It's our season finale! This season we talked a lot about how men and women are different-- from how we express ourselves to how we receive feedback. One thing is clear from our previous episodes: when women and men don’t understand our differences we struggle in relationships because friction is inevitable.

Though men and women are different, I think we need each other. That is oftentimes difficult to see with so many women advocating for equality and taking on the head of household role. In this episode we discuss the harmonious roles that men and women can play in each others’ lives, why we need each other, and how we both possess the masculine and feminine energies needed to balance and complement each other.

I also share my thoughts from an independent, unmarried woman’s perspective and we dig into how difficult it can be for independent women to find a complementary balance with men or even recognize when an imbalance exists. We discuss why self-sufficient women have a harder time dating, how men are turned off by that independence, and on the flip side how some women are trained or taught to date and marry. 

We hope you enjoy this episode. If you do, let other people know by writing us a review and rating our podcast with five stars on Apple. If you haven’t already, check out the rest of Season 3, and don’t forget to subscribe so you won’t miss future episodes! 

Also, check us out on social media to continue the conversation.

@GirlTalkWithPops on IG

GTWP on FB

In this episode:

[07:27] - In coming generations, Pops thinks that women will assume the “the head of household” role. 

[08:46] - Though, they often talk about how men and women are different, Brittney clarifies that one is not better than the other. 

[10:38] - Brittney thinks that unfortunately a lot of black women have been forced (voluntarily or involuntarily) to take care of themselves and their families alone, but realizes she doesn’t want to perpetuate that cycle. 

[11:53] - Men and women need each other. We’re meant to balance each other. However, for some reason, we’re sometimes afraid to admit that we need each other.

[12:39] - Pops thinks that a clean slate and open-mindedness are key to achieving balance and understanding in a relationship. Old ways of doing things won’t work.

[14:06] - As creatures of habit, Brittney thinks that this is where doing the work in relationships comes in.

[16:29] - Brittney shares an example of when the heart (emotion) and the head (rational thinking) work in unison to complement each other in a family.  

[18:34] - Pops acknowledges that Brittney possesses masculine and feminine energies. In a relationship, he suggests each person clarifies the role they want to play in order to achieve balance. 

[23:52] - Pops says that it’s a turn-off when women claim “I don’t need a man”.

[25:55] - Brittney has a theory that men don’t really want to be in a relationship with super independent women. Pops thinks that it’s too challenging for men. 

[26:46] - Pops has been in a relationship with an independent woman where he felt like it couldn’t bring anything satisfactory to the table. Brittney thinks that men want to be in relationships where they feel needed. 

[32:04] - Brittney realizes that she wasn’t necessarily taught how to be a partner or to be in a relationship. She was raised to be independent, while other women are taught how to play the game.

[34:31] - How do we break the cycle of non-partnership? How do teach children that men and women needing and complementing each other is ok and good?

GTWP Website

We can give off the wrong impression sometimes, and some of us more often than others.  I’ve been told I’m nonchalant or unfazed, and it can come across to other people the wrong way. Even when I’m trying to be more expressive, I don’t think I demonstrate it as strongly as I think I do. 

It does lead to an interesting topic of conversation, though. Today, Pops and I talk about sensitivity among men and women, which of the sexes is more expressive, and how men need to feel appreciated. But the real meat of our discussion surrounds why men and women express feelings differently and how society conditions us to adhere to emotional stereotypes, even from childhood. 

If you enjoy what you hear today, let other people know by writing us a review and rating our podcast on Apple with five stars. Also, make sure you hit the subscribe button so you won’t miss a single episode!

In this episode:

[03:09] - How would Pops describe Brittney’s demeanor?

[05:20] - Brittney describes herself as even-keeled but this demeanor confuses other people sometimes.

[07:08] - Brittney asks Pops who he thinks is more sensitive: men or women?

[09:30] - Are women more expressive than men?

[10:08] - Guys want acknowledgment of the good deeds they do instantly.

[13:47] - Pops shares the secret for women to act more appreciative towards men.

[16:02] - Brittney has a theory for why men end up with trophy wives.

[17:35] - What do women and Clark Kent have in common?

[22:36] - Men are more likely to express negative feelings often correlated with being a protector and provider such as contempt or anger.

[24:52] - We learn gendered expectations and have them ingrained in us as children.

[27:29] - When boys participate in sports these days, everyone’s considered a winner. That can have an unexpected downside for men going forward.

[28:22] - Men, statistically speaking, are more competitive than women and it shows in the workplace.

