Getting used to it, Midlife

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"Not fair. I want that too."

That's the first honest reaction we had reading Molly Roden Winter's writing about her open marriage — and it sent us somewhere way deeper than gossip.

Because the real spark isn't who dates whom. It's the shock of watching someone actually pause, ask herself what she wanted, and make a conscious choice about her relationship instead of just... following the default script.

In this episode, we get into mononormativity — the cultural gravity that makes monogamy feel like the only civilized option — and why so many of us were conditioned to believe that even wondering makes us the bad guy. We dig into the research on relationship and sexual satisfaction across monogamy, ethical nonmonogamy, and open relationships (including why the findings are genuinely mixed, and why "what matches your values" will always matter more than picking the supposedly correct structure).

Then we go to the messy, human middle: jealousy, the fear of not being enough, and the identity earthquake that hits a long-term marriage when one person starts asking who they are beyond wife and mom. We also wrestle with rules like "don't fall in love" — and what it actually takes for any partnership to hold up under real honesty, real communication, and real emotional elasticity.

If you've ever felt guilty for a thought you didn't even choose — you're not alone.

Listen, send this to the friend who will actually talk about it with you, and leave us a review. Then tell us: what's your gut reaction to open marriage or polyamory, and where do you think it comes from?

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Nobody in your house asked how you were doing today. Or yesterday. Sound familiar?

In this episode, Beth and Suzee unpack why loving couples — especially men and women in midlife — still talk past each other. They dig into the "connect vs. report" communication gap, the secret relationship point system where one partner banks 40 points for a big trip while the other gives 40 for a simple "How was your day?" — and why jumping straight to fix-it mode can feel like care to one person and total abandonment to the other.

If you've ever felt invisible — or just plain annoyed — in your own home, this one's for you.

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Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Getting Used To It!
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Nobody had a fight. Nobody did anything wrong. But somewhere in your 50s you looked up and realized the social life you thought you had was partly built on borrowed structure. The school run, the office, the neighborhood, the kids' activities. When the structure changed, the people went with it — and there's no ritual for that. No funeral, no casserole, nothing. Just a quiet thinning that you're somehow supposed to figure out on your own. Suzee and Beth get into why friendship grief is real even when nobody died, why making friends at 50 is harder than it was at 22, and why — if you're sitting there wondering who your people actually are — that's not a you problem. That's just what happens when the scaffolding falls away.

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You love your partner. You've been together for decades. And lately... it's getting a little awkward. Not fighting. Not falling apart. Just... quiet in a way that's starting to feel like a question. This episode is for anyone who can see retirement on the horizon and is quietly wondering: are we going to be okay when the noise stops? Suzee and Beth get into what happens to long-term couples when work winds down, the kids are gone, and you're left with just each other — and whether the real work starts with asking if you still find yourself interesting.

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Is your suitcase still packed with the ghost of travels past? It started as off-air banter about packing and turned into a full conversation about how travel changes in midlife. Suzee and Beth swap notes on ditched habits, capsule wardrobes, pre-trip routines, and the trips that brought them back to themselves — from Beth's 20-minute packing whirlwind to Suzee planning her re-entry meals before she even leaves. So pop in those earbuds and get ready to rethink your next getaway. 

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The rules changed and no one handed us a new playbook. We sat down to compare what midlife really feels like in our bodies—what crept up, what hit like a freight train, and which fixes finally worked after the old standbys failed. If you’ve tried more walking, more Pilates, or a round of intermittent fasting and watched your middle thicken anyway, you’re not imagining it. Our physiology shifts, and the plan has to shift with it.

The rules changed and no one handed us a new playbook. We sat down to compare what midlife really feels like in our bodies—what crept up, what hit like a freight train, and which fixes finally worked after the old standbys failed. If you've tried more walking, more Pilates, or a round of intermittent fasting and watched your middle thicken anyway, you're not imagining it. Our physiology shifts, and the plan has to shift with it.

