Friends of the Show Episode 50! with Chris Locke @ChrisLockeFun!

‘There’s No Meaning to Any of This’ – Jim Carrey

This week’s guest has been making me laugh for over a decade! A constant force of funny in the Toronto and Canadian and world scene, it’s Chris Locke! I was so privileged to be able to have gotten a seat at his first album taping The World is Embarrassing and it’s been so great watching everything he does, always so funny- that’s why I am so excited to have him here this week thank you so much and welcome Chris Locke!

PLUS If you listened to the episode with Kyle I Davidson you would have heard him mention that Chris is his FAVOURITE STANDUP IN THE WORLD!

Check out Chris’ Great Stuff Here:

NEW comedy Album Demons are eating my head

Learning Nature with Chris Locke on Funny or Die

Chris’ videos on YouTube

The video Chris did with Nathan:

#JimPaintChris

It would be my dream for @JimCarrey to paint my portrait. Please RT so he can see this and make my dream come true. Thank you! One love to the world.   pic.twitter.com/lWuImpbBfg

— #JimPaintChris (@chrislockefun) April 8, 2018

Weird thing 2005 movie ‘Personal Effects’ where Casper Van Dien plays Chris Locke: Here

Chris’ Story: Subway to Hawaii

Talkin’ Twitter:

Chris’ Tweets:

Twitter is like reading all of the voices Professor X can hear.

— #JimPaintChris (@chrislockefun) May 3, 2017

My Pick:

I just started petting my folded up sweatpants on the bed because I thought it was my cat.

— #JimPaintChris (@chrislockefun) December 17, 2014

Chris’ Picks from Others:

A finely worded tweet is like a wine that the older it gets then it becomes more good.

— Aaron Eves (@AaronEves) July 19, 2014

From Mike Balazo one of the famed Balazo Brothers!

Friday Night Plans

hit the club
sip some drinks
talk to a beauty
spill state secrets
get arrested
trial
media circus
executed for treason

— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) January 30, 2015

Questions from Twitter:

CHRISLOCKEFUN CHOLERIC FUNKS
Do you have any stories of memorable illness?

CHRONIC FLUKES
How about stories of surprising good luck?

— Thomas Brendel (@theSolemnBard) June 5, 2018

If you were abandoned, nude, in the forest, what would you do? What would you eat? Would you make a pair of shorts out of sticks and leaves?

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) June 10, 2018

Who are some of the people who you would consider to be the most influential on your sense of humour?

— jess (@jessokfine) June 10, 2018

– are you still friends with your first ever best friend?
– what is the worst punishment (non-legal) you’ve ever received for bad behavior?

— Timmy (@TheTimmyToes) June 10, 2018

What has been your favourite @UtopiaToMe episode so far?
Where is the weirdest place you have done stand up?
Who is the most famous person that went to your high school?
Why does four questions feel like too many?

— Kyle Davidson (@kyleidavidson) June 10, 2018

Write in from Jeff DSilva – are you a light skinned indian? jk – real question- why did you shave your facial hair?

Classic question from Wife Cat – What’s the best meal you’ve ever had

Thanks Chris!

Friends of the Show 49 with @othergregalsop

“It’s dangerous to get calm. You need some nerves to work from, it’s good energy. It’s not good to have no nerves. You’d fall asleep on stage.” – Bob Odenkirk

I am incredibly excited because this week’s guest is the first person I asked to be a guest on my podcast that did not yet exist, and still did not exist for quite a while after that! He was also the person who introduced me to podcasts when he recommended I check out this show called WTF and I guess he’s the reason we’re here today- he’s a neighbourhood chum, one of the nicest people I have ever met and very funny to boot! Welcome to the podcast Greg!

LOSING OUR HEADS VIDEO

Check out the new song from Greg’s band Tokyo Police Club New Blues

Watch this hilarious sketch with Funtime Internet

Greg’s Story: First Tour on a Bus

Greg’s Tweets:

Greg’s Story: First Tour on a Bus

Greg’s Tweets:

What's it like having a career in music? You feel glory. You feel whole. You feel like you're part of some sort of… "glorious whole".

