Futility Belt: A Superhero Rewatch Podcast

Pat and Sarah wrap up season 2 with the one and only be-nippled Bats in Joel Schumacher’s technicolor nightmare, BATMAN AND ROBIN (1997).

Topics covered: we’re bad at audio, ice puns only, 9/11 baby!, “the good Batman”, sexy plant juice, be-nippled and be-butted, Gotham be lookin’ crazy, weird cuts, sloppy Spencer’s mess, Sarah goes mad, shitty Katherine Hepburn, timely Met Gala references, our show concept is bad

Pat, Sarah, and a very special guest dive into the dark and stupid world of SPAWN (1997) in this week’s ep.

Topics covered: Stan Lee dunks hard, time travel!, H-E-double-hockey-sticks, super powers + guns = dumb, it’s always crimes, cliché-o-rama, chunky Juggalos, unintelligible Leguizamo, Sheen-aissance, handsome faces, unspecial effects, booby vamps, cops deserve semiautos, Satanic Panic?

Is Sarah capable of starting an episode without saying “We’re back”? Definitely not! But this week the duo is talking about STEEL (1997), starring the finest actor of our generation: Shaq.

Topics covered: the black Superman, Shaq the Renaissance Man, Judd Nelson’s evil face, Sparky v. Lilly, Pat says NO NAPS, the world’s slowest-ticking bomb, Hey! Deadwood!, PLL BABY, crime diversity, magic sledgehammer, finger touchin’, when your best is pretty bad

Pat and Sarah watched THE PHANTOM (1995) which is GOOD, actually, despite whatever Pat says! Don’t listen to him!

Topics covered: open to its pleasures, beefin’ with HDTGM, Jeffery Boam baby!, always never trying to be cool, Destiny mythology, microscope murder, everything but the racism, cum-raderie, Titantic fun facts, as good as the Godfather, dog humor, is the Phantom a superhero?

Pat and Sarah dive into the world of Joel Schumaker with BATMAN FOREVER (1995) and discuss which leaden action star takes the cake: Val Kilmer or Dolph Lundgren?

Topics covered: Sno-caps, hidden motivation, horny Vicky Vale, fuck the Batmobile, The Shadow cinematic universe, notes on camp, the Joel Schumaker canon, facts about bats, visual gags, Tommy Lee Jones’s beef, Hot Buns v. Kissy Lips, be-earringed boys

TANK GIRL

Get ready for an actual argument in this episode because Pat and Sarah butt heads after watching TANK GIRL (1995). Who's right and who's wrong? WHO'S TO SAY?

Topics covered: Pat’s WRONG, Green Day’s Duckie, Wes Anderson-heads, chockablock with bangers, ye olde male gaze, mockin’ men, the Beavis & Butthead crowd, better than The Crow, grand schemes, is Tank Girl a superhero?

Bust out your Nightmare Before Christmas tees and your safety-pin earrings because things are getting pretty Hot Topic up in here as your hosts talk about THE CROW (1994).

Topics covered: hot Crow merch, Brandon Lee’s death, hot bods, Stone Temple Pilots, it should be Shelly, Alex Proyas cred, sad lonely man guitar, lookin’ like a mime from hell, ‘90s wrestling fans, fuck you Thor is fun, leather daddies

Your hosts deviate from comics to talk about the radio play hero THE SHADOW (1994) for fans of all ages from 85 to 95!

Topics covered: your favorite grandpas, what are the rules?, bad wigs, Genghis Khan 2, fuck Einstein, TUBES, potato jowls, low-rent Billie Holiday, David Koepp NO!, charmless & smarmless

Pat and Sarah are lying liars and took an EVEN LONGER break between episodes but now they’re discussing Fantastic Four while slowly losing their minds. This one has jokes in it!

Topics covered: Pat’s busy and Sarah’s sad, the Spider-man vault, charmingly terrible, nonquality quality, the blind are magic, more Marvel movie digs, let’s hate together, Sarah is great at plot synopses, bibs & undies, Pat can stop talking

Pat and Sarah took too long of a break between episodes and forgot how to be funny! Oh no! They still talk about BATMAN: MASK OF THE PHANTASM (1993) though.

Topics covered: Clean pants party, who’s this movie for?, Sarah’s steel trap noodle, Pat forgot how to argue, Sarah gets animated about animation, the Golden Age of children’s animation, yeah wow no jokes in this one, Mark Hamill is the man