From Caving In To Crushing It by Drew Deraney

July 28, 2025 Episode 147 - Thomas LaGrave - Warrior to Healer: Tom LaGrave’s Battle with Addiction and His Mission to Guide the Next Generation

This episode: Warrior to Healer: Tom LaGrave’s Battle with Addiction and His Mission to Guide the Next Generation.

Here’s what you’ll learn about:

Introduction and Initial Context (0:10)

Host Drew Deraney discusses the linear path of life from childhood to adulthood and how internal circumstances can derail this path, leading to adversity.

Drew introduces the concept of three types of men: one who doesn't see adversity, one who sees it as life happening to him, and one who sees it as an opportunity for growth.

He asks Guest Thomas LaGrave to share a defining moment that transformed his life and how it impacted his professional and personal growth.

Tom's Early Life and Military Service (3:16)

Tom recounts his early life, starting with his first drink and drug at age 14 and his subsequent struggles with addiction.

At age 18, Tom was kicked out of his father's house and joined the military, where he excelled in special forces training.

Despite his success in the military, Tom continued to struggle with addiction, leading to his discharge after nine and a half years for drug use.

Tom describes his return home and his father's ultimatum, which led him to enter a 90-day recovery facility.

Transition to Recovery and Counseling (6:32)

Tom explains the challenges of living life without drugs and alcohol, having been trained in the military to suppress emotions.

At about a year into his recovery, Tom felt a fear of failure and the possibility of incarceration if he couldn't figure out how to live without substances.

He decided to become an overnight counselor at a recovery facility for adolescents to learn how to live life and understand emotions.

Over four years, Tom gained valuable insights and began a journey dedicated to helping adolescents transition to adulthood.

Professional Development and Education (9:53)

Tom discusses his transition from the recovery facility to becoming the director of a Boys and Girls Club, where he worked with children aged six to 18.

Despite initial feelings of disrespect, he committed to staying and helping the children, which led to a better understanding of their needs.

Recognizing his lack of formal education, Tom returned to school to obtain a bachelor's, master's, and certification in his field.

He emphasizes the importance of being able to answer the questions and needs of the children he worked with, leading to his dedication to lifelong learning.

Relapse and Personal Growth (11:53)

Tom shares his experience of relapsing five and a half years ago, driven by a sense of self-importance and forgetting the importance of self-care.

He describes the impact of his relapse on his family, including suicidal ideation and the support he received from his brothers.

The relapse led Tom to re-evaluate his life and begin the process of self-reflection and healing.

Today, he is happier than ever and has learned to value himself and his work.

Current Work and Future Plans (18:23)

Tom explains his current work in semi-retirement, focusing on private practice and volunteering where he chooses.

The advent of telehealth during the COVID-19 pandemic has allowed him to reach more people without the financial constraints of face-to-face sessions.

Tom values his skills and charges accordingly, emphasizing the importance of self-worth and the value of one's work.

He discusses his book, "Special Warfare: Adolescents to Adulthood," which shares his story and insights to help future generations.

Advice for Young People and Business Insights (22:15)

Tom advises young people to seize the day and not hesitate, emphasizing the importance of taking action.

He shares his business advice, highlighting the importance of understanding both clinical and executive skills.

Tom suggests that young people should gain experience in running places to develop both skill sets rather than jumping directly into CEO roles.

He concludes by expressing gratitude for the opportunity to share his story and advice, and he encourages others to value themselves and their work.

To learn more about Tom’s mission, go to his LinkedIn profile at https://www.linkedin.com/in/tjlagravejr/

or his website www.thehonorboundacademy.org

Thomas LaGrave Bio

Thomas J. LaGrave Jr. is a bestselling author, licensed clinical social worker, and a powerful voice in adolescent mental health and social development. A former Hospital Corpsman with the U.S. Navy SEALs, Tom brings more than 35 years of experience working with over 3,000 young men, specializing in the emotional and developmental challenges of adolescence and the transition to adulthood.

As the former founder of Honor Bound Academy, a year-long immersive program in Sonoma, California, Tom mentored young men through structured rites of passage, healing work, and emotional accountability. While the program has since concluded, Tom remains deeply committed to directly supporting youth while building trust with the adults who guide them—through community speaking engagements, clinical work, and real-talk conversations that resonate with both parents and teens.

