In this section we are going to look at God’s perspective of motherhood.

The Bible shows us that God regards motherhood or womanhood as a very important role. In Genesis 2: 18, God says: It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. God was declaring that a man couldn’t complete his responsibilities efficiently without a woman.

A man can provide a house, but it is the mother who builds a homely environment for all to thrive, especially the children.

The character of a mother is therefore important because it has a lasting influence on her children.

We have just seen that a mother is a helper. She is also a comforter! When Jesus is about to leave His disciples He promises them a Helper and a Comforter in the Person of the Holy Spirit. In Isaiah 66:13 God tells Israel that “As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you.”

In Luke 2:51 we see that Mary treasured up some observations about the young Jesus in her heart. Perhaps it was because of that that she could ask him to intervene at the wedding when the host ran out of wine. She remembered that Jesus was not an ordinary man and tapped into that.

Mother seeks only the best for her children. She prays and hears from God about each child. She holds on God’s promises even when it is difficult. In 2 Kings 4:30 the Shunamite woman insisted on only the best for her son. And her son lived again.

So, mom has a powerful influence. She is not replaceable in the home.

What characteristics do you have that could work against you being a good mother? Which ones do you have which could support your motherhood?

THE WIFE IS RESPONSIBLE TO SUBMIT TO HER HUSBAND IN MARRIAGE

When our kids were growing up we had ‘S’ words that they weren’t allowed to use.  They couldn’t call people ‘stupid’ or tell someone to ‘shut up,’ along with a few other ‘S’ words.  For some women, submission is one of those ‘S’ words.

There is a lot of misunderstanding with submission, with both men and women.

Biblically, the same passage in which women are commanded to submit, the man is commanded to love his wife as Christ loves the church.  Christ gave his life for the church.  If a man truly follows this mandate, his assignment is just as difficult as ours.

Submission does not mean to be inferior, to lose one’s identity and become a non-person, to feel used, to be passive or  allow your husband to violate the law or become abusive.  Biblically it never encourages a woman to enable sin.

Submission does mean to free your husband to lead by showing a willingness to follow his leadership. Submission empowers your husband to lead by encouraging his initiative.

I like to think of the illustration of an umbrella.  The man acts as an umbrella to protect the family.  If we step out from under the umbrella of his headship, we remove ourselves from his protection and God’s.  Remember, he will answer to God for the choices he makes in leading his family; the wife will answer for how she followed the leader God put over her.

One definition of submission is: “The wife ducking so God can reach her husband.”

As we maintain God’s perspective on submission, we find it is not a limitation, but a doorway to a stronger relationship.

THE WIFE MUST RESPECT HER HUSBAND

And the wife must respect her husband.  Ephesians 5:33b

That same verse in the Amplified Bible says,

…and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband – that she notices him, regards him, honours him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him and loves and admires him exceedingly.

Wow, that’s really amplified!  We receive and respect our husbands, not because of their performance, but because God has given them to us as a gift and as such, they are people of worth.

For many years our children attended art classes that included a section on pottery.  The first day they came home, they excitingly giving me the items they had made in class.  When I looked at their creations, it was difficult to know what they were but I loved their pottery because of the love they expressed in giving them to me.  Even now, 20 years later, I keep our son’s pottery  on my desk in a place of honour to remind me of his love.  Though imperfect, our husbands are a gift from a loving God and therefore, they deserve our honour and respect.

After all as women we want to be loved unconditionally, so our respect for our husbands needs to be just as unconditional.

We need to recognise and respect our husbands because they carry a huge responsibility in leading the family and they will answer to God for the way they lead.

“The one being carried doesn’t appreciate the distance of the road.”  (Anonymous quote on the wall in Windhoek airport)

How does submission relate to respect?  Next episode, we will explore the complementary attitude of submission.

GOD HAS DESIGNATED THE WIFE AS HELPER IN THE RELATIONSHIP

The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  Genesis 2:18

God has designated the wife as helper in the marriage relationship.  This is her role.