[32:13] - Are we being set up for a more equal society between men and women in the future?

[34:30] - Sometimes when men don’t express their emotions, it can come out in unhealthy ways.

Links and Resources:

Girl Talk With Pops

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Girl Talk With Pops on Facebook

Girl Talk With Pops on Apple Podcasts

I have this theory that men don’t like to be challenged. I’ve found myself asking men questions that make them uncomfortable. Not sure if it has been because they’re not expecting them or ready to answer, but some of my questions have caused men to shut down conversations I’ve tried to start. 

What’s at the root of it, though? In today’s episode, I discuss this with Pops and relate it back to the book I mentioned last week in episode 11. We talk about how differently men and women perceive unsolicited advice and approach problem-solving. We also touch on how growing older or getting deeper into the relationship can give you a new, more mature perspective of it all.

We hope you enjoy what you hear today. If you do, let other people know by writing us a review and rating our podcast on Apple with five stars. And if you haven’t already, make sure you hit the subscribe button so you won’t miss a single episode!

In this episode:

[02:22] - Brittney asks Pops about how she challenges him.

[04:52] - When faced with tough or uncomfortable questions, men who seem to shut down just aren’t ready to face their truth.

[07:41] - Brittney shares where she believes she’s found issues in her communications with men.

[08:47] - Brittney gives Pops an example to determine how he’d feel getting unsolicited advice from a lady friend.

[14:37] - Does Pops agree that men’s modus operandi is to offer solutions?

[16:42] - Women can ask men questions in the wrong way. Painting it as “I” versus “we” makes a difference.

[18:17] - Sometimes women just want to vent their problems without the need for men to present solutions.

[19:49] - Brittney reveals the eye-opening revelation she had about her approach to asking challenging questions.

[21:40] - There’s a technique in relationships to re-frame how to approach advising men in a way that doesn’t put them on the defense.

[25:49] - Men only want advice when they ask for it. Pops emphasizes this with a simple, everyday example.

[29:37] - In time, partners don’t have to work as much on adjusting to each other in their relationship.

[32:29] - Some people don’t recognize their problem or issue, and that’s the bigger problem.

Links and Resources:

Summary of Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray

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Men and women are inherently different: we communicate differently, we think differently, we even express our emotions differently. Those differences, however natural they are, are often forgotten in relationships. We often want our partners to be more like us which causes frustration when we’re at odds thanks to those differences.

I’ve recognized those differences in my relationship and even started reading a book about how men and women are different, called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, by John Gray. That book is the impetus for today’s conversation. Pops and I talk about the behavioral and emotional differences between the sexes, and the different emotional needs each has according to Gray’s book and our own experiences. We also touch on the tensions that arise in relationships when partners realize they don’t do things in the same way.

We hope you enjoy what you hear today. If you do, let other people know by writing us a review and rating our podcast on Apple with five stars. And if you haven’t already, make sure you hit the subscribe button so you won’t miss a single episode!

In this episode:

[03:24] - Brittney begins mentioning some of the fascinating things she’s read from Gray’s book.

[06:54] - In which ways does Pops think men and women are different?

[10:46] - From Brittney’s perspective, men are more sensitive and women are more emotional.

[12:52] - Is it normal for men to disappear for a while after serious conversations to “think,” then pop back up as if nothing happened?

[16:24] - Tension between men and women comes up when we expect the opposite sex to be more like us.

[19:22] - In the past, women were more dependent on men to live their lives. Women today refuse to submit to that kind of thinking.

[22:18] - What happened for Pops to listen more to women in his life?

[27:22] - According to Pops’ philosophy, everything else in a relationship falls into place with emotional understanding.

[29:01] - Relating to someone and understanding them are two different things.

[31:43] - Does Pops agree or disagree with the emotional needs that Gray outlines for men and women?

[33:49] - Men can take fake praise and still feel good, but women know how to sniff that out and need any praise for them to be genuine.

[35:58] - Brittney wraps up the show with a few thoughts about the leaning into the differences they discussed.

Links and Resources:

Summary of Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray

Season 2 episode 2: Do you know your love language?

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This week wraps up our interview with L’aigner. In part two, we talk about how she navigates difficult conversations about institutional racism and the experiences of black people living in America with her white father.

We shift the topic for a bit to discuss history’s perception of black people in the media. Then, L’aigner touches on her father’s experiences with face-to-face prejudice as a white man who likes dating black women and whether or not she should feel empathy for him. 

