Friends Keep Secrets

Maybe we got overconfident after inventing this brand new form of multimedia entertainment. We thought coming up with another genius invention would be easy for us but we realized we don't know anything and we don't know how to do anything. Have you ever tried to be inventive? It's harder than it looks. Oh - but Dave does a full-on freestyle and at least he’s good at that. Thanks for watching - inventors and non-inventors, we respect you!

What happens:

00:00 Layup Line Freestyle

03:49 Intro

04:17 Who invented the dental floss toothpick

05:24 Dental dams

07:38 Do you think we could invent something?

09:53 What's something that you wish existed?

10:59 Parachute for airplanes

11:59 Things that got invented by accident

13:40 Microphones, microwaves & mirrors

17:24 How they invented the internet

18:27 Void in the marketplace

20:42 Cryogenics & embryos

23:49 Lower back 

25:00 The best invention of all time

27:29 This is a dot org

29:25 Jack Black’s mom

29:48 The laws of the universe

30:54 The Doomsday Clock

33:18 Medicine & brain chemistry

34:01 A practical invention

35:26 Sober pill

37:26 Macrohard

38:09 A good soundbyte

39:36 Robots

40:29 Bottles

40:51 Smart refrigerators

41:22 Top 10 underappreciated inventions

43:44 A great idea

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Nick Kroll comes over to hang. We talk about how Nick became a pillar of the comedy landscape. We talk about Big Mouth, fashion, Jeremy Allen White's belly button, getting pantsed in 7th grade, whether Dave feels competitive towards Nick, Benny's wedding force field, and Dave and Benny's 2 biggest fights of all time. Later, we draw Dave's d*ck. Thanks for watching - we respect you!

What happens:

0:00 Intro

0:24 $100 smoothie

2:14 Immersive experience at Mel’s diner

3:16 Abs

5:07 The comedy movie of your life

6:13 Nick’s family

7:20 One of the leads

8:20 Creative origins

9:31 High school / college

11:25 Pressure to be “on”

14:08 How Nick builds a voice

17:19 Healthy competition

20:10 Hang tones

22:19 Pillar of the comedy landscape

25:37 Getting pantsed in 7th grade

27:13 Drawing Dave’s d*ck

29:36 Benny’s wedding forcefield

32:01 Benny’s bombing story

33:53 How Benny asks questions

35:02 Peeing the bed

35:53 Fun, fear, anxiety &  anger

38:41 Parenthood

40:02 Voices during sex

42:03 Benny’s voice

42:52 Big Mouth

45:35 Fashion

49:28 Business questions

51:05 Dave & Benny’s 2 biggest fights

53:47 Pube predictions

55:05 Nick’s business proposition

55:50 Dave’s p*rn thread

57:48 Parting affirmations

Thank you to KFC for sponsoring this episode: Prices and participation may vary. Prices higher in AK, HI, CA and third-party ordering websites. Tax, tip and fees extra. $7 KFC Box for One includes 1 Chicken Little, 5pc chicken nuggets, 3oz. fries, 1 sauce and med. drink. $9 KFC Box for One includes 2 Chicken Littles, 5pc chicken nuggets, 3oz. fries, 1 sauce and med. drink. $11 Box for One includes 1 chicken sandwich (choice of classic or spicy), 2pc tenders, 4oz. fries, 2 sauces and med. drink. All trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

Thank you White Claw for sponsoring this episode: 21+ only.

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Lizzo comes over. We talk about Prince, losing our virginities, winning Grammy's, the best and worst days of Lizzo's life, idolizing Allen Iverson, and holding in farts. At one point Lizzo shows us her flautist skills and scores our fake movie trailers. Then we freestyle and things get very inappropriate so probably don't watch this with your parents! Unless you have that kind of relationship I guess. Thanks for watching - we respect you!

What happens:

