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#selfhealersdiaries

Reclaiming responsibility. Towards healthy relationships

If we do not start taking responsibility, we are creating generations of women that love too much and men that are emotionally unavailable.

As we reflect on our attitudes towards relationships, we need to reflect on the role we are playing towards shaping future Relationships.

Before we point fingers at men, we need to start taking responsibility for our choices. We are adults.

We need to identify that our children are relying on us to learn relationships.

We are also the same women with sons who we are putting labels on, sons and daughters who end up incarcerated due to trauma, and daughters who love too much.

What we need.

Change behaviour

Change mindset

Change our feelings.

Assess yourself and what you are doing that is not serving you. Or assess what leads to the dysfunctional dynamics in your relationships.

Behaviour

What behaviours are not helping you right now. Stop and adjust.

Start now and begin to detach and pause.

Begin to do less and be more.

Begin to learn to be an observer not action oriented.

Be OK with not being right.

Begin to focus inwards.

Trust and allow others to do what is best.

Mindset and feelings.

Work on self love.

Prioritise yourself

Start love on three levels to have a sense of purpose towards something.

1. Self-care to commit to yourself.

Learn emotional regulation, decision making, and reflection. Feel your feelings and find out why you feel what you feel, and act as you do. Apply reframes to think and create solutions to act differently.

2. Ask for help in your immediate circle.

3. Help others. You are part of a large whole.

If you only change behaviour without a mindset shift and paying attention to your feelings, you might go back to your old patterns because you do not understand why you do what you do.

It takes time to change how you feel and think. It requires practice. This is why you need to do SIFTSEM.

In fact SIFTSEM will help you with change of all three. Because you learn to pause before action, and even after to reflect. You access your feelings and listen to your thoughts. You then understand why you are thinking as you are and reframe. You can then take appropriate action, even if it is to correct a previous action or learn from it.

Your future relationships are relying on your healing. Healthy partners are relying on your healing. Your quality of life is relying on your healing.

How to feel safe in your body.