Friends Missing Friends

In today's episode, I chat with guest Des Mathews (they them), a Yoga Guide and Grief & Death Doula, about the intersections between yoga philosophies and grief.

Key takeaways:

• the role of Ahimsa (non-harm, one of the 5 Yamas) in self-compassion during grief
• surrendering to emotions with Ishvaraparidhana (divine surrender, one of the 5 Niyamas)
• Supporting somatic healing and nervous system regulation with Asana (the movements and poses)
• Cultural differences in grieving
• friend-loss grief
• how capitalism has contributed to a society that devalues friendships
• and more!

QUOTES:

“…feelings might come up and it’s completely normal in our journey with grief, and with that I recommend more gentle yoga or restorative practices.”

“yoga can be used as a resource for calming our nervous system.”

“there’s no timeline for our grief, and it’s very cyclical. When we can come to that place of acceptance, it goes back to the compassion piece where we’re able to give ourselves and others more grace.”

 “Traditionally yoga was seen as a practice to end suffering and cause liberation, cause freedom.”

 “You're only allowed a certain amount of days off if your mom dies or your partner dies, but what about your best friend? Your best friend could have been your life partner,right? Society just doesn't seem to care as much about that. And again, that goes into the whole diminishing of it, which makes us feel like we're kind of gaslighting ourselves in a way. Like, did this person even exist? Because it's not recognized, people aren't showing me that it matters.”

MORE ABOUT DES:

Des is a Queer, South East Asian trauma-informed Yoga Guide and Grief and Death Doula who is a settler on Treaty 20 and the Williams Treaties in Nogojiwanong-Peterborough, Ontario. They host yoga practices, grief circles, and workshops in person and virtually. They are intentional about where they show up and lead with values of generosity, interdependence, compassion, honesty, and authenticity.

RESOURCES:

Connect with Des:

IG: @death.and.yoga

Email: [email protected]

Des’s recommendation to dive deeper into yoga: SusannaBarkataki at https://www.susannabarkataki.com/

Grief Groups:

Interested in joining a friend-loss peer support group? Fill out the interest form at ⁠⁠friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup⁠

Lifebooks:

Want to create a memorial book for your loved one? Get$50-off with affiliate code friendsmissingfriends, or go directly to this link. Learn more about Lifebooks at https://lifebooks.io/

GET IN TOUCH:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s so appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

Email: ⁠[email protected]⁠

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: ⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends⁠

Leave a Voicemail at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781

Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. (And if you want me to share it on the podcast, be sure to explicitly give me permission to do so). Thanks y’all! Sending you love!

In today’s Grief Note episode I share my thoughts about liminal space – a term I read about in the book “The Art of Holding Space” by Heather Plett.

In the book, Heather Plett describes liminal space as: “a period in which something—social hierarchy, culture, belief, tradition, identity, etc.—has been dissolved and the new thing has not yet emerged to take its place.” It’s “strange, vast, and sometimes uncomfortable, a space full of complex and often overlapping emotions.”

When I read all that I thought, welp. Crap. That’s definitely what I’m in the midst of right now. 

So. In this Grief Note, I talk about it! Because when you feel lost, I figure the best thing you can do is voice your lost-nessout loud. After all, liminal space is very intertwined with grief.

RESOURCES:

The Art of Holding Space by Heather Plett

Grief Groups:Interested in joining a friend-loss peer support group? Fill out the interest form at ⁠⁠friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup⁠

Lifebooks: Want to create a memorial book for your loved one? Get $50-off with affiliate code friendsmissingfriends, or go directly to this link. Learn more about Lifebooks at https://lifebooks.io/

GET IN TOUCH:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s so appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

Email: ⁠[email protected]⁠

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: ⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends⁠

Leave a Voicemail at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781

Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. (And if you want me to share it on the podcast, be sure to explicitly give me permission to do so). Thanks y’all! Sending you love!

In today's episode, I chat with guest Brendan Shaw about navigating the many complex layers of tragedy and grief, and finding new purpose in life, after a traumatic loss. Since the 2022 murder of his brother, Philip, Brendan has been using storytelling, social media, and community work to process his own grief and help others feel less alone in theirs.