When we hear the word ‘helper’ applied to us as wives it is easy to think of ourselves as just domestic ‘helpers’ to whom instructions are given and obeyed.  But at the time Moses wrote these words, he was actually lifting up the dignity of women.  The word Moses used to describe the wife as a ‘helper’ is the exact same word God uses to describe Himself.

Psalm 54:4  “Behold, God is my ‘helper.’ The Lord is the sustainer of my soul.”

Psalm 46:1  “God is our refuge and strength, a very present ‘help’ in trouble.”

John 14:16  And I will ask God and He will give you another ‘helper’ (Christ referring to the Holy Spirit).

None of us can do anything without God’s help.  In the same way, our husbands can’t do without our help.  If we are not fulfilling our role as helper, then we are fighting as a competitor.  Competitors do the opposite of filling gaps and supporting weaknesses.  They exploit those weaknesses to gain the upper hand.  Our husbands experience a lot of competition in the work place and if he feels he is coming home to more competition, he may be reluctant to come home.

Being the helper in the marriage relationship is far from being passive or inferior and if we are a ‘helper’, it implies that our husbands need help - our help – that’s powerful.

THE WIFE IS RESPONSIBLE TO ACCEPT GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE

Stop and think for a minute.  If I describe a woman’s responsibility in the home as a helper who is submissive and respectful of her husband, what images pop into your mind?  Do you think of a strong, competent woman with lots of influence?  Or did you automatically think mousey and passive, having no thoughts of her own and just simply waiting to be bossed around?

Would it surprise you to know that God had the strong, competent woman in mind when He created woman and her position in the home?

Our culture, and, unfortunately, even our Christian culture, has distorted many of these terms to abuse and misuse women.  In the next few podcasts we will take a closer look at these aspects of woman’s responsibility in the home, so we can thrive and embrace our responsibilities with joy.

Let’s jump right in with man as the head.

MAN IS THE HEAD

God has designated the husband as the head of the relationship.  “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.”

Ephesians 5:23

This is purely an organisational, not value driven, command.  You can’t have two bosses; there has to be someone who has the final say.  In the home, this responsibility has been given to the husband but just as any wise CEO consults with his department heads before making decisions, a wise husband will always consult with his wife and even delegate final decisions to her in her areas of strength.  She is his equal in terms of the value she brings to the relationship.

The man’s responsibility is to lead, love and serve, as a servant-leader, not a dictator.  Christ gave us an example of leadership in the home when as head of the church, he washed the disciples’ feet and gave his life for the church.

Christ is the husband’s role model.  The wife’s response to her servant-leader husband is respect and submission.

CONCLUSION

To recap:

1.  We started this series by paying attention on the Devine Order within marriage.

2.  We then had a look at two major responsibilities, viz.: Loving and Leadership

As we conclude this series I wish to highlight the following important aspects:

1.  Marriage was designed and created by God.

2.  It is God who has assigned these responsibilities to the husband for His purposes.

3.  To be successful in carying out these responsibilities husbands need God’s guidance, leadership and power.

In conclusion I wish to draw your attention to 1 Peter 3:7: in this Scripture you are urged to “live considerately with your wives...in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off”. It is of critical importance for you as a husband to realize that God will answer or not answer your prayers based on how you live with and treat your wife.

May God Bless you

SERVANT LEADERSHIP

God has given the husband the responsibility of being the head or leader within the marriage relationship. This is one area I believe God’s children have to exercise extreme care in ensuring that they are in complete grasp of what this responsibility means. 

The world’s view of leadership is misaligned with that of God’s view of leadership. In Matthew 20:25 & 26 Christ talks about the contrast between the world’s view of leadership and His perspective of leadership. 

Christ says the following about the world’s view of leadership in verse 25“...the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men hold them in subjection [tyrannizing over them]”. In verse 26 he says: “Not so shall it be among you...”. In verse 28 Christ states the following: “Just as the Son of Man came not to be waited on but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many”. 

