Earth's mightiest heroes and a couple regular people who fight pretty good must come together more or less against their own wishes and learn to fight as a team if they are going to stop the mischievous Loki and his alien army from enslaving humanity, which, honestly, we probably kind of deserve and would keep us in check.

The powerful but arrogant but also insanely dreamy god Thor is cast out of Asgard because he's kind of got, like, a Tony Stark ego thing going on, and is made to live amongst the stupid ass humans of Midgard (Earth), where he soon becomes one of their finest defenders because he learns a valuable lesson about sharing and friends and not being a conceited jackass.

Marc & Steven must find way to both claim the title of "daddy" as supernatural threats and a couple of bullets attempt to stop them. Eventually the bullets do the trick, and the twins wake up in a mental hospital and then some more shit kinda happens, and then there's a hippo.

Bruce Banner, a fart on the run from the U.S. fart, must find a fart for the fart he turns into whenever he loses his fart. Also, editor's note: HIS HEART RATE HAS NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!! GAWDDAMN YOU, EDWARD NORTON!!

With Marc and Stephen fighting for the role of "daddy", they and Layla navigate Cairo to find Harrow. Meanwhile Khonshu summons a council of his fellow gods, which doesn't go well because they turn him into an action figure or something...

With the world now aware of his identity as Iron Man because he said it out loud at a press conference that was apparently broadcast live in Russia, Tony Stark must contend with both his declining health and a vengeful mad man with ties to his father's legacy and also very gross feet.

With little time to react to a whole bunch of shit he completely sleeps through, Steven is thrust into a war of the gods as a mysterious and sizzling chiseled partner arrives. And also i think Layla's there too.

After bragging about having an incestuous threesome with the twins from the cover of December's Maxim magazine, billionaire is abducted by a different version of the Ten Rings that we learn about in 2023. While being held captive in an Afghan cave, he creates a unique weaponized suit of armor to fight evil, emerging from the cave like a beautiful butterfly to unleash his ego upon the entire world.

armed with the social awkwardness of michael cera and the inept charm of Hugh Grant, "gift shop-ist" Steven Grant learns that he may share a body with a ruthless mercenary that looks remarkably like himself. weird.

Carol Danvers (portrayed by a horribly miscast actress) becomes one of the universe's most powerful heroes, and therefore doesn't need any help almost 30 years later, when Earth is caught in the middle of a galactic war between two alien races. we don't know who the bad guy is until a reveal that kind of makes the whole movie pointless.