We discuss:

• Processing his feelings and thoughts through social media, and how his videos have resonated with millions of strangers around the world
• Exploring healing through small shifts: even 1% at a time
• Finding purpose in life again after a traumatic loss
• Dealing with the broken legal system
• And more

QUOTES:

“…even a small shift in mindset can make a huge difference moving forward for somebody. If through this pain I’m experiencing on a daily basis I can give any kind of insight to somebody who’s hurting also, I don’t know any better purpose.”

“Philip was objectively one of the best people you would have ever known. There wasn’t a single person who didn’t absolutely love him. He was charming and funny and witty. He had a boyish, childish playfulness to him…sweet and funny and real and knew how to deliver a stupid corny dad joke at the right time…he’s just the best.”

“When you lose someone really important to you, all of the sudden time takes on a completely different meaning. A day can feel like forever, but then you wake up and you’re like how am I three years into this? I haven’t seen my brother in three years? That’s not possible. He’s right at the forefront of my mind.”

“When you’ve gone through those super low lows, where you just feel like you’re about to die of sadness…but then somehow, you did get out of it…once you do that enough times, you have that repetition – now you have the muscle built where you can maybe start to step outside it and recognize when you’re in the moment and go ‘okay, I have been here before. I’ve also gotten out of this before, and I know that it will happen.’”

MORE ABOUT BRENDAN:

Brendan is the founder of The Phil With Love Foundation, a nonprofit created in Philip’s memory, and creates content as "BrendanShawGrief" on social media that speaks to the often invisible, long-term impact of loss. Through honest conversation and a willingness to share what most people shy away from, Brendan attempts to brings comfort, validation, and connection to anyone walking through life with grief.

RESOURCES:

Connect with Brendan:

IG, Tiktok: @BrendanShawGrief

Website: BrendanShawGrief.com

Grief Groups:

Interested in joining a friend-losspeer support group? Fill out the interest form at ⁠⁠friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup⁠

Lifebooks:

Want to create a memorial book for your loved one? Get$50-off with affiliate code friendsmissingfriends, or go directly to this link. Learn more about Lifebooks at https://lifebooks.io/

GET IN TOUCH:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s so appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

Email: ⁠[email protected]⁠

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: ⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends⁠

Leave a Voicemail at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781

Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. (And if you want me to share it on the podcast, be sure to explicitly give me permission to do so). Thanks y’all! Sending you love!

In today's episode, guest Amber Jeffrey shares stories about her beloved friend Poppy Chancellor, who died in September of 2023. The two of them met through their grief work in 2019 – Amber with The Grief Gang, and Poppy with The GriefCase – and what followed was a deep, loving friendship and creative partnership.

QUOTES:

“That’s a real aspect of friendship loss that maybe isn’t spoken about is how, when you choose people to be in your life and you actively build a friendship – and for that to die, for them to die – is catastrophic. Our friends are the foundations in our lives.”

“It’s so difficult to explain her, because she was just so one ofone...to try and do that justice, to try and tell people about her, just felt like I was always failing.”

“We straightaway realized we had the commonalities of our passion for grief. As we got to know each other, we really enjoyed each other outside of grief...like our shared love of music, or just silliness...we could just chew the fat about anything, and we just had a lot of fun.”

“The grief of losing her is just insurmountable...Poppy cracked my world right open. She was technicolor.”

MORE ABOUT AMBER:

Amber Jeffrey is a celebrated podcast host, mentor and community facilitator. Her work & podcast, The Grief Gang, specialises in breaking down the stigma around the topic that is grief one conversation at a time. By sharing her own experiences of loss as well as the stories of others on both her show and online platforms.

Through Amber’s passionate voice she has gone on to deliver talks & panel discussions at the University of Cambridge, Oxford, Westminster for the UK commission on bereavement and many other corporate entities. The podcast has gained traction in its life span of 5 years and has been recognised and amplified by many news & media outlets such as The BBC, Vogue, Women’s health, The Guardian and many more. With interviews on Woman’s hour, Channel 5 & BBC 1Xtra, Amber is no stranger to being behind the mic and delivering compelling, insightful and humorous interviews on the topic of grief.

