Getting Old Quickly

In Episode 150, Billy Donnelly shares his gratitude for hitting such a milestone episode, given that he never thought this podcast would reach this point when it first started. But then he moves on to embracing the idea that no one has any clue what they're doing. He discusses the front that people put up to display that everything is good on their end, but -- thanks to a therapy lesson -- he's come to terms with the fact that that's not the case, and everyone's lives are messy. He relays that he thought something might be wrong with him at various points because he was struggling and his life wasn't where it "should" be. But he's taken comfort in the knowledge that we're all just winging it and hoping things work out okay because there's no real right way to do any of it. He also talks about his experience growing up and seeing adults who looked like they had a pretty decent grasp on things -- something he now knows just wasn't the case. 

In Episode 149, Billy Donnelly re-enters a mental space from the past that he does not like being in: seeking acceptance and outside validation. He once again shares the story of his time as a writer and his desperate desire to be part of "The Cool Kids Club" of people whose stamp of approval would solidify him as someone of note in the community. That brings things to today when he found himself doing something similar with a new piece he had written recently and chasing something similar -- being acknowledged by those with influence within a different community. As a result, he examines why he so badly has wanted this form of acceptance, how it has made him feel over the years seemingly never getting it, and the growth he's made over time in at least being to acknowledge it for what it is and knowing how badly it affects his mental health. 

In Episode 148, Billy Donnelly is once exploring the idea of making adult friendships. Once upon a time (back in Episode 3: I Get By With Very Little Help From My Friends, to be exact),  he tackled the loneliness of having far fewer friends the older he gets than he ever did when he was younger and spoke about the difficulty of making new friends as an adult. This time, he looks at some of the reasons why making friends at this stage is so troublesome, simply asking how others go about doing so themselves. He talks about friend dating apps and other options that have been put forth to try making the process easier, but he accidentally stumbles upon a strategy built on communication and honesty that just might work.

In Episode 147, Billy Donnelly discusses his unhelpful habit of traveling down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts. He talks about his acceptance of a reality where nothing goes right and everything is bound to go awry, leading to disappointment, heartbreak, and hurt. While not one to wholeheartedly catastrophize situations, it is very difficult for him to find any degree of hope or optimism as he plays out scenarios in his head, both large and small. However, with his therapist's guidance, he is putting in the work to challenge his negative thoughts and push back against falling down the rabbit hole, describing what some of that process has been like for him. He talks about creating new habits to replace the old ones that help break the cycle of resorting to negative thoughts each time, and how it has helped him in dealing with some of his fears, concerns, and anxieties. 

In Episode 146, Billy Donnelly recovers enough of his voice to talk about his recent trip to Texas to attend the WWE Royal Rumble. He elaborates on his visits to both Austin and San Antonio, but also touches upon the meaning that the Royal Rumble event has for him, in relation to his birthday and his childhood. In addition, a chance encounter with a pinball machine ties in nicely with some of the more positive associations he was able to joyously experience over this particular weekend. However, he does have one point of contention that comes up at the end, as it pertains to not having the ability to coordinate opportunities to cross paths with others he would have liked to see. 

In Episode 145, Billy Donnelly has no voice. Hoarse from a weekend trip to the Royal Rumble and struggling to be heard, he decides to honor his body's limits and not do much of a show, only showing up to apprise listeners of the situation before getting back to resting up his vocal cords to be back to 100% soon enough.

In Episode 144, Billy Donnelly celebrates turning 43 -- sorta. He discusses this year's birthday and the fact that it felt like just another day. He talks about not wanting to do anything special for it, which he finds amusing given how he talked about having birthdays that didn't feel like they were treated as big deals in the past (Episode 39 - Turning 41). But he fills us in on how he rang in his birthday nonetheless, including the one detail that did at least feel a little weird for not happening, while explaining that it just seemed to hit at the wrong time this year. In addition, he provides an update on the black nail polish situation, which was introduced last episode. 

In Episode 143, Billy Donnelly discusses the idea of painting his nails black, but, in doing so, opens up a whole can of worms. He discusses confidence and self-esteem as it pertains to the issue and how he's long cut himself off from trying new things out of concern for what other people might think. He also talks about the nail polish as a form of expression in finding one's self and how you might want to present yourself to the world; in turn, experimenting with different things to find what you like, what you connect with, and what resonates with you. He brings up the constraints that far too many have on what adulthood should be and when you should have everything figured out, but he's growing more and more comfortable with the fact that he's still learning and growing, and changing. But an important lesson he's taking away from all of this is that just trying something doesn't have to then make it permanent nor does it have to work; just getting to yes and seeing how it goes is enough. 

In Episode 142, Billy Donnelly looks at self-esteem, particularly low self-esteem, as a belief system upon which one's identity has been built. He compares it to other systems of belief, such as politics or religion, where people have bought in so completely -- almost like a cult. As a result of fully embracing what you believe is the truth, any attempts to challenge, question, or topple such systems are met with resistance. Anything that goes against what you have come to know is treated as wrong, even if it is coming from yourself; it feels like a lie and one you are trying to tell yourself for whatever reason. For him, outside validation has often served as a tool for combatting negative thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of self -- not being desirable, not being worthy, not being good enough, etc. -- as it cemented the idea that someone else believed it, too. However, the goal is to change these negative belief systems by being able to validate yourself, as one cannot rely on others to boost you up forever. Therefore, he talks about the need to identify and recognize when those negative belief systems are kicking into action, in the hopes of presenting more positive assessments that can be used to replace them over time. 

In Episode 141, Billy Donnelly rings in the new year by trying something new -- venturing into the realm of gratitude. He explains his skepticism of what has felt like a gratitude trend over the last several years and his unwillingness to engage in toxic positivity. However, after having the purpose of expressing gratitude (lists, journals, etc.) reframed for him as a way to rewire oneself to focus more on the positive than the negative, he's willing to give it at least a shot and see if it helps at all. He concludes by naming several things that he is indeed grateful for and winds up feeling pretty good about the exercise.