Christ’s view of leadership is contrary or opposite to the world’s understanding of leadership. The world’s view of being a leader is characterized by being bossy and domineering, while Christ’s view of leadership is characterised by servanthood.

Here are key elements of this responsibility that we should always bear in mind:

a)  This responsibility is not performance based, but it is a divine placement

b)  Leadership in marriage is based on Christ’s example. It is not aligned to the world’s view of leadership. It should therefore be practiced in line with the Scriptures and in obedience to God.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”.  We find this instruction in Ephesians 5:25. Again I wish to emphasise that we should view this responsibility from God’s perspective not from human perspective. As you may be aware the Greek language has about 5 terms to refer to “love”. For instance “PHILIA” refers to deep frienship love, “EROS” refers to sexual love. The Greek word used in this verse for “love” is AGAPE. “AGAPE” refers to selfless love. 

This “AGAPE” is the same word Christ used in Matthew 22:37 in the answer He gave to Nicodemus, when he said “you shall love God with all your heart...”. AGAPE is also used in John 3:16: “For God so loved the world...”. It is common today to hear men jusitfying having an extra-marital affair even devorcing their wives because they no longer “have feelings for them”. God is instructing us to LOVE our wives. He is not suggesting that we should have feelings of love for them. 

The foundation of the feelings that we have for our wives should be AGAPE. Feelings of love that are not anchored on AGAPE Love are shallow and short-lived. God is instructing husbands to LOVE (AGAPE) their wives in the same way as Christ loved the Church. I wish to highlight the following aspects about this responsibility:

A husband that is obedient to God and puts into practice the AGAPE love is a husband that, among others, nourishes his wife by encouraging and enabling her to grow and develop her gifts and God-given abilities.

The Divine Order

It is important that we base our understanding of the husband’s responsibility in marriage on God’s perspective instead of the, earthly or cultural perspective. Mankind – both male and female were designed by God in His image – in His likeness Gen 1:26.  

God gave to both the male and female two mandates, (a) that of having dominion and authority over all of God’s creation - Gen 1:26 and (b) that of being fruitful - Gen 1:28. From God’s perspective therefore neither the man nor the female is inferior or superior to the other. Yes, they have different roles but, most importantly, they are both created in the Image of God. 

When it comes to the marriage relationship God gave the husband the role and the responsibility of being the head. God gave the wife the role and responsibility of being the helper. According to God’s perspective these roles are different but they are equally important. These roles are to be carried out in the context of interdependence - God sees both husband and wife as being dependent on each other. In 1 Corinthians 11:11 we read

“In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.”

Both Husband and wife are created in the Image of God, they have been assigned different but equally important roles, and they are interdependent.

We spoke about the role of listening in communication, but we also need to know how to talk so that we can be understood.

Couples communicate differently. Some are more factual, and they have difficulty expressing emotions, on the other side of the spectrum, we have the emotional people who can hardly confine their emotions. Put two people who are on the opposite side of the spectrum together and misunderstanding is bound to happen.

Several issues could cause communication problems. For example - men could have been taught “cowboys don’t cry” growing up. A lady might have a poor self-concept which causes her to experience unintended rejection. 

Revealing yourself to your partner through the expression of your feelings holds the potential of being emotionally intimate.

Emotional intimacy involves sharing your feelings, emotions and needs with someone who is committed to you. If it is difficult for you, begin with entrusting yourself to God and share your emotions and feelings with Him because He understands. Practice this by being totally honest with God – use David’s Psalms.

There are three steps towards expressing oneself – determine what you want to say, how you want to say it and when you want to say it.

Let us look at WHAT – my assumptions, beliefs, desires, dreams, and needs.

HOW – Use “I” messages. I feel neglected, I believe in Jesus, my dreams are for us to be happily married. 

WHEN – when you are relaxed, not before going to sleep. Plan a time.

God’s power is available to you when you risk being vulnerable.