Wekcome back, men! In today’s episode, we’ll discuss why intimacy in marriage isn’t about taking—it’s about giving—and how getting your mind right can transform both your perspective and your relationship.

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God’s Gift of Physical Intimacy, Part 2: Get Your Mind Right

In our second week on God’s gift of physical intimacy, we’re focusing on something that happens outside the bedroom: getting our minds and hearts right about sex. Last time, we explored how serving and cherishing our wives in everyday life—like speaking her love language or helping around the house—sets the stage for intimacy. This week, we’re going deeper into the mental and spiritual foundation that fuels healthy physical intimacy in marriage.

1. Intimacy Is About Giving, Not Just Having

Most of us were raised in a culture that trains us to think about sex selfishly. Movies, TV, and even locker-room talk usually frame intimacy as something to “get.” But the Bible paints a radically different picture.

Philippians 2:4 (NLT) says: “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

Romans 12:10 (NLT) adds: “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

These verses remind us that intimacy is not about taking, but about giving. When a husband enters intimacy with the mindset of honoring his wife—meeting her needs, showing her she is desired, and giving her something he shares with no one else—it changes the entire experience. A marriage retreat speaker once put it this way: “Stop thinking about having sex, and start thinking about giving sex.” That shift in perspective can transform not only the bedroom but also the entire marriage.

2. Reset Unrealistic Expectations

Another place many couples struggle is with false expectations. If your picture of physical intimacy has been shaped by media or pornography, you’ve been misled. Real intimacy in marriage does not look like a movie scene.

Here’s the reality:

• It doesn’t always happen quickly.
• It doesn’t always look perfect.
• It isn’t about endless passion or flawless performance.

Instead, God designed sex to be about genuine connection, patience, and love. A healthy marriage won’t mirror what’s seen online—it will reflect real life, with all its ups and downs. When we surrender our expectations to God and embrace reality, we free ourselves from disappointment and discover deeper satisfaction in His design.

Romans 12:2 (NLT) says: “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

God’s will for intimacy is good, pleasing, and perfect—but only when we renew our minds to see it His way.

3. Helping Your Wife Get Her Mind Right

Physical intimacy is not just physical—it’s emotional, relational, and spiritual. A wife who feels secure, cherished, and loved is far more likely to desire intimacy than one who feels neglected or criticized.

The Song of Solomon shows us this principle in action. In chapter 1, the bride delights in her husband’s words of affection: “How handsome you are, my lover! How pleasant!” (Song of Solomon 1:16 NLT). In chapter 2, she feels safe under his care: “He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me” (Song of Solomon 2:4 NLT).

This is a reminder: intimacy begins with cherishing. Husbands, don’t reserve compliments for when you want sex. Instead, cultivate a daily lifestyle of encouragement. Compliment her beauty, but also her character, her strength, and the unique ways she blesses your life. Show her she is treasured every day, not just when you’re hoping for intimacy later.

And wives, receive the compliment. Let your husband’s words remind you of your worth. When both spouses choose to cherish each other, intimacy becomes an overflow of mutual love rather than a forced obligation.

4. Building a Mindset for True Intimacy

Ultimately, “getting your mind right” about intimacy means viewing it through God’s lens:

• It’s a covenant gift, not a selfish act.
• It’s about connection, not performance.
• It grows stronger when we honor each other daily, not just in the bedroom.

When husbands lead with love and wives respond with trust, intimacy flourishes. It becomes what God intended: a reflection of two becoming one (Genesis 2:24).

Final Challenge

Ask yourself:

• Am I approaching intimacy with a giving mindset?
• Have I let culture shape my expectations more than Scripture?
• Am I actively cherishing and affirming my spouse in ways that build security and desire?

God’s design for intimacy is not only about passion—it’s about partnership. When you renew your mind, cherish your spouse, and honor God’s design, you’ll discover that physical intimacy in marriage can be one of the most joyful, life-giving gifts He has given.