Keepin’ secrets, are ye?? That’s right, this week on the Frotcast we’ve reunited with our old pal Brendan to discuss a film that’s firmly in the Frotcast wheelhouse. I’m talking about The Lighthouse, starring Willem Dafoe, who Brendan once imagined had a “gnarled penis” and has long been one of his favorite impressions, behind Michael Caine and Mark Ruffalo. Brendan also had a nautical childhood in which his father taught him the NATO alphabet and forced him to sail. When he texted me about The Lighthouse I had to look up what “scrimshaw” was. How is it in Matt’s wheelhouse? Well, it turns out it’s basically an entire movie about a guy who is mad because he’s so horny. Matt hates being horny! He also loves parroting movie lines of old-timey curmudgeons and in William Dafoe’s “wickie” he has found his new Daniel Plainview.

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! Yes, this episode has lots of “spoilers.” Personally I think The Lighthouse is impossible to spoil and you’ll be fine if you haven’t seen it, but I don’t want anyone whining. It would’ve been weird not to discuss “plot points,” because The Lighthouse has like three of them and they don’t really matter. In any case, listen at yer own risk, ye dogs.

We wrap things up with your voicemails and some texts from Bret. Now, time to drink exactly one beer and call 911.