouble is, he’s also an indecisive man. So, he’s gonna invite a bunch of good buddies/dealers to stop by, and he’s gonna ask them for their synopses and opinions of some of the finest movies ever made (that they’ve totally seen! really! like, not lying at all to run off the edges). HAPPY 50TH MEETING.

Now that we are almost at our 50th show council meeting, it’s time to shake things up. You know those funny ideas you get when you’re really high for “wouldn’t it be cool if the government operated under these pretenses?” except you can’t remember the word for pretenses and nobody is actually funny when they’re high? Well, this meeting was like that, but funny. NOW IS THE TIME TO DIVE INTO THE PIT-OCRACY!

We understand why you left us, Diane. We aren’t the best town in our universe; we know. We just miss you. And we wish you would tell us you miss us, too. This isn’t any easier today than it was the day you left. We just wanted to get together, as a community, as a city council, and tell you how we feel. Just tell us everything’s going to be alright, Diane. We still love you, and we, Friendlytown, need to win you back.

Dammit, just just pass the Gatorade and can you please turn that down? I don’t… Look, I don’t care. Turn it down. Shit.

Before he left Friendlytown for greener pastures (Ft. Collins, specifically, because they have hella legal weed there; his words, not ours), local troubadour and performing regular Alex Linton decided he wanted to leave our community with an anthem we could call our own. One we could force all of our athletes to awkwardly stand for before sporting events! One we could teach the next generations to love our town through. So, Alex brought us together for a special meeting where some members of our city council (like, one or two with musical talent) proposed that big patriotic (in the Friendlytown sense, at least) overture. It went as well as you’d think.

It’s been a while, but our good friend (and frequent Mayor/Boss/HR Guy) Shane Rhyne is finally back with his own brand of comedy mayhem (SPELLBound) a comedic spelling bee of epic proportions! One by one, he has challenged members of the Friendlytown City Council to spell amazing new words that are really real and totally not made up at all, with etymologies and uses in sentences and all that stuff those Scripps kids are so good at. The biggest winner was our collective vocabulary!

Look- we as the Friendlytown City Council know that it’s unbecoming (for lack of a better term, trust us, we choose our words carefully) to have budget, uh, shortfalls, as often as we do. But TRUST US we’ve got a plan for a solid way to tighten our belts and get us back on our feet as a fair community. All it requires is that you KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. You’ll be fine, really, it’ll all be fine. Foolproof. Just run with it.

Teenagers of Friendlytown: What you’re going through may be disorienting, but it’s normal. Trust us; we all went through the same thing with our bodies and our minds. The world can be a cruel place, too, and all that. Listen, we don’t have enough prisoners to do a ‘scared straight’ kind of program, so we’re all just going to volunteer our time to make these moments count for you youngsters. As Mayor Tyler once saw an old off-kilter man on the DC Metro outside of Silver Spring advise a couple of teenagers, ‘Don’t Fuck Around; Be Around!’

In honor of actual veterans who fought in actual wars, we here in Friendlytown decided to recount some stories of the numerous skirmishes (not legally compoundable to “wars”) that Friendlytown has been involved in. Who could forget that one skirmish with all of the fast food franchises? And that other one? Yeah, you know? Of course you do. You wouldn’t be a true Friendlytown citizen if you didn’t.