Greg’s Story: First Tour on a Bus

Greg’s Tweets:

Greg’s Story: First Tour on a Bus

Greg’s Tweets:

— Greg Alsop (@othergregalsop) November 29, 2014

My pick from Greg:

My TSA pat down assured me he'd ONLY be using the back of his hand – because nothing bad has EVER happened using the back of a man's hand…

— Greg Alsop (@othergregalsop) May 17, 2017

Babe Sheckler:

Got tossed from @TheBrick for "excessevely" testin the lazy boys. If they cant hold up to a buck knife, shouldnt be on the floor, my 2 cents

— Babe Sheckler (@babesheckler) August 12, 2017

First day of Christmas shoppin season! Been up sence 3:30 drainin Red Bulls and tryin to find a Crappy Tire thatll price match Kijiji

— Babe Sheckler (@babesheckler) November 1, 2014

Appearantly its a social no no to wear a Detriot Redwings jersey to a wedding. Sorry but it dont get any classier than Stevie Y

— Babe Sheckler (@babesheckler) August 16, 2014

Greg’s Picks from Others:

Just wrote the word 'Oscars' on a piece of paper and tucked it neatly inside my butthole

— Aaron Eves (@AaronEves) February 27, 2017

When it's my time, I hope to go peacefully in my sleep and then become Slimer.

— Stephanie Kaliner (@stephkaliner) April 7, 2016

[Scrooge opens window]
"YOU THERE, Boy! What day is it?"

Boy: pic.twitter.com/XYC7gY9s2p

— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) April 20, 2015

Questions from Twitter:

How many fingers do you put through the handle of a typical coffee mug when you pick it up?

— Timmy (@TheTimmyToes) May 2, 2018

hi Greg, long time reader first time commenter

1. how did TPC choose the tracks for the 10 Days, 10 Songs album? were they personal favourites or just random selections?

— the banana situation (moderately nefarious) (@trojansauce) May 2, 2018

2. would you rather accidentally post a (tasteful) nude to your Facebook story and have your aunt message you saying something like “oh my someone’s all grown up ” or legally change your name Gleg (you can’t change it back)

— the banana situation (moderately nefarious) (@trojansauce) May 2, 2018

GREG ALSOP POLAR EGGS
What would you name your pet penguin?

TOKYO POLICE CLUB BULKY TOE PICCOLO
What is the most unusual instrument you have seen a band use?

— Thomas Brendel (@theSolemnBard) May 2, 2018

How will you explain Kurt Cobain's death to your children? Will you say it was a suicide or that Courtney had him killed? Will you talk about the complexities of depression, love, greed, success, infidelity, and living with chronic pain?

— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) May 6, 2018

Also don't just say "I'm not having kids" because that was not the question

— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) May 6, 2018

Have you ever been to Tokyo? Also what’s your favourite egg-based breakfast dish?

— bun (@eminmien) May 6, 2018

HYPOTHETICALLY, if you were drowning would you want a lifeguard who had or hadn’t once fallen out of a lifeguard tower onto his head?

— Big Monkey Rod (@MockyRomax) May 6, 2018

How often do you open Twitter but not tweet?
Was David Letterman nice?
Whats your favourite big festival to play?
Coke or Pepsi?
Whats the last movie you saw?
Is 180 characters too many to allow people to use to ask questions?

— Kyle Davidson (@kyleidavidson) May 6, 2018

Classic Question from Wife of the Show CAt – “What is your favourite place out of everywhere you’ve been and WHY!?”

Thanks Greg! Just the best!

Wrap Up!

Friends of the Show episode 48 with @IAMSPACEGIRL!

“We often confuse what we wish for with what is” from Mirrormask

I am more than somewhat excited to talk to our guest this week, truly one of the funniest and nicest people online and in the world of reality, some of the most hilarious tweets of all time and everyone loves this person because of the quality of her person- very happy to welcome to the show SKY AKA SpaceGirl Incognito!

Story: “Senior Year Anatomy Lab” My best friend and I had to dissect cats

SKy’s Tweets:

the first rule of don't fight club is let's talk about it.

— sg incognito (@iamspacegirl) June 19, 2015

ME *traps wasp under a cup*

MAGICIAN GHOST WHO HAUNTS ME *appears & sets down 2 more cups*

ME: no

MAGICIAN GHOST *starts to shuffle them*

— sg incognito (@iamspacegirl) August 20, 2017

pretending I am a dragon.
Not, like, outwardly. just for me.

— sg incognito (@iamspacegirl) November 17, 2016

Sky’s Picks:

time is a human construct.
i think.
or a malleable space-fabric.
maybe.
zones are hulls begging to be breached.
like your mom.
probably.

— 𝓁𝑒𝒾 (@leifromloihi) December 12, 2015

APOLLO: I'll be god of the sun
HERMES: OK I'll take light-
A: I'm also light
ARTEMIS: I'll take music
A: No I'm also music. That's me too

— Mouse on a Carousel (@CarouselMouse) August 29, 2015

girls don't like boys girls like googling bear facts and reading the third best one out loud but saving the best two for a special occasion

— doctor peanut (@NINETIREDBUGS) May 11, 2017

Would you rather have finger sized legs or leg sized fingers?

