God Awful Five Star Podcast

KFC KITTY

ALTER EGOS, MURDEROUS CATS, and PLANES DRAWING PENISES.

Brother Justus joins us today so naturally cats become a conversation. He is not at all a cat person. He has raised many beautiful and well behaved dogs. On his first guest appearance on the God Awful Five Star Podcast, Episode 12: Cat Chute, Justus tells a great story about how he was piloting a small prop plane alone at night, a cat jumps on his shoulder, he freaks and throws the cat out the window at 10,000 feet. Spoiler Alert: There was a dead body in the plane! THIS IS A TRUE STORY. 

The cat topic we cover in the news on this episode is not fatal to a cat, but a cat is considered a suspect in an attempted murder on a human. You can find the article here and read a description in the news section below.

Matt ate at a Jason's Deli. Taylem gets confused because, to him, the restaurant is set up like a CiCi's Pizza but you have to order up front. Then, Taylem walks past the prep line and regrets his food choice after seeing all the delicious ingredients he missed out on. Matt explains how Taylem is doing it wrong. Apparently you can grab a menu and walk around before you order. Who knew?

We continue to discuss how Taylem is slowly assembling his Hipster Santa costume to help his vendetta to add more cheer to the world this holiday season. The ongoing debate is: does Taylem dye his natural beard white or invest in a real Santa beard? Comment below or vote on our home page to weigh in.  This leads to the discovery of a super legitimate group of F.O.R.B.S aka The Fraternal Order of Real Beard Santas. You can read about them here. 

Justus almost hits the same Metro Bus 212 again. That makes two close calls in two weeks. With the same bus. He contemplates whether his hybrid could make it through soft accordion middle of the bus going 80. Justus swerves, its a close call, and in adrenaline filled slow motion he makes eye contact with the driver and they lock eyes thinking the same thing: "It's that same guy again." The story is good enough but Justus then brings up the Jurassic Park bus and Matt does not remember it being an accordion. We look it up and with another blessing from the internet find that someone has purchased the last remaining bus from the movie and is refurbishing it. Check out their Facebook page for more about this awesome project!

Jurassic Park : The Lost World RV Restoration Team

Matt:

Steve NoJobs hangs out in front his computer all day drinking beer watching YouTube. Steve only sees the sun when he leaves to go get more beer. Also Steve is rich.

Justus:

Sophomore year Justus wrote a letter where he had to state what he would be doing at the end of the year: Drug running from Cuba to Florida in a sweet cigar boat with hey gurls and a pile of cash. Also when he goes to the golf course Justus goes by Lucas because people can never get his name right. 

Taylem:

Many homeless around Houston already know Taylem as Mike. The wisdom being Taylem is a hard name to get across to a passerby and when would you ever seem them again? Well this has turned into a five year relationship with a few bums that still say "hey mike, can I get a cigarette?"

A guy in Florida ran over an anaconda... several times. Turned out to be someone's pet. The hosts agree that they would not run it over. Taylem does not like snakes and even he said no. His approach is to follow the snake, warn the neighbors and try to befriend the snake and understand it, thus becoming less fearful. Matt wants the snake to stay loose to eat one of the children that go to the schools around the Darnell House where this podcast is produced. 

Matt, Taylem and Justus are horrible people. They go straight to debating whether or not they would eat human. Its a pretty even split of yes and no in the room. Matt recalls walking outside with his girlfriend and smelled a delicious smell in the air, like smokey fresh barbecue.  She points out that its the animal shelter cremating the dead pets. Matt remains hungry after the news and decides he would eat dog and cat but they would have to be together... like in a gumbo. Justus has eaten raccoon. He was told it was shot, not road kill. Still weird. Snakes, yes. Horse, yes. Gerbil? maybe. Rats and mice, no... Unless it was in a burger like in Demolition Man. 

Matt:

Numero Uno Salma Hayek, Drew Barrymore (Most people's number 2), and Christy Carlson Romano, the girl from Even Stevens.

Justus:

Down to party Katy Perry, Olivia Wilde because damn, that bone structure. 

Taylem:

Classic for a reason Angelina Jolie, Lacey Chabert because of how she talks and how her mouth move.

Washington skies see penis drawing by US Navy jet go viral

Stray cat identified as prime suspect in elderly woman's attempted murder

Anti-LGBT politician resigns after being 'caught having sex with man in his office'

KFC selling a $10,000 internet escape pod

KFC paints epic portrait of man who spotted Twitter stunt

HAPPY THANKSGIVING from the God Awful Team! Andrew joins us today as we talk turkey. Ugh. The puns get much worse on this episode. Matt experiences some voyeurism in his Uber life and we try to agree on what exactly happened on  the first Thanksgiving. Enjoy!

Brother Justus returns for a very special Brolo episode. We talk hybrid cars, Dino DNA and this thing called a Homunculus? It is basically human semen inserted into a unfertilized chicken egg... and well life will find a way... And get smashed by a book. We also tune in while the Astros win the World Series. Like, share and subscribe!

Matt got a reporters number! Hay Gurl! She's pretty and texted back in the wee hours of the morning. Also our house was turned into a legitimate crime scene. These two facts are unrelated I promise. Tune in to find out the full story. We discuss bio sensor tattoos and a car that calls in and snitched on its driver after a hit in run in todays news. Enjoy!

A scary robotic wolf haunts to the east. What is it for? A simple task for sure. One might consider the technology behind it overkill. Tune in and decide for yourself. We talk selfies, hurricanes and eclipses on today's God Awful episode.

Today we talk about the movie ideas that we have always wanted to make, our favorite stereotypes and discuss some stupid people doing stupid things to get famous. 

Matt almost killed a guy, for reasons you'd expect. Road rage. Plot twist! It was against a skateboarder! This is a long one friends. We talk olympics, wii sports, and The Great White vs. The Great Gold finally happened. Were we correct in our predictions? No... but also maybe?

A dog for a mayor? Seven degrees of Kevin Bacon? OH BOY! Tim and Victoria join this one guys.

Oh boy The G. A. P. is back! We took some time off. Our hosts Matt and Taylem were too busy growing a year older but they bring all that wisdom and experience into todays episode. We talk fidget spinners, fortune cookies and Uber tips. Hat Topics features movie remakes, and super powers and Victoria joins us for the news. 

This one is for you TimToria. Thank you for your dedication and I hope you find some laughs while you fight the fight. This will be removed quickly, but for now enjoy and thank you for your ears! This one gets weird. Starring my brother Justus. What else do you expect from the God Awful Podcast?