LibriVox recording of Lysistrata by Aristophanes.
Read in English by a full cast.

Lysistrata has had enough.

She is tired of the everlasting and dreary war that is ravaging Greece.

She has a solution: Together with her mates from other Greek cities, she persuades all women of Greece to pledge an oath and refrain from any kind of sex s with their husbands and lovers.


The translator of this version is unknown, but it is rumored to have been Oscar Wilde!

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hello darlings passenger Valentine the Countess of Brighton and Hackney a quick coffee break in the bath in between practicing endlessly the prelude the bath planet Prelude from the the sweets for cello in G and also I've joined some orchestras well no I haven't actually joined a center of inquiries and I'm hoping they need chair a cellist so that I can you know really engage with some other musicians I think it's really important for me at this particular juncture and also I'm going to paint my cello tonight fantastic Oracle paintings on musical instruments that's the way forward for me so getting out there and performing with other musicians you

know it's good sort of networking there so people will know and I'll be renowned instrument up cycler extraordinaire that's where I'm that's what I'm aiming at and also you'll be able to play the instrument they're not going to be you know useless to play they're going to look good but they're going to look amazing and sound reasonable I mean you know I'm not going to paint a really really valuable instrument that sounds beautiful and cost thirty five thousand pounds obviously I'm not going to do that that would be absurd and what has been happening I think that's that's about it it's on my mind at the moment we're having a drama with my cello

because the glitter isn't showing on light colors and I did my floor and the the glitter looked dirty and that's what's happened with the cello it looks dirty so I've just spoken to anything and he says we need big glitter but I don't know that it's going to work because I think I tried big glitter on my white floor so I maybe just going to go with the black cello with pink glitter in it because this is not dissimilar to what I did for my floor and it looks amazing and it'll shine the light on my face and look glorious and twinkling like the sky at night so I'm gonna think about it for a day and then I'm going to commit to a black cello with pink sparkles I think it'll have the same effect of making me look more beautiful oh god what a day and what else well

unfortunately the website section might the thing is my website I've been sharing so much information for so long and I didn't want to anymore I wanted to be more private and I wanted to stop pervy men and I wanted to stop the avalanche of attention that I got while I was performing as the domino test because she's over she is gone look darkness is just never going to be fully gone there's always a bit of me of course there's a bit of me I'm an artist all my work is a big part of me intrinsically but I really really don't want all the attention that she got for being a dominatrix I'm not interested and it you know it's just just gets on my nerves frankly and it it's over darlings over the dominatrix is no more she's a memory she's a distant memory and so I wanted to privatize everything so I've got I've privatize my blog so that I can still because I love all the artwork that I made you know I love the video footage of me you

know with my whip and I love it all but it's not about selling myself it was an artwork and so I want people to be coming to the site and looking at all that stuff who understand the motive behind it I think when you go to the internet and you look up you know pornography or BDSM or you know whatever your pink is and you you you are transported down through the funnels they call them funnels which is weird that basically it's a wider net then takes you down to a smaller hole and there you are with your fetish realized and but most of its free and it didn't take much effort to get there and it's not particularly creative and that's what I'm trying to avoid so but there are other things that you know all the posters from the Brighton Arts Club you know the Brighton Arts Club didn't have the support actually of the public and it closed

because nobody would fund it and you know even the artists couldn't fund...

The Good Sex Clinic did what it said on the tin!

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Pasha du Valentine psychosexual therapist quite often when I'm dealing with couples they come to me and they've been grown-ups for so long such a long time and they've got busy careers and I sort of lost their way a bit and life has become very serious and very responsible and they've lost their way a little bit because they've forgotten how to really relax and enjoy themselves and sometimes I suggest games projects to to kind of bring a little bit of

lightheartedness into the relationship but also to explore some perhaps latent sexual fantasies erotic is very important is a very important part of my work that I do as a pro sex therapist so doctors and nurses seems to be one of the ones that everybody thinks oh yes I know that wasn't then who in a bit of a joke about it but actually when I suggest that quite often my clients say to me Oh what do we do what do you know what it's so simple it's such a silly but basic and fun thing to play that it's really quite obvious now look if your doesn't matter what

gender you are doing better who's going to be nice and who's going to be doctor the first thing is to have a name so you'd have nurse's own servant or doctor so-and-so and you know it could be anything bit silly or but more seriously you know doctor [ __ ] or doctor big or nurse breath store you know anything really or perhaps there's some something a bit more serious you don't want to be that sexual but you know we're talking about sex so you should really try and be sexual I would say you don't want anything to operatory of course but you should

