Welcome back to the podcast! How do we glorify God through our everyday labor? Whether you’re in ministry, business, trades, or stay-at-home leadership, Scripture teaches that our work is one of the primary places we honor God. In this episode, we explore three essential marks of working as unto the Lord: gratitude, perspective, and integrity.

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The PursueGOD Men's podcast helps guys apply God's Word to their lives to become full circle followers of Jesus. Join us for a new men's episode every other Thursday.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/men.

Learn more about "full circle" Christianity through our 12-week Pursuit series.

Click here to learn more about how to use these resources with men and boys at church.

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Working “unto the Lord” begins with gratitude, not grumbling. Scripture commands us to rejoice, pray, and give thanks in all circumstances—including our 9-to-5.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NLT) calls us to persistent joy, continual prayer, and an attitude of gratitude. Instead of seeing work only as stress or obligation, faith teaches us to view it as a gift: the ability to earn, provide, and contribute.

Paul echoes this in Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT), urging us to bring every work anxiety to God with thanksgiving. Gratitude reshapes stress into trust.

Solomon affirms the goodness of labor:

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 (NLT) and 5:18 (NLT) remind us that finding satisfaction in our work is a gift from God.

Healthy bodies, steady income, meaningful productivity—these are blessings worth thanking God for every single day.

Work is good, but work can also take God’s place when our ambition exceeds our devotion.

Jesus warns us to keep our loves properly ordered: Matthew 6:33 (NLT) calls us to seek God’s kingdom first, not as an afterthought once the job is done.

Good seasons can drift into unhealthy patterns. Long hours can slowly redefine identity, priorities, and relationships. Many men don’t notice the shift until someone close to them finally says something. Keeping work in its place begins with honest reflection:

Do I chase work more than I chase God?

Does my family get what’s left of me—or the best of me?

Working unto the Lord requires integrity, not shortcuts or hidden compromises. God takes honesty seriously:

Proverbs 11:1 (NLT) — “The Lord detests dishonest scales…”

Proverbs 20:23 (NLT) — “The Lord detests differing weights…”

God doesn’t just dislike dishonest business practices—He detests them.

Integrity means dealing fairly with customers, employers, team members, and vendors. It means no hidden fees, no loopholes, no cutting corners because “everyone else does it.”

Jesus rebuked religious leaders for manipulating oaths in Matthew 23:16-17 (NLT), exposing the heart behind deceptive commitments. Today, integrity touches things like expense reports, remote-work honesty, hours logged, pricing transparency, and truthful representation of services.

If our work is truly unto the Lord, then our ethics must reflect His character.

Working unto the Lord is a daily posture: gratitude, perspective, and integrity. When we get these right, our work becomes more than a paycheck—it becomes worship.

Welcome back to the podcast, men!

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The PursueGOD Men's podcast helps guys apply God's Word to their lives to become full circle followers of Jesus. Join us for a new men's episode every other Thursday.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/men.

Learn more about "full circle" Christianity through our 12-week Pursuit series.

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Colossians 3:23-24 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 24 Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.

•  In the immediate context of this verse, Paul is instructing slaves on how they should work for their masters. It is applicable for any working relationship. What does that look like? How do we work as though we were working for the Lord? 
• I’m going to borrow heavily from scripture, but also from Tim Keller’s book, “Every Good Endeavor” 

It’s important that we start with the truth that we were created to work and be productive. Work isn’t a result of the fall.  If work was not beneath the Almighty God of the universe, it shouldn’t be beneath us. 

Genesis 2:1-3,15 So the creation of the heavens and the earth and everything in them was completed. 2 On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested[a] from all his work. 3 And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation.  The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. 

• Keller: The Bible begins talking about work as soon as it begins talking about anything that’s how important and basic it is. God also brought the animals to Adam to be named. From the beginning, God invited man into partnership with him to steward his creation. 
• Keller: God worked for the sheer joy of it.Work could not have a more exalted inauguration. God not only works, he delights in it. He saw all that he made and it was good.  I think of all of us can relate to that when we finish a project and look at it. We take delight in it. Something as simple as changing out the tail light and fixing a battery cable. 
• Work is not a result of the fall, frustrating work is a result of the fall. We were created to work. It’s part of us being made in the image of God. 
• Think about this: the Bible doesn’t say we should work one day and rest 6. It doesn’t even split it 50/50. The pattern was six days of work to one day of rest. How does this stack up to our modern dream of retirement?  