You’ll also hear our viewpoints on parents struggling to come to terms with raising their kids to be independent thinkers. In addition, L’aigner shares some key takeaways from this discussion to consider if you’re bi-racial or have close relationships with white people. 

We hope you enjoy what you hear today. If you do, let other people know by writing us a review and rating our podcast on Apple with five stars. And if you haven’t already, make sure you hit the subscribe button so you won’t miss a single episode!

In this episode:

[02:05] - Through conversations, Brittney knows non-black people, especially immigrants and their families, find it challenging to empathize with the black experience.

[04:32] - Brittney mentions reading an article recently suggesting black people shouldn’t watch viral videos of police brutality.

[05:37] - The news has a major impact on shaping perception and is part of the institution. Pops makes a point of how we rarely see good news about black people.

[09:51] - When L’aigner has these types of conversations with her dad, he always asks why he as a white male is blamed for American society’s problems.

[12:23] - When interacting with her mother’s side of the family, L’aigner’s dad dealt with incidences of mistrust based on his race.

[14:25] - Pops points out the major difference between the mistreatment black people face and what L’aigner’s dad experiences.

[18:13] - Brittney wonders how receptive L’aigner’s dad has been to anything she’s shared with him regarding racial issues.

[22:00] - L’aigner asks Pops if he’s ever felt defensive by his daughter’s perspective on something.

[24:41] - Pops had to learn to share his opinions while respecting other’s viewpoints.

[26:17] - Sometimes parents get carried away with trying to get their kids to do things the same way they do.

[29:10] - Before wrapping up the show, L’aigner has some final thoughts and takeaways.

Links and Resources:

Season 2 episode 13: Unprecedented times: protests, uprising, and racism

@laignerlmassey on Instagram

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Quick ask y’all! We want to create the best show for you and would love to hear more about what you want to see from us in future episodes. So before we get into this week’s show, can you take a few minutes to fill out our listener survey? As a thank you, you’ll be entered into a drawing for the chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card!

This week we're welcoming another guest to discuss something a little different and exciting. We don’t hear a lot about single fathers even though there are plenty of them out there. L’aigner, however, is a biracial black woman raised by her single white father. 

In this first part of our interview, she talks about being raised by her dad and how that relationship influences what she looks for in the men she dates. She also discusses having difficult conversations with him about race and gives us his perspective on police brutality. 

We hope you enjoy what you hear today. If you do, let other people know by writing us a review and rating our podcast on Apple with five stars. And if you haven’t already, make sure you hit the subscribe button so you won’t miss a single episode!

In this episode:

[04:13] - L’aigner likes to say she was raised like a Disney princess who was raised by a single father, such as Princess Jasmine, Pocahontas, Belle, and Ariel.

[08:38] - L’aigner talks about why she sometimes jokes that her dad might have ruined her for men.

[11:06] - Brittney has adopted this one thing in her life that L’aigner mentioned. 

[12:27] - As Brittney's gotten older, Pops discovered the vulnerable side of himself that he didn’t realize existed.

[15:27] - How has L’aigner's relationship with her father impacted her love life? 

[17:41] - After living with her dad for almost two years as an adult, L’aigner understands what she wants in a mate.

[20:56] - L’aigner's dad didn't want her to leave home. Did Pops ever feel any fear when Brittney went to college or moved to California?

[24:01] - How has it been for L’aigner living with her father as an adult? 

[27:23] - Brittney asks L’aigner who started the conversations about racial disparities between herself and her dad.

[33:58] - Pops believes that coming into these types of conversations from a place of love is the missing piece.

[38:36] - To help facilitate change, Pops hopes that L’aigner's father has these conversations with his white family members.

Links and Resources:

Season 2 episode 13: Unprecedented times: protests, uprising, and racism

Fill out the survey and enter to win $25 Amazon Gift Card

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We’re a little past the halfway point of season 3 and would love to hear more about what you want to see in future episodes. So before we get into this week’s show, I have a quick favor to ask: visit our listener survey and give us feedback on how we can create the best show for you. As a thank you, you’ll be entered into a drawing for the chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card!

Last season, Pops and I released an episode on moving in with your significant other. That was before I spent significant time living with my long distance boyfriend. Since the pandemic, I’ve spent a few months living with my partner, and now I want to revisit that conversation and discuss what I’ve learned and experienced while living with a man.