RESOURCES:

Connect with Amber:

IG, Tiktok, Facebook: The Grief Gang

Website: www.thegriefgang.com

Grief Groups:

Interested in joining a friend-loss peer support group? Fill out the interest form at ⁠⁠friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup⁠

Lifebooks:

Want to create a memorial book for your loved one? Get$50-off with affiliate code friendsmissingfriends, or go directly to this link. Learn more about Lifebooks at https://lifebooks.io/

GET IN TOUCH:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s so appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

Email: ⁠[email protected]⁠

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: ⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends⁠

Leave a Voicemail at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781

Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. (And if you want me to share it on the podcast, be sure to explicitly give me permission to do so). Thanks y’all! Sending you love!

Today’s episode is a little different: I share my thoughts on various grief topics – while taking a walk! I was inspired by Amber Jeffrey’s recent episode on her awesome podcast The Grief Gang, and wanted to give it a try (all credit goes to her for the idea!). Think of it as a voice note from a friend :)

I’ll still continue to do interviews on the pod, but will also have these Grief Notes every once in a while (especially now that summer is coming to Chicago!)

In this Grief Note, I muse about:

• Creative blocks I’m having with my memoir
• Continuing my friendship with Lauren
• My desire for community
• And more!

RESOURCES:

Grief Groups: Interested in joining a friend-loss peer support group? Fill out the interest form at ⁠⁠friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup⁠

Lifebooks: Want to create a memorial book for your loved one? Get $50-off with affiliate code friendsmissingfriends, or go directly to this link. Learn more about Lifebooks at https://lifebooks.io/

GET IN TOUCH:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s so appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

Email: ⁠[email protected]⁠

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: ⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends⁠

Leave a Voicemail at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781

Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. (And if you want me to share it on the podcast, be sure to explicitly give me permission to do so). Thanks y’all! Sending you love!

Just a heads up: today's episode discusses mother-loss. If that's activating or upsetting, please take care of yourself. David Kessler has great resources for mother-loss grief at mothersdaygrief.com.

In today's episode, I chat with Diandra Ford-Wing, a dynamic and innovative Sales Director whose profound journey through grief ignited her passion for storytelling. After the sudden loss of her mother, Diandra made the courageous decision to pause her thriving career, allowing herself the space to heal and reflect. This transformative experience ultimately inspired her debut novel, "Red Bird," a heartfelt exploration of loss and resilience. 

Diandra and I chat about:

• How we all express and experience grief differently

• Using writing as a tool for processing grief
• Signs from our loved ones
• Honoring our loved ones’ legacies
• And more!

RESOURCES:

Mother-loss Resources:

mothersdaygrief.com

Connect with Diandra:

IG: www.instagram.com/diandrafordwing

Website: booksbydiandra.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/diandrafordwing

Grief Groups: If you’re interested in being a part of avirtual peer support friend-loss group, fill out the interest form at ⁠friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup

GET IN TOUCH:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s so appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends

Leave a Voicemail at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781

Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. (And if you want me to share it on the podcast, be sure to explicitly give me permission to do so). Thanks y’all! Sending you love!

Today I chat with Toby Dorr, author of Living with Conviction and You Are Not Your Worst Mistake: Poems From Prison. Toby is a speaker and advocate for second chances and criminal justice reform. If you haven’t already, check out my other episode with Toby (18. Living With Conviction) – you don’t want to miss it! In this episode, Toby and I talk about her poetry book You Are Not Your Worst Mistake, and the unexpected sisterhood and lifelong friendships that she experienced while behind bars.  

Toby and I chat about:

• The power of stories and poetry
• The importance of sisterhood and true friendship
• Poems from her book
• Self-acceptance
• And more!

Resources:

To get in touch with Toby or learn more about her, check out her websites and podcast!

