From Surviving to Thriving: A No Tools, No Techniques Shift from Stress and Overwhelm to Fulfilment

Communication is something we are doing all day every day. Have you noticed when don't communicate well. When you have a lot on your mind, you're upset or angry or when it feels like you need the other person to see it your way.

And have you noticed the not nice feeling which comes with that. That feeling isn't telling you about the other person but it is telling you about your state of mind. But when we notice that off feeling and understand it properly, we might give ourselves a minute and allow our mind time to settle. It always will and it doesn't take long when we don't get in the way. And then we are in the best place to communicate; calm, present, less on our minds.

We listen better, connect better and there is less separation. It's all in the noticing and awareness. That's all we need really.

Are you trying to use willpower to change your behaviour? Reacting better eating less or exercising more. Here are some reasons why that might not be working. 

1. Willpower is a finite resource. Have you noticed how sometimes you can willpower through and then it all gets too much and the old behaviour sneaks back in.

2. Willpower is us trying to control our thinking (and therefore behaviour) with the same thinking which created the behaviour in the first place.

3. Behaviour is the output of the system. Feelings, thoughts and then behaviour is the order of what happens.

So what is the alternative. It's understanding! Understanding that your feelings are telling you about your state of mind not that the outside world is either creating or can solve your feelings. Understanding that the voice in your head does not know the truth. In fact it could not be further from the truth. It's the conditioning you picked up as you went through life. Understanding that you have the capacity to fall back into a state of wellbeing in any moment without doing anything at all. When we change our understanding of thoughts and feelings, the capacity for change in behaviour is amazing and requires no willpower.

Do you know your purpose or has searching for it become your purpose i.e. the thing you do every day. When we are looking for our purpose, we are looking to the future. Therein lies the problem. You see, the future doesn't exist. You purpose as a human being is to exist in the present. Anything else is thought and not real.

Your purpose in this moment will reveal the next purpose and the next and only when you look back will you be able to see how it unfurled. Our purpose is to live in the present moment and from there anything is possible. If you would like to feel more purposeful in the present moment, drop me a message or join The Antidote to Self-Development 5 Day Experience (https://bit.ly/sdantidote)

Do you misunderstand your emotions? I think we all do that sometimes. We think they are coming from the outside world or other people. Maybe we think there is something wrong with us. But emotions are information. They are letting us know about our state of mind. They correlate with our thoughts in the moment. 

We can use them to guide us but maybe not in the way you think. Your emotions are not telling you about the outside world. Thinking that is misinformation. You cannot change your emotions by doing things in the outside world. It just doesn't work that way. But you can see that there is some thinking you are believing which is not true. Then the layers can start to melt away. If you would like help with melting the layers away, you know where I am.

What is this self we speak of? We mention it in so many ways. Self-care,  self-love, self-development, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-concept. The idea of the self is given a lot of weight isn't it? But it is actually a collection of thoughts. Ways of thinking we developed from the moment of our conception. When you think about that for a moment, it can feel quite mind-blowing! 

None of what we think is what we choose. Which puts into perspective all those tools and techniques we might employ to try and control our thoughts and feelings. That's the self (a collection of thoughts) trying to control the self (the same collection of thoughts). You might as well try to do your own brain surgery. But as we see this and start to get curious, we can start to see through some of that learned thinking. The self can become less prominent in our awareness.

Your capability has nothing to do with your thinking nor does it have anything to do with what you have done before. Your capability does not have anything to do with other people nor does it have anything to do with your self-love or self-esteem. Your capability has nothing to do with what you think about anything!

You are so much more than thinking! Your thinking is not you! That is why it has no idea what you are capable of! If you would like to experience your full capability despite that nonsense passing through your head, drop me a message!

Part 3 of my story is the happy ending or maybe the happy beginning. Listen to hear how my experience of life has changed to include the following:

- Every single one of my relationships has improved

- I am the most creative and productive I have ever been

- I do not do anything at all to 'get' wellbeing from the outside

- I am the calmest I have ever been without daily mediation

- I laugh more often and am generally happy

- I am more confident and have higher self-esteem than ever

- I react less and respond calmly more

- I live my life mostly in the present moment naturally 

But the most important thing is that I know I am not broken and that everything I need is already inside me.

This is available to you too!

Continuing my story from yesterday and released on my 6 year anniversary of my resignation from my 20 year career in Education, 1st April 2022, here is the second part of my outside-in to inside-out story.

Part 3 on Monday!

By way of an introduction and released on my 7 year burnout anniversary, 31st March 2022, here is the first part of my outside-in to inside-out story.

Part 2 tomorrow!

When you say you want to feel better, do you know what you are looking for? Generally we focus first on the feelings we don't want. We don't want to feel anxious, stressed, angry etc. So we go into the world focusing on anxiety, stress and anger in an attempt to manage it. But here is what happens when we do that. Firstly, in focusing on what we don't want, we see it more in ourselves and become more and more self-conscious. Secondly we create more thinking from all the tools and techniques we are using and thirdly, we move further and further away from our innate wellbeing.

But really what we are all seeking is quiet. Secretly we know that once our minds are quiet, we are able to reconnect to our innate wellbeing. Calm, clarity and confidence. Happiness, resilience and creativity. All these things are naturally there once we are quiet. But doing all those tools and techniques do not quieten the mind one bit. They do the opposite.