— Llama In A Leafsh Jersey (@LlamaInaTux) April 25, 2018

Why are you SO GOOD and when others are SO BAD

— Sarah Shockey (@sarahjoyshockey) April 25, 2018

1) Who is your favourite online cat? Please speak loudly so Sumo can hear.
2) If you were on death row for MURDER!! (work with me here), what would your last meal be?
3) I would like to hear you sing a little song. Will you please PLEASE!!?

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) April 25, 2018

1 - What was the last thing you ordered out of a paper catalog?
2 - Would you rather: Constantly have damp socks, or Get a milk mustache every time you take a sip of a beverage no matter what it is, even if it’s not milk

— Timmy (@TheTimmyToes) April 25, 2018

sky, if you could make one major modification to the way the human body is designed, what would it be?

— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) April 25, 2018

1. Sky, who is your blood brother and how much do you love him?

2. Can I buy you Wawa and mail it and/or drive It up and Cam can carry you around on his back

— rob elliott (@rockymomax) April 25, 2018

hello Sky I hope you are doing well my question is: if you are stranded on an island would you rather have your only companion be a bat or a snail

— Ygrene (@Ygrene) April 26, 2018

Sky!!! Wylde de Beest here, couple questions for the Gnusletter:

1. Why do u think snails r cooler than wildebeests?

2. If a witch let you choose what place u would haunt forever, where/what would it be & why?

3. What's your favourite classic English novel & why?

Danke

— wylde de beest (@flashember) April 25, 2018

Sky, hello, if a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard got into a fight (prison rules) who would win?

— brandAn Current Year (@LeBearGirdle) April 25, 2018

Hi Sky! What is your recipe to greatness?

— Jeffw (@Jeffwni) April 25, 2018

Hey Sky. What are your long term plans for financial security? Have you been making bi weekly contributions to a Roth IRA? How’s your credit score? Thanks.

— Jack The Jew (@okimstillhungry) April 25, 2018

You've got a dinner date with GOD now what are you going to wear? (Assume budget is no limitation)

— Mayor P (friendly neighborhood mayor) (@punmagnate) April 26, 2018

You stumble upon a magical, delicious donut. What flavor is this donut and what slightly-useless wish does it grant you?
How are you so brootiful and good?

— Rads (@FeelingEuphoric) April 26, 2018

What inspires your jokes? Or if you have a particular joke that has a good origin story, tell us.

— Steve vs Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) April 25, 2018

IAMSPACEGIRL MAGICAL SPIRE

If you are an enchanted tower rising above some strange and distant world, perilous to reach and whispered in legends, what is at the top of you?

— Thomas Brendel (@theSolemnBard) April 26, 2018

If I hopscotch, did I jumpjack?

— Joel Krass (@JoelKrass) April 27, 2018

Can I meet your dogs?

— Tobangya from the hit show “Boy Meets World” (@sug_knight) April 25, 2018

hi guys long time reader first time commenter

1. fuck marry kill: jareth, hoggle, didymus

2. would you rather never eat wawa again, or drink a milkshake made of mustard

3. which of your kids is your favourite and why

— the banana situation (@trojansauce) April 25, 2018

Thanks so much Sky!

Friends of the Show Episode 47 with Amanda @brookeperrin

“Don’t half ass two things, whole ass one thing.” – Ron Swanson AKA Parks and Rec Writers

Amanda Brooke Perrin is a very funny and nice comedian and writer from Calgary, Alberta, Canada who is so good that she recently won Best Female Stand Up in NOW magazine’s Best Of T.O. Reader’s Choice Awards! She is currently residing in Los Angeles California. She has rescued a dog named Moo and she is just the best, I am so happy to have her on the show!

Her Album ‘AKA’ Randy is

Amanda’s Tweets:

Amanda’s Tweets:

WE DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS WE JUST WANTED EQUAL PAY https://t.co/Rz2k8cqH2k

— Amanda Brooke Perrin (@brookeperrin) January 26, 2018

My pick:

JEANS SO HIGH THEY ASKIN FOR SNACKS.

— Amanda Brooke Perrin (@brookeperrin) August 1, 2013

not sure when it'll be, but looking forward to the day where I don't boil enough pasta for a family of 18.

— Amanda Brooke Perrin (@brookeperrin) September 10, 2017

Amanda’s Picks from Others:

Want to feel old? This is Haim now. pic.twitter.com/5J3izQvUYR

— Sam Montgomery (@sammontgomery) April 17, 2018

boy: i hate being poor
grandpa: were going to fun factory
mr chocolate: hello naughty children its murder time

— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) May 26, 2014

Questions from Twitter:

Amanda, will you come do shows in Chicago sometime? I've wanted to come out and support for years!

