GilandBrenda

This is the first podcast in a series of 4. Topics in the series: Identity, Connection, Trust and Vulnerability.  Each build on each other yet they stand alone too! May your relationship be challenged, and love and growth happen as you are encouraged!

Two questions everyone asks in a marriage/relationship: Do I belong? Am I loved? Wow, deep questions. Gil and Brenda tackle these with specific ways to find the answers for yourself! It starts with you! How can you expect your spouse to meet your needs in these areas if you’re not sure of them yourself? This will be a great conversation for you to have together to deepen your relationship. Put your glasses of curiosity on (not judgement/defensiveness or blaming) and watch what happens!

Resources mentioned:

www.flagpage.com

www.5lovelanguages.com

As always, there are action steps for you to take:

1. Do a checklist for yourself. What do you need to know that you belong and are loved?

2. Share it with your spouse

3. Affirm and acknowledge each other’s good points, especially when they make an effort to show you what you need!

Gil and Brenda Stuart are a Husband/ Wife team who are Marriage Illustrators. As a Counselor and Coach they work with couples from all over the world!

#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles #conflictresolution

#marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam

#RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast

www.gilandbrenda.com

[email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube

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Are you looking for support for the unique dynamics and challenges that stepfamily life brings? Have you wondered where you can go to get help? Then this episode is for you! Ron Deal talks with Gil and Brenda on how to find a church that will support you as a stepcouple, how to know if you need counseling and where to go, and what to do if not everyone is willing to go. It might be as simple as attending a small group at your church with other couples on a similar journey. But you must commit to go! Listen in as Ron talks with Gil and Brenda about the value of finding the right support for your stepfamily and your part in making it happen.

· Learn more and register for the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. https://www.summitonstepfamilies.com/

· How to Find a Competent Christian Stepfamily Therapist. https://www.smartstepfamilies.com/smart-help/learn/sharing-hope-finding-help/how-to-find-a-competent-christian-stepfamily-therapist

· Trusted Counselor List https://smartstepfamilies.com/smart-help/marriage-therapy-intensives

· Encouragement for the couples in a stepfamily. https://gilandbrenda.com/restored-remarried/

· Building Love Together in Blended Families by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ron Deal.  https://shop.familylife.com/p-5763-building-love-together-in-blended-families.aspx

Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers

#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles

#conflictresolution #gilandbrenda #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp

#friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast

www.gilandbrenda.com

[email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube

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S2 Episode 7 STEPFAMILY Interview Craig & Gina Morgan, Blended Together

Another powerful conversation about how to strengthen and protect your marriage and stepfamily. Gil and Brenda interview Craig & Gina Morgan with Blended Together. Married 24 years, they are out of the Dallas, TX area, and share an excerpt from their latest resource, Building Blocks for Making the Family Whole Again. Referencing the wall that Nehemiah built, brings rich nuggets of how we are rebuilding our family. Prayer, time, and having others to help is so important because the opposition will come! Part of the conversation is about how men and women have shared experiences can reveal underlying hurts in a stepfamily. It’s just always nice to hear like-minded people having a raw conversation and encouraging each other! Enjoy!

Action Steps:

1. If your wall is to protect your marriage, what shape is it in?

2. How can you strengthen it?

3. Gil and Brenda have referenced the wall, representing your great marriage. You may have heard this before, but this is a great time to check in with each other again. (Season 1 Episode 1 The Wall podcast)

· Identify what comes against our wall (from the attacks coming from the outside: ex’s, kids, finances, stepkids)

· How are we striving for a great marriage? (not just a good marriage)

· This is what I can do to invest more in our marriage ________.

· What is our vision for our marriage and family? Where are we going?

Craig & Gina Morgan

Blended Together

[email protected]

[email protected]

972-589-5275

Facebook Blended Together Forever

Instagram Blended Together Forever

Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers

#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles

#marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam

#RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast

www.gilandbrenda.com

[email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube

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Most people think that when they get married, they won’t be lonely again. Feeling lonely and isolated in a marriage is becoming more common than you may realize. Gil and Brenda have talked with several people that are feeling this way. Do you know someone who is lonely in their marriage? Is it you?

