After describing his glorious Valentine’s Day dinner with Ginger, Scott is encouraged by Tom to pitch his story to Hallmark, and ask for more money than anyone has before. And if they balk at that price, then quickly accept even less than their original offer. Plus, we reintroduce our idea that most films should be 15 minutes with only happy moments, and no conflict or drama. It’s the gift of time.

The Super Bowl gives us some ideas for NFL reform. Instead of just penalties for excessive celebration after a touchdown, let’s give bonus years for a well executed end zone dance routine. Plus, let’s have a fan do color commentary since we come up with what the highly paid analysts say seconds before they do.

Scott celebrates Tom’s birthday 23 days late, but that’s how we procrastinators roll. But a fine lunch was had by all, punctuated by the lively art of conversation. One thing remote workers miss are those office birthday parties that provide copious amounts of cake on a regular basis. What if someone delivered that piece of cake to a remote worker’s apartment and what would ensue?

Tom becomes the “Einstein of Modern Dentistry” by applying his high stepping walking technique to avert trips and falls, to protecting teeth from being broken. His rubber sidewalk proposal is endorsed by The Great Pedestrian Scott, who will lend his support through full page ads in defunct magazines Life, Look and Saturday Evening Post, which we will bring back with a full staff for one issue only just to run the ad.

Instead of the predictably harried and put upon sitcom husband who hates shopping, Tom and Scott love perusing the aisles of Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods, especially with their girlfriends. If Trader Joe’s ran our government, it would run incredibly efficiently, and our leaders would wear Hawaiian shirts and be super friendly and helpful.

What does a “One Sport” like Tom do at the end of his beloved football season? Spoiler Alert: He’s not going to curl up in a fetal position. And Scott angles for a sideline reporter job talking only about uniforms.

As a 20 year old student, Scott once roamed the aisles of a supermarket nervously wondering what he could make for the first dinner he had to cook for his roommates. This week, Scott made a culinary breakthrough when, thanks to Ginger’s training, he cooked a salmon dinner. Food for thought and laughter.

Once again we announce an exciting new trend. The cozy movement. Yes, cozy and comfortable are the new words to live by, especially during these cold winter months. And since cozy actually sounds like what it means, it’s easy and fun to get cozy any time of the day.

The big news in DC isn’t the deal to avert a government shutdown, but Scott’s chance encounter there with Senator Joe Manchin. But the even bigger story might be that Scott wore earmuffs for the very first time shortly before he saw the Senator and his entourage at an iconic DC hotel. There are a million more questions than answers in this exclusive, not ripped from the headlines story.

Helpful tips on what to do and what not to say, if your guests don’t recognize your Pulitzer Prize at your apartment. Plus, we propose a bold new way to hedge your bets in the unlikely event the elevator is out in your building, when you’re expecting guests for dinner. Serve a small alternative dinner party in a corner of the lobby.