— Michael (@Home_Halfway) April 18, 2018

AMANDA BROOKE PERRIN PARANOID BONER MAKER

Do you have any particularly memorable interactions with sketchy dudes online?

— Thomas Brendel (@theSolemnBard) April 18, 2018

Sophie's choice: Cheese or Peter Dinklage?

— Jhanelle Dennis (@JhanelleDennis) April 22, 2018

Write in from:

@AndrewsNotFunny – How is your body entirely made up of cheese?

@JeffDSilva – Just wondering why you never visited any of “The Thread” in Calgary when you were here for a 12 hour stop over on Monday? Have you “gone Hollywood” on us?

@ColdFries – Have you seen any A-listers at the Hollywood dog parks you frequent with Moo?

Check out Awkward Girl Dates coming in June to CBC comedy!

Thanks to @brookeperrin!

Friends of the Show 46 with @kyleidavidson

“Nothing very very good, or very very bad, lasts for very very long” – Douglas Coupland

This week’s guest has been involved in the podcast since well before day 1, and I have known him his whole life- he is the creator of the theme we just heard, as well as a family member of mine, my cousin! He doesn’t do much joke tweeting but when he does it can be funny! He loves hockey and is a talented guitar player and songwriter, be sure to stay tuned at the end of the podcast for a very special original song, produced by yours truly- it’s one of my favourites, welcome Kyle!

Stories:

The Little Girl And The Butterfly

Alan Frew (or how sound travels over water) {cottage related}

Dashboard at the Bookstore!

Tweets:

Police on the scene described it as 'a robbery gone really, really well' and have no suspects or leads at this time.

— Kyle Davidson (@kyleidavidson) March 25, 2015

My Pick:

Do you have:
A chronically dry mouth?
Annoying voice?

Start a podcast!

— Kyle Davidson (@kyleidavidson) November 29, 2014

Honourable Mention:

Comedy clubs are a great place to go if you like being asked how you're doing.

— Kyle Davidson (@kyleidavidson) December 30, 2013

Picks from Others:

We all know the Beverly Hills Zip Code is 90210, but the Zip Code for Dawson's Creek is 90108 (For Our Lives To Be Over).

— Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) September 4, 2015

(90108) 4092304.

— Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) September 5, 2015

Omg my wife’s Xmas list sounds like the Ruff Ryder’s Anthem!!!! pic.twitter.com/Lizr2eQ5Cv

— jeffdsilva (@jeffdsilva) December 5, 2017

It's the remix to ignition,
I'm a terrible magician,
I cut your grandma in half,
And now my rabbit is missing.

— Ashley △⃒⃘ (@ashmensch) January 23, 2017

Questions from Twitter:

If you could only have one kind of juice for the rest of your life, what juice would you choose?

— Timmy (@TheTimmyToes) April 6, 2018

Hi Kyle,
Q1: What does your side of the family think about the Skinner clan? (Please provide the good stuff)
Q2: Nice intro music…what was the process?
Q3: Where is the booze can tonight?

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) April 6, 2018

hi Wylde de Beest here, reporterbeest from the African Gnusletter. I have a few questions:
1. what is your favourite animal and why
2. why didn't you choose wildebeest
3. a witch curses you, turns you into a building of your choosing…what would it be and why?
thank gnu

— wylde de beest (@flashember) April 6, 2018

From Cat: What was your most awkward celebrity encounter? Who is your favourite Skinner?

OLD QUESTIONS:

who is your favorite ninja turtle?

— markydoodoo (@markydoodoo) December 14, 2017

What is your favorite spice, seasoning, or condiment?

— Zach (@NamestartswithZ) November 28, 2017

Who is your favorite stand-up and why?

— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) November 22, 2017

If you could have anyone haunt you as a ghost, who would you want it to be and why?

— Valerie. (@valeriegauvain) October 24, 2017

what’s your least favorite book?

what body part would you rename, and what would you change it to?

what’s your favorite muppet?

— penjamin. (@upsidedowntrash) October 24, 2017

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) October 4, 2017

If you could add any sport to the Olympics, what would it be?

— Just Gwen (@msgwenl) July 27, 2017

1) What's the best live performance you've ever been to (music, stage, etc)?
2) which light switch is better (little nub, or flat plate)

— Timmy (@TheTimmyToes) July 16, 2017

Thanks!

Friends of the Show Episode 45 with @RockyMomax

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen, man, but I wanna have My kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames”

Rob is a fun and wild twitter jokester who enjoys saving lives in his non-tweeting time. He is a florida surfin’ party dude and has some let’s say, interesting stories, which we’ll get into, and he is also very nice. You can check out his fun jokes on twitter @RockyMomax and I am very happy to have him on the show this week welcome Rob!

