From Surviving to Thriving: A No Tools, No Techniques Shift from Stress and Overwhelm to Fulfilment

Recently I have become more aware of urgency! You know that feeling that something needs to be done yesterday! 

Urgency feels very real in the moment and it feels like the only way to get rid of that feeling is to do the thing! But the feeling isn't coming from the thing. The feeling of urgency is coming from our thinking about the thing.

Urgent feeling = urgent thinking.

And when you think about it, that might not be your best state of mind to decide what to do.

'Comparison is the thief of joy' - Theodore Roosevelt. From what I have seen this is certainly true. It comes up often in my coaching sessions but today it has come up as a request from a friend who asked me to talk about 'avoiding the curse of comparison and it’s debilitating affect on mindset and mood.' It looks like Roosevelt, this friend and I are all on the same page. Comparison really does affect how we feel about all sorts of things for example our work, relationships and success. It may drive us to do or not do things and tends to have us ignoring the wee small voice of our intuition and what really is right for us.

The thing to know about comparison is that it is thoughts. More than that, it is old, conditioned, habitual thoughts. Nothing to do with you, what you are capable of or what is right for you. All we really need is awareness of these comparison thoughts and they can begin to fade away.

Futurism is defined as the concern with events and trends of the future, or which anticipate the future. I suspect this can be fun when we are curious and holding it lightly but that's not often what we do is it? We tend to believe our concerns and that tends to create anxious feelings. So how can we consider the future without creating anxiety?

What is a personality? Of course I looked it up on Google. Personality refers to individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. Nothing to do with who we really are then because we are not thinking, feelings or behaviour. We are so much more than that.

And the more we see that, the more the so called, 'personality' melts away and then there is a space for us to turn up, be present and unfold in the moment. Imagine that!

How do things escalate? A small disagreement which becomes a massive argument. It's always fuelled by a misunderstanding. It's the same misunderstanding I always talk about. The misunderstanding about there our feelings comes from. It starts with a reaction ... and then another ... and then another! It goes back and forth. More and more fuel poured on the fire. An explosion is inevitable! 

But at any point this can stop. Just one person has to see that their feelings are not coming from the other. It breaks the cycle. Things settle down. In the calm there is space to say what we need free from anger! That is always available to us! If you need help seeing this, you know where I am.

Difficult conversations is the topic today. It's a request from Dr. Johannes Metzler (Please drop me a message if you have a request)

This is what he said, "I just noticed how some clients are afraid of difficult conversations because they have created the conversation as difficult in their mind because they imagine the future and then take it for real. And how we are most available to the moment in a "difficult conversation" when we are calm" Let's see how this unfolds!

I was seeking for a long time. Looking to feel differently. Wanting more motivation. I tried E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Every tool and technique and all the books on productivity. But then I saw that the problem was the seeking. When I stopped looking outside of me for the answers, it all fell in to place. It was like magic! Mental wellbeing does not have to be such hard work and in this session I will explain why the seeking is the problem.

Are you good at mood awareness? Not mood judgement or criticism but awareness. Do you know what is going on when you are in a low mood? It's low mood thinking which is likely to produce low mood words and deeds. So it might be worth waiting until the low mood passes. They do that on their own by the way! It's simpler than you think.

Criticism comes in 3 flavours that I have seen. Criticism of others, being criticised and self criticism. They are all created in the same way from certain false ideas. The thought that there is a right and wrong way to do things, the misunderstanding about where our feelings are coming from and the idea that thinking about someone else or ourselves is ever true. No matter what type of criticism we are party to, these things are true. And when we see that, we are more able to take criticism with a pinch of salt.

As we become the awareness of the critical thoughts we can take a step back and observe it playing out. Maybe the clearest thing to see is that all criticism is a lie!

Human's are meaning making beings. This is a normal and natural part of how we work. When something happens we create meaning about it but often we don't realise that we are doing that. We miss that we are creating not receiving reality. Each one of us is creating our own reality moment by moment. Making meaning all the time.

It's amazing how helpful this can be. It allows us to take what we have created with a pinch of salt, be more questioning about what is right and wrong and let go of some of the meaning we make about ourselves. Meaning is a creation both by us as individuals and the collective mind. It's not real. If you would like to make less meaning about your circumstances and therefore access calm, clarity and confidence without endless tools and techniques, you know where to find me.