A recovering addict and alcoholic for over three decades, Tom merges his lived experience with deep clinical knowledge to help families and America’s youth navigate the often-overwhelming world of raising emotionally resilient young men in a digital age.

His most recent book, Special Welfare. Social Warfare, launched November 2024, explores how society is failing boys through broken systems, misguided cultural narratives, and the unspoken emotional weight carried by today’s youth. It follows his earlier work, The Bell Tolls For Thee: A Soliloquy.

Tom’s career includes work in hospitals, addiction recovery, adolescent mental health, youth incarceration programs, and as a Military Family & Life Consultant for U.S. Armed Forces Special Operations Command. He is passionate about offering practical, actionable advice to parents and community leaders who are afraid of getting it wrong and just want to contribute to raising good men in a complicated world.

Available for in-studio or virtual interviews, Tom can speak powerfully on topics including:

How AI and tech are stunting emotional intelligence—and what parents can do about it

3–5 practical tips for building trust with emotionally withdrawn teens and adolescents

Why “relating through tech” is putting parents and teens at a disadvantage

How to recognize early warning signs of depression in teens and adolescents

What to say when your teen is showing you who they are—and how to actually listen

Why young men need to be taught to follow the lead of women who are doing real work in community and advocacy

Masculinity redefined: Beyond peacocking and performative strength

The rebellion of thinking for yourself in a copy/paste world

The Navy SEAL mindset for mental strength—tools for real-life adversity

How structured “rites of passage” build confidence, resilience, and identity

Tom is a media favorite, having interviewed on Good Day San Antonio, ARC Seattle, KOMO News, and countless podcasts. He’s known for saying the quiet parts out loud and helping parents confront the big, scary questions: What did no one tell me? Why is no one talking about this?

With a rare mix of empathy, grit, and hard-earned wisdom, Tom equips both young people and the adults who care about them with the tools to thrive in a world that desperately needs emotionally healthy men.

About your host: I'm Drew Deraney, the proud father of three children. For most of my life I've been concerned with what people thought of me and how I was supposed to act. I learned not to be my authentic self and instead became a people pleaser, a man wearing a mask.

In a 9-month span a few years ago, I endured four faith-shaking life events that caused me to question my existence.

I became determined to find a better way to live. Through intense self-reflection and awareness, I realized that in order to be happy, I must adhere to my standards of honesty, integrity and truth and needed to break free from the belief system that was anchored in me for close to 50 years.

I now believe that success happens when we find a better way and are willing and able to share it. HOW I do that is by challenging the status quo and thinking differently. Ultimately, WHAT I bring is a way to contribute and add value by having an impact on the lives of others.

My company, Profit Compassion LLC consists of 3 paths:

The Mindful Man Movement: men’s self-discovery coach, speaker, podcast host, author. For Men Seeking Answers Within: Imagine having crystal clear knowledge of your purpose in life where you make confident decisions, and are assertive, productive, and at peak mental health. Corporate executives hire me to guide them to tap into their natural power through self-discovery so they may write their own story and live the life they want to live.

The Caregiver Family Health Coach: coach for caregivers of individuals with special needs, including Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). For Caregivers who are open to a conversation about how I can support you on your caregiving journey: I help caregivers find balance, build resilience, and rediscover their own well-being. Through personalized coaching, I provide practical strategies, emotional support, and the tools to reduce burnout, strengthen relationships, and navigate the challenges of caregiving with confidence. My goal is to empower you to care for yourself as compassionately as you care for your loved one.

Business Solutions: health/wellness and financial services to support individuals and businesses.

Join me in transforming challenges into opportunities for growth. Let’s embark on this journey together.

HOW TO CONNECT WITH COACH DREW:

Website: https://profitcompassion.com/

Email: [email protected]

Book a discovery call: https://link.mavericksystems.online/widget/bookings/netweaving/connect30

Pick up a copy of Drew’s book: https://amzn.to/40dsbyR or https://bit.ly/BandNDrew

YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@profitcompassion/videos

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