Generation Artax

Guess what? Lori got married (again)! Get the scoop on what went down at the wedding. We have thoughts about Disclosure Day and aliens in general. Also, Mary Poppins is a witch and we never realized it. Plus: We commit cultural appropriation in the 90s, Kim misses her boyfriend, and Lori sprouts pubic hair. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• The scoop on Lori's wedding and how weather didn't just cooperate, it synced with the vows
• Lori's husband Gordie is better at the ocean than you.
• Kim has a kink
• Julie Andrews still blows us away
• Mary Poppins is a witch
• Bashar is out of this world, but probably real
• Lori's got questions for Bashar (and she's about to ask them)
• Disclosure Day, the debrief
• Does alien existence negate the need for religion? Kinda sorta. They may or may not have been edited out of the Bible
• Do you want to see an alien ship? Yup
• Cultural appropriation in the 90s (and the repercussions)
• Poor Kim and Lori, bored in St. Martin.
• Kim misses reality
• Lori has pubic hair ("Can you not look at my bush?")
• Ali brokers Kim's relationship with Justin
• Terri doesn't like cold, wet things, including the beach at night.
• Kim has never skinnydipped.
• UNRELATED: When did your life feel like a literal summer movie?

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If you ever asked yourself, "When DID Lori get to third base," this episode is for you. Did she like it? Spoiler alert: No. Though we can't be sure, because Lori admits she has committed lies of omission. Also: If you take someone's virginity, do you get to keep it? Also: mammograms were designed by men, April Fools is traumatizing, and Terri indulges a jealous fantasy. It's time to travel to the Land of 1000 Dances. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Pomp and circumstance makes kim cry
• Lori's never worn a cap and gown
• Lori got a mamo
• Bad design: sirens and mamo machines
• 15 yo Lori doesn't think she'll have sex before marriage b/c of her self developed morals
• Lori admits she lies in her journal, lies of omission
• fingering
• lori has no idea how to give a handjob and there was no Google
• Lori thinks third base is a lie and conspiracy theory
• the 11-minute challenge
• you can take the virginity you just can't KEEP the virginity
• Terri indulges a jealous fantasy
• We are not fans of April Fools b/c it's rude and trauma-inducing and pranks are mean

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Lori always had a prom date, but not until the day of. And that's how we know deadlines work. Terri goes away for a weekend and loses her boyfriend overnight, what Some Kind of Wonderful got right (and wrong), and is it us or was Three's Company kinda fucked up? Plus: How we all side with the parents in 80s movies now. Welcome to Generation Artax.

Also in this episode:

• Shoe horns
• Summer I turned pretty
• Gay as a plot device
• Shows we gave up on
• Shows that ghosted us
• Kim doesn't lose things. Ever. Thanks to Oprah.
• Lori performs real life CSI on herself.
• Terri masters her packing list
• Unrelated: Would You Rather

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Terri landed her first legit boyfriend senior year of high school in the fall of 1990, setting an epic drama in motion. Kim pens a Victorian letter to Lori reminding her she's not ugly. Plus: Lori's given up on jewelry, Terri is obsessed with making it, and Kim doesn't want any of her jewelry to change, ever. Also, could someone please throw Terri a word of affirmation? Welcome to Generation Artax.

Also in this episode:

• Let's talk accessories
• Terri is obsessed with her new hobby
• Terri has a heavy gait and also jump ropes
• Why would you give some chick your Varsity Jacket?
• Terri's new bf cheats on her while she's away
• Kim has lots of friends in college and is making more every day
• What does the word "nimrod" even mean? It may have to do with hormones
• Why we feel ugly during our luteal phase
• UNRELATED: What's your love language

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.

In this episode, you'll only hear two stories about car accidents, because Kim is perfect and never makes mistakes. Lori airs her discomfort about a certain Michael Jackson video, as well as a Looney Tunes character who tried to make assault look endearing. Also: Lori believes she's from the year 3,000 A.D., Kim has magical powers she'd like to use only occasionally, and Terri is stymied by simple home improvements. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Lori doesn't like the way a Michael Jackson video makes her feel
• Looney Tunes characters that are also seriously not ok
• The glow-up in the ZZ Top video that made Terri wish she were hot
• Terri gets in her first fender bender
• Car accidents we got into, except for Kim who never ever has
• Adolescent Lori believes she's from the year 3,000 A.D.
• Lori Has a unique and exotic personality
• Kim thinks she probably has magic powers, but she only wants to heal people casually
• Terri wishes she could fix and hang things
• Kim shares a home hack involving dish soap
• Lori wishes she understood cars and could speak every language
• Lori can't say the word "arthritis" without a Southern drawl
• Kim wonders what the whales have to tell us
• Unrelated: If you could learn something Matrix-style, what would it be?

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.

