GilandBrenda

The Gottman Institute has been around for over 40 years. Their research on marriage and relationships comes from their “Love Labs” and is pretty solid and world-renowned. Gil and Brenda share from a recent article from the Washington Post, June 2018, 5 Myths about Marriage that comes from the Gottman Institute. There were some common myths that we all believe, but there were a few surprises too! This is just another way for you, our listener to continue to learn about marriage. What conversations can you have about these myths? Which ones have you fallen prey to?

Here’s the link to the article in the Washington Post

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It’s High School and College graduation season!. Kids hear all the time, the dreaded question “so what are your plans? College, work, what are you going to do with your life?” The conversation continues with Cutis Miller, Executive Director/Founder of Connect Battle Ground. How does a high ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score affect how a child (and adult) navigates this world? The cycle of need, arousal, response and relaxation (or distress) impacts how we deal with life. We need secure, positive connections. Learn about the KNOW acronym and how it can positively impact your life and those around you!

The ACE's Questions:

1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you?  or  Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt? If yes enter 1 ________ 2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?  or  Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?  If yes enter 1 ________ 3.  Did an adult person at least 5 years older than you ever…Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way?  or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you? If yes enter 1 ________ 4. Did you often or very often feel that …No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special?  or  Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other? If yes enter 1 ________ 5. Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? If yes enter 1 ________ 6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced? If yes enter 1 ________ 7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?  If yes enter 1 ________ 8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs? If yes enter 1 ________ 9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide? If yes enter 1 ________ 10. Did a household member go to prison? If yes enter 1 _______ Now add up your “Yes” answers: _______ This is your ACE Score.

Connect Battle Ground ACE’s information

Take the ACE”s test

What does your score mean?

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Episode 37 ALL  ACE’s Part 1 (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Interview with Curtis Miller

Have you (or someone you know) experienced a Big “T” trauma or a Little “t” trauma?

Whether you are a child, teen or an adult, there can be many factors that can lead you to a life of low self-worth, low self-esteem, and a constant self-protection. This impacts all of our relationships. Gil and Brenda interview Curtis Miller, Executive Director/Founder of Connect Battle Ground. This non-profit focus’ on supporting kids in the BG community and helps bring generations together for connection. Learn how certain Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s) can not only impact a kid but an adult. Resilience can be experienced through connectedness in relationships. For more information and recourses check out the link below.

The ACE's Questionaire:

1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you?  or  Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt? If yes enter 1 ________ 2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?  or  Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?  If yes enter 1 ________ 3.  Did an adult person at least 5 years older than you ever…Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way?  or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you? If yes enter 1 ________ 4. Did you often or very often feel that …No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special?  or  Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other? If yes enter 1 ________ 5. Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? If yes enter 1 ________ 6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced? If yes enter 1 ________ 7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?  If yes enter 1 ________ 8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs? If yes enter 1 ________ 9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide? If yes enter 1 ________ 10. Did a household member go to prison? If yes enter 1 _______ Now add up your “Yes” answers: _______ This is your ACE Score.

Connect Battle Ground ACE’s information

Take the ACE”s test

What does your score mean?

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A blended family that is formed through the pain of widowhood is very difficult, to say the least. Join Gil and Brenda as they interview Jess and Ryan Ronne. Both lost their previous spouses to brain cancer. Grief, loss, compassion, “sainting the person,” is discussed in this pretty raw interview. How do you engage the other family members who are grieving themselves and yet protect your new family? Jess and Ryan share vulnerably what worked for them…and what hasn’t. Make sure you check them out on the following social media outlets!

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In a marriage, the sexual experience is the highest form of communication. In their playful, real style, Gil and Brenda talk about the subject of the sexual relationship in your marriage. And, as usual, they don’t just talk about it from the 30,000 ft level, but they go deeper. Where does the heart come into play? In what ways can you be more intentional in this part of your relationship? How do you repair? Listen in for some new ideas!

Gil and Brenda would love to hear your thoughts too! Please go to their Facebook or Instagram pages to make your comments!

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You’ve never heard an interview like this one. Gil and Brenda hadn’t. You probably hear a lot about the person who was left in the marriage by their spouse. People rally around them to give them support through their “train wreck.”

What about the people who left the marriage? Is there forgiveness for them? No matter what side of the fence you are on, listen in for some raw conversation about being the leavor in a marriage.

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Most people who get remarried and have adult stepchildren feel that they won’t have any problems. That is a myth, big time. Gil and Brenda discuss the nuances of having adult stepchildren. Yes, there are situations where everything is fine...no doubt. But adult stepchildren are experiencing the same feelings that our little ones who are in the home are experiencing. They are just better at verbalizing them! How can you come alongside your adult stepchildren today?

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Gil and Brenda are here to encourage Stepmoms on Mother’s Day by helping their husbands know what to do! This special day is loaded with emotions and expectations. It can be a party and celebration for some, and yet for others, there is radio silence from their stepchildren. Gil shares 3 pointers to help husbands love their wives through this holiday… with sensitivity, honesty and some laughter.

As they say, “always forward!”

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Leisure Time = Marital Happiness. This shouldn’t be rocket science…but sometimes it feels like it! Gil and Brenda have some fun as they share the benefits of married couples dating, and 12 date rules (an addition to Brenda’s already established dating rules!) You are free to add your own!

How do you smell? That could be a very important point to talk about. No time for conflict. Not a therapy session. Comforting? Exciting? CONNECTION!

Gil and Brenda created a new acronym which they shared for the first time with each other…oh boy! What does PLAY mean to you? Let them know what other words you come up with that bring creativity and energy to your marriage.

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Gil and Brenda interview Laura Petherbridge who is an author, international speaker on many topics, and a stepmom cheerleader. In this episode, the conversation covers stepmoms and stepdads who did not bring any biological children into the marriage (although ALL stepmoms/dads will benefit). There are some different moving parts with this type of stepfamily.

These new stepmoms can be ambushed by the new activity of the family, lack of influence she thought she would have and seeing her husband parent differently than she would. It can be a very lonely place.

What myths do these stepmoms/dads believe? What is the #1 marital issue with stepmoms in general?

You can find out more about Laura here: www.TheSmartStepmom.com

She speaks to many other topics that involve women, marriage, and the family.

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