For my husband Dan's 30th, I went full investigative journalist. I secretly interviewed his closest friends to get the full story—the good, the bad, and the lore. The mission? A full-blown Netflix-level roast. The problem? It turns out, he's basically unroastable.

This episode is a time capsule of the man behind the meticulously clean glasses. We're unpacking everything: his origin story as a "complete nerd" in a sweater vest , the legendary anxiety spirals that led to a full-blown investigation before buying a car , and the mythical, now-retired era of "Drunk Dan"—a creature of the night who once got into a standoff with a dumpster he mistook for vomit.

Hear from the friends who survived his "vibe cooking" during the great Fuji binder incident , who were terrorized by his good conscience on a cruise ship , and who were conned into believing he could braid hair. We're also settling the great paper towel vs. dish towel debate once and for all.

Featuring stories and roasts from his chosen family: Rob, Nikki, Nathalie, Kristopher, Kelly, Ariel, Kealia, Pat, Jordan, Jonny, Jasmyn, Camille-Macie, Arianna, Chann, Monny, Jenna, and Abdul.

It's a chaotic, hilarious, and deeply loving look at the man who is fiercely protective, annoyingly talented, and loved by so many. Happy 30th Birthday, Dan. We love you.

For 30 years, Dan’s been the calm in everyone’s chaos, the listener, the hype man, and the guy who never needs the spotlight. But today? We’re flipping that script. This episode is a surprise voicemail takeover—where the people who know him best hijack his birthday with love, roasts, and memories that probably should’ve stayed in the group chat. From heartfelt confessions to petty callouts, this is 30 minutes of pure Dan-core energy.

Sit back, hit play, and take the compliments, Dan. You’re not dodging this one.