Story: throwing knives at a wall / getting arrested

Talkin’ Twitter

Rob’s Tweets:

PHARAOH: we shall build religious monuments. they will baffle future science.

SUBJECT: should we leave them a note to explain how we did it?

PHARAOH: yes, take this down

SUBJECT: ok

PHARAOH: cat, dog, snake, bird, cat, man with the head of a cat, dog, cat, bird

— rob elliott (@rockymomax) January 11, 2018

My pick:

[invited to a wedding]
"ok 6 months to lose 30lbs"
(2 months later)
"4 months to lose 35lbs"
(4 months later)
"I have 8 hours to lose 40lbs"

— rob elliott (@rockymomax) July 5, 2017

Tweets from Others:

"Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked.

She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.

— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) January 9, 2016

[my funeral after 20 years as a lifeguard]
PRIEST: he died doing what he loved

[cut to me falling out of a lifeguard tower]

— Big Monkey Rod (@MockyRomax) February 24, 2017

Questions from Twitter:

Hi Rob, longtime critic here. Question for you – have you ever had sex? Thanks!

— Michael (@Home_Halfway) March 23, 2018

I am a terrible swimmer…would you rescue me if I was drowning? Describe this event.
Besides that one, what is your most memorable rescue?
Is it possible that I was your lifeguard the whole time?

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) March 21, 2018

Question from Tom – mention his podcast that you were on – Interested in Music – check it out!

hi long time reader first time commenter

1. can…can you read?
2. what part of the bear would you most/least like to eat?
3. would you rather: lay on the ground with your mouth open and let a worm slither around in your throat for an hour, or get a temporary face tattoo of me

— the banana situation (@trojansauce) March 22, 2018

Hello Rod, can you please make an argument as to why I should be atop the rankings. Also, is a harp just a super guitar?

— brandAn Current Year (@LeBearGirdle) March 21, 2018

How many sandwiches do I want?
How many should I have gotten?

— Ygrene (@Ygrene) March 21, 2018

Uh oh, this calls for an extra anagram

ROBERT ELLIOTT TERRIBLE LOTTO
What is something other people might be happy to win, but you would not?

RODBERT ELLIOTT BORDELLO TITTER
What is an amusing thing that has happened to you in an intimate setting?

— Thomas Brendel (@theSolemnBard) March 22, 2018

If you could do it all over again,,,,,,would you get those artisanal fries?

— penjamin. (@upsidedowntrash) March 22, 2018

Who's a good dog? Who is this? Who's a good dog?!

— Jeffw (@Jeffwni) March 22, 2018

Have you ever been to an NFL game where both teams did not have fun?

— Dave Cactus (@dave_cactus) March 21, 2018

How does it feel having a birth name that makes him seem like he should be Dilbert's long lost dad?

— Adam (@Browtweaten) March 22, 2018

WRAP UP:

That’s it!

Friends of the Show Episode 44 with @TheToddWilliams

Infant Joy

I have no name

– William Blake

Todd is a great and very funny and prolific twitter joke writer, who also happens to reside in Toronto, Ontario Canada! Todd’s tweets are legendary- as is his account, everyone has surely seen his statuesque AVI or has seen his tweets here or there or everywhere! He was also in a rock band! He’s a parent! He enjoys coffee! I am very happy to introduce Todd Williams.

Todd’s Story – Touring Life with a Rock Band!

Talkin’ Twitter

Been on twitter since: December 2011

TODD’s Neil DeGrasse Tyson Moment Moment

Todd’s Tweets:

[job interview]
Me: Time travel
Boss: What is your biggest stren—WHAT?!

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) February 18, 2015

TRUMP: Let's get that Muslim Band going

"Band? We thought you said ban"

TRUMP: No way, that's harsh. Also, how's that Mexican mall coming?

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) November 9, 2016

My Pick:

Superman could have become a doctor, using his x-ray vision to detect life threatening tumors. But no, we really needed another journalist.

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) February 17, 2016

Todd’s Picks:

mob boss: stick his body in the compost pile
me: wha
mob boss (grabbing my collar intently): we might be killers, but u only got one earth

— keith (@ghostkrogh) October 19, 2015

The popular 70s/80s drama CHiPS was adapted from the British show "Constables of the Royal Imperial Street Patrol System (CRiSPS)"

— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) August 1, 2017

"Ha ha ha! Terrific!" – Mitt Romney, every time Jar Jar Binks appears on screen

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) June 5, 2012

Questions from Twitter(NEW RECORD!):

Walk me through a day in the life of grade 9 Todd

— Mark Magark (@markedly) March 14, 2018

it’s a demand, you imbecile

— Mark Magark (@markedly) March 14, 2018

From FOTS @Dave_Cactus

Are you coming to my birthday party, you big handsome lug?
Do you have any tweets about science?
Is your real last name Magark?