In today’s episode, I reveal what these past months of cohabitation have taught me about the effect of work schedules on a relationship and setting household rules with your partner. Pops and I also talk about personal workspaces,work-from-home demeanors, and the difficulties in establishing and adapting to different expectations for living with your mate.

In addition, I reflect on discoveries I made about myself during all this, the importance of patience when living together, and the need to plan *how* to live together. Then, we wrap up this episode with a few funny things that tickled and surprised me during the experience.

In this episode:

[03:49] - Brittney didn’t realize how different work schedules can affect a relationship.

[06:02] - Pops points out the positive in having separate work schedules.

[11:13] - Relationships, where couples work in different fields, can also be very challenging.

[13:10] - Brittney thinks it's necessary to establish roles and responsibilities even when staying with someone for a short amount of time.

[18:55] - With some reflection, Brittney realizes her personal needs became clearer and necessary to communicate.

[21:39] - When coming together, these two inner selves have to constantly adjust to each other.

[24:13] - Pops doesn’t see the point of couples taking a year to plan a wedding when they don’t plan how to live together first.

[25:12] - Brittney reflects on how beneficial her living together was for her long distance relationship.

[29:13] - When facing everyday bickering, sometimes couples forget that other couples have the same challenges.

[31:05] - Brittney finds it humorous how competitive men can be with their ladies.

Links and Resources:

Season 2 Episode: Things to consider before moving in together

Fill out the survey and enter to win $25 Amazon Gift Card

Girl Talk With Pops

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We’re back with Pops and my cousin Dana to continue our lively discussion about black male privilege. In part 1 of this conversation, I define black male privilege to get us on the same page, and Pops and Dana express their feelings on if they agree that black men are more privileged than black women.

We got into issues about men needing to feel in charge and assert power, traditional lines of gendered responsibility possibly being erased, the possibility of recent history slowly being written to benefit black women more, and the lack of black women highlighted in African-American history in school. Then, I started sharing privileges from a checklist I discovered written by Jewel Woods about the ways in which black men have an advantage over black women.

This week, we debate more black male privileges from the checklist. We also talk about how important it is to recognize those privileges, starting with the question we left off with in episode 5, “Who has more marriage or cohabitation options after a divorce: men or women?” Let’s get into it!

We hope you enjoy what you hear today. If you do, let other people know by writing us a review and rating our podcast on Apple with five stars. And if you haven’t already, make sure you hit the subscribe button so you won’t miss a single episode!

In this episode:

[02:30] - According to the people Pops and Dana know, are men or women more likely to end up in a relationship after divorce?

[06:49] - True or false: as a male coach, can you motivate, punish, or embarrass a player by saying that the player plays like a girl?

[08:45] - Pops doesn’t think others see the “play like a girl” insult as a big deal. But if a girl heard that, how would she feel?

[10:21] - Brittney still sees this kind of insult in use and recalls a recent example.

[12:01] - Joking about women can reflect how you treat women in real life. Brittney emphasizes that word choice matters.

[14:07] - For equitable dynamics between men and women, people need open dialogue and awareness, but only women are really driving the conversation.

[16:06] - Brittney points out that it’s a privilege in and of itself for Pops to not have to carry the conversation forward.

[17:31] - True or false: men can use language such as “hittin-it” to convey images of sexual acts based on dominance and performance.

[18:43] - Do women have their own locker room talk regarding sex? If so, is it similar to men’s?

[21:04] - Brittney highlights that Pops and Dana are conflating sports locker room talk with rap.

[23:40] - How are Pops and Dana supporting the movement for more equality between the sexes?

[28:30] - Brittney expresses hope that Pops and Dana won’t be afraid to call out their friend’s or other men’s behavior when they see it.

[29:10] - Brittney ends the episode with a few final thoughts.

Links and Resources:

The Black Male Privileges Checklist by Jewel Woods

Girl Talk With Pops

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Valentine’s day is here and for some it’s an exciting weekend, but for others it’s a regular day. Regardless of whether you’re celebrating or not, you know that V’Day is a super commercial holiday with a lot of hype around it. It’s one that perpetuates the fantasy and romanticizing of love and relationships— impacting how we all think about love and what we should be doing in relationships.

In this episode we’re putting the fairytale of love and relationships aside and talking about the unglamorous side of love. Love and relationships are not always pretty or fun— they require work. Twice divorced, Pops knows this well. In episode 1 he talked about his second marriage and in this episode he’ll share the story around his short lived first marriage, what he’s learned and what he regrets.