theoretically know your partner well enough actually this is quite a fun thing to do with strangers that you've just met perhaps you've met them on tinder or something and you're a little bit nervous or wary of each other so this is a real icebreaker as well so you have your name and dressing up what look you know there's about to be a bathrobe or something can pretend it's a doctor's read but underneath us sort of obvious sort of basic thing but there are

other things you could perhaps find something fashionable and like doctors mask use stocking for that or anything it's very sexy when you just see somebody's eyes actually and then I'd suggest that perhaps one of you says all I've hurt my knee because knit the knees are very erogenous zone naturally the back of the knee particularly and doctor or nurse could rub to that area and perhaps used some ointment if you've got some Lube around I always recommend Lube in the boudoir at all times everybody should have Lube I recommend it

actually that you carry it in your handbags you have very small bottles of Lube online anyway that can put you to pretend it's an ointment or something it could even use lynyrd lip balm or something I mean we're talking about really getting rid of expectations and just pretending and in an almost childlike way which we're not passing exams here you're not on a stage this is light-hearted fun but sex always about sex so you've rubbed something and perhaps make that better and then you can move on to increasingly more powerfully erogenous zones obviously you know the nipples and perhaps one of you could be a gynecologist for example

and you can take your time ever you can spend five minutes where you can spend five hours actually playing doctors and nurses and so there we go I don't think I need to explain anymore I think it's up to you actually with your partners to explore all the ways that one of you can be doctor and one of you can be patient and then you can swing it out a bit and change take turns perhaps so good luck with doctors and nurses

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hello world outside passionate Valentine the Countess of Brighton attacked me and I'm a psychosexual therapist and today I'm going to give you some advice for the weekend if you're struggling a bit with a partner and you need to liven things up somewhat why don't you try something unexpected this is a very exciting prospect because not only will you surprise yourself because of your confidence in joy you know they'll throw away cares and your

excitement not knowing what exactly will happen next not only will you become excited at that but your partner will be absolutely thrilled that you did something unpredictable so let's say for example you have five go-to positions while you're having sex actually you'd be probably lucky if you went through five a lot of couples I find just go straight to number one and that's it over and done with not a problem if that works for you it's a problem when it's not working for you it's a problem when everyone concerned is getting a bit bored and the whole procedure has been a little bit lackluster so what could you do well you could do a completely different position how about that you could instigate sex rather than following it if you're not usually the person that's instigates it you could wear something that you wouldn't normally wear your

wife's pants for example if you're a man what about your husband's tie you're a woman there are all sorts of exciting things you can do in the boudoir that really will put you in good stead for the weekend I'm passionate about a time and this was sex talk for got a Mediacom see you tomorrow with some more advice

hello world outside pasha de Valentine the Countess of Brighton and hackney Monday isn't it it's always a bit of a difficult day Monday but I did get through i could up really really early this morning I've discovered that the trick to getting up early and doing things that need to be done today at by toaster and a heater it is not to have the coffee just get up don't do the
eyebrows put the big woolly hat on that comes quite far down so it covers the eyebrow area and a big coat and just leg it out there and do your thing when I come back that's the time I can sit and have coffee much much better actually doesn't mean I get things done but

consequently [ __ ] exhausted so not feeling my best now I just wanna you know really really relax and it's only nine o'clock and a different like sort of passing out soon anyway what have I been acted well I've sort of feeling a bit famous today and i'll tell you why there are four reasons for my delusion and it probably is delusion isn't it and first of all I was asked very late last night to do a DJ drop for some guys who DJ for code South this dude had said to me could I ask you a favor and I usually hate that question especially when it comes from DJ's because it's invariably about their EP or their set and sharing it just because I've got you know a bit of a social network going on so he said can I ask a favor and I was pretty much I think I pretty much said you know you can try but it's probably not going to get very far but then he said you've got an amazing voice could you do a DJ drop for us so obviously I'm like oh how

fabulous of course I can do that a DJ drop is just just dropping in there just a recording really to say who the DJ is or the channel or whatever so I did that so that was my first indicator of impending fame or current fame actually my second one was a request from a fan who's reading who's sorry listening to the broadcasts on the radio station from my erotic novel the diaries of goddamn gorgeous he messaged me and he said that he felt that it would be very suitable or interesting if god damn gorgeous who's the subject of this erotic novel it was to have a lesbian affair a lesbian liaison and now I don't know if he's getting confused between these Diaries which is obviously my real life and the diaries of goddamn gorgeous which is a book that I wrote in 2005 all did you hear that that was the cat's spitting and having a fight