Is it watermelon season yet? And is that a tick Lori just found in her hair? Yes and yes. In this episode, Terri is on the Edge of Seventeen, Kim is lacking boyfriend bandwidth, and Lori wants to be a weather girl, but she will not say the word "Middlesex" when referring to the county. Then we all pile on the would-be heroines of 90s romcoms who can frankly fuck alllll the way off. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Kim is ready for watermelon season
• Lori finds a tick on her person
• Terri sends Lori her hand me downs, and Lori has notes
• Kim doesn't have enough boyfriend bandwidth
• Kim thinks there are so many people to date, Lori says no
• Lori didn't tailgate because she didn't understand football
• White baseball hats: Who wore it best?
• More evidence that Kim rewrites history
• Kim was on a break
• Lori wanted to be the weather girl
• Terri is on the Edge of Seventeen
• Lori borrows Kim's shirt and doesn't bring it back
• We are all coke-averse
• Unrelated: Movies or TV shows whose characters you used to love you now find indefensible, and vice versa
• Jules in My Best Friends Wedding can eat a dick and so can Carrie Bradshaw
• Grease 2: Why doesn't Stephanie Zinone just date Michael as he is

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Strap in for stories from the 90s, including how Lori makes a pledge to be nice to everyone freshman year and has a kind of Buddhist epiphany. Plus: Terri's love life is thrown into chaos by geopolitics in 1990. Question: Does being in love make you better looking? (Kinda.) In Unrelated: If you could be beamed anywhere for 10 minutes every week, where would you go? Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Terri feels flow again and buys sweatpants she doesn't need
• Are we in control or basically literally everything out of control - we debate the nature of control
• Lori is now popular
• Fun's a big thing now
• Beggars can't be choosers
• Does being in love make you better looking? Kinda
• Transitive verbs
• Kim starts high school and Terri enters senior year
• The repercussions of world politics on teenage romance
• Kim is no snow bird
• UNRELATED: Things you'd love to never do again, also if there was one place you could beam yourself for 10 minutes once a week, what is it?
• Lori wants a landscape architect
• Terri has issues with cat litter
• Kim wants to ride a roller coaster every morning
• Lori dreams of donkey farms

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How did we sleep on Flashdance and Judge Judy? Not anymore. Also in this episode: Are we all doing our own pedicures now? Does Terri have ADHD? Maybe. Plus: Kim's eighth-grade boyfriend thinks she's a snob. In Unrelated, what job would you have if things were different? Welcome to Generation Artax.

In this episode:

• No one has seen Flashdance, except Terri who forgot to finish it.
• Lori is obsessed with Judge Judy
• everyone's doing their own pedicures now. it's come to this.
• Terri leaves cabinets open and many open loops in conversations that bite her in the ass
• Plans aren't real
• Who has the most unread email
• Clutter creates despair
• Terri says she can't possibly have ADHD but maybe does
• Lori didn't qualify for ADHD.
• Terri loses her train of thought
• Kim's boyfriend accuses her of being a snob.
• Kim has a stress attack.
• Unrelated: What job would you have if things were different?
• Kim has a weird parallel-universe moment in a nursing home. Lori will design but she doesn't care what your style is. Terri is obsessed with making jewelry now.

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.

How many times have YOU watched Jim Henson's funeral? Because Kim has it on a loop. Also in this episode, Kim checks her own receipts and turns out she has been telling her own HS breakup story inaccurately. Lori nearly chokes out a girl in the hallway between periods and at one point throws a chair. Also: Games we find triggering and words we hate so much we can barely speak them aloud. Welcome to Generation Artax.

Also in this episode:

• Why we hate riddles
• Trivial Pursuit can go fuck itself
• Forgetting people's names
• Kim breaks up with her HS boyfriend and then tries to take it back
• Kim remembers her past wrong and worries everything's a lie
• Lori wishes you could record every second of your life like in Black Mirror
• We are unreliable narrators
• Kim regrets not hiring a wedding videographer
• Why are we talking about referees? But we are
• Lori flies off the handle in the hallway
• Lori curses out the nicest girl in school over parking (and might have thrown a chair)
• Unrelated: Words you hate
• The dictionary has gone soft
• Lori hates tits

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.

In this episode, Lori waxes darkly poetic about how she's no one's type. Kim writes a letter to Terri on her 16th birthday, outlining all the ways she's a perfect teenager—including her solid physical shape—then goes back to talking about awesome next summer will be. In Unrelated: big fish, small fish, and podcast goals. Welcome to Generation Artax.

• Lori is no one's type, doesn't want to be cool, would rather be a cynic
• Terri as a kid hates pizza, roller coasters, and getting messy.
• Terri grew up feeling like a 30 year old who wants to stay in a nice hotel
• Kim has become more palatable with age
• Kim masters the flow state
• Lori says butts take work
• Lori has a friend named Gary she mentions literally once. No idea.
• Kim's birthday letter to Terri on her Sweet 16, including what makes Terri the perfect teenager
• Terri's a great role model and the perfect teenager
• See you on your next lonely Sunday night!
• Unrelated: Big fish or small fish?

Visit our website: www.generationartax.com and join our mailing list for the latest information on the podcast.