— Dave Cactus (@dave_cactus) March 14, 2018

Follow up from JEffwni

Science?

— Jeffw (@Jeffwni) March 14, 2018

From FOTS Rads @FeelingEuphoric

Toddles, describe your dream date as if you were a raccoon

— Radsy (@FeelingEuphoric) March 15, 2018

From FOTS Andrew NAdeau

What’s the story behind the 4 names and how they’re broken up, 2 in your handle, 3 in your profile name?

— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) March 14, 2018

From Michael @Home_Halfway

Todd, what is the best part about being 110 years old?

— Michael (@Home_Halfway) March 14, 2018

From Marf Salvador

where does he come up with his great ideas? why is he so funny? how is he so smart? why is he so handsome? etc

— Marf (@MarfSalvador) March 14, 2018

From FOTS Will @upsidedowntrash

yeah i have one.

Why?

— penjamin. (@upsidedowntrash) March 14, 2018

From FOTS Brandan @LeBearGirdle

TODD! My dad wants to know how, at the age of 142, you still look so young?

— brandAn Current Year (@LeBearGirdle) March 14, 2018

From Llama in a Tux:

Yesh, I'd like to know who hish favourite Canadian prime minister ever ish, and if he could beat them in a fight.

— Lleprechaun In a Tux (@LlamaInaTux) March 15, 2018

From Thomas Brendel

TODD 'PAPI' CARLOS A LAPTOP DISCORD

What is the most interesting disagreement you have had with someone online?

— Thomas Brendel (@theSolemnBard) March 14, 2018

From Druuuuck!

If you suddenly became a dog, what are the first things you would a) chase and b) chew on?

— Just A Guy Pretending To Be A Duck Online (@druuuck) March 15, 2018

From Shen _ The _ Bird

Would you rather only be able to open doorknobs with your mouth or instantly switch voices with Donald Duck whenever you get a erection?

— Shen the Bird (@Shen_the_Bird) March 15, 2018

From Ojege

Please ask him “Tood, do you have to?”

— Ollie (@ojedge) March 14, 2018

What motivates Todd to continue tweeting despite lacking the ability to produce good, or even average content?

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) March 14, 2018

When did you first realize I was your best friend? How long you gotta suck a tree to get one bottle of maple syrup? Why aren’t they called the Toronto maple leaves? Metric system, stupid? Or just a waste of time? What was Woodstock like? Poutine or chili cheese fries?

— Boog (@BoogTweets) March 14, 2018

Two words: groupie stories

— She's A Real Genius (@ShesARealGenius) March 14, 2018

Todd,
What’s the oddest thing you’ve ever done?

Follow-up question:
What’s the Toddest thing you’ve ever done?

— Danny (@dundlewood) March 15, 2018

where is the treats meow?

— Sumo (@SumoMeow) March 14, 2018

From TOM @trojansauce

hi todd long time reader first time commenter

who would be your ideal dinner party guest if it was just them, me and you?

also would you rather spill milk on your legs so you smelled like old milk all day, or have bolognese inside your shoe for a day (only you know its there)?

— the banana situation (@trojansauce) March 15, 2018

From TOP FOTS Question Asker Extraordinare and your son, Timmy

1. When was the last time you locked yourself out of something (car, house, etc.)
2. You are my father, and you make the rules of the household, but can I please come inside to eat dinner with you and the rest of the family instead of in my bedroom/garage corner?

— Timmy (@TheTimmyToes) March 14, 2018

Special Write in Question from Travis @prof_hinkley “what is your favourite colour?” spelled correctly with

Very Special Beverage Club Shoutout to @JessOkFine @TooManyToes Sicily and Don-orable mention to @dongfuture

Todd is on Twitter

Friends of the Show 43 with @BlaineCapatch!

“Always have fun. if you don’t have fun and the audience hates you, then nobody had fun.” – bill hicks

Blaine Capatch is a stand up, a comedian of comedy, TV writer and performer who has written on a lot of cool shows like MadTV in the 90’s and more recently @midnight RIP and he was the host of Beat the Geeks a fun game show on Comedy Central! Blaine is a very funny joke writer on twitter and off, and I am more than somewhat excited to have him on the podcast this week!

and you can visit on YOUTUBE

Writing on MADTV, Hosting Beat the Geek, writing on @midnight

Blaine’s Story: GODZILLA VERSUS LITTLE RICHARD

The Tweets!

