Getting Old Quickly

In Episode 130, Billy Donnelly once again talks about some of the problems that accompany his chronic gastrointestinal condition and how that can create certain limitations for him and feelings periodically that he has lost control over his own body. In these situations, he is meant to slow down and create certain boundaries for himself, knowing that pressing on only makes things worse. However, recently, he stubbornly insisted on moving ahead and wrestling control back for himself, ignoring all the warning signs that presented themselves. That put him in a situation to potentially realize his worst fears associated with his ulcerative colitis -- pooping his pants -- if not for an emergency poncho coming in at the right time and saving the day. He also discusses the bravery of others these days talking about their pants pooping on social media, allowing others to realize that it happens much more frequently than one would think and making it slightly less shameful and embarrassing if it were to happen. He also applauds others who have made talking about their gut health much more of a priority in order to also create an environment for people to feel less alone if something doesn't feel right physically in that realm. 

In Episode 128, Billy Donnelly travels back to his high school days (for the first time since Episode 15 - The Horrors of My High School Experience) to recall the first time he indeed remembers struggling to fit in. He discusses his difficulty in fitting neatly into certain identity boxes and/or labels that may have made it easier for him to be accepted in social circles. However, he talks about his lifelong fight to not be just one thing and the consequences that can result from not being easy to explain and comprehend to others. He wonders sometimes if it would have been easier to just "play the game," but, with that, wouldn't he then be trading in his true authentic self for just another set of problems as someone else? In addition, he also mentions how he jinxed himself the week prior by talking about how good he felt; this week, that's not the case.

In Episode 127, Billy Donnelly does his best to embrace being in a good place at the moment. He lays out a number of things that seem to be moving in a positive direction for him as of late: good health, a new job, less time to dwell, etc. From there, he explains how important it is to just ride such a wave for as long and as far as it holds up. And, for once, he aims not to "poop on his own party" with some sort of pessimism or negativity but to just be happy in the happiness. 

In Episode 126, Billy Donnelly tells the story of a recent explosion of anger that he unleashed upon his kids. He explains the plans they had all set together and how they had come apart when some did not do what was asked of them. He lays out his feelings on the matter and how they got to that point since this incident did not just exist in a vacuum. He also talks about how it is difficult for him to identify and recognize such a response when the impulse kicks in so quickly that brings him "in the red," so to speak. However, he reveals the discussions he had with both his wife and his therapist about his response to a situation being proportional to the offense, in addition to the importance of positive reinforcement to change patterns of behavior - and the struggle that presents for him as someone who has lacked such in their life and, as a result, does not always know what that looks like to then give. 

In Episode 125, Billy Donnelly discusses a recent challenge that was thrown to him during therapy, asking why he is able to feel so confident going up on stage to perform karaoke (as referenced in Episode 121 - Popular), even knowing his vocal limitations, when those same carefree feelings seem to be so difficult to drum up in other areas of his life. He examines the reasons as to why that might possibly be, and he raises the idea of having to rewire the way his brain thinks in order to make changes. He also makes it a point to credit his increasing self-awareness with being able to recognize and identify these behaviors once a spotlight has been shone upon them, making it somewhat easier to then course correct as they resurface.

In Episode 124, Billy Donnelly discusses people's recent insistence on turning everything into some sort of side hustle and, as a result, never truly having anything that just belongs to them anymore. He talks about everyone trying to strike it rich with their hobbies and passions or "content," removing all the joy and personal fulfillment that comes with doing things that you like by turning it all into work. He discusses the misguided belief that one's time is valuable, so they should be compensated as a result, no matter what, explaining that some things just are and doing them gives rewards that may not be monetary. He also talks about how doing things for the right reasons can add positive elements into your life, while doing things for the wrong reasons is destined to fail due to not being built upon a solid enough structure in the first place. 

In Episode 123, Billy Donnelly describes his recent bout with the stomach flu and all the awfulness that entails. He talks about the impact that had on his already existent GI issues, plus the overall uselessness he felt while feeling so horrible. However, he does bring up the sweetness shown by his kids in making sure he was doing okay. However, just when he thought he was out of the woods and his health had resumed, symptoms seemed to kick back in again - even worse this time - coinciding with the night he had a ticket to see My Chemical Romance. Therefore, he dives right into the ordeal of that experience and everything that came with desperately not wanting to poop his pants in public. 

In Episode 122, stemming from his pseudo-popularity on his Alaskan cruise, Billy Donnelly seeks to get a better understanding of where his need for attention comes from. With the help of his therapist, he is able to find some answers in his role as a class clown growing up (some of which was discussed and alluded to in Episode 13 - Send In The Clown). He talks about his earliest memory of using humor to be accepted by his peers, which coincides with switching schools in 5th grade and joining an entirely new environment. He connects that high of being liked and accepted as a result of those tools to the persistent need for outside validation that has continued throughout his life. He likens the crave for attention to being a junkie, constantly chasing the next fix to lift himself up when he hits an inevitable low. He also explains that we use what we have at our disposal, and, while others may have been more attractive or athletic or just magnetic in their personalities, it was his sense of humor that was his invitation into the party. However, that didn't stop such an embrace of being a class clown from creating longer standing issues that we may be taking a closer look at in the here and now. 

In Episode 121, Billy Donnelly once hops aboard his Alaskan cruise to tell a tale of fleeting popularity. He talks about the experience of becoming almost pseudo-celebrities with his wife on the ship as a result of some karaoke performances and game show participation, and, with that, he discusses the highs of being recognized throughout the trip by a number of others. However, he also brings up his wife calling him out on having a "need for fans" in this type of situation, which once again brings up his need for outside validation. As a result, he causes him to ponder if he's doing some things for the right reasons or to continue chasing those momentary highs. In addition, he ties it back to the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck (which he's currently re-reading) and Mark Manson's very specific example of popularity being a bad value and the reasoning why. From that, our host inevitably runs into disappointment when things occur outside of his control. But due to his self-awareness, he is able to recognize and understand that perspective in order to minimize his hurt feelings.