yeah I wrote this book in 2005 as a bit of a bet really and my mum said oh I bet you could write a you know a porn novel in a week I said well maybe two and I did I wrote it in two weeks it's not my best work but anyway I'm reading it on there and obviously I've got fans who listened to it and this is this guy was one of them anyway I said to him well she funnily enough she does have a lesbian she basically she [ __ ] the pizza delivery girl I think on Saturday and so he has got that to look forward to and he seemed very pleased and but I said to him while I wrote it in 2005 I can't add to it I can't just make things up I'm good but I'm not that good that would be quite a tall order wouldn't it to be doing a sort of fantasy diary every day or would it

perhaps I could perhaps that somehow could work on next anyway that's beside the point the next indicator of my fame was that I have now become a getty image now years and years ago as we all know I was on an album cover punkin to saudi blah blah blah blah and in an article for a magazine and this photograph of myself with my three friends has become somewhat iconic and it gets all banded about now I don't mind at all i'm quite pleased used but anyway today popped up and it is now a getty image and how fantastic is that a getty image is a stock journalist photography and they there are some really very very good you know famous people on getty image and network so yeah it was quite pleased about that and more there's more things to suggest...

in that way because you know the Alcatraz situation and then there's two that aren't really talking to me and so at least I was thinking oh well you know once at least it's something you know no fuckl so am yet I couldn't just couldn't stop crying it was that ridiculous and why am I putting so much value on this you know because I'm I knew the couple of weeks ago that it was you know pratense anyway so what what is that and it was just what I don't know couldn't explain it it was just really really sad for me all right now stop crying eventually but I really had to like Raina in you know before becoming a hysterical wreck so yeah I ended up at mcdonals oh my god and then I went to work anyway because obviously I wasn't going out so um went

to work sat with the cats who do love me I think in a way I mean it's not the same as a human but you know it's all i can get at the moment and and then just came up with this really good idea for the for next weekend so i'm going to do this art project I'm going to it's like a marathon i'm going to spend all week making our i'm going to paint on anything i can find any surface recycle recyclable mostly because i haven't got any money so you know old paper cardboard envelopes records would anything absolutely anything and and i'm going to paint not not in

like a really detailed laborious long effortful way I'm going to paint you know kind of instant from the heart feelings colors you know those that sort of thing because it's quicker perhaps with some printing I might cut something to make printing or stencils or you know something like that but my target is a hundred pieces of work by next Saturday and it the cheapest will be three quid so you know it's like I'm this is part of my mission to engage people in Brighton inter like the the art world and buying our and getting into it and just think it'd be really nice idea and really good form i am my concentration as well my last exhibition I did I probably only had six pieces so you sort of spend quite a lot time on each piece which is lovely in itself and it creates a different style of work obviously which might not necessarily be visible or

understandable but there is a different type of work that you make when you're concentrating very hard over a period of weeks so yeah that's my that's my thing this week and that came you know out of being upset or whatever and and feeling that I've wasted a sort of weekend not wasted it in terms of business because I've been you know been really busy but wasted it in terms of creativity so yeah that was that was that and very excited about that so that's next Saturday and this Thursday we've got open mic and I've set up hopefully they'll take up about speak to gel a five minute short story competition so basically you write a story it can't be any

more than five minutes otherwise you're disqualified and but that means we should get quite a few stories in in the in the radio hour hopefully fill it up but yeah I don't know Joel will choose a topic I just think that'd be really fun so that's on Thursday obviously you have to turn up I don't want them sent to me nobody's going to read your story you got to do it yourself and I'll do the skype thing this week so that because I know we've got a couple of people and we've got person in Sweden and someone in Scotland who sort of follows our a crazy antics open mic so I'm going to get them up on skype hopefully and maybe they could do a short story too and so yeah that's there's a usual time eight o'clock and and I was finally I think the last nice kind of nice thing that happened was that I spoke spoke to my very dear close loved one who's in Alcatraz and he's he's getting very creative or he's getting more in touch with his creator

which I think I've mentioned that before and I had this sort of thought that he could make a film because I'm a filmmaker graduated as a filmmaker and and I said to...

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