By way of an introduction and released on my 7 year burnout anniversary, 31st March 2022, here is the first part of my outside-in to inside-out story.

Part 2 tomorrow!

When you say you want to feel better, do you know what you are looking for? Generally we focus first on the feelings we don't want. We don't want to feel anxious, stressed, angry etc. So we go into the world focusing on anxiety, stress and anger in an attempt to manage it. But here is what happens when we do that. Firstly, in focusing on what we don't want, we see it more in ourselves and become more and more self-conscious. Secondly we create more thinking from all the tools and techniques we are using and thirdly, we move further and further away from our innate wellbeing.

But really what we are all seeking is quiet. Secretly we know that once our minds are quiet, we are able to reconnect to our innate wellbeing. Calm, clarity and confidence. Happiness, resilience and creativity. All these things are naturally there once we are quiet. But doing all those tools and techniques do not quieten the mind one bit. They do the opposite.

You are psychologically perfect! In fact we all are but we just don't see it a lot of the time. That's because we spend most of the time our thinking hides the truth of our innate wellbeing. The problem is not our psychological functioning but it is that we do not know how we function psychologically. We are walking around all day every day in a system we don't understand like trying to operate a car before you have ever learnt to drive. So we get it wrong sometimes.

The main thing we do is misunderstand that our feelings do not come from outside then we act from that misunderstanding, which often doesn't turn out so well. But once you understand this perfect psychological system of yours, you just tend to operate better. Once you understand you have a nicer experience of life. 

How many times in the day do you find yourself reacting? Perhaps some of those times end in regret and the sense that you wished you had done that differently. We all feel like that sometimes don't we? But the reasons why we react, are actually much simpler than you might think.

Our reactions come from 3 factors:

1. Our conditioned belief system (the things we have been learning all our lives)

2. Our understanding about where our feelings are coming from. (outside in the world or from thought in the moment)

3. Our awareness of 1. and 2. 

The best way to be in a place of reacting less is to understand how your psychological system works i.e. the relationship between 1, 2 and 3 above. As you start to see that your feelings do not come from the outside world and that the thoughts in your head are not true, the freedom to react less emerges. If you would like to react less, then please drop me a message or book an hour  via my website.

Stop trying to change your behaviour might seem like a strange thing for a coach to say but I really mean it. The thing is that when we are trying to change our behaviour, we are looking in the wrong place because behaviour is the output of our psychological system. It's like standing in the river, pulling out the rubbish rather than going up stream to investigate where the rubbish is coming from. Whatever we are doing comes from what we understand about our experience. The decision to do something comes from where we believe our feelings are coming from.

If we think cake will make us feel better we will eat cake (outside in) but if we realise that feelings cannot be managed by cake we won't eat cake (inside out). It really is that simple! What I have noticed in myself and my clients if is that when we understand our feelings and what they are telling us, old behaviour simply falls away. It really is magical but true. If you would like to change behaviour and experience more calm, clarity and confidence without endless tools and techniques then please drop me a message and let's talk.

We have all been brainwashed! All our lives this has been happening but perhaps not in the way you think. No-one has been deliberately brainwashing us but unconsciously moment by moment from the time of our conception we have been learning from the people around us. In this way we learnt what was right and wrong, what to believe and what to think about ourselves. Every single thought which passes through our heads comes from this conditioning.

I know that might feel uncomfortable but it's okay. That's just your conditioned thinking trying it's best to hang on to your belief system. When you start to see this, a different kind of brainwashing can happen. You can start to hold those beliefs up to the light and ask, is this true? Bit by bit, those beliefs get washed away just by seeing the truth about what they actually are.

Wellbeing does not come from outside. It does not come from any of those tools and techniques. It does not come from The Miracle Morning or the contents of the 5am Club. Wellbeing is innate. It's like a diamond inside.

Sometimes we cannot see it because it gets covered up with conditioned thinking but it is always there. You are perfect, whole and well, let me help you see that! Explore this with me in this episode! Drop me a message if you want to see more.

It's not them, it's you is not always easy to see especially when they are being difficult. But it doesn't matter what someone else does or says. How you feel in that moment is coming from you. That feeling of anger is telling you about your angry state of mind. It's an update from your system letting you know that your thinking is angry. When you spot this in the moment, what you do just changes.

Believing the feeling comes from them creates one action. Knowing the feeling comes from thought in the moment different action. It's really just a matter of reading your feelings accurately. If you would like to read you feelings better so you can respond more than react, please drop me a message.

I spent much of my life trying to control. It started with the outside world. Other people's behaviour and my circumstances. I did this because I thought I would feel better if certain things and people were a certain way. I really do believe the controlling became so exhausting that burnout was the result. I was doing and thinking so much that my body and mind gave up.

Then I came out the other side of that and thought I had it sussed! What I needed to do was control me! I was broken and needed fixing and I was willing to take on the mission. So I tried everything to control how I felt, thought and behaved. All kinds of therapy, books, podcasts, tools and techniques. But that came at a price too. I felt better but was so addicted to my daily routine that I didn't think I could stop. I thought if I did, insanity would quickly follow. I worked on myself every single day.

But then I learnt something which changed all that. I learnt that I had innate wellbeing, that thought in the moment created my experience and to understand the wisdom of my feelings. And everything changed. That change is available to all of us.

Have you ever wondered what is happening when we make a choice? Here's the truth about it.

In any moment, we choose because of where we think our feelings are coming from. Humans are engaged in the process of feeling management much of the time. This drives our choices. So, if we think our feelings are coming from the outside world, we will take action in the outside world to feel differently. But when we know that our feelings are a consequence of our state of mind, we will make a different choice. 

So it might look like we are trapped making the same old choices all the time but as we become more aware of the way we work, we tend to make choices which are more beneficial for us and the people around us. If you would like to make 'better' choices without continual tools and techniques then please reach out and message me.