Blaine’s Tweets:

lou gehrig: i'm going to live to be 37
stephen hawking: hold my beer
lou gehrig: i can't

— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) March 14, 2018

My Pick:

the only good thing hitler ever did was kill hitler

— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) August 12, 2017

BONUSSSSS

proctologist: what a horrible asshole
me: oh my god
proctologist: sorry, i was talking about trump. YOUR asshole is fantastic

— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) December 13, 2017

Blaines Picks from others:

me: waiter this soup is cold

waiter: it’s Gazpacho

me: Gazpacho this soup is cold

— Nathan W. Pyle (@nathanwpyle) February 25, 2018

From Colin SpaceTwinks

doctor: treatment is simple. go see orville, very funny clown

pagliacci: what about pagliacci?

doctor: pagliacci? man i could not name a more suckass clown

pagliacci:

doctor: just downright dogshit of a clown

— Colin Spacetwinks (@spacetwinks) February 19, 2018

From Kimmy Monte and shoutout to her pug Nibs!

every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel

— kim (@KimmyMonte) October 12, 2017

Questions from Twitter:

BLAINE CAPATCH CAPABLE IN CHAT

Do you have any advice for how to have an interesting conversation with a stranger? Really the only move I've got is anagramming their name.

— Thomas Brendel (@theSolemnBard) March 16, 2018

Hey Blaine – any chance of rebooting Beat the Geeks someday?

— Michael (@Home_Halfway) March 16, 2018

What is the thing you most wish you could unsee?

— Timmy (@TheTimmyToes) March 16, 2018

From Cousin of the Show, the creator of the theme- Kyle I Davidson

Any fun stories from working on MADTV? What sketch were you most surprised made it air?

— Kyle Davidson (@kyleidavidson) March 18, 2018

a couple of write-in questions from Nicks

From FOTS Nick Flanagan @theflans: “What separates good wordplay from bad wordplay?”

From FOTS Nick Nemeroff: “what’s up?”

Question from KIMMY MONTE: “Who’s the one person from Twitter that you would love to meet IRL and WHY?”

FINAL QUESTION from BLAINE CAPATCH from the hit tv show BEAT THE GEEKS: ()

WRAP UP: Hosting Roller Derby / Wrestling

That’s it!

Friends of the Show Episode 42 with @NickNemeroff

“It’s a funny thing being in a punk band, sometimes you have to turn your back on a soda you really love” – Patrick Stickles, of Titus Andronicus

Nick is a comedian originally from Montreal currently based out of Toronto- and one of my favourites to follow online on all platforms and is also great to see live, he tours and co-hosts a monthly show with Gavin Pounds [email protected] at Comedy Bar- also he is a very nice person and has a lot of great comedy credits (THE ADELAIDE FRINGE FESTIVAL, THE MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL, THE COMEDY STORE IN SYDNEY, JFL42, NXNE, ODDBLOCK, HELL YES FEST), it’s Nick Nemeroff!

Nick’s Story: The 10-hour Cab Ride (featuring Butter the Cat)

Nick’s Tweet:

Might not look it but I'm a white guy with dreads. The future, the past, the present, I dread it all folks!

— Nick Nemeroff (@nicknemeroff) January 24, 2016

My pick:

Ok if I'm being honest…kind of annoyed I spent all that time on the effigy and then you guys just burnt it

— Nick Nemeroff (@nicknemeroff) October 21, 2016

Nick’s Picks:

today i called my teacher Chumlee (from Pawn stars) instead of her real name (Ms. Adamski), she kinda look like him all of a sudden she ran outta da room crying…turns out she use to date Chumlee & he dumped her on da day of Brexit via @Viber (a free messaging/calling app)

— Dan Licata (@danlicatasucks) February 26, 2018

From Ben

i wish that managing my depression was as easy as managing the multiple tenacious d cover bands on my talent roster—all very cooperative and professional!!!

— ben (@bennnnst) January 19, 2018

Check out his group the ‘toronto make me laughs’ currently on at Toronto SketchFest

Questions From Twitter:

Since anagrams are destiny, how do you interpret FENCE FOR MINK: will you buy and sell stolen furs, or do manual labor at a mink farm?

— Thomas Brendel (@theSolemnBard) March 1, 2018

Boxers or briefs? – which would you rather be killed by?

— Steve vs Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) March 1, 2018

If you could be any animal, what would you choose? Now if you can be an animal that gets to shoot lasers from its eyes, what do you want to be now?

— Llama In a Tux (@LlamaInaTux) March 1, 2018

What’s more likely to be fake news: Moon landing or Loch Ness Monster?

