Getting Old Quickly

In Episode 80, Billy Donnelly lets us all know he's not actually here at the moment. Instead, he's on a road trip for the Halloween weekend, but brings us up to speed on where he's going, what he's doing, why he badly needed this time away from home and how important it was for him to have something to look forward to as of late. 

In Episode 79, Billy Donnelly stresses the importance of communication, particularly when it comes to our feelings. Coming out of a depressive episode, he felt incredibly awful and, at times, very alone in his struggles. However, he began to feel a bit better after having an honest conversation with his wife where he was able to lay out what he was dealing with, the emotions running through his head and have a sounding board he felt comfortable talking to, so as to not carry all of the weight by himself any longer. He discusses the emotional barrier he has created, trying to protect others from worrying and being too concerned about him too much, particularly when he is feeling down or struggling. However, he has learned over time that it's a wall he needs to get over, because those people are there to help, and he cannot control how they may feel about the circumstances. He talks about the difficulty of acknowledging our troubles externally in the moment but elaborates on the benefits we can find on the other side once we get through it. 

In Episode 78, Billy Donnelly talks a little bit about where he's at mentally and emotionally as of late, which, to him, is not a particularly great place. He reveals his lack of motivation even to record this episode but expands on why he feels it's important to talk openly and honestly about these struggles as they happen rather than avoiding them or pretending they're not happening. He briefly discusses the cause of these current emotions and touches a bit on his frustration with not having answers as to how to fix it or make it better. However, he stresses that even in feeling alone and awful right now, he knows that's not the case, and that there is togetherness in feeling like that. 

In Episode 77, Billy Donnelly is at a loss, as he tries to make sense of his outbursts of anger and what is behind them. He shares a couple of recent stories that resulted in angry feelings, but explains why he feels the appearance of anger in each was justified. However, of bigger concern to him is the moments that he cannot seem to explain away and why there are times he just feels angry a lot. He cannot put his finger on a source or a cause and is frustrated himself that he doesn't have any answers. However, he recognizes the fact that he can even acknowledge this as a problem is progress and growth and is determined to discover more answers as he goes, in order to get a better handle on what is happening in these circumstances. 

In Episode 76, Billy Donnelly decides that this is the point to finally talk about sex - mainly the role it has played over the years for him as a tool to seek validation and to boost his self-esteem. He talks about how not-so-healthy relationships when he was younger really dealt a big hit to his feelings of being wanted and desired as he got a little older. As a result, he developed a not-sustainable model of trying to fill those voids through sex and hook-ups. He discusses feelings of loneliness and using physical pleasure as a temporary subsitutute, which, over time, created more problems than it even attempted to solve. In addition, he opens up about how addicting it can be to chase validation in this form and the long-term repercussions that result in one's relationship expectations. 

In Episode 75, Billy Donnelly deals with the pressures of parenthood, namely the concern of failing your children. He discusses the hope that our children will have a better life than our own and the expectations we place upon ourselves to try ensuring that happens. However, Billy comes to terms with the fact that while we can exhibit influence over our children to an extent, we do not have control over their choices and ultimately how they live their lives. As a result, the blame we may put on ourselves for certain things that happen in their lives as a result of their choices is misplaced and lessens some of the burden we unfairly put on our own shoulders. In addition, trying to prevent hurt or discomfort or traumas in their lives as a way to counter things that may have happened to us as children is nearly impossible and a recipe for failure on our own ends. 

In Episode 74, Billy Donnelly adds onto a previous episode to further discuss our struggles with insecurity and the vulnerable position it leaves us in when we admit the very existence of our own. He talks about the importance of admitting our insecurities are there and the dangers that come from looking for or expecting quick-fix solutions to make them go away. He discusses the idea of others selling us a magic bean to solve our problems, in an attempt to capitalize on both our insecurities and our vulnerability, and why we need to be on the look out for those who don't have our genuine best interests at heart. However, he really gets into the steps we need to take ourselves to be able to get a handle on our insecurities and what we can do to more realistically combat them as opposed to trying to unsuccessfully eliminate them. 

In Episode 73, Billy Donnelly makes an important breakthrough for himself and his long-standing embrace of a victim identity. Prompted by a reading of Mark Manson's book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Billy begins to question enough about what he knows and believes to wonder if he's trapped himself in victimhood over the years after a number of experiences for a variety of reasons, starting with an ideal for justice and fairness, followed by a fear of what his life would be like not being the victim and ending up with a loss of identity if he didn't have those experiences to hold onto as a part of who he is any longer. Billy really starts peeling back a number of layers to his proverbial onion to look at why he sat in this victimhood for so long and why he failed to take any responsibility in the aftermath of his traumas to move forward and let go. It's a sobering realization for him to come to at this point in his life, and this episode really allows him to unpack a lot of this emotional baggage he's been carrying for so long. 

In Episode 72, Billy Donnelly is feeling pretty good and once again finds himself struck by inspiration to create. As a result, he talks about the difference he has found between ideas where he has expectations as to where things might lead or how something might be received and those he is doing simply to please himself and satisfy his own excitement. He also discusses how easy it is to back away from our enthusiasm and find excuses or reasons not to do something, primarily out of fear. However, he really champions finding the time or energy or space to follow through on these things that have us feeling inspired, because they are essentially forms of self-care that feed us mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. He stresses the importance of finding ways to say yes to ourselves instead of taking the quick route to saying no. 

In Episode 71, Billy Donnelly once again ventures into the world of professional wrestling, connecting on a deep level with a video of John Cena making a positive impact on the lives of others without knowing it. He details a video he came across on Twitter telling a story of a boy whose mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and how a simple act of kindness by John Cena majorly affected them in that moment. Billy talks about the lessons he took away from hearing this story (while sobbing), particularly to do our best to be kind to one another when we can. He stresses that we have no idea how our actions, words, gestures, etc. may be the thing that they need right then and there, and we'll probably never know either how we may have turned someone's day around or made them feel better. Billy tells a story of a couple acquaintances who recently reached out to him at a time when he was struggling, and how just being seen by them and having that connection when it happened helped immensely.