00:00 Intro

01:43 Germs

02:31 Fart gender dynamics

03:24 Half Detroit half Houston

04:27 The coolest voice

05:04 Mike Jones’ phone number

05:46 Hashiba

05:59 How it all happened

08:51 Performing while multi-tasking

10:09 The worst day of Lizzo's life

11:50 The best day of Lizzo's life

13:25 Talents

17:10 Flute

19:08 Improvised movie trailers

20:43 D*ckhole flute

21:09 How Lizzo met her boyfriend

23:11 DM slides

25:13 Dave in high school

27:38 Saying Denzel wrong

28:42 Dave's overnight camp deception

29:24 Prince

32:58 Regrets

34:48 Kristin wore pullups til 13

37:06 Grammy virginity pact

39:05 First kisses

40:23 AIM

41:20 The Allen Iverson opportunity

43:42 Presidents are tall

45:42 Internet comments

47:05 Giving Eminem's beat to Rihanna

47:59 The #1 male artist to collab with

50:25 Freestyle

58:24 Lizzo didn't know she could sing

59:16 Producer credit

01:01:56 Lizzo's friend dynamic

01:03:58 New music

01:07:24 Dave's friend dynamic

Thank you to KFC for sponsoring this episode: Prices and participation may vary. Prices higher in AK, HI, CA and third-party ordering websites. Tax, tip and fees extra. $7 KFC Box for One includes 1 Chicken Little, 5pc chicken nuggets, 3oz. fries, 1 sauce and med. drink. $9 KFC Box for One includes 2 Chicken Littles, 5pc chicken nuggets, 3oz. fries, 1 sauce and med. drink. $11 Box for One includes 1 chicken sandwich (choice of classic or spicy), 2pc tenders, 4oz. fries, 2 sauces and med. drink. All trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

Thank you White Claw for sponsoring this episode: 21+ only.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

VIEWER WARNING & LEGAL DISCLAIMER

HEALTH & SAFETY WARNING

The activity depicted in this program carries serious and potentially life-threatening health risks, including but not limited to choking, aspiration, gastric rupture, electrolyte imbalance, cardiac stress, and death.

THIS PROGRAM DOES NOT CONSTITUTE MEDICAL OR NUTRITIONAL ADVICE.

Nothing depicted or stated herein should be construed as a recommendation, endorsement, or instruction to engage in any similar activity.

DO NOT ATTEMPT.

By continuing to view this program, you acknowledge that you do so voluntarily and that the studio and all affiliated entities expressly disclaim all liability for any harm, injury, loss, or damage arising from or related to the content of this program or any attempt to replicate the activities shown.

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Dave says he can gain ten pounds in two hours. Benny says there’s no chance. They decide to settle it the only way that makes sense: with a bet. What follows is a rollercoaster discussion about math, pizza weight, digestion, and whether any of this is remotely possible. There are rules. There is a scale. There is a lot of food. It goes from joking to concerning and back again, and Jay Shetty comes by to weigh in (sorry) towards the end. That’s basically the episode. Thanks for watching!

What happens:

00:00 Do not try this at home

02:00 The bet

04:45 First weigh-in

05:45 Mass is mass

07:00 Second weigh-in

08:05 Death by water

10:22 10 lb. weight

11:50 Dave's #1 fear

14:28 The Miracle on Ice

16:45 Rules

18:05 Burritos

21:40 Pizza

24:33 Doubts & concerns

27:26 The TB12 Method

28:45 Halfway point weigh-in

31:20 New strategies

33:00 Taxes

34:06 Don’t do this part 2

34:40 The details of water intoxication

38:12 Charity donations

39:05 Growth

43:35 30 minutes left

46:04 Being the bigger man

49:30 Jay Shetty stops by

52:50 The moral crossroads

55:33 1 minute left

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Kevin Gates comes by and hangs for a while. We talk about discipline, relationships, energy, and the mindset he tries to live by. It goes from funny to serious and back again pretty quickly. It was a truly special afternoon! Thanks for being here!

What happens:

00:00 Famous Kevins

02:33 Half man, half amazing

03:31 Heartbreak

06:23 Semen retention & sexual transmutation

09:55 Unibrow

10:39 Pubes

11:38 Blessed

12:38 Kevin’s favorite rapper

13:30 Titty man

14:54 Marriage

16:07 Jealousy

17:13 Top-tier white expressions

18:50 High school

19:38 Mothers

22:09 Punched in the face

24:53 Sex, love & trauma bonds

26:57 Kevin’s book collection

28:50 Prison

32:27 Dinosaur dck

36:49 Ass

38:36 Billboard's 8th-ranked producer

40:17 Kevin’s process

41:53 Siberian lynx

43:35 Lil Dick Gates

45:57 Dinosaur dck (part 2)

48:02 Benny’s favorite scenario

50:33 Food

53:20 Farts

55:40 Movies

57:05 Mushy

01:01:43 Friends

Thanks to Domino's for sponsoring this episode: PRICES HIGHER IN SOME LOCATIONS. Valid online through 4/6. Visit ⁠dominos.com⁠ for full offer details. Select this online only offer from 2/23-4/6. Size availability varies by crust type. Max. 7 toppings (6 for NY Style and Pan crust). Parmesan Stuffed Crust will be extra. Excludes XL and Specialty Pizzas. Min. purchase required for delivery. Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may vary.

Thank you White Claw for sponsoring this episode: 21+ only.

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Ed Sheeran stops by the house to talk about how he met Dave, being clumsy, sailing across the ocean with Benny, whether his kids know he’s Ed Sheeran yet, his Game of Thrones backlash, and how he acquired the Edward Scissorhands hands. Later he writes a song with all of us. It’s a really special moment. Thanks for watching!

