We are so excited to be sitting down and reviewing The Golden Girls. In the pilot episode, “The Engagement,” Blanche entertains a marriage proposal that threatens to break up the girls’ living arrangement. We meet Coco, a housekeeper who is never seen again, Sophia shows up after shady Pines burns down, and we get some of the best physical comedy Bea Arthur has to give. Join us over on patreon as we cover two episodes a month of GG! Thank you for being a friend!

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In this rage-inducer, Almanzo decides he will ask Laura to marry him. When Pa says they must wait two years until Laura is 18, everyone turns on the beloved patriarch and suddenly no one can remember why they worshipped the ground Pa walked on for the last 16 years. Percival Dalton is hired to do a Kitchen Nightmares-type revamp of Nellie's. His big plan: make it someone else's restaurant. Jennie goes scuba diving with a whale in her living room, and Amye is in a fit of rage this entire episode.

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1990 was a wild year for the pop group Milli Vanilli. Rob and Fab, both singers and dancers, started the year by winning the Grammy for Best New Artist for their very popular album, Girl You Know It’s True. By the end of the year, they were the laughing stock of the music world, mocked on late night TV, sued by disgruntled fans (or fan, as at least one guy from Texas was really mad), and left penniless by their label. Their lip-syncing scandal is still considered one of the most discussed musical downfalls, and it has ended in tragedy for at least one of the members of the group. Join us as we take you inside the story of “the real” Milli Vanilli and discuss what really happened behind the scenes. Oh, and of course, unbridled capitalism makes an appearance.

Research from this episode comes from the following online sources:

https://thehustle.podbean.com/e/episode-310-john-davis-one-of-the-real-voices-of-milli-vanilli/?fbclid=IwAR3RLrYIgaNGk-lzAkjSENKMeHPBrwa5zokWycbbm1PJIOgpkzXAfTq7I-8

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1990-12-31-ca-5618-story.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us6XGZUq7Ig

https://999ktdy.com/here-are-the-faces-and-real-singers-of-milli-vanilli-photos/

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1990-11-21-ca-4670-story.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B66O3TxckE4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqmO9VE0PuY

Rob and Fab album single:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlle6m4Y6-A

https://people.com/music/milli-vanilli-lip-sync-scandal-anniversary/

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After acing an impromptu quiz on Thomas Jefferson, Laura takes a teaching job out of town and for no reason at all, Manly drives her to and from every week. During these rides, which happen over the span of four weeks, Laura’s sixteenth birthday approaches and Manly suddenly sees her as a woman and they fall in love. Amye creates a new ongoing series highlighting why Laura is better than Mary in all things, we meet a brokedown Rick Springfield, and we have a moment of silence in memory of Ms. Beadle. 

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Nels FINALLY reaches his limit with Harriet. He decides to head out into the countryside as a traveling merchant. In nearby Tracy, he meets a young and very Irish woman named Molly who runs a boarding house and makes Nels feel 55 again. What could go wrong? Amye does some math and it’s painful, but not nearly as painful as Jennie’s index card. And we end the episode chatting about the newest season of Cobra Kai-which is amazing.

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No one in Walnut Grove has put together the pieces yet, so Albert’s guilt over starting the blind school fire runs amok as does he- when he decides to take advantage of a Judge’s hangover, steal classified information, and run to his birth father’s “home.” Charles grabs his dime-store Ride or Die and they spend twenty valuable minutes of this episode looking for the boy. Jennie is still in the basement with Covid and she’s researching fires and we have a real downer conversation about death. Trigger warning: It’s dark.

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It’s the first part of the blind school fire! Join us as we relive our deepest childhood trauma. Mary’s baby is out of time as he is left to his own devices when Albert and some rando light the blind school on fire. Alice is the only one who tries to save the baby, but then uses him as a battering ram and gets nowhere. Jennie and Amye armchair quarterback this fire escape plan for a good ten minutes, and we ultimately blame almost everyone involved for this disaster.

Jennie gives us a Christmas COVID update, we fight over plumbing and egresses, and Jennie talks about philosophy (Snooze).

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Things get real creepy as three convicts break into the blind school and hold Mary, Laura, and the children hostage. Charles saves the day, but first he must perform surgery. Laura robs Doc Baker, Winoka Nels shows up unexpectedly, and Doc Baker is of use to NO ONE. We have a riveting conversation about baked potatoes and rolling down hills, and Amye cannot stop crying.

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Join us as we travel back to 1983 to the height of Cabbage Patch Kid mania, where cabbages are giving birth and bunnies are flying around like bees. We discuss eccentric Cabbage Patch Kid creator, Xavier Roberts, and his affinity for soft-sculpted dolls, while looking at the woman few knew was behind the idea: Martha Nelson Thomas.

Research from this episode comes from the following online sources:

https://medium.com/@mandywildman/who-invented-the-cabbage-patch-kids-cd943cef1f4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSk84zU1RuM

https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/1984/12/06/sewing-up-the-doll-markets/e0feb9d7-fa98-4ed1-a875-164b00264f9a/

https://cabbagepatchkids.com/pages/the-legend

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xavier_Roberts

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1985-04-15-8501220108-story.html

https://medium.com/queertheory/a-queer-history-of-the-cabbage-patch-kids-406f53d813be

https://gardenandgun.com/articles/cabbage-patch-kids-babyland-general-hospital/

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Charles' "grange trip" turns into a bang trip as he and Caroline attend their class reunion in Milwaukee. Charles is clearly uncomfortable as all of his high school buddies have become rich and miserable. Amy Fisher makes a surprise appearance as she tries to lure Charles into some sexy time by a pond- as usual. Caroline is also the object of desire for some 57-year-old dude who must have graduated when he was 32. We have big news: our mother has started listening and we are f*cked. Jennie talks about beer for way too long, and Amye introduces Jennie to sales ponies.

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