For years, I believed that my worth was tied to fulfilling others' needs. Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” echoed my experience of being used and discarded. But healing came when I opened up to real love—one built on genuine connection, not just physical needs. True intimacy is about mutual respect and deep emotional bonds.

In this raw and heartfelt video, Helen shares her journey of surviving childhood sexual abuse and the profound impact it had on her ability and inability to communicate. She discuss how the shame and guilt from her experiences led her to suppress her emotions and the importance of establishing open channels of communication with her own children to prevent such suffering.

Helen emphasizes the significance of being receptive and empathetic listeners, and how it can foster strong, loving relationships within families, ultimately leading to healing and connection.

00:00 The Silence of Childhood Trauma

00:22 Internalizing Shame and Guilt

01:30 The Impact of Unspoken Pain

03:13 Breaking the Cycle with Open Communication

04:00 Building Trust Through Honest Conversations

05:41 Healing Through Late-Life Communication

06:21 The Gift of Open Communication

In this episode, I shine a spotlight on a critical message:

The significance of listening to survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

This episode explores two mindsets: "go-getter" (enthusiastic and goal-oriented - moving towards) and "avoider" (cautious and problem-focused - moving away from). Let’s talk about the importance of language patterns in shaping our reality and encourage a balanced communication style that considers both pursuing goals and addressing challenges.

Over the last few years I had resolved so many things but didn't recognize that there was a part of me that was still needing to be addressed, cleared, resolved, loved, and that was my 7-8 year old who had to leave Belgium, had to leave the life where she finally had her first friends, first real relationships.

What does hope mean to you? How does it show up in your life, in your healing journey? Do you have hope for yourself? I didn’t for a long time, even though I was determined to find it.

And when I did find it, I found me.

The Power of the Woobie

We don’t really know the power of stuffed animals and blankets and pacifiers when we first give them to our babies, but as babies are developing they are developing attachment to the objects around them and these woobies become much more than objects to babies. They’re comfort within that last a lifetime.

As we grow and age, those infant and toddler woobies change with us and all too often they turn into comfort that is more damaging than comforting. Especially when a person has been affected by trauma. What woobies are in your life?

Recognizing what these woobies are doing for you is key to understanding what you need in your healing life.

If you want to be different, you want your past to not affect you anymore.  You want to be on the other side of Survivor. But the journey to get there can be overwhelming and scary and daunting.

People say it's not the destination, it's the journey. But when it comes to Getting Past Survivor, it truly is the destination.

My journey of Getting Past Survivor is where I had to go through the realizations, the things that I didn't want to really relive:  pain, regrets. And while the destination was forefront of my mind, I want to reframe this to say that the journey of my healing taught me so much about who I am as a person and who I want to be on the other side of Survivor.

Now that I have healed from a significant amount of my past, I'm grateful for that journey. But I'm more grateful for the destination.

While the phrase, “It's not the destination, it’s the journey” is really good, just know that the journey doesn't have to feel great when the destination is amazing.

I encourage you to focus on the destination of healed that’s on the other side of survivor, while still finding joy in what the journey to get there will be doing for you along the way.

Because, for survivors of childhood sexual abuse and other childhood traumas, Getting Past Survivor actually is the destination.

Making changes in our lives can feel like like moving to a foreign country.  We don’t know anything about the new culture, new language, new styles, social and physical environment, and relationships....

Often we don’t change because it’s so uncomfortable to be in such a foreign feeling that we settle for familiar misery with the illusion of safety.

 But, what if you moved to that foreign country and there was someone there to help you acclimate? Would to go to the new land of you?

Wouldn't it be great to have tangible proof that the work you've done to improve your mental health is working?

I know the work I'm doing on my road of Getting Past Survivor is working, as evidenced by healthier relationships, my view of myself, my no longer experiencing flashbacks, etc.

But listen to how I heard the new inner voice directing me and my body to respond in a way that I really enjoyed experiencing.

Yes, I believe in what I do. I hear the changes in my clients every day. I see it in how I act and respond. But, it was so incredibly affirming to actually hear it for myself, from my own brain!