The Bible points out the sin of laziness in multiple places. There is something about hard  work that resonates with a man because we were designed to be productive. 

Proverbs 10:4-5 Lazy people are soon poor; hard workers get rich. 5 A wise youth harvests in the summer, but one who sleeps during harvest is a disgrace.

Proverbs 10:26 Lazy people irritate their employers, like vinegar to the teeth or smoke in the eyes.

Proverbs 28:19 A hard worker has plenty of food, but a person who chases fantasies ends up in poverty.

• Part of working unto the Lord is doing the best we can.  It’s not taking shortcuts.  It’s giving the same effort when no one is watching as when the boss is looking over our shoulder. 

1 Timothy 5:8 But if someone does not provide for his own,[a] especially his own family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.  (NET)

Keller - The  commandments  of God in the Bible are a means of liberation, because through them God calls us to be what he built us to be. 

Although work is good, there is a balance of work and rest.  There is a rhythm of leisure and toil. When balanced  properly, each one enhances the enjoyment of the other. 

Genesis 2:3 And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation.

• Did God rest because he was tired? Did he need to recover from fatigue? No. Now, because of sin, we do need restoration and times of recovery. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally because work in a fallen world isn’t always fulfilling. It isn’t always productive.
• Being created in God’s image we can assume that rest is good and life giving for us in and of itself.

Welcome back to the Men's podcast!

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The PursueGOD Men's podcast helps guys apply God's Word to their lives to become full circle followers of Jesus. Join us for a new men's episode every other Thursday.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/men.

Learn more about "full circle" Christianity through our 12-week Pursuit series.

Click here to learn more about how to use these resources with men and boys at church.

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Hey, men.  Today we’re going to talk about receiving criticism from our wives.  If you’re like me, your wife is often the last person that you want to give you criticism. I have pretty thick skin, but I can get all bent out of shape at the slightest criticism from my wife.  I think that’s because there is no one in the world that I want to respect me more than my wife. In Emerson Eggerichs’ book “Love and Respect - the Love She Desires; the Respect He Desperately Needs.”, he points out that what a man desires most from his wife is to feel respected.  It’s hard to feel respected when you’re being criticized.  It’s a knee jerk reaction to feel disrespected when someone points out a shortcoming or a flaw. I know some of you may be in a marriage where your wife’s criticism is anything but constructive.  I pray that God continues to strengthen you to keep fighting for your relationship if that is the case. But for most of us, our wife isn’t criticizing us because she wants to belittle us or tear us down. She genuinely wants the best for us.  

Responding well to healthy criticism from our wives can help us grow as a husband and father.  It demonstrates we’re teachable. This is not the same thing as being emasculated by constant criticism. We should seek to give our wives the benefit of the doubt, but it may also be helpful to call in a trusted spiritual leader for discernment. 

Proverbs 25:24  It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic  than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.

• Give your wife the benefit of the doubt.  Treat her criticism as something she is offering because she wants the best for you.  She hopes to motivate you. She wants to see you be the kind of husband and father God has called you to be.. 
• Ask her to be specific. Specific in ways that she sees need for improvement or change - 
• Vague - I don’t feel like a priority any more. 
• Specific - You’re coming home later and when you’re home, we rarely talk.  When you have time off, it is spent on your hobbies. Using “I feel because statements” can be very helpful here. 
• If you do feel like your wife constantly criticizes, call in some help.  Get a spiritual leader or trusted brother and sister in Christ to listen in and give you insight. Don’t turn it into a gripe session. Give your spouse advance notice that you’re going to do this.
• Honey, it seems like in the majority of our conversations, you’re criticizing me.  I know I’m not perfect, but it’s out of hand. I’m asking for some help because I’m committed to our marriage. I’m committed to you, but it’s wearing me out and I need some help. 
• Keep serving her.  Keep loving her like Christ loves the church. 
• Ultimately, you practice love or respect because beyond your spouse you see Jesus Christ and you envision a moment when you will be standing before Him at the final judgment, realizing that your marriage was really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for your Lord.”

― Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

Give your wife direction on how she can relay constructive criticism in a way that you’re more likely to receive it. 

• The right truth at the right time. Not in front of the kids, not out in public, not when emotions are high. 

Proverbs 25:11 Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.

• Do you need affirmation along with the criticism? The three to one rule.  
• Is your primary love language words of affirmation?  If it is, a critical word might be ten times heavier for you than for someone who has a different primary love language.  
• Get clarity on action steps moving forward. 
• Those action steps should be measurable, specific, and realistic 
• Get an accountability partner, aside from your wife, to help you stick to the action steps. You don’t want your wife having to be the one to call you on the carpet if you’re not following through. 

God blessed us with our wives as our helpmate. He uses marriage to make us more holy and receiving feedback from our wife is part of that process. 

Proverbs 10:8  The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.

Proverbs 11:2  Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 12:1 To learn, you must love discipline;  it is stupid to hate correction.

Proverbs 13:13 People who despise advice are asking for trouble;  those who respect a command will succeed.

Proverbs 13:18 If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace;  if you accept correction, you will be honored.

• Thank God for a wife that wants you to lead. Thank God for a wife that desires to see you be more like Jesus. That is a blessing, not a burden. This shift in how you view your wife’s feedback will make a huge difference in how you receive it. 
• She sees the real you. She sees the you when you’re tired, when you’re stressed, when you’re hungry (or hangry). She sees the you that deals with disappointment. If you wonder why others don’t have the same feedback, they don’t see what she sees. 
• Driving in traffic example, critical nature when my kids played spots - most people never saw that, but my wife sure did.

Welcome back to the podcast! Have you ever prayed and felt like your words were just bouncing off the ceiling? Maybe you’ve been praying for healing, provision, or direction — something that seems completely in line with God’s will — and yet nothing happens. You start to wonder: Is God even listening?

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The PursueGOD Men's podcast helps guys apply God's Word to their lives to become full circle followers of Jesus. Join us for a new men's episode every other Thursday.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/men.

Learn more about "full circle" Christianity through our 12-week Pursuit series.

Click here to learn more about how to use these resources with men and boys at church.

Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected].

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Why Is God Not Answering My Prayer?

The Bible reminds us that unanswered prayers don’t always mean unheard prayers. There are several reasons why we might feel like heaven is silent — and understanding them can deepen our faith and bring clarity to our prayer life.

Unconfessed sin and unhealthy attitudes can create distance between us and God. Psalm 66:18 says, “If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.” When we knowingly hold onto sin — pride, bitterness, lust, dishonesty — it affects our intimacy with God. Peter even tells husbands that mistreating their wives can hinder their prayers. 1 Peter 3:7.

If your prayers seem unanswered, start by asking God to reveal any habits or attitudes that might be blocking the connection. Then confess and invite accountability so you can walk in freedom again.

Faith is central to prayer. Jesus told His disciples that faith could move mountains. Mark 11:22-25. James warns that those who doubt are like waves tossed by the wind and “should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” James 1:5-7.

That doesn’t mean you can never wrestle with questions — it means bringing those doubts to God, not away from Him. Like the father in Mark 9:24, we can pray, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

Sometimes the issue isn’t sin or lack of faith — it’s timing. God’s plans are wiser, broader, and better than ours. Isaiah reminds us that God’s thoughts and ways are higher than our own. Isaiah 55:8-9. What seems like a delay or a denial might actually be divine protection or preparation.

Think about Joseph, who was sold into slavery, falsely accused, and imprisoned before rising to power in Egypt. From his perspective, it must have felt like God was silent — but in hindsight, we see how every “no” or “not yet” led to a bigger purpose.

Even when it feels like nothing is happening, God is listening. James 5:16-18 reminds us that “the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” Elijah’s prayers brought drought and rain, but it didn’t happen instantly. Prayer isn’t about manipulating outcomes — it’s about trusting God’s character.

So when your prayers feel like they’re “hitting the ceiling,” remember: God’s silence is not His absence. He may be testing your heart, building your faith, or aligning your desires with His. Keep trusting, keep praying, and keep believing that His plan is good — even when the answer is different than you expected.

