Buckle up, Gabbers! Kate & Carolyn are as excited to dive into The Valley Season 2 premiere as Brittany is to put lube in her hair! Follow along as Jax spirals to rock bottom while Kristen’s redemption arc soars high! Meanwhile, Jesse threatens to take his kid to Orange County while Danny clings to the promise of Santa Clarita! And don’t forget about Janet, the boys’ chat, or terrariums! All this and more on this week’s episode of Girls Unscripted.

13:52 The Valley - S2 Premiere Recap

This week Kate and Carolyn gab about Brittany Cartwright’s bar falling through, the Southern Charm Reunion Part 2, the Summer House love triangle, and the latest viral Survivor moment.

Then the ladies recap season 2, episode 11 of Vanderpump Rules: “The Ultimatum.” Follow along as Stassi’s birthday trip to Cabo continues to be nothing short of a disaster. Jax confirms Ariana and Tom did hook up in Vegas, and Kristen confirms that that won’t stop her from sleeping with Tom. And did Jax just bring 7+ women to Stassi’s birthday boat!?

08:00 - The Valley/VPR: Brittany Cartwright’s bar sold

11:35 - Southern Charm: Reunion Part 2

13:20 - Summer House: Lexi & Jesse & Ciara

14:16 - Survivor: Viral Jeff Probst moment

17:52 - VPR Rewatch: Season 2, Ep 11 recap

Carolyn and Kate start off with some reality gab including Craig’s rumored new girlfriend, the frustrating Southern Charm reunion part one, Jesse Solomon’s Summer House “toe sucking” drama, and the dating potential between Jesse and Ciara Miller.

Then, the girls recap Vanderpump Rules season 2, episode 10: “SUR of the Border.” The servers go on a group trip for Stassi’s 25th birthday, but don’t worry, she won’t let you forget it! Follow along in Cabo, Mexico as Scheana “prefers gang-banging” in a van and Schwartz dumps an entire beer on his girlfriend’s face!

This week, Kate’s spritz b*tch journey continues! Then the girls catch up on this week’s reality gab: Garcelle’s surprising departure from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Teresa Giudice and Luis Ruelas major financial woes, The Real Housewives of Miami’s Alexia and Todd Nepola’s filing for divorce, the new reality trailers for Bravo’s “Love Hotel” and Hulu’s “Got to Get Out,” Ally Lewber’s new astrology podcast, and Patricia Altschul’s upcoming book: “Eat, Drink, and Remarry.”

Then Kate and Carolyn recap Vanderpump Rules season 2, episode 9: “Rich People Annoy Me.” And by rich people, Stassi is referring to the cast of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, as they come in for ga dramatic dinner at SUR. But first, Kristen Doute must melt down in SUR, behind SUR, and down the curb from SUR, as she spirals over the Tom and Ariana rumors. Meanwhile, Jax must lie (about whether or not he lied) about Tom and Ariana making out behind a port-o-potty at Coachella…!?

In this week’s reality gab, The Valley trailer is OUT and Kate and Carolyn could not be more excited to talk about it.

Then the girls recap Season 2, Episode 8 of Vanderpump Rules, titled 'Sherlock Stassie.' Join them as the rumors about Kristen and Jax reach a boiling point—will FBI Agent Schroeder finally crack the case, or have the culprits managed to outsmart her once again? Don’t ask Lisa - she’s too busy hiring secret bloggers to spy on her staff.

In this week’s Reality Gab, Kate starts The Real Housewives of New Jersey and has some things to say about it!

Then the girls recap Season 2, Episode 7 of Vanderpump Rules: “Addiction.” Who knew sex addiction was a thing? Not Jax! Who is ready for Scheana to give a lap dance to Peter at his 30th birthday? Not Katie! Who is shocked to hear the rumor that Kristen slept with Jax? Not NOT Kristen!

In this week’s Reality Gab, Kate and Carolyn discuss the latest Jax Taylor reveal, get up-to-date on all the JT/Venita drama from Southern Charm, give their thoughts on Southern Hospitality (spoiler alert: we love it!) and discuss what we think happened after that crazy cliffhanger on The Traitors!

Then the girls recap Season 2, Episode 6 of Vanderpump Rules: “Lisa’s Angels.” And these angels are sent straight from above to this year’s Sur Gay Pride Parade float! And don’t worry, there are about as many messy plotlines atop that thing as there are feathers atop Stassi’s “floozy” headdress. Jax banged a ballerina - and he CANNOT wait to tell you about it. Stassi is not happy about Jax bragging about banging a ballerina - and she CANNOT wait to tell you about it. Scheana is performing her latest pop song 88 times, and everyone CAN wait for her to sing about it. Back at Sur, Kristen is professionally holding down the fort - aka, confronting Ariana about some suspicious texts from Tom. Who will break down first? (Clue - it’s Kristen.)

This Week’s Reality Gab: This week Kate and Carolyn catch up on the latest reality tea, including the surprising connection between this season’s White Lotus and Southern Charm, the latest Southern Charm Shep Rose drama with Sienna’s surprising side to the story, Summer House’s current season so far with hot takes on Jesse & Lexi, Ciara & West, and Lindsay & Carl, and the shocking rumors floating around about Danielle’s unfair traitor-behavior on The Traitors.

Vanderpump Rules Rewatch: Then they recap season 2, episode 5 of Vanderpump Rules: “Surlesque.” Party tip: If it’s your husband’s birthday, and you own a restaurant together, why not dress down your twenty-something employees to perform a burlesque show for him!? Life tip: If you have a health concern, why not tell everyone you have cancer before doctors have taken X-rays!? Relationship tip: If you have an ex-boyfriend who thinks he has cancer, why not yell at him about his “f’n” sweater line!? All of this advice free to you from this week’s episode of Girls Unscripted’s VPR Rewatch.

Carolyn and Kate talk through season 2, episode 4 of Vanderpump Rules: “Rumors.” Or as they like to call it: “Ariana’s Grand Entrance” or “The One Where Jax Reveals Who Everyone Else Has Slept With.” Follow along as Kristen’s biggest nightmare becomes a reality, Ariana’s braid claims main character energy, and Tom Sandoval flirts like a schoolboy with his new co-worker - the girl he’s cheating on his girlfriend with.

Paige DeSorbo has moved on from Craig Conover, Bravo picked up cameras to film their breakup, and West Wilson comes after Girls Unscripted for suggesting his association with Brianna Chickenfry (only for him to then confirm it days later)! Kate and Carolyn spill some of the latest reality tea.

Then they recap season 2, episode 3 of Vanderpump Rules: “Only the Lonely,” taking place in the scenic mountains of Lake Arrowhead, whose beauty can only be outdone by Stassi’s signature on Jax’s bicep. Can this “group of friends” cohabitate peacefully at Stassi’s mom’s lakehouse? Spoiler alert: Absolutely fucking not. Do we know who has cheated on whom by this point, creating an even JUICIER episode? Literal spoiler alert: Yes.