What happens:

00:00 Teaser

00:34 What's this Chuck stuff

02:01 How Dave met Ed

03:48 Exercise & personal hygiene

06:24 Ed's clumsiness

09:26 English food vs American food

10:58 Ed's town

15:20 Creepy baby

17:28 Ed & Benny on the boat

18:19 Fame

27:07 Anxiety

32:18 Best & worst days of Ed's life

35:18 Ideal headline

39:17 Dave's movie

43:14 Ed's memorabilia collection

47:54 Ed's Game of Thrones backlash

49:20 Dave's sh*t story

52:41 Ed Sheeran shows

01:06:01 Ed's songwriting

01:08:44 Ed writes a song

Thanks to Domino's for sponsoring this episode: PRICES HIGHER IN SOME LOCATIONS. Valid online through 4/6. Visit ⁠dominos.com⁠ for full offer details. Select this online only offer from 2/23-4/6. Size availability varies by crust type. Max. 7 toppings (6 for NY Style and Pan crust). Parmesan Stuffed Crust will be extra. Excludes XL and Specialty Pizzas. Min. purchase required for delivery. Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may vary.

Thank you White Claw for sponsoring this episode: 21+ only.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We tried to write a proper description for this and couldn’t decide on what all to highlight so here’s a bunch. Selena comes over. At some point we decide to go through her DMs. We talk about her mental health. We get into her’s and Benny’s wedding. We talk about Taylor and the insanely thoughtful gift she gave Selena. There’s basketball. There are multiple arm wrestling contests with surprising end results. Selena bonks her head at one point. No one edits it out. It’s just us hanging out with our friend (and spouse). That’s really it. Thanks for watching, we appreciate you!!

What happens:

0:00 Selena arrives + should we fake the knock

5:36 Benny comes up with Grace and Frankie

7:12 Going through Selena’s DMs

10:10 Dave is forced to eat a pickle

12:08 Mental health

17:38 Basketball

22:33 Selena entering Benny’s world

25:49 The best day of Selena’s life

27:15 The wedding

34:24 Benny cracks Selena’s back

35:37 The wedding pt 2

43:47 Children and family

47:05 Benny and Selena dating

49:12 Everyone loves Rihanna

50:34 Taylor’s gift

56:09 What we would do for our friends

1:00:36 Arm wrestling

1:06:48 Friends!!!

Thanks to Domino's for sponsoring this episode: PRICES HIGHER IN SOME LOCATIONS. Valid online through 4/6. Visit ⁠dominos.com⁠ for full offer details. Select this online only offer from 2/23-4/6. Size availability varies by crust type. Max. 7 toppings (6 for NY Style and Pan crust). Parmesan Stuffed Crust will be extra. Excludes XL and Specialty Pizzas. Min. purchase required for delivery. Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may vary.

Thank you White Claw for sponsoring this episode: 21+ only.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We’ve been writing this description for 15 minutes and haven’t made any real progress. It’s not even we, it’s just Dave here. All I can tell you guys, is that I’ve never had more fun doing anything in my life than when we’re recording these. Are we fun to hang out with? Who knows. All we can do is be our complete selves, live in the moment, and see what happens. Thank you for your time. We appreciate you!!!!

what happens:

0:00 toilet cam cold open

1:32 what the hell is this show?

5:03 who are you supposed to be on camera?

10:12 the domino’s pizza fight begins

15:08 why everything feels awkward at first

20:04 benny vs bj novak vs reality

25:09 creative pressure and proving yourself

30:02 phone calls derail everything

35:11 cooking turns into chaos

40:07 the sauce argument escalates

45:03 fighting like real friends do

48:21 did the pilot actually work?

Thanks to Domino's for sponsoring this episode: PRICES HIGHER IN SOME LOCATIONS. Valid online through 4/6. Visit dominos.com for full offer details. Select this online only offer from 2/23-4/6. Size availability varies by crust type. Max. 7 toppings (6 for NY Style and Pan crust). Parmesan Stuffed Crust will be extra. Excludes XL and Specialty Pizzas. Min. purchase required for delivery. Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may vary.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to Friends Keep Secrets: a first-of-its-kind show from best friends benny blanco, Lil Dicky (Dave Burd), and Dave’s wife, Kristin Batalucco.  With more than 18 hidden cameras rigged throughout Dave and Kristin’s LA home, the show brings viewers inside an intimate hang with the hosts' real-life friendships and the guests that pop in.

This isn’t a formal interview show. They might cook, record a song, play a game, or simply hang out. Blending elements of a podcast, livestream, and sitcom, Friends Keep Secrets captures the magic of being in the room with the hosts and the people they cherish most.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.