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”

Ephesians 5:3

We should be pure because God calls us to be. 

This is the mindset we need to pursue. It isn’t out of fear of consequences, hope for a better future, or anything else. It needs to be out of love and respect for God and his standards. But we will get into that more tomorrow.

The question for today is, what is purity? 

It is ensuring there is not even a hint of sexual immorality in our lives.

That is a pretty high standard, and it can feel daunting to achieve that especially if you have been living in this sin for a while. I know I felt like that was an impossible task when I started this journey. But then I learned something that changed everything:

This battle is not about what you do, it’s about who you are becoming.

Sexual purity isn’t just about avoiding porn or staying away from the wrong websites. That’s surface-level thinking. This journey isn’t about what you do—it’s about finally being the man God calls you to be. And God is calling you to become a man of honor, discipline, and integrity. Sexual purity is the byproduct of a life that belongs fully to Jesus.

The truth is, we live in a world that constantly puts sex in our faces—on our phones, in music, in ads, in movies. So living this new life will not be easy.

You are going to have to make some sacrifices that will hurt.

I know when I began this journey, two things were true:

1. I was ready to do whatever it took
2. I was sick of being lied to, by the enemy, by the world, and by myself

So I’m not going to do that to you. Here is the honest truth: somedays, this is gonna suck. It’s going to hurt like hell and there will be moments where you will think life was better before.

But remember how you feel right now, ready to be free. Purity is not a one time decision, it isn’t a one size fits all step by step guide, and it definitely isn’t a pay your way service. So what is it then?

Purity is a daily pursuit of God.

It is waking up everyday and deciding, just for today, to live for God and with God in every area of your life.

Half measures and white knuckling it will not work, but you already know that.

You can’t live in freedom if you're pretending you don’t need it.

Begin the Process of Becoming a New Man

Following Jesus means more than a one-time decision. It’s a daily process of surrender. Think of your heart like a house. Have you locked Jesus out of any rooms? Maybe there's a room marked “Lust” or “Shame” or “Private Struggles.” Jesus doesn't want visitation rights—He wants ownership.

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in...”

— Revelation 3:20 (NLT)

When Jesus knocks, He’s not just being polite. He’s coming to set you free. But freedom will require sacrifice, intensity, and honor. You won’t drift into purity—you’ll have to fight for it.

The 3 Rules to Start With:

No secrets.

1. You can't heal what you hide.
2. Be 100% honest all the time, no matter what

No compromise. What you allow in small amounts will master you over time.

1. In your allowed media, eye discipline, etc.
2. In your consistency

No excuses.

1. This is a battle of consistency, you won’t win it in a day, but you have to win today.
2. It’s time to be mature
3. You are in control, any other idea is a lie

The Key Disciplines to Embrace:

• Daily time in God’s Word – Truth renews your mind.
• Authentic brotherhood – You weren’t meant to fight alone.
• Radical honesty – Say it out loud. Darkness dies in the light.
• Prayer and worship – Not just in crisis, but as a lifestyle.
• Fasting and boundaries – Train your body to follow your

Mentioned in this episode:

Outro

Intro

Welcome back to the podcast! The assassination of Charlie Kirk shocked many in our nation and left believers struggling with emotions of grief, fear, anger, and even hopelessness. Today, we're going to unpack that.

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The PursueGOD Men's podcast helps guys apply God's Word to their lives to become full circle followers of Jesus. Join us for a new men's episode every other Thursday.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/men.

Learn more about "full circle" Christianity through our 12-week Pursuit series.

Click here to learn more about how to use these resources with men and boys at church.

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While we must name this tragedy for what it is—an evil act—we must also allow God’s Word to shape how we process and respond. Scripture provides wisdom, perspective, and hope in moments when evil seems overwhelming.

One of the first steps in responding to tragedy is honesty. Isaiah warns, “What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter” (Isaiah 5:20 NLT). The murder of a husband, father, and leader is not simply unfortunate or politically charged—it is evil. And just as evil is real, so are the responses that flow from it. When people celebrate such acts, that too is evil. As Christians, we must resist the temptation to minimize or excuse what God calls wrong.