Beth shares her turning point at 55: intermittent fasting gave energy but didn't move the scale. The fix? Strength training, sprint intervals, and targeted macros. Guided by Dr. Stacy Sims' insights, we cover protein, progressive overload, and cardio that supports muscle instead of stealing it.

We also tackle the quieter stuff: flatter moods, dry eyes, grief when periods end, and menopause hormone therapy for brain and bone health. This is what we wish we knew at 45.

Press play, share with a friend, subscribe, and leave a review with your best midlife training tip—we'll feature favorites next week.

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The year opens with a hot seat and a hard truth: loving your craft isn't enough when no one can find you. We pull back the curtain on Beth's midlife career crisis as a life coach whose former company folded, taking the client pipeline with it.

Beth knows social media could help. But every time she tries to start, her brain floods with terror: What if I look stupid? What if my content is boring? What if I'm too old for this?

Suzee coaches her through the spiral in real time, and what emerges isn't lack of knowledge—it's fear of execution. We explore why even seasoned coaches need coaches, especially when the obstacle is looking amateurish or posting the "wrong" content. Instead of chasing a perfect niche, we focus on first steps: pick one platform, choose a simple format, commit to a deadline.

Beth commits to posting. Not because she's suddenly brave, but because sometimes you just need someone to hold your feet to the fire. If you've ever felt smart, experienced, and strangely stuck, this conversation will feel like a hand on your shoulder and a gentle push forward.

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What do you do when your parents aren't dying, but they're not really living either? And worse—what do you do with the guilty thought: when will this be over?

Suzee's parents are in their 80s, healthy enough, but they've stopped doing anything. Just sitting. Watching YouTube. Existing. And watching it is surprisingly unbearable. But as Beth pushes, something harder emerges: Is Suzee worried about them, or uncomfortable that they've chosen stillness when she needs them to keep going?

Beth counters with her own difficult truth: she lost both parents young and admits there's a jealousy hearing friends complain about their boring, healthy parents. At least they're still here to be boring.

The conversation lands on an impossible question: How do you stay connected to parents who are choosing to disconnect? How do you grieve someone still alive but already kind of... gone?

There's no resolution because there isn't one. We end where we started—in the question. Whether you're frustrated by your parents' choices or mourning the ones you've lost, this won't fix it. But you're not alone in not having it figured out. We're all just getting used to it.

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You know that feeling when your partner walks in stressed and your body knows before they even speak? That chest-tightening dread that feels like being pulled into a riptide? That's anxiety contagion—and it might be ruining your week. Suzee's husband spirals about money. Even though she does the budget and knows they're fine, his panic hijacks her. Two days of crisis mode later, she proves they're okay. He's instantly fine. She's wrung out and resentful. Beth's version is different: total contraction. When her partner announced they needed to cut spending by 40% at Christmas, she froze. No Target for two months. Dish soap guilt. Different response, same trap.

The impossible question: What happens when NOT getting on the anxiety train makes things worse? When boundaries get you accused of not caring? There's no answer here. Just two women admitting they're still figuring out how to love someone without drowning in their fear. If you're exhausted from being Command Central for everyone's emotions, this won't solve it. But you're not alone.

Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Getting Used To It!
If you enjoyed today’s conversation, please consider subscribing, rating, and leaving us a review—it helps others discover the show! We’d also love to hear your thoughts, so drop us a comment or connect with us on Bluesky @gettingusedtoit.bksy.social.

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Your adult child is living at home. And instead of treating it like a failure, what if you designed it to actually work?

In many cultures, kids stay home until marriage. In this economy, it's increasingly common. But we don't talk about HOW to make it work - the practical boundaries, the financial conversations, the design of a launch pad instead of a holding pattern.

Suzee and Beth discuss different cultural approaches to multigenerational living, how to set up your home and expectations for success, and why the outside judgment matters less than what actually works for your family.

Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Getting Used To It!
If you enjoyed today’s conversation, please consider subscribing, rating, and leaving us a review—it helps others discover the show! We’d also love to hear your thoughts, so drop us a comment or connect with us on Bluesky @gettingusedtoit.bksy.social.

Stay connected, stay curious, and we’ll see you next time!