From Surviving to Thriving: A No Tools, No Techniques Shift from Stress and Overwhelm to Fulfilment

Shouldification often plays a part in the creation of stressful feelings. I know it is a made up word but I am sure you know exactly what it means. It is when we say something or someone should be different. In that moment it looks like we will feel better if the change happens. But we are misunderstanding where the feeling is coming from. The feeling is coming from the shouldification not the person or circumstance. When we realise that our feelings don't come from the outside world, the shouldification makes less and less sense; it feels awful after all. If you would like to stop shouldifiying, you know where I am.

We are all looking to find relief from our feelings. It seems to be a human mission. It makes sense when we see feelings as a problem but when we see feelings as information, that all changes. It's the ultimate relief. Not having to manage feelings any more. Imagine that!

Flow is the antidote to stress and anxiety. A space where we are connected to the present moment. Where we only consider the next step. One step at a time. There is no consideration of the future. Non of the past. Just the present moment and the day unfolding.

I recently found myself in that place and share my experience of it during this session.

My transformation was from stressed out Headteacher to Queen of Calm but there were really two stages to it. The first was the fix myself stage; tools, techniques and self-development; I tried them all. The second stage was a falling away of all that. A change in the way I saw the world and my own psychology in it. It felt like I finally had the manual for how my experience was created.

Transformation followed. Not of the outside world but how I related to it. The impact was in every part of my life. Calm, clarity and creativity became my frequent state; even when I wasn't feeling good! That is available to you and it's simpler than you think.

Rejection can often seem like a source of stress. Especially in business but in other walks of life too. I was asked to create this episode on 'the stress that one feels after working hard on a proposal for a potential client who then turns you down after you have presented to them'.

I suspect we have all experienced this at some point but have you ever wondered what makes rejection stressful? Rejection is actually some else's thinking about us or our proposal. But the question really is, what does it mean or maybe what do we make the rejection mean?

I suspect rejection comes up for us all in various aspects of life so it's probably worth a listen. 

Hindsight is a wonderful thing ... apparently! Google defines hindsight as the ability to understand and realise something about an event after it has happened, although you did not understand or realise it at the time. But have you noticed how easy it is to use hindsight to beat ourselves up! We do something, later we see things differently then we feel guilty about what we did. 

But all I want you to know today is that you are always doing the best you can with the thinking which looks true at the time. Later on with hindsight and insight, of course you can see things differently. But at the time you were perfect!

'How do we work through unhelpful intrusive thoughts!' was a question I was asked recently. Perhaps it's best to consider what an intrusive thought is first of all. I checked it out on Google which said, 'Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts that can pop into our heads without warning, at any time.' I think perhaps the most important word in that sentence is 'unwanted'.

Imagine if we didn't care about the thoughts. This can happen when we realise some truths about thought; it is transient, random, not controllable and it doesn't mean anything about you. Thoughts are supposed to 'pop into our heads without warning at any time' and it is our seeing that as problematic and attempting to stop it which creates stress.

Balance can be seen as a pillar of having a calm life and avoiding stress. Surely once we have created balance between our work and personal life, we will have cracked it and life will be perfect. 

But perhaps in the seeking of balance which actually miss the point; that balance is available to us in every moment with presence. When we are trying to create balance perhaps that is the last thing we will find. 

And how do we know whether we are balanced or not? Because we think we are or not!

Self-identity is linked to stress and burn out because our self-identity creates every outcome. Who we think we are is at play all the time. It forms the world we live in. This means there are nearly 8 billion realities each being formed by the separation created by the self-identity. The self-identity is thought and is what we learnt from others as we grew up. IT IS NOT TRUTH!

As we begin to see this, we experience less stress and anxiety and we connect to who we really are; peace, love and wisdom.

Storification is a made up word. But this time it isn't me who has made it up. This word was made up by the lovely Wynn Morgan.I heard him say it in his podcast with Kate Roberts recently so I dropped him a message and asked if I could talk about it with you. So here I am ...

We humans are storifying all day every day; that is wrapping a story around something which has happened. Making meaning which often feels awful. The feeling is letting us know we are storifying! That's the clue. When you begin to see this, there is a lot of relief. The stories make less sense to pursue and there is more calm, clarity and confidence available.