Some may argue Charlie Kirk was targeted for his political positions, but many of his stances flowed from biblical principles. Jesus prepared His followers for this reality: “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. … Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you” (John 15:18, 20 NLT).

The apostles in Acts understood this truth firsthand. After being beaten for preaching Christ, “the apostles left the high council rejoicing that God had counted them worthy to suffer disgrace for the name of Jesus” (Acts 5:41 NLT). Their perspective was not rooted in despair but in joy that their suffering connected them to their Savior.

Today, many of us in the U.S. rarely face this kind of hostility. Yet globally, persecution is a daily reality. According to Open Doors, an average of 13 Christians are killed each day simply for following Jesus. This tragedy should remind us to pray for persecuted believers worldwide and to prepare our hearts to stand firm in our own faith.

Moments like this can stir fear. If such violence can happen here, what could happen to us or our families? Jesus addressed this very question: “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28 NLT).

The psalmist also found confidence in God’s protection: “The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? … Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident” (Psalm 27:1, 3 NLT). Fear is natural, but faith calls us to trust God’s eternal security and His ever-present help.

It is right to feel anger when evil takes a life. Scripture affirms this: “Be angry, and yet do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26 NLT). Anger must not drive us to hate people, stereotype groups, or retaliate with violence. Instead, we are called to hate evil itself: “You who love the Lord, hate evil! He protects the lives of his godly people and rescues them from the power of the wicked” (Psalm 97:10 NLT).

Our role is to expose darkness with light, not add more darkness to the world. God Himself promises to bring judgment: “I will take revenge; I will pay them back” (Romans 12:19 NLT). We can rest in the assurance that He will make every wrong right.

Perhaps the greatest danger after tragedy is despair. When evil appears to win, it is easy to lose heart. Yet the gospel declares that the war has already been won. “What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31 NLT).

The cross looked like defeat on Friday, but the resurrection on Sunday proved that Jesus is victorious. This hope anchors us in the face of suffering. Paul reminds us, “Let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up” (Galatians 6:9 NLT).

The brevity of life should also sharpen our perspective. James writes, “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone” (James 4:14 NLT). Missionary Jim Elliott captured this truth: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”

For believers, death is not the end. Jesus promised eternal life, and that reality gives us courage to face even the darkest events with hope.

Charlie Kirk’s death reminds us of sobering truths: evil is real, persecution is costly, fear and anger must be handled carefully, and despair is never the final word. But Scripture also reminds us that Christ has overcome the world. Our task is to cling to Him, call evil what it is, encourage one another, and keep proclaiming the hope of the gospel until He returns.

Welcome to Fight Club.

A community of young men dedicated to pursuing freedom from lust and victory in Jesus Christ.

Join or Die (in your sin).

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Outro

Intro

Welcome back men! Today, we finish our series on physical intimacy by unpacking exactly that: what it practically looks like to be physically intimate with your wife, in a way that honors God.

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The PursueGOD Men's podcast helps guys apply God's Word to their lives to become full circle followers of Jesus. Join us for a new men's episode every other Thursday.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/men.

Learn more about "full circle" Christianity through our 12-week Pursuit series.

Click here to learn more about how to use these resources with men and boys at church.

Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected].

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God designed physical intimacy in marriage as a gift, not just for procreation but also for joy, unity, and delight. Yet many couples struggle because life’s responsibilities, physical health, or lack of intentionality can keep intimacy from flourishing. In this final episode of the series, we’ll talk about practical, biblical ways to nurture physical intimacy in marriage that both honors God and blesses your spouse.

The Bible celebrates the beauty and strength of the human body. Taking care of your health is not about vanity but stewardship. When we’re healthy and active, intimacy is often more fulfilling. Song of Solomon describes physical beauty in vivid terms. “His arms are like rounded bars of gold, set with beryl. His body is like bright ivory, glowing with lapis lazuli. His legs are like marble pillars, set in sockets of finest gold” (Song of Solomon 5:14-15). Good health blesses both you and your marriage. Simple practices like regular exercise, healthy eating, and even strengthening key muscle groups can enhance intimacy and honor God with your body.