Websites: https://tobydorr.com/

https://2dorrsdown.com/

⁠https://fiercepublications.com/⁠

⁠https://theunleashedseries.com/

Check out her journals here: https://fiercegracemovement.org/

Podcast: Fierce Conversations with Toby

Get in touch:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s SO appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

Grief Groups: If you’re interested in being a part of a virtual peer support friend-loss group, fill out the interest form at friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends

Leave a VM at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781

Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. (And if you want me to share it on the podcast, be sure to explicitly give me permission to do so. Thanks y’all! Sending you love!).

Today I chat with Ken Barringer, a licensed mental health counselor who provides individual and group counseling support to grievers as well as delivering training and consultation to schools, businesses and organizations following a loss. Ken is an adjunct faculty member at Lesley University in Cambridge Mass where he designed and teaches a course in grief. Additionally he produces a monthly newsletter and hosts the podcast Grief in Brief.

Ken and I chat about:

• The difference between empathy and compassion
• How crucial it is to ACKNOWLEDGE someone’s grief
• How grief can manifest in any or all of the 5planes: emotional, physical, cognitive, behavioral, and spiritual
• Grief and attachment
• How to respond with compassion to someone who isgrieving
• How grief evolves over time
• Self-compassion
• How grief is portrayed in the media
• And more!

Resources:

To get in touch with Ken or learn more about him, check out his website and podcast!

Website: www.healingforgriefandloss.com

Podcast: Grief in Brief

Get in touch:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s so appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

Grief Groups: If you’re interested in being a part of a virtualpeer support friend-loss group, fill out the interest form at friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends

Leave a VM at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781

Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. (And if you want me to share your voice clip on the podcast, be sure to explicitly give me permission to do so. Thanks y’all! Sending you love!).

Hi friends! Today’s episode is quite different. Rather than an interview, this is me giving you a real-time update of my grief journey right after hearing some very important news about the man responsible for my friend Lauren’s death. This is sort of a Part 2 to episode 68 (My friend’s death is part of a True Crime. Can I talk about it?), though you don’t have to listen to that one for this one to make sense. I go into the crime in a bit more detail in this episode, so it could be triggering or upsetting.

TRIGGER WARNING: sexual assault and rape.

Today I talk about:

• Gratuitous versus conscientious true crime

• The pursuit of justice

• The complexity of grief intertwined with rage

• Forgiveness is a personal journey

• Finding hope in justice

• What happens after justice? Where do I put my grief?  

Resources:

https://grief.com/resources/

If you or anyone you know is struggling, you can also reach out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 988.

Get in touch:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s so appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

If you’re interested in being a part of a friend-loss grief group, fill out the interest form at friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends

Leave a VM at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. I will respond! (And if you want me to share it on the podcast, be sure to explicitly give me permission to do so. Thanks y’all! Sending you love)

Today I chat with Rebecca Feinglos, grief expert and founder

Rebecca and I chat about:

Resources:

To get in touch with Rebecca or learn more about her, check

Website: Grieveleave.com

Podcast: Grief'd Up The Podcast

Socials: @grieveleave

Rebecca’s book recommendation:

Grief is Love by Marisa Renee Lee

Some of my fave quotes from this episode:

“Grief will suffocate you if you don't make room for it.”

“We need more grief-informed workplaces.”

“Grief and love are totally intertwined.”

“Always go to the funeral.”

“Grief isn't logical.”

“Your grief is valid, no matter the relationship.”

“The limit to grief does not exist.” (catch the Mean Girls

“A life well lived is full of grief.”

“You have built close relationships with people if you are grieving.”

“The grief that we feel is totally parallel to the amount of

Get in touch:

Thank you for listening to Friends Missing Friends. If you enjoyed it, please follow/subscribe, leave stars and a review—it’s so appreciated, and it helps the podcast reach more listeners!

If you’re interested in being a part of a friend-grief

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: @friendsmissingfriends

Website: friendsmissingfriends.com

Spotify for Podcasts page: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friendsmissingfriends

Leave a VM at FMF’s google voice number: 312-291-1781

Feel free to reach out, by email or VM. I will respond! (And if you want me to share it on the podcast, be sure to explicitly