— HughGoesThere (@HughGoesThere) March 1, 2018

If you could be any Ninja Turtle, which one would it be and why

— Stefan Urquelle (@OfficeofSteve) March 1, 2018

If you had to choose one: Cheez Its, Cheese Nips, or Goldfish?

— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) March 1, 2018

Thanks to all for the great questions!

Wrap Up: I’m passionate about…sports! Mainly hockey and football. Even more mainly Denver Broncos and Montreal Canadiens though they both suck this year

Promotions: @NickNemeroff on Twitter and Instagram, very funny stuff on both

Shows on the website www.nicknemeroff.com

Going on tour with Everardo Ramirez to Hamilton, Ottawa, Montreal, Kitchener-Waterloo and Peterborough – I will be in attendance on the Hamilton date

Come to [email protected] every 4th Wednesday of the month at Comedy Bar in the cabaret space, I have attended this show and it was great, standing room only, so funny shoutout to your co-host Gavin Pounds on Twittter @GavinLBS

Friends of the Show Episode 41 with @JhanelleDennis

Jhanelle is a very funny and nice comedy performer who has great energy on stage- I have seen her perform and it was always great!

“That they were the worst musicians in the world. They were no-playing motherfuckers. Paul was the worst bass player I ever heard. And Ringo? Don’t even talk about it. I remember once we were in the studio with George Martin, and RingoJones arranged a version of “Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing” for Starr’s 1970 solo debut album Sentimental Journey, which was produced by the Beatles’ frequent collaborator George Martin. The song, and album, are more than a bit gloopy. had taken three hours for a four-bar thing he was trying to fix on a song. He couldn’t get it. We said, “Mate, why don’t you get some lager and lime, some shepherd’s pie, and take an hour-and-a-half and relax a little bit.” So he did, and we called Ronnie Verrell, a jazz drummer. Ronnie came in for 15 minutes and tore it up. Ringo comes back and says, “George, can you play it back for me one more time?” So George did, and Ringo says, “That didn’t sound so bad.” And I said, “Yeah, motherfucker because it ain’t you.” Great guy, though”

JD’s Story:New Roommates, Eh?

Talkin Twitter

Jhanelle’s Tweet:

Just used the term "leg-wrist" because I couldn't remember the word "ankle". It's been a long day.

— Jhanelle Dennis (@JhanelleDennis) October 14, 2016

My JD pick:

Looking for a bookie that takes bets on which of your coworkers are coming back for seconds when there's cake.

— Jhanelle Dennis (@JhanelleDennis) October 23, 2013

Picks from Others:

Quincy Jones: "so we're in the middle of Cars 2 right? i'm loving it. then i hear some kid yell 'this nigga eating beans' so i turn around and sure enough, some nigga was eating beans! BEANS! but i can't go into more detail i've already said too much. you ever play pokemon go?"

— T'Bread Terry (@SlimiHendrix) February 7, 2018

IRL y'all would be sick of killmonger for spamming ur timeline with links about lettuce being man-made

— Desus Nice (@desusnice) February 18, 2018

Sooooo i found out that for the past 6 months, my uncle has been going to funerals to go to the repass after for food. HE DOESNT KNOW THESE PPL. HE LOOKS IN THE DEATH NOTICES IN THE PAPER. OH MY GOD. “Some ppl just have the spirit of grief in their greens”

— EAGLES SUPERBOWL LII CHAMPS BITCH (@blaaksuedepumps) January 28, 2018

If we’re being honest, more Instagram Stories should end: “I guess you had to be there.”

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) December 23, 2017

OJ: *chasing jimmy fallon around with a rubber knife while the roots play "yakety sax"*
FALLON: ahhhh don't kill me lol

— your friend john (@johnsemley3000) July 20, 2017

Questions From Twitter

The power of anagram compels me to ask: does HELL NEED NINJAS?

— Thomas Brendel (@theSolemnBard) February 21, 2018

Hello, long time lishener, and also long time caller here. Can you explain some of the differencesh and/or connections between tweet writing and stand-up? What are some elementsh that work in one but not both, or that work in both?

— Llama In a Tux (@LlamaInaTux) February 21, 2018

when it comes to tissues, are the little cube boxes or the rectangle boxes better ?

— Timmy (@TheTimmyToes) February 22, 2018

Promotion Area

RAPP BATTLEZ 100 hosted by Miguel and Freddie Rivas, part of the TORONTO SKETCH COMEDY FESTIVAL. At Longboat Hall at the Great Hall (1087 Queen West), March 9 at 9:30 pm. $25. torontosketchfest.com.

Runnin At The Mouth Album “The Cream Soda Furcoat” on iTunes/Apple Music/Spotify