Brittney was very young when Pops first got married so this is the first time she’s asking about it. From her POV, given how short the marriage was, it couldn't have been the fairytale love story that we sometimes romanticize about. This episode was also recorded over video so check out Instagram to see parts of the discussion irl— you’re in for a treat!

We hope you enjoy what you hear today. If you do, let other people know by sharing GTWP with a friend and by writing us a review and rating our podcast five starts on Apple. And if you haven’t already, don’t forget to hit the subscribe button so you won’t miss an episode!

In this episode:

[05:04] - Pops doesn’t typically discuss his first marriage, but is willing to be transparent and talks about giving his ex-wife a heads up.

[06:57] - He was 22 when he got married and was looking for something he thought would complete him, but he wasn’t marriage material.

[08:22] - In retrospect, he’s sure he caused her a lot of pain and regrets putting her and her family through that. 

[09:17] - You have to be in a place to make yourself better. You have to be happy with yourself in order to be happy in a marriage or with anybody else. 

[10:38] - This is an example of the selfishness that Pops has mentioned in past episodes. He admits to being an asshole to women in his past and would hate for his daughters to be treated like that.

[12:51] - Pops understands that he’s hurt women's’ feelings. There were women that expected to be with him and he didn’t share that expectation. He hopes that he is forgiven.

[15:34] - Brittney agrees that a relationship or love won’t make you a better person-- it will only show you more of your self, you have to decide how and if you want to change. 

[17:20] - Pops explains his interactions with his ex-wife’s father, the expectations her father set, and how he missed those expectations and failed her father.

[20:02] - What led Pops to asking for her hand in marriage? It takes a lot to say “I want to marry you” and actually do it.

[21:17] - Pops was intrigued by her expressive and loving family structure. 

[23:32] - Was it premature to ask her to marry him? Of course Pops thinks it was premature now.

[25:17] - Pops acknowledges that he treated her more like a girlfriend than a wife.

[25:47] - In Brittney’s reading about marriage she believes it requires you to shed your former self in order to create something new.

Links and Resources:

@GirlTalkWithPops on Instagram

GTWP website

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GTWP on Apple

Get ready for a lively discussion this week! I’m super excited for today’s episode. It’s a follow-up of our last episode when Pops and I talked about how black women take care of and help black men before themselves. We aligned on the fact that history is mostly told from the perspective of men and we agreed that women, of the two sexes, are naturally more nurturing.

These two takeaways will drive us into this conversation, but we’ll take it a bit further. One of the things that came up in episode 4 was the concept of black male privilege, which we’ll dig into more today. We’re also excited to welcome our first male guest, another father who we’ve invited to share his thoughts and discuss how they may impact his daughters.

Since many of our discussions center around what Pops learned as a young adult, I think it’ll be valuable to hear a different generational perspective, from a father who’s raising daughters right now. On top of that, this is a family-only affair since our special guest is my cousin and Pops’ nephew, Dana!

We hope you enjoy what you hear today. If you do, let other people know by writing us a review and rating our podcast on Apple with five stars. And if you haven’t already, make sure you hit the subscribe button so you won’t miss a single episode!

In this episode:

[02:32] - Brittney gives a quick recap of the last episode.

[05:06] - Dana introduces himself. He’s been in the military and married for 16 years, with two daughters of his own.

[07:00] - To start with, Brittney gives her definition of black male privilege to make sure everyone’s on the same page.

[08:20] - Do Pops and Dana think that black men are more privileged than black women? 

[10:18] - According to Pops, most women have a greater tendency to stick with their plans and progress whereas men tend to fall back.

[12:19] - Unlike the past, black women aren’t taking no for an answer anymore. 

[14:37] - Dana shares a “male decision” he had to make and Brittney asks him to clarify.

[17:20] - Brittney pushes back on the idea that eventually black women won’t need black men.

[18:50] - While researching, Brittney discovered a checklist by Jewel Woods of how black men are privileged.

[20:08] - Why do men need to feel in charge and assert power? 

[23:23] - Reading African-American history textbooks, we mainly learn about black men. True or false?

[24:40] - Pops believes that more recent history is being written in ways that privilege black women to a greater degree than in the past.

[27:40] - Brittney disagrees and feels that black men will still get more opportunities than black women in the future.

[29:21] - True or false: if a black man is considering a divorce, he knows that he has substantially more marriage and cohabitation options than his spouse?

Links and Resources:

The Black Male Privileges Checklist by Jewel Woods

Girl Talk With Pops

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Girl Talk With Pops on Apple Podcasts