Loneliness affects not only our mental health but our physical health too. It depresses our immune system and increases inflammatory responses. We are at risk for depression and anxiety and distorted perceptions of life.

The realities of being lonely in a marriage can be very heavy and sometimes dark. Gil and Brenda will define this journey and as always, offer ways to find hope again.

Resource: LOVE MAPS

Reference: Drift Happens Season 1 Episode 47

Action Steps:

1. Take the initiative.

a. If you’re lonely, chances are your partner is too.

b. Do you know their Love Languages? Sometimes just reaching out and touching their hand speaks volumes (if their Love Language is physical Touch.)

c. Try to initiate conversations that are not about transactional details. Ask them for their views about something they care about and make sure                to demonstrate that you are listening.

Don’t expect them to reciprocate right away, as habits take time to change, but after a few gestures of goodwill, they will likely return the favor.

2. Create shared experiences.

If your spouse is in the other room watching their favorite show, sit next to them (at the start of the show) and say, “You love this show so much I            want to give it a try.” They may be confused, suspicious, or both, but just be sincere and try to see the show through their eyes, even if it’s not                your thing. After the show, tell them what you appreciated about it – even if it was terrible, find something! That is connection.

3. Practice taking their perspective.

· Don’t commit “assumicide” (don’t assume!)

· Practice empathy

· Perspective taking will build intimacy and increase connection.

The steps of building intimacy are:

Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers

#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles

#conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast

www.gilandbrenda.com

[email protected]

What can those couples who are in Law Enforcement and First Responders do to protect their marriage and family? What can we (those of us who are not in those fields) do to support them? Gil and Brenda interview a couple, who have been living this journey for over 20 years, 10 of those years on a SWAT team. Gabe and Stacey are very candid about the hardships and realities and the toll it can take on a marriage. They share practical advice to help strengthen a marriage and family who is affected by these professions.

A few takeaways:

To those who are First Responders & in Law Enforcement:

1. Work to understand and educate yourself on the job. Be aware of the biological impacts that affect both physiological and social health – these will indeed impact your family as well.

2. Each person should work to define themselves individually and define their family-outside of the “first responder” identity. Your work should not be your identity.

3. Cultivate friendships outside of the workplace.

4. Faith and family must come before work and hobbies.

5. Surround yourself with pro-marriage and pro-family activities/thoughts

To those who are not in this profession:

1.Make an effort to really reach out to these marriages/families

2. Be flexible with scheduling with activities

3. Include them in normal, fun activities

4. Pray for them!

Book Resource: Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement by Kevin M. Gilmartin, Ph.D

Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers

#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles

#conflictresolution #firstresponders #firstrespondersmarriage #lawenforcement #lawenforcementmarriage #firstrespondersfamillies #lawenforcementfamilies

#gilandbrenda #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried  #marriagehelp #conflictresolution  #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast

www.gilandbrenda.com

[email protected]

Why do some couples hesitate to invest in their marriage? Without sugar coating anything, Gil and Brenda explore several possibilities…and their remedies. Sometimes the busyness of life intrudes on the investments that need to be made in our marriage. And sometimes it’s just easier to hide behind the busyness instead of talking about what’s really going on.

Remember, life’s too short to just have a good marriage…you want a great one. Have a conversation about the differences between a good and a great marriage. You might be surprised how much you are both on the same page!

The goal: a high ROI (Return On Investment) in your marriage!

Resource: Stress Reducing Conversations

Action Steps:

Have a Conversation

1. What’s one thing we can do that would be a positive investment in our marriage?

2. Find 1 resource (book, podcast or seminar) you could do together.

3. Start having a standing meeting about feelings, not just logistics.

BONUS: Find thing you can laugh about! It’s good for the soul.

Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers

#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles

#conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast

Even in the best relationships, conflict is going to happen. Is conflict good or bad? Conflict is good, as long as you do it right! Yet, how do you control the damage that can come with conflict?  Gil and Brenda go over a few points from the Gottman Repair Checklist. Here are some real “how” to’s” to reduce the damage that can happen when conflict comes about. You can even pass this info on to your kids!

Action Steps:

1. How can we limit damage control?

Have this conversation BEFORE any conflict happens. When you are in a good place, you can (hopefully) logically share with your

spouse/partner what you need when things get tense. How can we both support each other without escalating the conflict?

2. Slow down!

Admit where you are emotionally (I need to take a break, I need to regroup, I’m feeling flooded)

3. Show appreciate.

Boy, this can go a long way! Don’t hold back thanking your spouse/partner for even making an attempt to repair. Chances are, if you notice this and say something you both will extend appreciation and grace more often.

Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers

#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles

#conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #GottmanInstitute

www.gilandbrenda.com

[email protected]

So many times, there is an underlying pain that we carry that affects our relationships. It can be from family of origin, past relationships…or even the present. Gil and Brenda talk about a new way to look at pain. Not so much as an enemy but as a teacher. By using the acronym PAIN, you’ll gain a new “Perspective”, hopefully not be “Apathetic,” learn how to “Validate” and “Negotiate” through the pain. You will see how to flip the pain into peace in your relationship. Remember, your partner/spouse IS NOT the enemy!

Action Steps:

1. Quiet Yourself

Ask yourself, where is the pain coming from? (family of origin, past relationships, the present relationship, distorted thinking (i.e. I can’t /won’t be            loved, or I can’t trust any one and/or believing a lie)

2. How can I gently move toward the flip side?

Maybe having your spouse listen to this podcast you can be on the same page. Extend understanding and grace.

3. Find a mentor couple, counselor or coach to help you sift through the pain and find resolution. This could be individually or together with your

spouse.

Peanut Butter reference is on a video we did on our site called Anger and Peanut Butter https://gilandbrenda.com/relationship-marriage-videos/

#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles

#conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast

www.gilandbrenda.com

Contact us at [email protected]

We offer counseling and coaching services. Check out our website for more free Podcasts and videos to encourage/equip your relationship!

While speaking on the Love Like You Mean It Cruise, Gil and Brenda were able to catch an interview with Family Life Blended Director, Ron Deal and author of the Five Love Languages, Dr, Gary Chapman. They just wrote a new book, Building Love Together in Blended Families that is a game changer for stepfamilies. ALL marriages/relationships will benefit from listening in.

It takes two people to want to connect and learn to love each other. But in a stepfamily, what if a stepchild doesn’t want that? How do you adjust the love language of your stepchild? How real are your expectation with your stepchild?

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/book/building-love-together-in-blended-families/

take the free quiz for couples, children, teens and singles at the above link

Twitter @DrGaryChapman

Face Book https://www.facebook.com/5lovelanguages/

https://www.smartstepfamilies.com/

Twitter @RonLDeal

Face Book for Ron

[email protected]

#gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles

#RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #

A recent trip to a cell phone store prompted a discussion about Customer Service (CS). Our experience wasn’t that great, but it got us thinking about the CS in our relationships….is it good or bad?

What is the responsibility of the store and the customer? In our relationships, do we as customers pay on time? Do we ask for what we want? Do we let the company know if there is competition? As a company, how is our follow-through? Do we offer loyal, consistent service? Do we offer points? (ahh yes, it’s ALL about the points!)

We’d love to hear any thoughts you have on this!

Action Steps:

Ask for Customer (your spouse) feedback on the service they are receiving.

1. Do you feel heard?

If no: “Tell me what you need.”

2. When the customer (spouse) has a request (emotional or a task) is the follow-through thorough?

Yes/No: How can I improve?

#tipstoolsandtingles

#gilandbrenda #RestoredandRemarried #marriagepodcast #investinyourmarriage #marriagecoach #marriagecounselor #husbandwifeteam #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #stepfamily