Shame is a necessary emotion. Shame can be helpful. The way we feel about our wrong decisions and choices is meant to steer us towards God, towards repentance and towards healing. If we never feel shame, it means something is broken inside of us. There are things that we should be ashamed of, but with God’s help we don’t need to stay there.

Satan tries to manipulate our emotions in an effort to keep us locked up in our shame. He wants us to fixate on our sin, poor choices, bad decisions, to live in regret.

Today on the podcast we will discuss steps we can take to move forward, to repent and bring this stuff to God for forgiveness and healing.

 

DISCUSSION GUIDE

At the start of this episode, the crew talked about their childhood bully stories. Did you have a bully growing up? How did you deal with them?

With an episode surrounding guilt and shame, it is important to know the difference between the two. Scott defines guilt as, “to break or disregard God’s commands,” and shame as, “the feelings that come from sin and breaking God’s good commands for our lives.” Guilt is what comes from willfully sinning and shame is the emotion that comes from guilt. How do these definitions help you better understand the giants of guilt and shame?

Read Philippians 3:18-19. What does this say about those who choose what they want over what God wants for them? Read Philippians 3:19-21. What is the difference between the person described in the verses 18-19 and the person described in verses 19- 21?

What is the difference between shame and toxic shame? This is an important distinction because shame is an emotion we all feel, but toxic shame is what the enemy uses against us.

How we respond to guilt and shame often says a lot about what we believe about what God thinks of you. What does shame drive you towards? Does it drive us towards God or away from God? Does it drive us towards repentance or to something that numbs the feeling of shame?

A lie Vandee pointed out in the episode is that "we are enough." The thought that we are enough to fight our own sin and pull ourselves up without help is a lie. The truth is that we aren’t enough. Confession acknowledges we need God and other godly people in our lives. Is confession difficult for you? If yes, why?

Read James 5:16. Who are a couple of godly people you can take a risk on trusting, and confess what you’re going through? This could be your wife, a godly neighbor, someone in your group, or someone you look up to.

One of the best ways to fight the giants of guilt and shame is to fully trust God’s word. Read Psalm 32:1-2 & 103:12 & Hebrews 8:12. Do you believe these verses to be true? Do you believe what God says about your sin?

As men, one of the hardest things for us to do with our guilt and shame is to forgive ourselves. Nate suggested an exercise to help us see our need to forgive ourselves from what God has already forgiven us. Finish the sentence: “If ________ did ________, I would still forgive them.” Now replace their name with your name and read the sentence again.

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

 

Resources

• “Take You at Your Word” Cody Carnes 

• Shame and Guilt, Lewis Smedes

• Victory Over Darkness, Neil T. Anderson

NEXT STEPS 

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]