A thriving marriage includes learning how to lovingly serve one another in intimacy. Peter reminds husbands to live with their wives “in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7). That means listening, learning, and growing in your knowledge of what pleases your spouse. Explore together, communicate openly, and don’t take yourself too seriously. God designed the body with incredible sensitivity and potential for pleasure. Learning what your wife enjoys—whether through foreplay, touch, or intentional conversation—is part of honoring her as a partner in God’s grace.

Many wives carry heavy mental loads—responsibilities at work, with kids, and around the home—that can make intimacy difficult. One of the most loving things you can do is help relieve those burdens. Do the dishes, handle bedtime, or take on a few tasks so she can relax. Protect your space by locking doors, keeping kids out of the marital bed, and eliminating distractions. Plan extended times away or create intentional space where intimacy is unrushed. Song of Solomon captures this beautifully: “Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards… There I will give you my love” (Song of Solomon 7:11-13).

Physical intimacy doesn’t flourish by accident. Life is busy, so make time on purpose. Put it on the calendar if you need to. Plan date nights, short getaways, or quiet evenings at home. The health of your marriage depends not on spontaneous passion alone but on intentional choices to connect deeply, body and soul.

Wekcome back, men! In today’s episode, we’ll discuss why intimacy in marriage isn’t about taking—it’s about giving—and how getting your mind right can transform both your perspective and your relationship.

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The PursueGOD Men's podcast helps guys apply God's Word to their lives to become full circle followers of Jesus. Join us for a new men's episode every other Thursday.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/men.

Learn more about "full circle" Christianity through our 12-week Pursuit series.

Click here to learn more about how to use these resources with men and boys at church.

Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected].

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God’s Gift of Physical Intimacy, Part 2: Get Your Mind Right

In our second week on God’s gift of physical intimacy, we’re focusing on something that happens outside the bedroom: getting our minds and hearts right about sex. Last time, we explored how serving and cherishing our wives in everyday life—like speaking her love language or helping around the house—sets the stage for intimacy. This week, we’re going deeper into the mental and spiritual foundation that fuels healthy physical intimacy in marriage.

Most of us were raised in a culture that trains us to think about sex selfishly. Movies, TV, and even locker-room talk usually frame intimacy as something to “get.” But the Bible paints a radically different picture.

Philippians 2:4 (NLT) says: “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

Romans 12:10 (NLT) adds: “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

These verses remind us that intimacy is not about taking, but about giving. When a husband enters intimacy with the mindset of honoring his wife—meeting her needs, showing her she is desired, and giving her something he shares with no one else—it changes the entire experience. A marriage retreat speaker once put it this way: “Stop thinking about having sex, and start thinking about giving sex.” That shift in perspective can transform not only the bedroom but also the entire marriage.

Another place many couples struggle is with false expectations. If your picture of physical intimacy has been shaped by media or pornography, you’ve been misled. Real intimacy in marriage does not look like a movie scene.

Here’s the reality:

• It doesn’t always happen quickly.
• It doesn’t always look perfect.
• It isn’t about endless passion or flawless performance.

Instead, God designed sex to be about genuine connection, patience, and love. A healthy marriage won’t mirror what’s seen online—it will reflect real life, with all its ups and downs. When we surrender our expectations to God and embrace reality, we free ourselves from disappointment and discover deeper satisfaction in His design.

Romans 12:2 (NLT) says: “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

God’s will for intimacy is good, pleasing, and perfect—but only when we renew our minds to see it His way.

Physical intimacy is not just physical—it’s emotional, relational, and spiritual. A wife who feels secure, cherished, and loved is far more likely to desire intimacy than one who feels neglected or criticized.

The Song of Solomon shows us this principle in action. In chapter 1, the bride delights in her husband’s words of affection: “How handsome you are, my lover! How pleasant!” (Song of Solomon 1:16 NLT). In chapter 2, she feels safe under his care: “He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me” (Song of Solomon 2:4 NLT).

This is a reminder: intimacy begins with cherishing. Husbands, don’t reserve compliments for when you want sex. Instead, cultivate a daily lifestyle of encouragement. Compliment her beauty, but also her character, her strength, and the unique ways she blesses your life. Show her she is treasured every day, not just when you’re hoping for intimacy later.

