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Title: The Nation's Younger Cousins Announce Plans to Cry at Haunted Houses This Year

Author: Doyle Redland

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 10-04-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

These distant relatives emphasized these attractions would be both scary and dark.

©2016 The Onion (P)2016 Audible, Inc

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Title: A Local Dad Thought He Could Make It Out of the Zoo Without Buying His Kids Some Light-Up Shit

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Unabridged

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 10-03-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

[Contains explicit content] The Father of two says he hoped to get out of the zoo with only buying each of his kids a Chipwich.

©2017 The Onion Audio News (P)2017 Audible, Inc.

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Title: A Militia Leader Is Sentenced to 6 Months' Probation for War Misdemeanors

Author: Doyle Redland

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 10-02-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

The militia leader was found guilty of torching villages without a permit.

©2017 The Onion (P)2017 Audible, Inc

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Title: A Street Harasser Is Still Haunted by the Woman That Got Away

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Unabridged

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 09-29-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

The harasser says he should have listened to his gut and followed the woman down the street until she started crying.

©2017 The Onion Audio News (P)2017 Audible, Inc.

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Title: Skipping Out on a Friend's Party Is the Closest a Local Woman Will Ever Come to Feeling the Rush of Heroin

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 09-27-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

The woman allegedly collapsed on her couch due to the endorphin rush.

©2017 The Onion (P)2017 Audible, Inc.

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Title: A Local Man Is Still Trying to Find the Right Work-Anxiety / Life-Anxiety Balance

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 09-25-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

The man admits that there are only so many hours in the day to devote to his various stresses.

©2017 The Onion (P)2017 Audible, Inc.

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Title: A Local Dad Will Not Pay Someone to Fix His Marriage When He Can Do It Himself

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Unabridged

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 09-21-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

The dad says he wont pay an arm and a leg for something he can probably read out of some book.

©2017 The Onion Audio News (P)2017 Audible, Inc.

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Title: A Chinese Class Clown Is Executed

Author: Doyle Redland

Format: Unabridged

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 09-20-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

The jokester was put to death for drawing a mustache on a picture of the Minister of Education.

©2017 The Onion (P)2017 Audible, Inc

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Title: An Obnoxious Friend Won't Stop Attaining Major Life Milestones

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 09-19-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

Friends say this person really needs to tone it down.

©2017 The Onion (P)2017 Audible, Inc.

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Title: An Ovulation Calendar Is the Ticket to Rekindling a Local Couple's Lagging Sex Life

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Unabridged

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 09-15-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

[Contains explicit content] The couple says they now feel like young lovers again.

©2017 The Onion Audio News (P)2017 Audible, Inc.