And wives, receive the compliment. Let your husband’s words remind you of your worth. When both spouses choose to cherish each other, intimacy becomes an overflow of mutual love rather than a forced obligation.

Ultimately, “getting your mind right” about intimacy means viewing it through God’s lens:

• It’s a covenant gift, not a selfish act.
• It’s about connection, not performance.
• It grows stronger when we honor each other daily, not just in the bedroom.

When husbands lead with love and wives respond with trust, intimacy flourishes. It becomes what God intended: a reflection of two becoming one (Genesis 2:24).

Ask yourself:

• Am I approaching intimacy with a giving mindset?
• Have I let culture shape my expectations more than Scripture?
• Am I actively cherishing and affirming my spouse in ways that build security and desire?

God’s design for intimacy is not only about passion—it’s about partnership. When you renew your mind, cherish your spouse, and honor God’s design, you’ll discover that physical intimacy in marriage can be one of the most joyful, life-giving gifts He has given.

Welcome back to the podcast, men! In today’s episode, we’re unpacking God’s good design for sex in marriage—and how to protect that intimacy from the enemy’s attacks so your marriage can thrive with joy, unity, and blessing.

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God’s Good Design for Intimacy

From the very beginning, God created sexual intimacy as a beautiful and life-giving part of marriage. It’s not dirty. It’s not something God just “puts up with.” It’s a gift meant to be celebrated between a husband and wife. Genesis 2:24-25 reminds us that in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were naked and felt no shame. Physical intimacy was God’s idea—and He designed it to bring joy, unity, and blessing.

Proverbs 5:18-19 paints a beautiful picture of marital love: “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you… may you always be captivated by her love.” And in 1 Corinthians 7:5, Paul encourages married couples to stay connected physically, only stepping back from intimacy temporarily and mutually for the purpose of prayer. Then, he says, come back together so the enemy doesn’t use that gap to tempt you.

Beware of the Enemy’s Tactics

Jesus warns us in John 10:10 that the thief’s purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. One of the enemy’s favorite ways to attack a marriage is by eroding physical intimacy. For decades, experts have said that money and sex are two of the leading causes of divorce. Even if a couple stays married, when intimacy suffers, joy and connection often fade.

That’s why Philippians 4:6 is so important: pray about everything—including your physical relationship. Ask God to protect your marriage from division in this area. Pray for open and loving communication. Pray for healing if there’s been broken trust, sexual sin, or wounds from the past. And if either spouse is carrying shame or guilt, ask God to lift that burden and restore joy.

Filling Your Spouse’s Love Tank

Ephesians 5:25 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church—sacrificially and selflessly. One of the best ways to build desire for intimacy is by speaking your spouse’s love language:

• Quality Time
• Words of Affirmation
• Physical Touch
• Acts of Service
• Gifts

The key is loving your spouse in ways that are meaningful to them, not just in ways that are natural to you. That means learning what fills their “love tank” and making it a priority. If her love language is physical touch, make sure there’s affectionate touch that isn’t just a lead-in to sex. If it’s quality time, let her define what that means—unhurried, undistracted time together. When your wife feels loved, seen, and valued, intimacy naturally grows.

The Role of Compromise in Intimacy

In most marriages, one spouse will have a higher sex drive than the other. That’s normal. 1 Corinthians 7:4 reminds us that in marriage, each spouse gives authority over their body to the other, meaning intimacy is a shared gift, not a personal possession. The healthiest approach is open communication and a willingness to meet in the middle.

Sometimes that involves being mindful of practical realities. Leviticus 18:19 notes that there are times when intimacy isn’t possible, and understanding your wife’s cycle can help you anticipate when she may be more inclined toward intimacy. By paying attention to each other’s needs and rhythms, you can strengthen your connection rather than drift apart.

God’s Vision for Your Marriage

God’s heart is for your marriage to be marked by joy, unity, and mutual delight. Sexual intimacy is not just about physical pleasure—it’s a deeply spiritual and emotional bond that reflects God’s love for His people. Protect it through prayer. Nurture it through intentional love and service. Guard it against the enemy’s schemes. And remember: intimacy is not just a part of marriage—it’s a gift from God to be treasured and enjoyed.